Ranma and Akane stood on top of Genma, both feeling triumphant. See? Working together was perfect! Akane couldn't contain her glee. Together they were able to bring down a master-level martial artist.
Lower case m for master there, Akane.
He's better than you think, Ranma.
Ranma snorted. No, he ain't.
We'll talk to Nabiki now, all right? Akane thought. Let me do all the talking.
Can I make mental asides? I mean, it would help if ya knew what I thought of her ideas...an' it would help more if she didn't.
Of course, Ranma. It's all dependant on you as well. Akane hurried to the house. She's my sister, of course she has to help.
I'll be the first to admit that you're the brains of this operation. I just don't wanna get left out of any plans, is all.
She imagined a kiss to his cheek. You know, you're awfully sweet when you're not trying not to be. Okay, I'm going to pretend to be all angry with you. Play along, and remember, I'm not really mad, okay?
Okay.
"That stupid Chinese bimbo of yours has a lot to answer for," Akane snapped.
Ranma shivered; she sure sounded realistically angry. "Hey, I didn't ask her to show up an' start chuckin' bombs!"
Akane stormed up the stairs and into Nabiki's room, still on the pretend warpath, Ranma not far behind. "You need to do something about them, Ranma, and quick!"
Mention her laws, Ranma.
"What can I do? She's got these stupid Amazon laws to follow, an' worse, she thinks I have to follow 'em too!"
Nabiki watched, interested. "No. I'm not helping."
"Who was askin' you for help, Nabs? You'd just charge me an arm an' a leg for some non-help that would make matters worse!"
"Ranma!" Akane whirled on him, eyes flashing. "Don't you dare talk to my sister that way!"
Oh, she's actually a bit ticked about that...Sorry, Akane, but I gotta keep up the act, right?
Akane turned to Nabiki now. "Look, you must know a way to solve this!"
"What, you think this can be solved with two or three phone calls? I checked, their status here is legal. Not to mention that old woman could paste all of us instantly."
Ranma snorted. "I already beat her down once."
"Only because she wasn't expecting the Neko-ken, Ranma," Nabiki reminded him. "How much would you wager she's considered it since?"
Ranma quieted down. I hate it when she's right...
How many times has she been wrong?
That's why I hate her so much. Aloud, he said, "Well, as usual, thanks for nothin', Nabs." He turned and stormed off.
"Wait. Something's changed between the two of you, am I right?"
Ranma turned at the door. "What makes you say that?"
"Simple. Akane wouldn't be so vehement about cleaning up your mess unless you two actually intended to marry."
"It might have slipped your mind, Nabiki, that we were within seconds of actually marrying," pointed out Akane. "Until the screwballs showed up. Do you think I would have let it go that far if I didn't want to marry him?"
"All right, let's say I believe your sincerity. That still doesn't give me a reason to help. The current arrangement, as it were, gives me plenty of opportunity to have some fun."
"And profits?" countered Ranma.
"You and your mooch of a father have done practically nothing to keep this household solvent," said Nabiki. "Do you think money grows on trees?"
The photos--
Don't speak that thought, Ranma. You'll worsen our position.
Got it.
"Ranma and I will start holding classes," Akane offered.
"That's certainly a start. And it would show how both of you are taking responsibility. What else you got?"
"Once Doctor Tofu comes back, I'm sure that Ranma's father can get his job back. If not...well, maybe he can find work elsewhere." Akane frowned. "For that matter, there's no reason Daddy can't find a job, either. He's not the wreck he used to be."
"These are all about responsibilities. But I enjoy a little of the commotion. Not all of it, but some of it."
"Ranma, go find something to do, will you? I need to have an idiot-free conversation."
He stuck his tongue out at her, then stomped off down the hall. Akane turned back to Nabiki.
"Can I come in and sit down, so we can discuss this reasonably?"
"Of course, sister. I'm a reasonable person."
Akane closed the door behind them, and sat down at Nabiki's desk, astride the back of the chair. Nabiki dropped back onto the bed.
"Okay, little sister. First off, the big question. Now that he's out of earshot...do you *really* want to marry him?"
"Yes." Akane answered quietly.
"Why?"
"Because I love him."
Nabiki shook her head. "What a stupid reason."
