Scene 16-Why do you say "I'm all right", when loneliness is all you feel?
Shuichi took one last look around the room, making sure nothing had been forgotten. Satisfied that all was in order, he reached for his brand new jacket-a gift from his father-and draped it over his left arm.
After reaching for the handle of his luggage, Shuichi wheeled it out, pausing as he came across the mirror hanging on the wall. He gazed at it thoughtfully. His reflection told him he looked the same way he always had-a short, slender youth with a slightly babyish face surrounded by waves of stylishly messy pink hair.
Probably the only thing that gave way Shuichi wasn't quite feeling like himself were his huge, expressive eyes. Eyes that spoke volumes of his inner turmoil. Currently, his violet orbs were dull and dark; something his observant father had picked up but wisely chose not to comment on.
Knocking on the door brought Shuichi out of his reverie. He glanced at the man standing at the doorway.
His elegant father was leaning against the door, frowning slightly in worried concern. "Are you feeling all right? You haven't been eating very much. Maybe you're coming down with something…we should stay another night just in case. We can catch a later flight. There's no hurry."
Shuichi shook his head and smiled reassuringly at his father. "No, it's all right. I'm just feeling sleepy."
Kai straightened up, looking uncertain. "Then maybe we really should stay another night."
"Really, I'm fine. I can sleep in the plane later. It's going to be a long flight, isn't it?"
"Well, yes. We are heading for Switzerland after all."
Shuichi gave his father another smile. "Then, let's go. I heard it's snowing there now. I can't wait to go! I love snow!"
Kai gave an amused chuckle at his son's evident excitement as Shuichi walked out of the room. "I'm glad you like it. It's beautiful when it snows over there. It can get really cold though. Especially at night."
He closed the door after Shuichi and followed him to the elevator. Pressing the 'down' button, he glanced at his son discreetly while waiting for the lift to arrive. He marvelled inwardly as he took in the young man standing next to him.
He was so like his mother-a male version of her. He wasn't quite identical though; Shuichi had inherited his violet eyes. Combining those eyes with his deceased wife's brightly coloured hair gave him a striking appearance, exotic even.
His lips quirked upwards slightly. Well, at least he was never going to complain being ignored-Shuichi would catch attention wherever he went.
He wondered if Shuichi was interested in being a model; he had several friends running a famous modelling agency.
Ding!
Well, first things first. He had to search for a suitable school to transfer Shuichi to. He was decided as he stepped into the open elevator; Shuichi would only have the best in his life from now on. He would do anything within his power to make up for his prolonged absence from Shuichi's life and give him happiness.
Minutes later, after Kai had checked them out of the hotel, they were seated comfortably in a cab.
Shuichi silently stared out of the window as the taxi sped all too quickly towards the airport, lost in his thoughts. It had been two weeks since he moved out of Yuki's house.
Several days after that, Yuki's father had excused himself and had flown back to London, declaring that since his job was done, he could no longer afford cancelling business engagements with his foreign partners.
Yuki had said nothing. He had not tried to stop his father…or Shuichi.
Shuichi closed his eyes as his pent up emotions threatened to come forth as tears, willing them back.
Forget. He just wanted forget.
"Yuki."
XXX
"What the hell do you want?"
Yuki glared daggers at the person standing at his doorway, feeling extremely pissed off. What is wrong with the world? All he wanted to do was wallow in his misery in the form of a beer-drinking marathon. Ever since Shuichi left, he had trouble sleeping at night.
Every time he closed his eyes, he was all too aware of the silence of the room; that the only breathing he could hear belonged to him. The bedroom that he had once considered his private sanctuary and therefore, open for him and only him had felt so…wrong.
It was devoid of the warm presence he had grown so used to. Shuichi's presence.
After spending two agonizingly long nights attempting to sleep in the bed that now felt overwhelmingly large, Yuki had eventually settled for sleeping on the couch in the living room.
Ever since then, he never entered the bedroom again and left the door closed. The only things he brought out of the room were his cigarettes, his clothes…and the stuck-up prick of an alarm clock that Shuichi so adored.
For a fortnight now, Mika, Tohma and Tatsuha had been playing tag, taking turns showing up at his house every morning-probably to make sure he was still alive. Yuki figured he was 'It'. And he also figured the chances of them dying before he did were almost one hundred percent if they didn't stop playing his mother soon. And fast.
Very likely the only reason he hadn't strangled them yet was because deep down, extremely deep down, he knew they were just trying to help. And-okay, fine- maybe it was also because he knew his sadly pathetic state was his own doing.
He had told Shuichi to go. Knowing that naïve fool who believed he didn't deserve love, he would take it literally that Yuki was telling him he was unwanted. Stupid brat. Why had he not learned to appreciate his own worth?
