disclaimer: I own nothing
Chapter 7: In the Heat of the Moment
Derek grunted with frustration. He punched the mattress beside him, trying to control his anger. It was as if Clara had disappeared off the face of the Earth. There was nothing about her. Nothing; except an old article that told of her receiving a full scholarship from a university. Nothing recent. He had spent the entire week looking for her. He had found her parents number and contacted them but that was a dead end. They remembered him and wouldn't give him anything that would aid his quest. They just said that sometimes it
was best to leave people in the past.
He didn't accept that defeat. He needed to find Clara. He wouldn't be happy until he did. The internet must have something on her. It should have. Even Derek's eighty year-old grandmother who didn't even own a computer was mentioned on the internet, because of her involvement with some charity function. Without thinking, Derek swore and banged his fist against the wall. He then paused, listening intently to the silence of the house, waiting for a sound to signify that he woke someone up. He didn't hear anything so he
continued to try his search again.
Casey sighed when she heard the loud bang that came from her bedroom. She had debated whether to see if Derek was all right but after hearing him swear, she knew he was fine. Truthfully, she was afraid to interrupt him. Derek had gotten increasingly more irritated at her this past week. She figured it was because there was no progress in the search for Clara.
They had been talking less and less to each other since he had begun seeking Clara. He only talked to her if he had a question that referred to their children. Whenever they were alone together – which wasn't often since he retreated to the master bedroom after Ben, Lily, and Ella went to sleep – Derek would either ignore her or yell at her. He usually yelled when Casey asked if he had any more memories. He felt betrayed when Jim had told Casey that he had a memory. He didn't want to give Casey hope.
She felt like she was losing Derek as time went by, because she was competing with a memory. It was too bad that the one thing Derek didn't remember was how Clara broke his heart. If only she broke up with him before their graduation. She would have taken depressed Derek any day over Derek the angry monster.
Casey rolled over, facing the back of the couch. Every morning, one muscle or another would ache but she never complained. She knew that it could be worse. She could have her bed back but Derek would be gone. She wasn't going to give Derek another reason to leave. So she silently suffered, always holding back tears until late at night, crying herself to sleep hoping that tomorrow would be a better day. Tonight, before falling asleep, she mentally planned what she was going to do the next day, knowing that she had to finish the choreography for the recital. She knew that she could get 'Slow Me Down'
finished if she worked on it tomorrow.
The next day was like any other. Derek was still Derek. He was rude, angry, and annoyed, especially at Casey. He felt that Casey was the thing that was keeping him and Clara separated. A part of him told him that it was irrational to blame Casey but it was how he felt. He felt like he had been playing husband to Casey for too long. He would have left Casey by now, moved in with his parents until he could get a place of his own but his lawyer advised against it. He secretly talked to a lawyer a few days before and asked him what his chances were of getting custody of his children. He had been hoping
that there was a good chance but since he had been in a coma for the past five years and Casey had been taking care of them by herself, the odds were against him. The lawyer advised him to stick it out for a little longer, so he was staying with Casey to ward off any suspicion.
This had been on his mind all day, especially on the ride home. He parked his car in the garage and walked up to the house. Upon entering, he was surprised that no one greeted him. Usually all three of his kids ran up to hug him while Casey stayed a safe distance in the hallway. She always looked awkward welcoming him home and he assumed that she was just trying to give him space. The real reason though was that she was always worried at this time of day. She was afraid that he had decided to not come home. That he had left her. And every day when he walked through the door, relief flooded her.
This time though, only the silence welcomed him. Derek began to panic. He wondered if maybe Casey somehow knew that he had met a lawyer and left him, taking their children with her. He began searching the house when he heard music coming from downstairs. As he walked closer, he realized it was coming from Casey's dance room.
Derek quietly looked into the room through the opened door, his kids oblivious to him, watching Casey dance. They were mesmerized watching their mother dance, rather unlike Marti who used to get bored by Casey's dancing. He joined the kids in staring at Casey, and her movements and the song brought back another memory.
Derek was in an auditorium, part of the audience as Casey performed on stage. She was the last act of the night. As the music finished, he silently thanked God. He wanted to get back into his dorm room where he spent most of his time sulking. The only reason he came to this was because Casey had whined to his father and Nora. They weren't able to make it to her show and Casey desperately wanted a family member there. Nora had mentioned that Derek could go and Casey let it slip that he wouldn't come because Derek never went to anything.
