Disclaimer: i don't own Twilight unfortunitly.
Chapter Four
B.p.o.v
It was easy to reason with myself and convince myself that last night wasn't real and that it did only exist in my head. And that was the whole reason behind the anxiety I felt as I made my way to the kitchen. It was late when I had finally awakened from my dreamland. I could hear voices as I approached the kitchen.
"Alice that is what you deserve for drinking 48 hours straight." Edward laughed and I felt a smile play on my lips. Alice just groaned in response. I walked into the kitchen and Edward laughed again.
"Sleeping Beauty awakes." Life is so confusing.
"Welcome to the land of the living…" she paused and half-smiled. "To rephrase that, welcome to the land of the barley living." And she rested her head on her folded arms. "I'm going back to bed, if mom and dad ask I was sick all weekend. Which isn't exactly a lie." She left the kitchen bringing a glass of water with her. I took a seat next to Edward and he pushed a plate of croissants towards me.
"Breakfast?" he asked. I took one and began picking at it. I knew last night was all in my head!
"Jake called." Edward said breaking the silence.
"Oh!" was all I could manage. Edward nodded looking straightforward.
"Yeah. I told him you were busy."
"I am?" I asked. He walked to the fridge and poured a glass of orange juice and then placed the glass in front of me. Standing behind me he put his hands around my waist and whispered in my ear.
"I thought that maybe Sleeping Beauty would like to spend some time with me today." I smiled when he kissed my cheek and I nodded. Edward went back to his seat beside me.
"What time are Carlisle and Esme going to be back?" I asked trying to concentrate on anything other than the Greek god sitting beside me.
"I think around 4 o'clock. We have dinner booked in Port Angeles at 6.30." He said in his velvet like voice. "But right now we should probably get out of Rose's way because she is about to go on a cleaning spree." Edward looked down at my pale blue camisole and pyjama shorts. "Do you want to watch a movie in my room?"
"Yeah, that sounds good." We both walked upstairs to his bedroom, which was the closest to mine. "Maybe I should get changed first." I said pointing to my pyjamas.
He shook his head. "I like what your wearing." I felt a blush creep into my cheeks. "It looks…comfortable." I laughed at his cheeky smile. When we entered his bedroom I was shocked to find it clean. I looked at him as he walked to the DVD shelf and picked out one of the hundreds of movies. He smiled when he saw my shocked expression. "I got bored and well cleaning seemed like a good idea." I just laughed and sat with my arms wrapped around my knees on his bed. He closed the curtains and the room was in darkness, the only light was coming from the television screen. I loosened my position when I felt sit beside me, put his hand around my waist and pull me closer to him. When he started the movie I felt my pulse quicken when I noticed that it was a horror movie.
"Edward can't we watch something else?" I tried to disguise my fear but it didn't work. I felt Edward laugh quietly.
"Bella relax this movie isn't even that scary." He began rubbing soothing circles on the exposed skin of my waist. I rested my head on Edward's chest and he continued with the soothing circles. I had to hide myself in his chest every time there was something creepy in the movie and that was a lot and every time I hid my face in his chest I could feel him kiss the top of my head.
The movie finally ended but I didn't want to move, so I didn't, but unfortunately Edward's amazing touch stopped too. I sighed as I sat up and stretched.
I looked at Edward through narrow eyes. "Not that scary?" I questioned him. "Were we watching the same movie?"
He chuckled at my expression. "I thought you'd like it." He was still lying in his original position. He got up and opened the curtains. When I got up Edward put his arms around me and began kissing my neck. "Your not going yet." He whispered. I turned around and put my arms around his neck.
"Give me one reason why I should stay." I smiled.
He paused for a couple of seconds. "Well…would you stay if I said I wanted you to stay?" I just smiled and looked into his smouldering green eyes.
"Not good enough. Try again."
This time he didn't speak; he took my face in his hands…and then I couldn't breathe. His lips pressed very gently, very softly against mine and then he broke away from the kiss.
"How about that?" he smiled.
"That was great but I still can't stay." I smiled an innocent smirk. His eyes widened and he looked to be in shock.
"Why?"
"Hasn't anyone ever said 'no' to Edward Cullen…?" he gave me a strange look and I just smiled. "I have to get dressed…" I trailed off. "Or would you rather I greet your parents in my pyjamas." He smiled understanding. "I have to admit that the look on your face when I said I was still going was hilarious."
"Fine, I'll wait for you down stairs." He kissed me softly on the lips and I left to go to my room.