She bristled. "Does it help to know that under the jerk exterior, he's a very honourable and hard-working person?"
"Yes." Nabiki nodded. "Those are much better qualities for a husband."
She gaped at her. "Are you really so emotionless?"
"No. I just think that marrying for love is overrated."
"Well, if you want to marry for money, you can solve one of our problems right now."
"Oh please, do you know how cliche that is?"
She ain't ever been in love. So of course--
You don't know that. Even I don't know that.
"Maybe you can divert his attention at least."
"Akane, I might help you, but read my lips: I. Will. Not. Date. Kuno."
There goes Plan B.
Akane giggled. "All right, Sis. I get the picture."
"So you have decided to clean up his fiancee mess, and you need to deal with Shampoo." Nabiki frowned. "What makes you think I can help?"
"You're outside the situation. You can look in, give a different point of view. And, let's face it, you are the smart one, Nabiki."
"Flattery is overused as a tactic," said Nabiki. "You've got something else in mind. Out with it."
"The Chinese Amazon lawbook you had."
"Loophole huh? There are a few, not many I'm sure you would like."
"Such as?"
"Number one, if Ranma is recognized not only as an amazon warrior, but as a mother, the kisses of marriage and death will be void."
NO WAY! NO HOW!
She couldn't help but giggle at his response. "I don't think that would work out, Sis."
"Well, all right, if Ranma can provide three fangs from an elder dragon, the marriage will be declared null, as would the kiss of death."
Think Herb is up for some dental surgery?
He ain't an elder dragon.
"Finally," said Nabiki, "if another Amazon warrior were to challenge Shampoo, and defeat her, she could claim her husband as a prize."
Hey, there's an idea.
"What does it take to become an amazon warrior?"
"Hmmm..." Nabiki flipped through her lawbook. "Being born one is one way...or an outsider woman could challenge and defeat an Amazon male. Problem there is, then she has to marry him."
"Wait, what is Ranma's current status?"
"Pursued outsider." Nabiki blinked. "Of course! If he agrees to marry Shampoo, then you beat him, you become an Amazon by default. And have a claim to his hand...which could then be resolved by beating Shampoo."
"That's it." Akane stood up and cracked her knuckles. "She's kitty litter."
"But," Nabiki stated. "This all has to be done pretty much instantly. All these events within five minutes."
"Oh. And I suppose that Cologne would be adjudicating?"
"She'd have to be, to declare Ranma and Shampoo married by the laws of their tribe," said Nabiki. "That's the thing. Between Ranma's declaration, and you defeating both Ranma and Shampoo, before Cologne even has time to think."
An' let's not forget that the old Ghoul will see through it if I throw the fight. It's gotta be as real as possible.
"How would that affect Shampoo's status in her tribe?"
"Not well," admitted Nabiki. "But a hell of a lot better than if she came home without Ranma."
"How bad?"
I thought you said you had no strong feelings about her!
That doesn't mean I want her to be a village leper!
"She'd be...well, taken down a few pegs. She was village champion, according to Ranma, and she'd lose that position--if she still has it after her first failure. She'd have to win a few more battles to regain the prestige she had before." Nabiki paused, and considered. "Of course, she'd suddenly be single and available. That won't hurt her leverage at all."
"But there's still one problem...you have to be able to beat Ranma."
"Oh, that won't be a problem."
"Convincingly."
"Trust me."
An ya gotta beat Shampoo in a real fight.
I have ideas on that, too. Akane thought, then transmitted a very crude battle plan.
Workable, Ranma admitted. Needs refining, but workable.
"Okay. So once you two get some practice in...a lot of practice..."
"We can handle the Amazons tomorrow." Akane said cockily.
"So soon?" Nabiki bit her lip. "I'd rather you wait a few more days."
"They've been around too long. I want them gone."
You sure about this?
The longer we wait, the more likely people will learn about our... connection.
"Please, Akane. Give it a couple more days."
"Why?"
"So I can set up the betting pool, of course!"
"Tomorrow at two o'clock, everything will be going down. At three, tell Kasumi to prepare a victory meal."
You're never this cocky, Akane!
"You're never this cocky, Akane," echoed Nabiki. "What do you have up your sleeve?"
"I will tell you at the victory meal."