The best joke of the whole sob-story drama was that Yuki didn't even know why he told Shuichi to leave.
Okay, so maybe he thought it was for Shuichi's future. He had wanted Shuichi to experience parental love, understanding how important it was to Shuichi even though Yuki himself had grown up without it-and had turned out to be a perfectly normal sensitive person, thank you.
So he had thought it was better for Shuichi to start afresh somewhere else, where his past and his relationship with Yuki wouldn't haunt him. In short, he had put Shuichi's welfare above what he wanted. And was paying dearly for it.
Damn it, he was no martyr. Which ghost of which saint ever possessed him to start behaving like one?
When he found out, Yuki swore he was going to kill himself just to drag them down to the deepest pits of hell with him.
Still, what was done had been done-and Yuki was no fool. Even he knew he had way too much pride to admit he was wrong and ask Shuichi to come back. Which was why he had resorted to drinking. And why he felt ever so annoyed at the blasted doorbell ringing for the second time that morning when it was only his sixth can.
"Bloody hell. I thought Mika already showed up earlier. Did they mess up their Nanny Timetable or something?"
Upon opening the door though, -he had long been deprived the option of just ignoring the doorbell ever since the one time Mika had gotten tired of screaming at him to open up and had calmly picked up a pot of petunias before smashing it through his window-Yuki's eyes narrowed at the unwelcome visitor.
"He's not here and never will be again so haul your ass off my porch before I do it for you."
Not waiting for a reply, Yuki was slamming the door shut when his head was hit from behind with a hard object. It felt like his head had spilt wide open and Yuki definitely heard a cracking sound.
As his vision fluctuated between a blindingly white spark of pain to dark edges, Yuki mildly got his intoxicated mind to think. "What's with people and flowerpots?"
He distinctly felt himself crumple to the ground. There were voices. So his assailant wasn't alone; he had an accomplice. As he faded to darkness, cheek on the cold hard floor, Yuki was reminded of another scene taking place on this very porch.
Back then, the sight of the object lying on the floor had violently twisted the already deeply embedded knife further into his heart.
That had taken place two weeks ago.
Flashback-two weeks earlier
Shuichi locked the house door and his hand automatically made to slip his keys into the back of his pocket before stopping as a wave of realisation washed over him. Ever so slowly, he brought it out again.
Sadly, he gazed at the set of keys Yuki had duplicated for him. They were no longer his. After all, he no longer lived here. This was Yuki's house. Yuki-sensei's house. Yuki-san's house.
Whatever.
He looked around, wondering where to leave it. He certainly didn't feel like waking Yuki up at this dastardly hour when the sun wasn't even up yet just to hand him a bunch of keys. Remembering what happened the last time he had woken Yuki-or rather, he tried,-Shuichi couldn't help smiling fondly.
Yuki had been so sleepy, he had almost walked into the door and would have most certainly walked into the wall if Shuichi hadn't hurried over to guide him, realising the dangers of a Yuki who hadn't had his morning coffee.
After his third mug, Yuki's eyes had finally managed to crack open wide enough to glare and proceeded to threaten flushing Shuichi down the toilet if he was ever woken up before the sun again.
A forlorn expression took over the smile as Shuichi dragged his wandering mind back to reality. Well, Yuki would never have to worry about that anymore. Shuichi would no longer be waking up in the same house.
Deciding to just slide the keys beneath the door, Shuichi slowly bend down to a crouch. His right hand was clenched tightly around the ring of keys in a death grip, unwilling to let his final connection to Yuki go.
Tears soon began blinding his vision as he cursed inwardly. He cursed at everything and anything, from the pimply clerk at the grocery store to the blade of grass growing so daringly on the lawn right down to his traitorous right hand.
"Stupid clerk! Stupid weed! Stupid hand! Stupid key! Stupid Yuki!"
"Stupid me…"
He glared defiantly at the mockingly closed door. He felt like bulldozing it open, marching in, blowing up the bedroom door and kicking Yuki. He laughed through his tears as he imagined Yuki's face if he was kicked out from bed in the middle of the night.
"Why did he ask me to follow Father? I don't want to! I just want to stay here with him. I…like being here. I though he felt the same way. Guess I thought wrong."
He continued sitting there for who knows how long and was just drying his tears when he heard a car stopping in front of the house. A door slammed and an unidentified figure came hurrying up to him, holding an umbrella. Shuichi blinked. He had not realised it had been raining.
Kai watched his son silently for a moment before shifting the umbrella over him, extending a hand to pull Shuichi up.
Shuichi's eyes met his father's and they came upon an unspoken agreement. He didn't know why and how his father knew to come but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Not anymore.
Without even glancing back, Shuichi reached out. And grasped the proffered hand. His father led him to the car while patting his back comfortingly. Both of them got in and drove off.
