IN A RUT

Spider is an idiot.

Okay, so while that statement stands alone, I probably should reiterate how I managed to reach that very obvious conclusion.

Let's put it this way: 2Dads' first day, a prank gone wrong and a Seaman with the memory of a goldfish.

This is what I get for taking part in pranks that should be left to bored kids with a camera phone and Youtube account.

I blame myself.

It's shore leave, we're on some tiny little island in the middle of nowhere, and Buffer decides it's time to initiate the new guy (apparently they initiate everyone – I'm guessing mine was a snake on a boat so in that sense Leo's been rather lucky). Seaman Webb, 'brilliant idea' and me ending up falling down an abandoned mine shaft. That's the long and short of it anyway.

So now I sit in darkness, trapped and waiting for any sign that the Hammersley hasn't packed up and buggered off without me. Is it too self-obsessed to assume they'll remember me straightaway and are currently up there now just muttering 'where's Bomber? I miss her already', not that being missed by any of those guys is at the top of my list of things to achieve. Why, just a 'where the heck is that woman that cooks our food?' will do me.

That and some light so I could at least see where I am. Instead it's just pitch black, my inner monologue and me. And that's not a good place to be; the inside of my head.

So, some company would be nice. Just not Spider…

Spider is an idiot.

***

"DADDY!"

The man in the dark blue shirt and big hat turned quickly, dropping the shovel. He grinned at the sight of two girls, one sporting her father's oversized gumboots and the other staring disapprovingly at her sister. Try and guess which one was me. If you said gumboots I'm afraid you're mistaken.

I was 10 and my little sister was 7. It was April and, although we didn't know it then, my dad had only months to live.

"Hello girls." He beamed. This is how I remember him best, working on the garden, his big booming voice being heard all the way across the farm. His big hugs and bigger smiles. Everything about my dad in my memory is big and friendly. Like an oversized teddy bear. "You stole my gumboots Jess?"

Jessica laughed. "I'm coming to help daddy."

I gave the look I reserved solely for my sister. "Dad's busy." I looked at him. "You're busy, aren't you dad?" I know now how much I sounded like my mother, a fact I denied strongly between the ages of 14 and 18 but something I embrace now.

Dad grinned. "Busy as a blue-assed fly pumpkin." His nickname for me used to make me frown, even if I let him get away with it because he was the only one who could, but now I miss it. Not that I'd ever let anyone else call me it these days. "You going to help?"

I gave him my disapproving look. "Dad, I have homework." Turning on my heel I went back inside, back to my books and away from my sister. The time I didn't spend with my dad is the thing I regret most.

***

My second biggest regret was coming on this prank. Right now I could be standing in my precious galley scouring the cupboards for anything I can throw together that will in some way represent dinner. But oh no, why do that when I can stay sitting in a hole waiting for rescue?

As mum used to say, 'It's worse than a Mount Isa pickle'. And that's saying a lot because I don't recall anyone ever growing pickles in my hometown.

***

Mum was the bane of my existence when I was young, when I was a teen and maybe even now, even if we've only just returned to talking. She's taken to opening every call from me with 'how's my devil from the deep blue sea?' She thinks she's funny and I'm not one to rain on anyone's parade – unless it's one of Charge's jokes. That man is NOT funny!

My sister was always mum's favourite – adorable and sweet. Me? Can you picture me doing adorable and sweet? It's like trying to picture a scorpion doing adorable and sweet. So she got everything. The nicest riding boots. From the Neapolitan ice cream she got chocolate and I got vanilla. If we were at the Mt Isa fair she got a $20 note to spend on rides and fairy floss, I got $10 to spend on sandwiches. Okay, maybe not that far, but she was the favourite.

After dad died it got worse. It was during this stage that I started my long and arduous Navy application, something that I managed to hide easily from my not-so-nosey mother. Not that I hold it against her, after dad I was a moody teenager who just made it more obvious I hated my mother. So when she told me to run off to the Navy and never come back it was an offer too good to refuse.

***

Like the small line of rope that has just trickled down in front of me – an offer far too good to refuse. Heck, right now a man with the malice intent of Ray Walsman and the creepy 'charm' of Finn McLean could be on the end of it and I'll be happy.

Course, I realise as sun hits my eyes, I could always just take the puppy-dog-eyed looks of a certain Seaman.

"Hey Bomber."

Shaking my head in his direction, and with one glance at mum's bracelet, I walk away.

"Not gonna thank me?"

Now he's pushing it. I stop and smile. "Spider…" he stops, waiting for the thank you he'll never get. My smile fades. "… You're an idiot!"