Ranma ½ was created by Takahashi Rumiko, and is owned by Kitty, Shonen Sunday Comics, Viz Video. Not me.

The Potion

Seven

"Saotome Ranma, prepare to die!"

Ranma ducked under the thrust rather lazily as he ate his sundae. "Hey! You almost made me spill my sundae!"

"What do you think you're doing?! Going on a date with some guy? Have you sense of honor?!" Ryouga bellowed out as he pointed at Akane.

"You mean Ranma's husband?" said Nabiki.

"Uh?" Ryouga's eyes bugged out.

"Yeah, that's right," said Ranma. "You haven't heard the happy news. Though I'm glad to say I ain't pregnant. Yet."

"Ranmaaa!" Ryouga charged at Ranma again, his eyes full of murder, only to fall flat on his face.

Akane pulled her foot back under the table. "Ryouga, calm down. It's me, Akane!"

"You bastard, Saotome! You went out and found a man with the same name as the woman you're supposed to be marrying?"

"I am the woman he's supposed to be marrying! Ryouga, sometimes I think you got brain damage from hitting that boulder."

That's a little mean comin' from you.

Sorry. Think some of your personality's leaking through.

Ryouga stood up shakily, and stared at Akane. "Are you...Wait. You got a Jushenkyou curse?"

"That's one way of explainin' it," Ranma said, licking his spoon.

"Ranma! How dare you get Akane cursed!" Ryouga nearly launched himself again, only to be tripped this time by Nabiki.

"Cool it. I like this ice cream shop," Nabiki growled.

"But this is the third time that Ranma's caused someone to get a curse!"

"Shampoo and Mousse weren't right in the head ta begin with," Ranma muttered.

"Shampoo's curse wasn't your fault anyway," said Akane. "The old hag forced her to train there. And Mousse walked in on his own. The retard." Akane blinked. "But your pops, that was your fault. You kicked him in. And the second was--" Her face turned ghost white.

Nabiki stood up, quickly enough to knock her ice cream over. "Outside. All of you. Now!"

Everyone evaculated the ice cream shop as if a nuclear bomb had rolled onto the floor. And really, this wasn't far from the truth.

Ryouga took one look at Akane's face, and for once in his life, successfully did the math. He turned and bolted through the door.

Akane's face went from pale to blood red, and a vein popped out in stark relief on her forehead. "Ryouga...I will kill you."

"I didn't tell her," yelled Ranma. "Just for the record! I didn't do this!"

It was too late. Akane bolted out the door after Ryouga, her speed and force serverly buckled the shop's door.

"Dammit! I gotta go stop her!" Ranma shouted as he took off after her, his own speedy exit tore the door right off it's hinges.

"I really liked this shop too," Nabiki sighed.

Akane, calm down! Ya don't wanna do this right now!

killkillkillI GOT A HANKERING FOR PORK CHOPS!killkillkill...

Ranma started to feel his own judgement slip, as he remembered all the times Ryouga seemed to flaunt using the curse. Calm down! Our emotions are mixin'!

Good, I hold him, you pummel! Akane still barely had the lead on Ranma, and both were catching up to Ryouga.

Ya can't just go out an' pulp him, argued Ranma. You're outta control!

Akane sent images of Ryouga rubbing his head against her breasts. After he did that?

I ain't sayin' we don't punish him. I'm sayin' we punish him once you've calmed down! You'll enjoy it more that way.

I'll enjoy it right now! Akane thought as she tackled Ryouga.

But you need ta--Oh, fuck it.

Ranma leaped as he approached them, and slammed foot-first into the back of Ryouga's head. The Lost Boy's head smacked face-first into the concrete hard enough to make an engraved portrait.

Good! Now we can castrate him! Akane thought as she flipped the unconscious ronin over.

No! We'll hurt him, but worse than this. Let's drag him back and we'll think of somethin'. I promise you will have your revenge.

Akane paused. Okay. I'll trust you. But I want this sorry son-of-a-bitch wishing that he'd never met me.

"His family has no prestige, no reputation, no holdings. He's immune," Nabiki said with a sigh.

"There has to be something you can do. All I can do is bruise him, and he'll just heal!" Akane nearly screamed.

"I could tell you where to bury the body."

Akane bit her lip. "I'm being a bit over the top, aren't I?"

"Oh, no." Nabiki shook her head. "Not at all. But aside from splashing him with cold water and hauling him down to the vet's to get him neutered..."

"At least then we wouldn't have to worry about Akari's kids always getting lost," snickered Ranma.

"Wait. Say that again?"

"About Akari's kids?"