I really don't care how real this seems- it can't be true. Edward doesn't do dating, he does 'one night stands' and next morning apologies, so why the fuck would he want me? It's not as if I'm special and it's not like I'd ever be able to keep him. Sooner or later he is going to get bored and I'm going to be left with a shattered heart and an awkward relationship with my best friend. And then there was the matter of Jake- I like him, I really do but he's not Edward but Jake seems like the safe choice. I can't be sure Edward won't hurt me like I've seen him do to so many others before me. Uhhhhh…. What to do? What to do? Have the one person that I truly do have genuine feelings for or stick with my safety net and even though the feelings aren't as strong, it seems like the right choice. Love and be hurt? Or. Settle for second best and have security? I couldn't take it any longer, I had to get out of my own head. I quickly changed into a top and jeans and rushed down the stairs. I needed to hear someone else's voice rather than the one in my head. I'm beginning to think that I'm completely fucked up and that I should really get some help.
I could hear a booming laugh come from the living room as I reached the bottom of the stairs- I swear to god that you hear Emmett before you see him- and then there was a husky laugh that was also instantly recognisable, Jake was here! I take it back I'd rather talk to myself while sitting in a padded room than to be stuck in a room with Edward and Jacob. I walked slowly into the living room and just as I had predicted Jacob, Emmett, Rose and Edward were sitting there, 3 faces held smiles and the other was stiff and no humour was evident.
"Hey…" I said quietly.
"Bella!" Jake got up and kissed me on the cheek. "I came to see if you could fit me into your busy schedule." He laughed. I couldn't think of an answer so I just smiled diffidently. He pulled me into the loveseat next to him and went straight back into the conversation he was having with Emmett. I took the chance to sneak a peak at Edward- his stiff position hadn't changed but anger was clear on his face. I gave him a weak smile that didn't even make his features move an inch. Emmett and Jake began laughing again and Edward got up and left. I didn't pay attention to what Jake and Em were talking about and soon after Edward left my phone bounced in my pocket. The screen showed that there was a message from Edward…
'How can you sit there and pretend that you care about him? Do you think that he cares about you more than I do?'
This was beyond stupid but if I didn't reply he could take it the wrong way…
'What do you expect me to do? and who said I didn't care about him? And how do I know that you care more? I've seen you with girls, you get bored and I don't want that'
His reply… 'You're not like other girls. I don't feel like strangling you in the morning'What the fuck does that mean?
'Do I get a translation?'
'Normally I can't spend more than a few hours with a girl without imagining myself killing her but with you its easier. Everything is easier with you. By the way that first part was a joke.'
Time for the truth…
'Edward, I only want the truth can you honestly say that you won't hurt me?'
I waited for the reply but there wasn't one. Even he knew that it was unavoidable and for me I'd rather not live it, if were at all possible. So I sent one more text…
'That's what I thought'
E.P.O.V
'Edward, I only want the truth can you honestly say that you won't hurt me?'
Would I hurt her? It was hard to decide whether or not the only reason I wanted Bella was because I couldn't have Bella. I couldn't reply- she wanted the truth and I didn't have that. I received another message form her…
'That's what I thought'
She actually expected this from me. If that's the way she wants it then that's the way she can have. I switched my phone off and got into my Volvo. It was stupid but I actually felt hurt by Bella's assumption and hurt even more knowing that I was leaving her with Jake. I was slowly approaching Jess's house. Jessica Stanley… I can't believe that I was doing this. I took a deep breath before escaping from my car and went to knock on her door. Door opened slowly and shocked crossed Jessica's face.
"Edward…?" she smiled "No fucking way."
"Hey Jess." I grinned in a less than enthusiastic voice.
Her shock turned to suspicion. "What? Did you forget your pants last time or something?" I laughed. If there was one thing I could do, it was lie!
"No. I just wanted to invite you to dinner with my family…" I paused letting her scream internally. "That is if you'll allow me to. So what do you think?"
"I think that sounds perfect. When?"
"In about two hours. I'll come collect you, okay?"
She smiled a wide grin and nodded and then I kissed her on the cheek- not only could I lie but I can act. I walked back to the car and grinned smugly when I heard the door close. Bella has no idea who she is dealing with. When I got back to my house I was glad to see that Jake's car was still outside. I went inside quickly because mom and dad were due back any minute and the one thing they loved is when we were all together. Alice and Jasper had joined the group since I had left, Alice looking better now that she had coated her face in make-up.
"Hey!" I smiled as I joined the group with my fake enthusiastic smile on my face. Playing the part right was just as important as getting the lines right.
"You look happy." Alice smiled.
"Do I?" the smile growing. I saw Bella narrowing her eyes in my direction.
"Who is she?" Alice asked.
"Who said anything about a 'she'?" I laughed.
