July 19, 424 C.E.
I met my cell today. They're absolutely insane.
I'd say I regret taking the job, but our dig today had forced me stay with them for as long as I possibly can. Happiness even got to see action again.
Jude tried to drown out the noise of clicking and chirping voices. He hadn't gotten much sleep the previous night. It made him irritable, and the world didn't need a more irritable Jude. He was already sweating, anxious, and lost.
He'd been asking for directions to Lower Hall Cell Beta for the past half-hour. The Sergeant hadn't lied when he told Jude he wouldn't find a volunteer; every animal stiffened when he spoke the name. His pride and his nature refused to let him ask for the Lonely Hearts Club Band. He would ask until someone answered or until he found them.
Happiness was slung over his shoulder in a worn gun case. The weight on his shoulder was like the endearing bickering of a younger sister. It made him feel at home among the piles of sand and arching ruins. It was his only comfort among the all-consuming voices, searing heat, and scrambling diggers.
He sighed as a locomotive might, loudly in vain attempt to alieve the coals that burned within. He lowered himself to a sitting position and triple-checked Happiness. She was in peak condition. She was always in peak condition. It didn't stop him from worrying; his bond with his gun was stronger than that between most lovers, and twice as practical.
He muttered something in English about the effect of sand on steel and slung Happiness back over his shoulder. He stood up and, with a grunt that could have belonged to a bitter old man, rebegan his search.
Through tinted pilots glasses (the only thing keeping the sand from his eyes) he caught the image of a rather impressive-looking gorilla sitting at a small collapsable table wearing a bright red military jacket, enjoying lunch with a blindingly-colored bird. The ape was at least seven feet tall, and with him he carried a sledgehammer that could have been four or five feet long. Its silver head gleamed in the sunlight. Jude smiled. He didn't look like someone who could be intimidated by a couple of diggers.
With an objective stroll he advanced on the stranger, gun over his shoulder and what few possessions he owned packed under his right arm. Excuse me, he said in bumbling Common, do you know where the Lower Hall Cell Beta is?
The ape didn't even look up. He was engaged in his meal and seemed to have no time for a lost Found One who seemed to stumble upon his own speech.
This concept angered Jude more than it should. Slamming his fist on the ape's table, he repeated himself. Excuse me. Do you know where the Lower--
His breath left lungs him as the words left his mouth. In the duration of a moment he'd been flung from his resting place into a merchant's tent twenty feet away. Four crates of fresh fruits were broken, leaving apples and oranges spilling in every direction like water gushing from a broken dam. The impact caused domino-style chaos to erupt as people scrambled for the free food and the startled merchant began waving a gun around while simultaneously calling the police. Suddenly 'loud' got a whole lot louder.
Pulling himself from the wreckage, Jude unsheathed his gun and pointed it in the gorilla's direction, cursing like a madman in his own language. He was barely conscioius, and the noise wasn't helping his recovery, but it wouldn't matter. He would spray until he found his target.
He was about to open fire when muscular arms swept him away from behind. A baboon wearing a similar jacket with arms as long and flexible as snakes covered his mouth and removed his gun before proceeding to speak in slurred Ape Common.
'Ey, Maxie, lay off de new boy. You prob'le' broke a few ribs. I t'ink it was a bit uncalled for.
Ape Common was far more similar to English than standard Common, and as such, Jude was more fluent. He began to protest in the various barking tones of the language, but the baboon's stronge and large hands prevented him from speaking.
The gorilla responded with a sideways glance. I won't have us called by that foolish nickname, he replied. Ignorance of the law does not indemnify its infringement.
The baboon released Jude and picked at his bright blue jacket, a lanky grin across his face.
An' who, I asks, made you de law?
With a furious leap and fire in his eyes the gorilla clamored to the top of his table and began to screech at the top of his voice, not to the slightest alarm of his lunch companion, beating his chest like King Kong.
We are the elite! We are the first to the frontlines! he howled, a mad light gleaming in his eyes. We are the gods of the Longshaw Expedition! We are--
--Maxwell! came a screech in Common. Jude turned to find a red-faced Sergeant Pepper in a forest-green military jacket, identical in design to that of the two apes'.
Maxwell promptly placed himself back into his seat and resumed eating as if nothing had happened.
God damnit, Maxwell! he clicked. How many times do I have to tell you not to start crap over your goddamn nickname for the cell?
Maxwell looked up with eyes that could have belonged to a begging puppy. It's not a nickname, he mumbled. We have uniforms and everything.
The baboon suddenly cackled uncontrollably, collapsing on the ground in fits of glee.
Bill! Pepper snapped. Shut the hell up!
The ape attempted to stifle his laughter in vain for roughly twenty seconds, then finally fell to a hushed giggle.
Sheesh, Pepper sighed. He turned to Jude. I see you've already met your new cell. This is Maxwell--he motioned towards the sullen gorilla--and Bill, in reference to the giggle baboon. They're our Blockers. Maxie's also our medic.
He eyed Maxwell. This is Jude. He'll be our Navigator and Assistant Excavator from now on.
Max looked up apologetically--at Pepper, not at Jude--and nodded.
He grinned with playful condescension usually reserved for familial bonds. Initiate him into your half-assed littled group. We've got a dig in an hour. And help clean up the mess you caused, will you?
He turned and left. Sirens were wailing, fights were erupting over stolen food, thieves were being arrested, the merchant was being booked for assault with a deadly weapon, and the two people he shot were under emergency care because the ambulances couldn't get through. Maxwell reluctantly walked over to assist the wounded animals. When Pepper was out of sight, the still-chuckling Bill put a long arm around Jude's neck.
Welcome to de Band.