This comment made George threaten Derek. He was worried that Derek was becoming a recluse, so he told him to either go or he wouldn't pay for tuition next year for him. Harsh, but Derek didn't take the chance that George was bluffing.
So he went and watched the two hours of torture. He was absolutely bored until Casey came on. This was the first time that he had actually seen Casey perform. He had seen her dance at their house during high school but he always weaseled out of attending her final performances convinced that he would hate it. He realized now that he was wrong. There was something about the way that Casey moved that pulled him in.
As he watched her, he began to think about Clara. He wondered what Clara would think about Casey's performance. He wished that he could call and take her to the next show but he couldn't. This is why he hated leaving his dorm. Everything reminded him of Clara. Whenever he was somewhere, he wondered what Clara would think or what she would say. Things that she liked were worse. He couldn't even walk past a flower shop because it hurt too much, knowing that her passion was flowers.
When the show ended, Derek jumped up, ready to leave but a hand stopped him.
"Hey Derek, let's go this way, I promised to meet Sabrina over there," Sam said to him.
"You go, I'm going to get back," Derek said trying to worm his way out of the death grip that Sam had on him.
"Just for a second," Sam pulled him.
They waited for three minutes before Sabrina finally emerged. Anna was behind her, both beaming at the excitement of their first performance.
"So what did you think?" Sabrina asked Sam.
"You were beautiful," Sam answered back, looking at Sabrina affectionately. Both Anna and Derek rolled their eyes.
"Derek, what did you think?" Anna asked.
She was impressed that she remembered his name. She never saw him much and whenever she did, he always looked like he wanted to leave. She tried to include him as much as she could though, after Casey begged her to give him a chance. Anna hated party poopers but Casey kept insisting that he wasn't always like this.
"You danced nicely," was all he said before he noticed that Casey wasn't with them. This surprised him because she usually was with Anna and Sabrina.
"Where's Casey?" Derek asked.
"Oh, she's… um…" Sabrina began to say, not knowing how to answer him.
"She's with Jared," Anna finished. She thought it was stupid that Derek was so angry that Casey was dating Jared. She would think that Derek would approve since they both played on the same hockey team. "They're on their way to the party," Anna said. One of the dancers was throwing a house party after the show and most of the dancers were planning to make it over there.
"What!" Derek exploded. He was furious. Casey had defied him when he practically begged her not to go out with Jared. "I need to talk to her," Derek said, pushing past them to enter back stage.
"She's already gone," Anna said stopping him. "If you want to talk to her, you have to meet her at the party."
She wasn't expecting him to go to the party. She had seen him at one and he just sulked the entire time. Casey had spent most of the night trying to get him to interact but he wouldn't do anything. She finally gave up when he told her to get lost and stormed out of the room.
"Fine, I'll follow you," he told Sam.
Everyone paused; surprised that Derek would want to go to another party since he clearly hated the last and only one he attended in his university life.
"Okay, let's go. You ready?" he asked Sabrina and Anna.
Both nodded and the four of them headed for the exit of the auditorium.
Derek was so surprised at this memory. He had no idea why he was worried for Casey. He was shocked that he held those emotions for her. The only people he had ever been worried for were Clara and Marti, now he was having feeling the same for Casey, and this scared him. What also frightened him was that as he was watching Casey dance; he felt the same emotions he had when he saw her dance years ago. He couldn't take his eyes off her and that made him want to push her even farther away.
Casey finally noticed Derek when the song ended and Lily jumped up, shouting 'Daddy!' as she ran towards him, leaping into his arms.
"Hey," he said as the other two ran towards him. He squatted down so that Ben and Ella would hit his arms instead of his legs.
"Did you see mommy dance?" Ben asked him.
Derek then looked up, seeing Casey fidgeting with her fingers. He noticed how awkward she seemed.
"Yeah I saw," he said still staring at her.
"What did you think? Didn't she dance beautifully?" Ella asked him.
"Yeah, she did," Derek replied, turning his gaze from Casey back to his kids.
Casey then cleared her throat. "I didn't realize how late it was, I'll start dinner," she said quickly leaving the room. She felt embarrassed at the words that Derek said. She hadn't heard him say anything like that in a long time.
