Jack sat there for a long time, until the operator told him to hang up. He suddenly felt empty. Not sad, but just empty. But a heavy empty. It was odd. He drifted to the couch in his living room and sat, watching the sun set out his window.
He thought back on all Kate had done for him over the last little while and how much he had done for her. Everything he did almost involved Kate in some way. She was constantly on his mind; he dreamt of her and thought of her. He thought it was because of his depression, but now, maybe not so much. After the sun had set dragged himself upstairs. He got in the shower and cleaned himself, trying to shake of the empty feeling that was beginning to turn into sorrow and regret. Should he have told her off? Should he have told her he didn't love her? But love her? How could he possibly be in love with her?
That doesn't even make sense. He told himself as he brushed his teeth. In love with Kate? In love with her? He's never even met her. How on earth could he be in love with a girl he's never met. Only see once. Only talked to a few times. What if the idea he has of her in his head is purely made up? Something he dreamt up because of his need for love, for someone to lean on in trying times?
But she seems real. A little voice at the back of his head reminded him.
Oh, f- off. Jack warned the little voice. I can't be in love with someone I've only just met unless I've made them to be someone else in my head. I don't even know Kate. Love is purely science. It's all a chemical reaction in your brain…I've forced a chemical reaction over a women I don't know. Jack explained to himself.
Love is not just science, Jack. The little voice rattled on. When did you learn about that in medical school? Stop being an idiot. It warned.
Jack shook his head. "Shut it." He said out loud to it. "Oh god, I'm going crazy." He said. He shook his head again and sighed. It has been a long day. He told himself. He climbed into bed and shut off his light. He tossed and turned but could not fall asleep. Jack sighed and sat up. He reached for his Harry Potter book and stopped. Memories of him reading to Kate came flooding back to him, painful now. More painful than ever before.
Explain the pain away, Jack, you always do. The little voice snapped.
I'm just sad because it's over with her. Not because it's over with someone I love. I'm sad because it's over with someone I am friends with. Jack argued. He reached for his other book, Dear, John, by Nicholas Sparks. Jack normally didn't read romantic books, but his mother gave it to him for his birthday, so he felt he should read it. He actually hadn't started reading it yet. Jack paused before picking it up.
The little voice took his opportunity. Why so hesitant, Jack? Worried romance will only hurt?
No! Jack growled and snatched up the book. I was just wondering if I will like it. I want to know what it is all about.
Fluster, angry and upset Jack scanned the back of the book. …girl of his dreams, Savannah...."Dear John," the letter read...and with those two words, a heart was broken…is still his true love—and face the hardest decision of his life.
Sound familiar? The voice, Jack's own head, sounded sympathetic.
"No!" Jack snapped out loud. Jack flipped to a random page. "Look, this is nothing like us. When his eyes met mine I felt something click, like a key turning in a lock. Believe me, I'm no romantic, and while I've heard all about love at first sight. I've never believed in it, and I still don't. But even so, there was something there, something unrecognizably real and I couldn't look away. See? Me and Kate are nothing like that!"
Stop thinking about her then. Both Jack and the voice thought.
Jack flipped to another page and read. When I think about you and me and what we shared, I know it would be easy for others to dismiss our time together as simply a by -product of the days and nights we spent by the sea, a "fling", if that, in the long run, would mean absolutely nothing. That's why I don't tell people about us. They wouldn't understand and I don't feel the need to explain simply because I know in my heart how real it was…how real this is. When I think of you I can't help but smiling, knowing you have completed me somehow. I love you, not just for now, but for always, and I dream that you'll take me in your arms again.
Jack sat and started, paralyzed at the book. Sometimes love, just can't be explained away, or explain to you. It just what it is? Jack thought, not the little voice this time. Jack suddenly lept out of bed and ripped open his dresser and pulled out the first clothing he had. A white wife beater and gray pajama bottoms. He pulled them on. He then ran and grabbed his cell, he paused and then threw it on the bed. He ran and got all of Kate's letters, including his passport and his visa.
Where are you going? The voice asked, the reasonably side of Jack now. The side that didn't believe he was in love with Kate. The side that was science.
The side, the second side of him, the side that was faith and the side that knew he was in love with Kate. The side that asked him to explain why couldn't stop thinking about Kate answered. I'm going to San Jose.