Dear Kate,

This will probably be a very short letter; I want to respond quickly, so I will make this short. I need to go to work very soon also.

I think what Claire said about admitting it is right. I have been starting to feel better about myself a little. Well, no not really like that. But it does feel better to be able to admit that I am depressed. Less stress full, denial is horrible.

And, yes, I have seen the commercials. I love them. The first one I saw was the women writing down her first time eating the chocolate and I did really think she was talking about sex. I thought "What on earth am I watching? Did I accidentally order a porn channel or something." It really confused me. Haha, not a hard thing to do though. Even though I am a doctor. Science is crystal clear, every day life just baffles me.

I nearly died laughing when I saw your question. And no, since I left my wife I haven't really gotten laid that much. Yeah, I used to be married. Don't think I'm depressed about her though. That was years ago. I was 21 when I married her and divorced her when I was 23. We met when I was 21. Ahhhh. I know what you are thinking "Woooow. Jack. Everyday life does baffle you." But it felt right at the time. We soon both realized that we just didn't care for each other that way and are now just friends.

I know that 12 years of not getting laid seems like…well…a lot. But I did get laid. Just never more then say, 3 or 4 times a year? You must think I'm pretty weird now. But I'll have you know I am great in bed. I'm just not the kind of guy who loves to go off and have meaningless sex with girls you know? I like something serious and compact. It makes it soooo much hotter. Ha.

Ana's been great. She's a cop and always has an interesting story to … tell. She's been really supportive about me being depressed. I don't really feel…you know…that…well connected to her yet. I think she likes me a little bit more then I like her. But sometimes it takes time to fall for someone right? She's really pretty to. Well, not drop dead gorgeous, like Catherine Zeta Jones or Audrey Hepburn. She's got long black curly hair to her shoulders, she's pretty curvy, and has giant boobs. Not Pamela Anderson big but big enough. She never wears any make up and she has a some what masculine face. Wow, I sound awful. She may not beautiful beautiful. But she'll do. And she's a pretty great girl, so that has to count for something right?

As for my dad, well. Long story short. He was pretty shitty father. He never really cared about me and I know that I was always disappointment in his eyes. I'd do anything to impress him and make him happy. I always wanted to become a doctor, and I wanted to become a spinal surgeon, which I am, to look success full in his eyes. He was a spinal surgeon as well. But no matter how hard I tried he would always tell me I could do better, or that I wasn't trying hard enough. It was really rough for me growing up. My mom was a pain as well. She could never stand up for me or for herself. But my dad loved her a lot, that was for sure. When I divorced Sarah he got really mad and wouldn't speak to me for like a year. Really, everything he wanted to know about me found out from people at work and from my mom. Who hated Sarah from the beginning, so she was happy I divorced her. Anyways, about 6 years ago my dad got depressed and went to therapy. His therapist was the only person he could talk to, he wouldn't tell me, his best friends, or my mom anything. And used to tell my mom absolutely everything. Anyways, his therapist gave him anti—depressants and those back fired. So he just got more depressed. Pretty soon my mom and my dads boss decided he couldn't go to his therapist anymore. They were the ones who made him go. And he got really ticked and he got worse. He started doing drugs and became an alcoholic. He died of over dosing on heroin the next year. I really do miss him. I love him. But at his funeral his old therapist told me that in their sessions my dad said the reason he was depressed was because he was so disappointed with me. It really, really hurts to know that.

Man, I feel like an idiot with all this tear drops on my letter. I understand if you don't really want to write with someone who cries like an old sap. That sounded kind of dumb. But yet again I have chosen to write in pen. You'd think I'd learn wouldn't you? Nope. Not Jack Shephard.

But enough about me. We always talk about me. You must have something you want to say. Why'd you get a pen pal anyways? How's your job going? Any special someone's in your life? You never mention anyone…well…except for your old boyfriend. We can talk about it if you want. I feel kind of bad for forcing you to talk about me and my problems all the time.

So, I guess this wasn't a very short letter. Haha. Wow. Its actually quite long. Woooo. But I have to go. Ana just called and said she's coming over for dinner. Kind of rude, but hey, she's nice. Hopefully she won't notice anything wrong.

Embarrassedly, Sadly,

Jack.

Kate cried while reading his letter. She started to feel resentment toward Ana and didn't know why. But if Ana helped him with his problems that was all that mattered. Although, she wouldn't mind being the one he had to console in. She could barely believe what his poor guy had been through. Jack seemed like an amazing man and she was shocked he had such a rough life. She was determined to make sure he knew this through her next letter.

*

Dear Jack,

I'm so glad to hear that the stress of denying you are depressed is gone! I'm very proud of you!

What you wrote about the chocolate made me giggle and say "awwwwww" out loud! And please "Did I order a porn channel by accident?" You know you secretly have about 6. Haha, No, I'm kidding…or am I?