Her family followed her to the kitchen. Lily, Ella, and Ben sat at the table, grabbing colouring books and began to occupy themselves. Derek sat with them but instead of engrossing himself into what they were doing as he usual, he kept staring at Casey. He couldn't get over the sentiments that had surfaced from the memory.
Casey felt Derek's eyes on her back as she busied herself with making supper. Still feeling awkward, she cleared her throat and her back still to him, she spoke.
"Are you taking Ben to hockey?" she asked him.
"Yeah," Derek said nodding even though he knew she couldn't see it. "And you're taking Lily and Ella to dance class and going to work," he stated.
Casey nodded. Even this little conversation made tears form in her eyes. She mentally laughed at herself. She had always been a bit of a crybaby.
This was the last thing that Casey and Derek said to each other since their children went into a play by play of their day. Then both parent raced out of the house to each of their children's activity.
Later that night, Casey walked into her house, going straight to her girls' rooms to put away their dance bags that she was holding. Each girl followed slowly behind her, both tired, they mechanically got ready for bed and fell asleep again without a fuss. She then went to Ben's room and saw that he was also asleep which made her realize that Derek was home.
She was surprised when she glanced at the master bedroom and the door was still open. Derek was still awake. She was shocked that he wasn't in his room. Usually once the kids were asleep he quickly retreated into the master bedroom to get away from her.
Casey slowly walked down the stairs, taking each step as a precaution. When she reached the bottom, she heard his voice from the kitchen.
"Case, can you come here for a sec?" he called.
This made her heart beat faster. It had been a long time since he called her Case. He never addressed her unless he needed something and it was always in a harsh voice, and always Casey. But now, he seemed calm, almost happy when he called her.
Not wanting to keep him waiting, she walked into the kitchen and to her astonishment, saw that he was putting away the recently washed dishes into the cabinets. If she hadn't seen it herself, she wouldn't have believed it.
"Have a seat. You must be tired after your work day," he said.
Casey slowly sat down on a chair by the table, watching him with caution. She had no idea who this Derek was. It was almost as if he was acting the way he did when they got married. She didn't hold her breath though; eighteen year old Derek acted like this when he needed something from her. He placed the last dish in the cabinet and then turned to her.
"I want to ask you something," he began.
Derek had been wondering about this during Ben's hockey practice and figured that Casey may be able to help him with the memory. He wanted an explanation to his reaction to the memory of her dancing.
Casey nodded, giving him the okay to begin.
He paused though, not sure how to start. He reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. After offering one to her and her declining, he closed the door and leaned against the counter, facing her. He didn't open the bottle though, but just stared at her.
"I keep having these memories about a night, the night that you were almost raped but they aren't coming in order. I'm so confused and I want to know why this day keeps popping into my head," he started.
Casey nodded again. It was obvious that he didn't remember much. She was overjoyed that he wanted to know though. Her Derek might be coming back faster than she thought.
"Well, what do you remember?" she asked him.
"In order, the first memory I have is seeing you dance. It came back when I saw you dancing today," he began, feeling that he should explain that to her. "Then I have a conversation with Sabrina, Sam, and Anna. They were going to a party and I wanted to go after I found out you were with Jared. It's a good thing I did. Really, what did you see in that creep?"
Casey laughed. "You asked me that then too. He was incredibly charming but you're right. He was a creep."
They shared a smiled before Derek continued. "Well then there's a space in time that I can't remember. The next memory I have is Anna tapping my shoulder, asking me if I'd seen you. I know I was angry with you but I don't know why. When we decided to split up, I volunteered to go upstairs, expecting that you wouldn't be there." He paused and looked at Casey, "After hearing you scream, the next memory continued from this one. I fought Jared off and carried you to my car and drove to the next street over and we talked."
"That's all you remember?" Casey asked him.
"Yeah," he answered much to Casey's disappointment because he didn't remember more after that.
"Well, I can fill in the space. After we talked in the car, you drove me back to my dorm, both of us were silent during that ride," she started but Derek interrupted her.
"No, go in order. What was our fight about?" he asked.
Casey bit her bottom lip. She was afraid that he would ask this. "I would rather tell you this part first," she said.
"Why?" Derek asked as he finally decided to open the beer bottle. Earlier that day though, it had fallen to its side and when he opened it, the beer exploded, spilling on Casey. This triggered the scene that he wanted to remember.
Derek stormed into the house, looking around for Casey. Anna, Sabrina, and Sam followed behind him.