Awright! Let's get ready to eat some pussy! He paused. I mean...
I know what you mean, Ranma. Akane smiled bitterly. "Next, Kodachi."
"You're on your own with her," declared Nabiki. "I've got nothing I can use on that goofy bitch."
"Your brains. Ranma suggested 'saning her up'."
"To do that would take weeks of psychoanalysis, followed by months of psychiatric treatment," said Nabiki. "I don't think we can pull it off in any reasonable time-frame, especially considering she'd have to be a willing participant. As I said, I think you're on your own." She bit her lip. "Maybe...talk to Kasumi about it."
"Kasumi would be too nice. We need you."
"Have you ever considered that Kodachi might need a shot of nice?" Nabiki pointed out. "Look at the retards she lives with. The sanest person in that house is the butler, and the fact that he still works for them tells you he's got at least one screw loose."
"All right. There's one more left."
"Ukyo?" Nabiki smiled tightly. "She's the easy one."
Not from my point of view!
Or mine either, Ranma. Let's hear what she has to say, all right?
"You two have so many counter claims against hers it's not even funny. First off, didn't that food cart belong to the Gambling King, thus wasn't hers to begin with? Next, damages caused to the household during a famous exploding food attack...."
"You're talking like she will give up when presented a lawsuit."
"She might," said Nabiki. "However, I doubt she really will. She might seem to back off, then redouble when she thinks it's safe. That seems to be her pattern."
No shit.
"No, I think that it would be better to go with a fork and a pin. Make it clear that she's got two alternatives, then make one of them really unpalatable."
"What alternatives?"
"Well, the first would be the lawsuit. To make that unpalatable, have Ranma's crazy mother make it clear that dragging such a matter into court is most unmanly." She smirked. "Given a choice between being sued and having Ranma dead, or almost any other option, should force her hand nicely."
"Knowing her, she'd force our hand," Akane said bitterly.
"That's why the other option has to be very attractive. Make her go for the bait, and distract her from the hook."
"And what's her other alternative?"
"No idea."
Akane blinked. "Well, she did seem interested when she was dating Ryoga..."
Hmm, was that really what happened at the tunnel? Ranma thought.
"A penniless ronin that can't hold a job or a home? She might've used him for a fling, but come on." Nabiki scowled. "He's not marriage material."
"Kuno?" Akane suggested, then laughed, hard. When she finally looked up and saw Nabiki's serious face, she balked.
"That has possibilities.... not perfect, mind you."
"Wait, Nabiki...I was joking!"
"Well, why not?" Nabiki leaned back and crossed her legs.
Nice legs.
Keep your perverted thoughts away from my sister!
"She needs capital to expand her restaurant business, am I correct? Kuno has that capital. Plus, it just might get him off your case."
"I wouldn't wish Kuno on my worst enemy!"
"Well, too bad, because that's what Ukyo is right now: Your worst enemy."
She's gotta good couplea points.
I said, keep your--
Wasn't thinkin' about her boobs! His mental voice was somewhat frustrated. I mean, Ukyo is the biggest problem we got right now. Kuno's probably about number four, but number one for irritation. Fight fire with fire?
"Fine," Akane relented. "But I will see if I can get Ukyo's support for tomorrow."
"That may be dangerous. She may try to stop you."
"No she won't. She thinks she has a leg up against me. If I help her get rid of Shampoo, she'll stay still, or even try to help."
You wanna think hard about that, Akane. She thinks of you as her number one rival. Gettin' rid of the small fry, in her opinion, gives both of you a better chance. Maybe if we can somehow convince her that you takin' out Shampoo improves her chances more than yours...
Like the fact that you hate being forced into something? Such as being forced to marry me because of Amazon Law, the way you hate it from Shampoo?
That'll work.
Nabiki suddenly leaned forward. "You're talking to him right now, aren't you?"
"What? I mean... What do you mean Nabiki?"
"Your facial expression, sister. It keeps changing."
Damn, she's sharper than even I gave her credit for. Stall?
"If he's suggesting you stall, I suggest you don't. My support will end the second you two start lying to me? Huh? You hear that Ranma?" Nabiki stated coldly.
Akane sighed. "Okay. Yes, we've found a way to...talk...over a distance."