"Fine then who is 'he'?" Rose smiled.
"Ha, ha Rose, very funny but if you must know its Jess. She said she forgives me and everything is fine again." I knew that Alice, Rosalie and Bella all despised Jessica and for the whole two weeks we were dating, before I got 'bored', they didn't hide that fact from her. Rose looked at Alice and Alice looked at me in shock.
"Jess, As in Jessica Stanley." Alice asked and I nodded. This was getting funny and it was getting hard to retain my laughter. "Are you fucking mad?"
"What's wrong with Jessica?" I asked knowing the answer myself.
"What's wrong with Jessica? Every fucking thing is wrong with her. Rose please a little help." Alice looked at Rose who looked in Bella's direction.
"Edward, Alice is right. Jess makes everyone's life a living hell!" Rose stated. "Bella?" she asked hoping Bella would back her up.
She paused thinking. "I think they're good together…" and she gave an evil little smile. I think that Alice and Rose's expressions mimicked my own. She was supposed to agree with Alice not tell me 'Oh I don't really give a fuck whether you fuck someone else or not.' I composed my features quickly and smiled at Bella.
"Thanks Bella." She didn't smile back. Just then mom and dad walked into the living room.
"We're home!" my mother Esme laughed. I smiled at her, she's always so loving and upbeat, she always made me smile.
"Hey mom! How was your trip?" I asked. She came over and kissed my forehead- always the mommy's boy.
"I missed ye all too much." She laughed. "But other than that, it was great."
"Dad!" Alice screeched as she ran to give my father a huge hug. Alice was so spoilt that my father would give her the moon if he could find a way. My mother gave Emmett a kiss on the cheek before giving Bella a hug and whispering something in her ear. It has always annoyed me that Bella had secret conversations with my mother and neither would tell me what they were about. Bella replied something too low for me to hear but whatever it was it made my mother smile.
"Emmett, Edward, Jasper would you please get the bags from my car. Your mother still insists on carrying two much luggage." We all nodded and left the room.
B.P.O.V
The one person that had noticed my stalker-like obsession with Edward was Esme- though she didn't know that it was Edward that we were talking about, I would always use a code name, it would seem kind of weird talking about her son to her.
"Jacob Black? What are you doing here?" Carlisle smiled and extended his hand to shake Jake's. Jake smiled.
"Well I'm here to see Bella." Carlisle winked at me and I immediately felt embarrassed.
"I'm glad she's found a good man like you." Carlisle smiled. Silence filled the room with an awkward edge for a moment.
"So what do you want for dinner?" Esme asked.
"Mom, we have dinner booked in Port Angeles in a while. Okay?" Alice smiled. "So Dad, remember before you left we discussed that little matter of a present that I was promised?" Carlisle laughed.
"I do."
"Did you get it?" She asked excitedly. Carlisle nodded and walked off to show her and Rose the latest edition to Alice's designer handbag or shoe collection. Which only left me, Jake and Esme.
"I'm going to freshen up." Esme smiled. "Bella can you tell the boys to bring the bags upstairs?" I nodded and she smiled in response. "Thank you."
Correction, that only left Jake and I. Alice had already invited Jake to dinner but thankfully he said that he couldn't, so at least I didn't have to worry about that.
"Is it weird living here?" Jake asked. "I mean because they aren't your parents."
"No, but that's only because Carlisle and Esme are like my parents. They threat me like one of their children."
"So you and Edward are sort of like brother and sister?" no!
"I guess." I shrugged my shoulders and wished that he hadn't brought up the subject of Edward and me. Jake leaned in to kiss me and once again I kissed back, but the kiss was passionless and didn't make me feel the way Edward's made me feel. Jake broke away from the kiss and looked at his watch.
"Shit! I'm late I have to go. See you later." He kissed my cheek and I smiled. Once he had left I walked slowly to Carlisle and Esme's room and knocked on the door.
"Come in." Esme called. I opened the door slowly and fell back onto the king sized bed. "Bella, dear. What's wrong?"
"Everything is so messed up and I don't know how to put it right. I need help."
"Was that not the boy you are always talking about?" she asked as she sat next to me on the bed. I shook my head slowly.
"Nope." I said popping the 'p'.
"Oh"
"And do you want to know what makes it worse is that I like Jake but not as much as I like 'him' and Jake is 'his' friend." I let out a sigh. "Jake is like a safety net so that I won't get hurt but I don't think pretending that I care about him more than I do is going to work."
"You're right Bella but you can't sit around and wait for 'him' forever."
"But that's just the thing, he has said that he wanted me." I laughed frustrated.
"You've lost me." she smiled.