"Now Derek, cool it. Let's not be too hasty. Casey is allowed to date whomever she wants," Sam said to him.
Derek wasn't listening though. He spotted Casey dancing 'Dirty Dancing' style with Jared. He stormed over to them and grabbed her arm, pulling her away from Jared.
"Derek!" Casey shrieked.
"I need to talk to you. NOW!" he said dragging her to the kitchen.
Once they got there, Casey ripped her arm out of his grasp.
"What do you want?" she asked him.
"Why are you here with him? I told you not to go out with him. He's bad news Casey," Derek said, feeling the anger boil inside him.
Casey rolled her eyes. "Just because he's better at you in hockey doesn't mean that he's bad news. You're just jealous," she said while crossing her arms.
He grunted. "I'm not jealous! I'm just trying to look out for you!"
"Oh yeah right! I've had it up to here with you!" she said, reaching her hand to be above your head. "You have been trying to ruin my happiness the second we arrived at university! All because Clara dumped you! You know what, I have tried to be the supportive step-sister and comfort you, include you. But all you want to do is be miserable and bring as many people down with you as you possibly can. No wonder you don't have any friends except the ones that either Sam or I have," she said.
"Don't you dare bring Clara up! You have no idea what you're talking about!" Derek fought back.
"Oh sure! I know exactly why you two broke up! Your temper destroyed that girl! She tried so hard to look past that and enjoy the good times but it was too much for her! Unfortunately for me, I'm not so lucky. I'm stuck here with you, being forced to help you! And you know what, I've had enough. I'm done. All you do is yell at me or whine at me and I can't take it anymore. All this negativity isn't good for anyone. So… so just leave me alone!" Casey exploded.
She turned to leave when someone opened a beer bottle and it sprayed all over Casey's shoes.
Derek began to laugh. "Looks like karma's a bitch."
"If it was, you'd be dead," she retorted.
"You wish."
"Do I ever," she said before she stormed out of the kitchen.
Derek glared at Casey.
"What? What's wrong," she asked, surprised at Derek's mood swing.
"I remember why I was mad at you! I remember the horrible things you said to me! How dare you?" Derek shook with anger, storming out of the room. Over the years, Casey had seen Derek extremely mad but she never seen him this angry. He shouted louder, stomped the floor harder and cursed more than ever before.
"Derek, please can you calm down so we can talk about this," she pleaded as she followed him into the hallway. He shrugged into his jacket and slipped into his shoes. Casey knew that she only had seconds before he stormed out of the house.
"Derek please, we have to talk. Walking away isn't going to help anyone," she pleaded again, gently touching his arm.
Derek ripped his arm out of her hand as if it caught on fire. He turned to her, his anger growing more by the second.
"I have nothing to say to a heartless bitch like you!" he heaved, before he threw the door open and stormed out of the house.
The door banged so hard that some of the pictures on the wall shook but Casey didn't notice. She didn't move until she couldn't hear Derek's car's engine anymore. She slowly shut the door, knowing that Derek wouldn't be coming back home anytime soon. She was very close to tears but knew that she couldn't cry until she made some phone calls.
Once she turned around, she heard a sound and looked at the top of the stairwell, seeing three pairs of eyes full of fear staring at her. She hadn't realized that her children had woken up; but the way Derek shouted, she was surprised that he didn't wake up the entire neighbourhood.
With all her strength, she managed to plaster a weak smile on her face. She didn't want to cry in front of them. She had to protect her children.
"Go back to sleep," she said to them. "Daddy just needed to take a drive, don't worry."
Ella and Lily nodded, knowing that this was the time to worry because they never saw their mother in such distress. Not knowing what to do, they both just took one of Ben's hands and brought him back to his room. All three children were too scared to sleep alone, so stayed together, falling asleep in Ben's bed.
After her children left the hallway, Casey quickly walked into the kitchen, unable to hold back the tears. She grabbed the portable phone off the table and kept walking to the sink only to slip on the beer that spilled on the floor. She fell on the ground and slid to the wall, banging her kneecap. Casey let out a little cry, knowing that a bruise would develop soon.
She ignored it though because she had to talk to Sam without sounding like a complete mess. She had to try twice before actually dialling the correct number. Once she did, she listened to the rings. On the third one, Sam picked up the phone.
"Hello?" he said into the phone.