What are ya doin? You're just gonna tell her everythin'?
Sorry, no choice.
I guess...
"It's a side-effect of our curse," continued Akane.
"Curse? What curse?"
Cold water time.
Akane felt her form ripple and shift. "This curse."
"No height change...similar girl-like features....definite bishonen quality...not bad," Nabiki appraised.
"You're taking this rather calmly."
"After a year of Ranma and company, this is nothing unexpected," said Nabiki. "But how did you change with no water?"
"He changes, I change," Akane explained.
"Shared curse," observed Nabiki. "Might explain the rather girlish guy you become. Of course, you're going to have every girl in school chasing you."
"I hope not," Akane prayed. "So, as you can see, we've grown quite attached to each other."
"Joined at the cerebrum," joked Nabiki. "Okay, now for the real important question: Did this...change of minds...cause you two to decide to get married?"
"We both made that decision a while ago... it just helped us compare notes."
"And I'd take it that you don't want anyone else to know about this little trick?"
"It would force certain...factions to move."
"Fair enough," said Nabiki. She stood up, and stretched as sensuously as she could. "Well, I need to get a bath in. I'd ask you to join me, little sister, but...might not be fair to you right now."
"Why not?"
"I don't know if you could prevent Ranma from ogling my nude form...or if your currently-male hormones could resist either." She winked, and walked out of the room.
Not thinkin' any hentai thoughts...Not thinkin' any hentai thoughts...
Liar.
He wasn't at all certain that he wanted his mother present during this training session. Besides the fact that she really didn't know jack squat about martial arts, the plan to dispose of Shampoo would only work if it were a surprise to as many people as possible.
His fist whistled past Akane's ear, her perfectly-timed dodge the only reason it missed. She countered with a reverse punch, which he was forced to parry, and a high kick that he dodged.
"This ain't workin', Akane." He raised a hand. "You can't help but know what I'm about to do, and vice versa."
Akane stopped and readied her guard. Use it.
Ranma's eyes widened. It's sealed for a reason.
I can't use it without a lot more training. And it'll give you the edge I need.
But you'll still be able to see what I'm doin'.
Cologne won't know that.
Wait...you mean, use the Umi-sen-ken to conceal my actions from her - which won't work, by the way - an' then act like I'm gettin cocky because you can't see me?
Yes! If you're using the Umi-sen-ken, she'll think you're bringing the battle up a notch.
An' then you clobber me!
Exactly.
Well, then we don't really need to spar any more, do we? We can switch to straight trainin'.
The two dropped their guards.
"You two done already?" Nodoka observed.
"She's gettin' better all the time," said Ranma. "We don't need to work on her defense right now. Instead, I think we should work on her offensive speed. She's kinda lackin' there."
Hey!
It's true, ain't it?
"Well, be safe, allright?" pleaded Nodoka. "We don't want Akane too hurt."
Akane ground her teeth. "I'm not made of glass, you know."
"No, you aren't, but you are a woman, and I want my daughter in law to be both strong and beautiful."
"She don't gotta work on either of those, Mom. She needs to be faster."
"All right. I will trust you on this, Ranma."
Ranma nodded, and pulled off his shirt. "Okay, Akane. Here's what we're gonna do. I'll toss this in the air, an' I wanna see how many times you can punch it before it lands on the floor. Okay?"
You just wanted an excuse to take your shirt off.
And you wanted an excuse to check me out.
Fair enough.
He tossed the shirt into the air, and she stepped forward to meet it. Her fists flashed out, as fast as she could, and she scored seven direct hits and one glancing blow before it fell. As a final attack, she snapped a foot over into an axe-kick to pin the shirt to the floor.
Looks like those new muscles are working out.
I know!
But a little more speed is needed.
What? I hit it eight times - nine, if you count the kick.
I woulda hit it three hundred times.
We don't have time for me to learn the Amaguriken!
If yer muscles are supposed to be equal to mine, half the trainin's done.
What if I try actively drawing on your ki?
He blinked. Haven't you been tryin' to?
No, I think what happened is we got 'evened out'. Not quite the same thing.
Well, okay. Let's give it a shot.
"You know," said Nodoka, "It's still rather impolite to be trading thoughts so obviously in front of someone else."