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce but I am glad to hear that you are still friends with her! A clean break up is a good break up!

Only 3 or 4 times a year? Oh, Jack. But it is nice to know that not all men just want meaningless sex with strangers. Don't worry, you'll get laid soon? Maybe with Ana?

I see you go for brunettes. I'm a brunette myself. Haha. But moving along….

I was surprised to see that you had put such…none slutty actresses down. Most guys would have put something like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan. Someone they can screw, as beautiful. But you actually put down people who are truly beautiful. Kudo points for Jack!

Jack I am so, so, so, so, SO, sorry to hear about your father. I really am. No one needs to go through with that. I don't think you are a disappointment. I may not know you that well, but by the sounds of you, you are a great guy who just needs someone or something in his life, to look forward to, to make him happy. Something to love and something to love him back. That's what you deserve. Did you ever think that maybe you dad was just trying to encourage you to work harder? To make you not lazy? Make you feel like you are a disappointment so that you will strive it be the best you can be all the time? Maybe the reason he had told his therapist he was disappointed in you was because he was. He was disappointed that he hadn't raised to the best of his ability. Maybe he thought he should have raised a happier son, or a son who realized that he is a great guy. I don't see why someone should be disappointed with you. You seem to have a successful career, and being disappointed you divorced Sarah is stupid. Everyone has the right to purist happiness (That is my FAVORITE movie!!!). Especially you, Jack Shephard.

And I used to have a boyfriend. Sawyer his name was. I was dating him for 3 years and then we broke up like… 6 months ago? I still miss him a little. It is getting pretty hard being single. And I'll admit to it. I haven't been laid for 6 months. At least it's not as bad as you, Mr. No Bone. Haha. I'm sorry, that was kind of mean. But funny at the same time. Hehe.

And my job is my life. I love it. I love working with the animals. They are hilarious and so cute. Do you have any pets? I want to get a dog so bad but my salary doesn't allow it quite yet. Hopefully it will if I get a promotion or something. I hear animals can make people feel better. Maybe get a goldfish for you office? Or a dog? Something?

And that was quite along letter! You are not a sap for crying. You are human. Most girls appreciate a guy who can cry! How was Ana?

Believing in you,

Kate.

Kate re-read her letter twice. She hoped she didn't sound like a 8 year old girl with a crush. Kate was just about to change her ending, erasing the part about Ana. She didn't really care about Ana when she caught sight of her watch. She was 50 minutes late for work! Kate yelped and ran to go to work, but stopping to mail the letter on the way there.

*

When Jack got Kate's letter he was slightly surprised. She seemed to really care about him. And he liked it. He really did care about her as well. He noticed how little she asked about Ana, after he had given a detailed description at her request, and how much time she took to console him. He enjoyed it. He also noticed what she wrote at the end of the letter. Believing in you.

Jack grinned. He looked up from where he sat at Starbucks and Ana sat down. She started hard at him. His smile faded. "Ana…" He trailed off. "Do you think that…I will over come my depression? Do you believe in me?" He asked. Ana frowned.

"I don't know. Why? Anything can happen. You could commit suicide. Or you could get better. Depression is scary." She said, not sympathetically, but kind of harshly. She eyed the faded purple and crumply paper in Jacks hands.

"If I told you that you believing in me could make me feel better would you tell me that you did?" He asked.

"I'm not going to lie to you Jack." Ana looked at all the other letters scattered across the table. Jack liked to read the last one Kate sent and try to remember how he responded before reading the next one she sent. Ana picked up the one on yellow stationary paper. Kate enjoyed using colorful and interesting paper for her letters. Jack saw she picked the letter where Kate asked him how many times he got laid. "Who is this?" She asked suspiciously.

"I have to have a pen pal for work, for my depression. This is who they picked. She's really great." He told her. Ana picked up the other letters and began shuffling through them.

"Don't rip them." Jack said. Ana stopped and looked up at him but then began shuffling through them.

"You two seem close."

"We are getting there." He said. Ana paused her slightly aggressive shuffling.

"You mentioned me to her?" She asked happily.

"Yeah, she doesn't seem very interested in you though." Jack said kind of rudely. Ana wasn't his girlfriend and he didn't want her getting any ideas. Ana glared at him. "We aren't dating, Ana." He reminded her. Ana glared harder. "What?" He asked.

"Whatever…come on…we are late for the movies." She said and stormed out. Jack rolled his eyes, he slowly and carefully gathered up Kate's letters. He tucked them safely in his coat, right over his heart and went to the movies with Ana. He knew Ana had seen how cautious he was with the letters and where he had stashed them, cause she glowered right at them through his coat before and after the movie. And the whole movie Jack was aware of how much that bothered him and even though Ana kept trying to hold his hand he kept thinking about what he next letter to Kate would be.