"Sam," Casey started. Her voice cracked and it didn't take a genius to discover that she was crying.
"Casey? What's wrong?" Sam asked. She detected the anger in his voice and could already tell that he was putting on his jacket to come and see her.
"To make a long story short, Derek and I had a fight," she began. "He left and I need you to find him and talk to him."
She then paused, knowing that what she was going to say next was going to kill her. She had been keeping this secret from Derek and everyone else that she knew. She felt guilty but knew that if it was common knowledge, Derek would have left her. She knew now though that Derek wouldn't be happy unless he found Clara. The quote 'if you love something set it free, if it was meant to be, it will come back' kept spinning in her head since Derek first woke up. Now she knew that even if Derek didn't come back to her, he
deserved to talk to Clara.
"Casey, I-"
"I need you to take him to Clara," she interrupted.
"What? Casey, I don't understand. Did he hurt you?"
"No, at least not physically. Sam, listen, because it hurts too much to even say it once much less repeat it. I know where Clara is and I need you to take Derek to her. You have to go with him; I don't want him to go by himself. For goodness sakes, he's only been out of a coma for a couple months."
"How do you know where Clara is?"
Casey closed her eyes. She knew Sam wouldn't find this a betrayal but Derek would. "Two years ago when one of our dance competitions was in Niagara Falls, Clara was there. Her daughter, a year older than Lily and Ella, was competing. She approached me and we began to talk. I told her basically everything that happened since she broke up with Derek.
"We've been sending e-mails to each other since then. We even talk on the phone every so often. I talked to her two days after Derek woke up. She knows everything, that Derek only remembers up to the graduation. I called her when Derek first woke up because I was going to tell Derek where to find her, to talk to her but Clara talked me out of it. She said that we needed to build our relationship and the confrontation would just be a step back. I was selfish and scared so I took her advice. It doesn't matter now though, Derek needs to talk to Clara. I don't know what will happen between us now, but I need to know that he is safe," Casey finished while silent tears continually dripped down her face.
"Casey, no. I won't take him to Clara," Sam said.
"Please, he has to see her and I want someone to be with him. Please Sam," she pleaded.
After she heard him sigh, he said, "Where does she live?" he asked.
"In Hamilton. Her name is Clara Draper and she leaves on 564 Collingwood drive," Casey choked out. Now that it was done, there was no turning back.
"Okay Casey, Sabrina is coming over."
"No please, I don't want company. Besides someone has to stay with Liza and Adam while you search for Derek. I'll see Sabrina tomorrow, just find Derek."
"Casey, he's-"
"And bring him to Clara," she interrupted Sam again.
"I will," Sam promised.
"Thanks Sam, I owe you one," she said before she hung up the phone. She didn't realize she ended the conversation before Sam could say anything else. Wiping her tears off her face, she began to dial again. This time, it was a long distance number. As she heard the phone ring, she prayed that her voice didn't sound completely terrible.
"Hello?" the person said once they picked up.
"Hey Clara, he's coming," she said into the phone.
---
After hanging up, Sam sighed and walked into the living room. Sabrina and Derek were both in there, standing awkwardly waiting for him to come back. Derek had arrived at their house while he was talking to Casey. He would have told her that he was here but she didn't give him the chance.
"You have one hell of a woman," Sam said to Derek. At Derek's protest, Sam held up his hand. "I don't want to hear it. You're staying the night here and tomorrow, we're going to see Clara," Sam had said abruptly. He no longer had the patience to beat around the bush.
"What? You found her?" Derek asked standing up.
"Your wife did," Sam replied. "Don't ask. Just be ready early tomorrow to leave," Sam said before walking towards the staircase. He then pause and turned around again. "The guest room is over there," he pointed before he went to his bedroom. Sabrina followed right behind him.
"What the hell is going on?" she asked him.
"You need to manage the store for me tomorrow and take care of Casey. It's what Casey wants."
"What she wants? Yeah right. I'm going to kick him out and tell him to get the hell back to Casey or find somewhere else to crash," Sabrina cried.
Sam gripped her wrist before she could move. "Please Sabrina; just for once listen to me. This is what Casey wants. Please," he begged.
"Fine," Sabrina finally said. She knew Sam was telling the truth. "We'll help Derek break Casey's heart. After this though, we can't be friends with him anymore. I won't stand for it."
"I know. Neither can I."
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