"Well, we might be thinking something inappropriate to say," Ranma said.
"Oh, I do hope not." But the expression on her face said something totally different, almost clearly enough that Ranma thought he could read her mind. He picked up the shirt again.
"Ready?"
"Just a minute--"
He tossed the shirt in the air. She squawked, and blurred into motion, this time hitting the silk fifteen times before it fluttered to the floor.
"I said give me a minute!"
"Your opponent will not."
"Again!" Akane shouted. You so owe me tonight.
How do ya want repayment? He kicked the shirt into the air, grabbed it. "Ready?"
Akane's eyes were steeled. "Ready!"
He threw the shirt again, and this time, opened his channels and shoved ki in her general direction.
The shirt was torn to pieces, little bits of silk littered the floor.
Whoa. That worked too well. I liked that shirt. Ya musta hit it about a hundred times, an' with more than just fists.
I think I see what you did, and I think I can draw from my own reserves now.... want to throw your pants next?
I doubt my mom will approve...
I don't doubt she would approve, but not while she's in the room...
Now who's the pervert? Out loud, he said, "Ya know, that's the first time I've seen anyone spontaneously create a ki manoeuvre."
Akane grinned, and he was a bit disturbed at how feral it looked.
Ranma grabbed a towel and held it up. "Ready?"
"You bet."
He threw the towel, and again, her fists flashed out. The towel held up a little better than his shirt had, but was still torn to shreds.
"Nice work. I think you're drawin' on my Neko-ken, but without the berserker insanity part of it. If ya were to use that on--" Shampoo "--a livin' target, they'd be ripped to bloody chunks of meat."
The thought made Akane shiver. "Yeah, let's hold that one in reserve."
"I think so." He paused. "You know, I'm gettin' kinda snacky. What time is it?"
Nodoka stood up. "You two are obviously planning something big."
"What makes ya say that, Mom?"
"You're making Akane polish up a move obviously designed against a hardened target. It's the Amazon, isn't it?"
Ranma paused to consider. Should we tell her? The more people know, the more likely it is that they'll get wind of it, and then the cat's outta the bag.
"Relax, I definately want my son to marry a Japanese woman."
That don't rule out Ukyo.
I rule out Ukyo.
But should we tell her?
She's smart enough to figure it out on her own.
"Yeah, Mom. We got a plan to remove her from the competition. But I don't really want Akane to do that by removin' large chunks of flesh from her body."
"I see. Doesn't she usually use weapons?"
"Yeah. Bonbori, giant-ass maces."
Nodoka stood up and drew her sword slowly. "Then, permit me to help ready Akane."
"Whoa." Ranma raised a hand. "Shampoo can get away with carryin' weapons, 'cause she's a gaijin, but you know it's still illegal for Akane to carry a sword to a fight."
"I have no intention of allowing her to wield this sword," said Nodoka. "At least, not until you two are officially married. I want her to feel the fear of facing a naked blade."
Akane's eyes were wide. Fear Ranma had for the honor blade was being transmitted through, and Akane could feel the cold sweat runing down her neck.
"You see, son...I know that you are afraid of this sword...so she cannot help feeling the same."
Don't panic, Tomboy. Just remember the dead zone.
Akane settled herself, at least as best as she could, her eyes on Nodoka's shoulders and hips, watching the older woman's center of balance. Things like the blade itself would be a distraction.
A very...deadly....distraction.
Nodoka stepped inward, the sword coming up for the diagonal-downward swing, and Akane stepped inside. Her left hand swept up to strike Nodoka's wrist, deflecting the swing, and the heel of her right hand shot out, catching Nodoka square on the breastbone, a mere three centimeters above the solar plexus.
Nodoka stumbled backwards. "Good shot." The older woman grinned, and sheathed her sword in a smooth fashion, only to fumble the sheath in her hand.
Akane giggled as the sword clattered to the ground. "It would have helped if the scabbard were actually fastened to the obi, huh?"
"I do apologize. I've never been properly instructed, aside from a few books on sword maintenance and forms I read in my free time."
"Book learnin' is no good for martial arts," said Ranma. "An' you're better than ya let on. Your stance an' attack were perfectly metered."
"Well, it's not my place to start sharpening my blade, especially at my age, dear."