6.

At the first opportunity that arose, Dark Link entered the Zora's Fountain, which housed the great mass of lard that was Jabu Jabu. The plan was simple yet fiendishly clever. He was going to feed him a poisoned fish. After that, all he would have to do is distract Princess Ruto with plans for the wedding, or something, and nobody would even realise the overgrown salmon was sick. It'd die soon afterwards, and all he had to do is make sure everybody was in the water when the ice froze over.

For a while he had debated about disobeying Ganondorf's orders – and blaming it on the keese, of course – and continuing with his own plan. But then he realised, however crushed Link maybe to have his fiancé stolen from him, he would be infinitely more crushed if he his fiancé dead. And there would be less putting up with Ruto for an eternity, this way!

Right, so Dark Link already had the poison, but what he did not have was a fish. Instead, he had a fishing rod. Fishing had always looked simple, he reasoned, so he was sure he would catch a fish. All he would then need to do is coat it with the poison, and feed it to Jabu Jabu. He was a genius.

Without another thought, he made his way across to a small piece of land towards the back of the fountain, examined the water to see if there were any fish there (which there were), and cast the line of the fishing rod into the water. Along with the fishing rod. Irritated because of this unforeseen setback, Dark Link dived into the water and retrieved it. As he did so, he made a mental note to hold onto the pole, and only throw the hook into the water.

The next time he attempted it, he did manage to do it properly. All he had to do now was wait. So he waited. And waited. And waited. Until the sun was starting to set. Why had none of the fish jumped onto the hook? Dark Link could not answer this question. Perhaps fish were not stupid, and would not just jump on a hook because it was there. But he knew that was out of the question – his experience with Ruto had taught him that. He would just have to wait a bit longer.

A few hours later, once darkness had taken over the sky, Dark Link sighed. He was about to give up. He had clearly incorrectly assumed that fishing was easy.

"What are you doing?" a certain, high pitched, demanding, squeal of a voice gurgled through the water.

Dark Link jumped back. Ruto was swimming towards him at high speed, and there was nowhere to run to! Worst of all, she was actually reading Restoree while underwater! How she managed that without damaging the book, he'd never know. At this point, all he could do was dive into the water, but she was clearly a better swimmer than him. Plus, it sure would look suspicious if he tried to run away from the person he was supposed to be getting married to. He sighed and waited.

The Zora Princess climbed onto shore and waited patiently for him to explain himself.

"Fishing," he revealed.

"... I'M A FISH! YOU SICKEN ME!" she screamed in anger, deafening him at least for a few moments.

"I was going to give it to Lord Jabu Jabu, you crazy woman! I've seen you do it! Why is it okay for you and not for me?" Dark Link asked, bewildered at this sudden outburst. Which he probably shouldn't have been by now, but that was beside the point.

Ruto's expression suddenly softened, and a smile came over her face. "You would do that for me?"

Dark Link, unsure of how any of this could be perceived as him doing something for her, nodded slowly, hoping that would be the end of her insane screaming.

"Well, why didn't you say so?" she answered excitedly. "Here, use my secret store of fish which I sacrifice to Lord Jabu Jabu on a regular basis!"

With that, she pulled out a dead fish from... Well, it wasn't really clear where the fish appeared from, and Dark Link didn't particularly want to dwell on it. He took it quickly. "I'll go feed it now, shall I?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, of course! I'll come with you!" she was practically dancing up and down, now. Apparently, feeding their patron deity was a big thing to the Zoras. He couldn't understand why.

Anyway, her coming with him was a bad thing, as far as he could see. He still needed to add the poison before he could feed it to the giant monstrosity of a fish, and he couldn't let Ruto see him doing it. "Why don't you..." he started, searching for a way for her not to come, "go catch another fish to make up for the one you gave me?!"

Well, he was rather too enthusiastic about that question, but Ruto didn't notice. "That's a great idea! You're so smart!" she screeched. With that, she dived back into the water.

As quickly as he could, he made his way back to the platform that stood in front of Jabu Jabu, stood on it, dipped the fish he had been given into a bottle filled with a black liquid (with the words 'DANGER – DO NOT SERVE WITH FISH' marked on it), and held the fish out.

Jabu Jabu opened his mouth and sucked in, taking in the poison-coated fish. Along with everything else – Dark Link and bottle of poison included.

He had no idea how he would explain this little incident.

A/N I'm giving all of you one chance – review, or face the wrath of an angry Princess Ruto!

Crazymark.