ATTENTION: Before you read this story you MUST watch this first: .com/watch?v=ydr8a3UHUy4

Envy is Old Gregg?!

Disclaimer- I don't won "The Mighty Boosh" or "Fullmetal Alchemist". This upsets me very much.

Part 1-I'm Old Gregg!

It was a dark night. The moon was full, shining it's pale light on the city of Central. It was in this moonlit city where Edward Elric and Envy were fighting.

"Do you give up Chibi-san?" Envy smirked as he dogged one of Ed's punches.

"Never! AND STOP CALLING ME A CHIBI!" Ed attempted to kick Envy but he once again dodged.

"I'm kind of impressed Fullmetal Shorty; you saw through my disguise relatively quickly."

"It wasn't difficult; the REAL Winry hates anything too girly so when I saw 'her'" he used quotation marks with his fingers. "wearing a pink poufy dress I knew it couldn't be the real Winry."

"Ah."

Ed continued to throw punches and kicks. "You know, you're always pretending to be someone else. It makes me wonder what your true form looks like."

Envy froze and smirked once again. "You really want to know?"

"Yeah! I'm sick of your games! Show me your true form! Tell me who really you are!"

Envy moved away and transformed. Ed's mouth dropped open. He was completely unprepared for the sight before him.

Envy was wearing a black button up shirt, a silver sparkly coat, a white tie, white go-go boots, white gloves and a pink tutu. He shone as though his body was covered with water.

"Hi there." He said.

"Th….this is your true form?" Ed asked, still in shock. "Uhh, who…or rather what….exactly what are you?"

"I'm Old Gregg. Pleased ta meet cha."

"………..o…kay….."

"Now then, aren't we supposed to be fighting?" Quick as a flash, Envy pushed Ed up against a wall and put his arms on either side of the alchemist, trapping him.

"Fight?" he laughed nervously. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You were trying ta punch me, fool."

"No I wasn't."

"I've got a bruise in my side from your automail motha' licka'!

"Don't kill me," Ed pleaded. "I've got so much to give."

"Easy now fuzzy little man peach; hmm?" He then randomly said. "You ever drunk Baileys from a shoe?"

Ed blinked in confusion. "What?"

"Wanna come to a club where people wee on each other?"

"…...no?"

"I'm gonna hurt you."

"S'cuse me?"

"I like you. What do you think of me?"

"….I don't rightly know sir…"

"Make an assessment."

"….I think you're a nice….m…modern gentlemen."

"Don't lie to me boy."

"I'm not lying."

"I know what you're thinkin'. "Here comes Old Gregg, he's a scaly man-fish." You don't know me, you don't know what I got. I got something ta show ya." He backed away and lifted up his tutu. Ed quickly noticed that he wasn't wearing underwear. A bright blinding light emitted from his…

"You know what that is?" Envy said "That's Old Gregg's vagina! I got a mangina!"

"A ha! I KNEW there was a reason you wore that skirt….skort…thing." Ed started to feel faint. As he lost consciousness the last thing he heard was,

"I'M OLD GREEEEEEEGG! Greeeeeeegg….gregg"

Meanwhile, back in military headquarters.

Alphonse Elric ran down the hallways as fast as he could. He finally stopped at Colonel Mustang's office and burst in.

"Colonel!"

"What is it Al?"

"Nii-san's been gone for a long time. I think something's happened to him!"

"Calm down Al, calm down. Now, where did you last see him?"

"He said he was going to take a walk down Black Lake Alley."

"Black Lake Alley?!" The soldiers in Mustang's team appeared in the doorway.

"Why didn't you stop him?!" Havoc said. "One should never go down Black lake Alley when the moon is full."

"Why?"

"Because something evil lives down there," said Fuery. "An evil called…..Old Gregg."

"Who?"

"Old Gregg. They say only appears when the moon is full." Said Farman.

"They say he's a devilish being who lures young men into his lair and makes them his slaves." Breda said.

"Oh no!" Al said worriedly. "Nii-san!"

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Cue heroic change-of-scene music!

Black Lake Alley was completely empty.

"We're too late!" Al cried.

"Hold on…Breda, bring that lamp over here." Roy looked at the ground. "Footsteps! These look like Ed's; I'd know that tiny foot print anywhere. This way!"

The team quickly ran in the direction of the footsteps…

To be continued!