"He kissed me and I can't begin to explain how I felt about that kiss and then I began to think about all the other girls that he had hurt and when I asked him if I could trust him not to hurt me he didn't answer, so I took it as a 'no'. And now he has someone else."
"Oh sweetheart, it'll all be alright. Don't worry about it." She said as she pulled me into a hug.
"What if he hates me, Esme? What am I supposed to do then? I can't have him hate me. I really can't." I couldn't control the tears that ran from my eyes.
"Listen to me, Bella. You're a smart, beautiful and interesting girl. And if he can't see that then he must be blind and I want you to listen to me, okay?" I nodded and she continued. "I don't want to see you cry ever again over 'him', okay?" I nodded again and tried to stop the tears, I laughed as I realised how stupid I must look. "I feel like I'm ten." I laughed.
Esme handed me a tissue and sat next me again. "Why do say that?"
"Because when I was ten I had a huge fight with Edward and I thought that he hated me and in this same room I sat crying with you comforting me just like this." We both laughed then as I wiped my tears.
"And just like Edward didn't end up hating you neither will 'he'." Little did she know that it was the same person that we were talking about. "Now are you okay?" I nodded. "Are you sure?"
"Do I look a mess?"
"You look perfect." She smiled. "Now what is taking those boys with my luggage." I laughed. Just as she spoke Emmett banged through the door with Jasper following.
"Mom you only went away for 3 days. What is with all the fucking luggage?" Emmett asked. "Come on Jasper, let's go find Rose and Alice." Esme walked to her bag and pulled out a little blue box.
"I got you a present." She smiled as she handed me the box. "I didn't think you'd like a handbag so I thought you might like this instead. Rose and Alice are easy to shop for but you take some work." She laughed. I opened the small box to find a silver charm bracelet with a charm to represent everything I could think of.
"Wow. Esme I can't take this."
"Bella, you're practically my daughter and I got this to help you with 'him'." she smiled. She helped me put on the bracelet. "See, it suits you." I gave her a huge hug.
"Thank you Esme."
"Just remember what I said, okay?" I nodded. "I'll be down in a few minutes." I walked out of the room feeling more clear minded than I had this entire weekend. Downstairs Alice and Rose were thinking Carlisle over and over and over again for their designer limited editions. Jasper, Emmett and Edward were nowhere in site.
"Where is Edward, I wanted to ask him something?" I lied.
"He's gone to pick up 'Jess'" Alice said the name with disgust.
"Jessica Stanley?" Carlisle asked.
"Yep there on again, off again is on again." Carlisle nodded not fully understanding what Alice had meant. I went outside for some fresh air, but it didn't seem to matter where I was, I couldn't think straight. I surprised to hear Carlisle's voice coming from behind me.
"May I sit?" he asked. I nodded. "So how was everyone while we were away? Quiet, I hope." I laughed.
"Yeah, everything was calm."
"Jake is a nice boy, Bella." He said suddenly. "But I don't know if you should put all your trust in him, make sure you get to know him before you make a mistake." Is Carlisle trying to give me a 'safe sex talk'?
"I don't think you have to worry about that Carlisle." I chuckled. That part of the deal was done and dusted.
"I know I don't but I still do. I know you're smart enough to look after yourself but that doesn't me from worrying that someone might hurt you." He looked at my wrist. "I like your bracelet." He winked.
"Thanks." Carlisle and I were embraced in a tight hug when Edward and Jessica approached us hand in hand. Today seemed like my day to be comforted.
"Miss Stanley, it's nice to see you again." Carlisle said smiling. I walked back into the house without giving Edward or Jessica another glance.
"Bella, can you…" Alice started as I walked through the house to the back garden. It was always quiet and peaceful there.
"Not now Alice." I snapped. I needed to let my frustration out somehow and Alice was the first person in sight. I wanted to apologize but I didn't. I sat on the steps outside the door taking a deep breathe. I was calming down and then I realized what had happened.
Was Edward trying to fucking kill me? First it was 'will you stay if I ask you to?' and then 'he doesn't care about you as much as I do' and now it was the case of 'Jess has forgiven me'. When I asked him if he was going to hurt me, a simple 'yes' would have done, he didn't have to shove it in my face.
"Hey Bella?" I heard a low musical voice call from behind me. "We're ready to go, are you coming?" I loved Rose; she was always so kind and considerate. But to be honest I wasn't in the mood to go out for dinner- especially since Edward and Jessica were going to be there.
"I don't feel too well, Rose, so ye should probably go without me."
She sat next to me and let out a small breath. Was there a sign on my back saying 'please sit and chat' because I seemed to be having a lot of conversations today? "Is this because of Edward? Because if it is…"
"How do you mean 'if this is about Edward'? Because frankly Rose, I don't give a fuck who Edward is with." I snapped trying to convince myself rather than her.