Neither noticed the silhouette observing them from the window. After a moment, he stepped away from the window. Soon, the front door was opened.
The man stood at the doorway with a cold, unreadable expression as he stared at the object left on the porch. If one looked closely enough though, a hint of loss and grief could be found etched on it. He wordlessly picked the glinting object up. Keys.
Shuichi's keys.
The house door clicked shut without slamming. There was no anger there. Only resignation.
End flashback
The darkness spread from the edge of Yuki's vision to the centre, blocking everything out. Yuki vaguely felt himself let go and he lost consciousness.
XXX
"Last call for flight 201. I repeat, Flight 201…."
Shuichi listlessly shifted in the uncomfortable orange plastic chair. He was really doing this. He was going to a completely foreign country and leaving everything behind, including his friends.
Wondering how long Ryuichi and Hiro were going to stay mad at him, Shuichi bit his lip; too distracted to notice the worried glances his father was giving him.
Flashback
"Leaving? What do you mean 'leaving'?"
Shuichi looked from Ryuichi to Hiro with a helpless expression. He had earlier introduced his father to them and they, like him, had hit off with him instantly. Shuichi didn't think he had ever seen any parental unit get along so well with their children's friends before.
After having lunch together, his father had to attend to some business and had excused himself, telling them to enjoy the rest of the day together. Shuichi had then taken the opportunity to spill everything and break the news of his imminent departure.
It didn't take Einstein to realise they weren't taking it well. At all.
"Like I said, I'll be following my father back to Switzerland very soon. Please don't be mad…I'm really sorry for not telling you guys earlier. I needed time to think this through…"
Ryuichi narrowed his eyes. "That's not why we're angry! I'm happy you found your father Shuichi, and I'm glad he cares for you enough to want you with him. What I don't understand is why you're in such a hurry. I mean it's not necessary for you to go so soon. Isn't it better if you wait a few more years or at least a few more months? To let things settle down and get to know him better first?"
Hiro nodded in agreement. "I second that. Your father seems like a cool person. I'm sure he would understand if you wanted to wait a while more. Getting his approval wouldn't be a problem. Since that's not preventing you from staying, what is?"
Shuichi squirmed in discomfort at their probing gazes. He sighed; his friends knew him all too well. "There isn't a problem. I just…felt like going. Besides, Yuki asked me to go."
They stared at him in disbelief. "Yuki told you to go? Are you sure you aren't misinterpreting something?"
Shuichi avoided their eyes and stared at his strawberry smoothie instead, stirring it. "Well…yes…"
"Tell us exactly what he said."
And Shuichi did. Starting from Yuki's father's arrival to the last conversation he ever had with Yuki. Silence reigned for a few moments after Shuichi had completed his narration. He continued stirring his drink, fascinated by the pink and white frothy swirls each round of stirring produced. Which was why he never saw his companions exchanging a significant look.
"Shuichi…"
He looked up at their grim expressions. He was almost afraid to respond. Maybe he should just pretend he had gone deaf and dumb from strawberry smoothie overload? Oh, wait. The glass was still full. Damn. There went one perfectly reasonable excuse.
"Yea?"
"You…"
"…are the most idiotic, moronic dense imbecile of a nincompoop the world has ever had the misfortune of creating with a suicidal self-sacrificing complex that would probably result in your death of complete stupidity."
"…"
"Sorry."
Ryuichi sighed. "Shuichi, look at me."
Shuichi obligingly complied.
"You're apologising to the wrong person."
End flashback
Shuichi frowned.
Even now, he still didn't get what his best friends had been trying to tell him. Apologise to Yuki? Whatever for? He was the one who told him to go. Unless…he had wanted Shuichi to protest? Dare he hope Yuki had wanted him to say 'no'? To say he would choose Yuki over his father?
But that couldn't be. Yuki was always so cool and assured, confident he had the world bowing to his every whim. There was no way Yuki felt insecure…right? It couldn't be that Yuki needed to hear Shuichi say he wanted to stay with his own ears…could it?
Shuichi grimaced and massaged his temples. Yuki was right; thinking didn't suit him.
I know, I know. It's a really blah chapter.
Truth to be told, I originally intended this chapter to be the last but it turned out too long and so, I decided to split them into two. I've actually finished the final chapter as well but I haven't had the time and energy to go through it (and this one was simply done as well. So bear with me if there are typing or/and grammar errors. Feel free to point it out but please, don't flame me. I promise you, I have enough stress.)
It's too late for this story but next time, I'm definitely going to get someone to beta for me. It's just too time consuming and really now, reading my own story again is more than a trifle boring.
Well then, please give me stress reducing and smile inducing reviews! Thanks to all!