"Bella, I'm not stupid or blind. I've seen the way you act around him lately. Its quite amusing actually." She laughed.
"There is nothing between Edward and me, okay?" she nodded.
"But you want there to be, you're just scared it will change everything, but you're wrong." I looked at Rose blankly. She could read people's relationships like a book and it scared me sometimes that she knew me better than I knew me.
"It's not because of Edward. I'm just…tired."
"I'm not buying it. Come on, you can come with me and Emmett." She dragged me off to Emmett's jeep that was waiting for us outside the door.
"Next time I'm leaving without ye?" Emmett laughed.
"So I've been told." Rose smiled. Emmett and Rose were one of the cutest couples I have ever seen. They really did love each other and being around them felt like being around an old married couple.
E.P.O.V
I wonder if Jessica would think I'm being offensive if I ask her to shut her mouth because she was really doing my head in. I had left before the rest so we were the first at the restaurant And all there was to do is listen to Jess talk and talk and then talk some more and then finally they arrived. All including Bella who looked a bit paler than usual. Immediately I walked over to Emmett and Jasper and left Jessica to her defences with Alice, Rose and…Bella who was too busy blushing while talking to some guy. I nodded while Jasper talked but I kept my eyes on Bella while she laughed and blushed at whatever this idiot was saying to her. Soon but not soon enough we went to our table and Bella left the guy she was with. I saw Rose whisper something to her and she laughed- this was going to get frustrating.
"Hi, I'm James I'll be your waiter tonight. So, what can I get ye to drink?" I looked up to see the source of the voice only to see the same person that had Bella blushing. "Bella, what can I get you?" Bella smiled.
"Just a glass of water please." James nodded and took the rest of the orders. He came back with the drinks a few minutes later and secretly slipped a piece of paper into Bella's hand.
B.P.O.V
It was funny seeing the look on Edward's face when James slipped me his number. James was funny, not my type but funny. I excused myself from the table to go the bathroom really it was just so I could laugh. When I went back to the table Edward still had the look on his face and I just had to smile again and I thought tonight was going to be depressing. The rest of the evening passed quickly, the whole time Edward still had the look on his face and what made it even better is the fact that Jessica had to leave early.
"Edward can you take Bella home in your car 'cause I'm taking straight back to hers?" Emmett asked. Carlisle and Esme didn't give specific times for their children to be home but seeing as there was school in the morning Emmett knew better than to stay out all night. Edward nodded and got into his car. I opened the passenger door and sat quietly beside him. We drove in silence and I kept changing the radio-station, I knew that annoyed Edward.
"Bella you change the station one more time and I'll break the fucking thing." He said through his teeth. I didn't stop just and he pulled over to the side of the road then I stopped.
"What?" I asked innocently.
He pinched his nose and closed his eyes looking frustrated. "Are you trying to make me kill you?"
"I thought I was the girl that you didn't want to strangle?" I laughed. Edward remained expressionless. "Oh come on Edward, I was only joking."
"Did you get up today and say 'I think today I'll torture Edward' because that's exactly what you're doing? I felt guilty because he genuinely sounded hurt.
"That's what I'm doing? I'm not the one who brought his ex to dinner now am I?" I asked angrily. I chanced a look at his face and regretted it almost immediately. I was now looking into Edward's eyes. We both looked away quickly.
"Well I'm not the one who was flirting with the waiter."
"I was not flirting." I laughed.
"Yeah you were, you were doing that cute little laugh thing and you kept looking up at him through your eyelashes. I think he got turned on just looking at you."
"You think I have a cute laugh? I hate my laugh." I asked. I was being such a child.
"You don't see yourself very clearly." He simply replied.
"You know a simple 'no' would have done, you didn't have to bring Jess along just to prove it."
"Prove what? What are you talking about?" He asked as he started the engine and began driving at his fast speed.
"When I asked if you could say you wouldn't hurt me, a 'no' would have hurt less." Understanding crossed his features.
"Oh" he mumbled. "I didn't do that to hurt you Bella. I want you to be happy and obviously Jacob seems to make you happy."
"Being with Jake doesn't make me happy."
"Bella not to be rude but can we change the subject please?" his hands tightened on the steering wheel.
"Your father tried to give me a safe sex talk today" I laughed.
"Really?" he asked shocked, we were approaching the house now. I nodded and Edward laughed. "I would have like to have seen that."
"You just about caught the end of it." He parked the car in the garage and we both got out. "Goodnight Edward."
"Night Bella."
A/N: Please review!xxx