"Yes. Oh, yes." Akane grinned. It was an evil, evil grin. "I know what to do about him now. We'll tie him up, beat the shit out of him, and then splash him with cold water and punt him in the general direction of the Unryuu farm."

Ranma turned to his chained up and unconscious rival. "Doesn't seem... sportin' really."

Just because you said that, you have to sleep as a girl tonight.

Well, just make sure you call Akari beforehand so she can tell us when he arrives.

It was late by the time they reached the farm. Ranma unscrewed the lid on his thermos and dumped it over his head, ensuring that both of them were in their birth forms, then knocked on the door.

"One moment."

The door opened, and Unryuu Akari blinked at them. "Good evening, you two. Ryouga's resting in the family room. Are you two going to tell me now what this 'surprise' is?"

Ryouga sat upright. "What are you two doing here?"

"Oh, just showin' Akari some home movies."

The screen rolled a bit, until the VCR's auto-tracking kicked in, then showed a scene of P-Chan being carried by Akane. A voice - Nabiki's, but sounding tinny through the poor-quality speaker on the old television - said, "Don't take too long. Daddy's going to cry a river if we're late for the reservation."

"Calm down, Nabiki." Akane waved a hand. "And get that stupid thing out of my face. Should I wear a real dress? Or will a skirt be good enough."

"Make it a real dress. This is a classy place."

"Okay. I'll need to change my bra as well." Akane ducked into her bedroom, closing the door on the videocamera.

Ryouga's face turned pale, making the cuts and bandages stand out in stark relief.

An excited "BWEE" was heard from the other side of the door, followed by a giggling Akane. "P-Chan! Stop pushing your snout against my chest! You're tickling me!"

Akari paled. Ryouga, on the other hand, looked like he was about to have a stroke.

"That's one perverted pig you have," commented Nabiki.

"You don't know the half of it," said Akane. "I'm just going to leave him in here until he...calms down."

"Why?" Akari shuddered. "Why would he do such a horrible thing?"

"Because he was in love with me," said Akane.

Akari blinked. "But I though..." Her expression darkened, and she turned to the cringing Ryouga. "So what was I? A make-do? A consolation prize?"

"Akari--"

She dumped the bucket over him, stared at the little pig. "Yes...just the right size for a pet...or a croquet ball!"

Akane held a large hammer out, which Akari eagerly took. "Swing with your hips."

Akari just nodded and swung with all her might. P-Chan smashed through the window, on a one-way flight to parts unknown by Air Akari.

"I was right the first time," said Akari. "He was just like a pig. Low like a pig, dirty like a pig...Oh, I've broken this window." She immediately turned and bowed at the two martial artists. "I'm so sorry! I showed an ugly part of myself!"

Ranma peered out the window. "Nice hang time! You must have some serious muscles, Akari!"

"Well, I do have to keep the farm going."

Akane put her hand of Akari's shoulder. "You show quite a bit of promise. I would love to see that strength more refined."

"What do you mean?"

"Ranma and I are re-opening our dojo. With a bit of training...you can give Ryouga a proper greeting should he ever come back!"

"Me? I mean, I'm more of a trainer than a martial artist." Akari seemed absolutely flabbergasted.

"You mean, you have to lift those large pigs around?"

"Oh yes! How else do you expect them to learn how to throw?" Akari said demurely.

"So we start you out on locks and throws," said Akane. "Trust me, in today's world, a girl needs to know the Art."

Akari looked at the hole in the window. "I'll do it. I'm tired of just waiting for the next big hunk to come by."

"It'll be nice to have a girl around who ain't chasin' me," said Ranma.

"Oh, I'll wait a while before I date again." Akari looked around her house. "Consider me signed up, but I need a week to settle things here."

"It's good to have you on board!" Akane hugged Akari.

"Hold," said Ranma.

Nabiki collapsed to the tatami, breath coming in shuddering gasps. "Saotome, you're a sadist."

What's that mean?

Someone that inflicts pain for joy.

Oh. We should try that sometime. Ignoring Akane's mental sputtering, he said to Nabiki, "I ain't doin' this for fun. Trust me, you're gettin' the hang of it. I figure another two weeks of conditionin', and you'll be feelin' a lot better."

"Half my muscles are sore, and I feel bruised all over. How is this gong to make me feel better?"

"We're conditionin' your muscles. After they're more efficient, things'll be easier."

Nabiki scowled. "How come you're only working me over today?"

"I ain't workin' ya over, I'm workin' ya in. An' it's because Akane's gonna be handlin' Kasumi's trainin'."

"Can we please do something else? I'm not sure I can stretch anymore."

"Well, we got one thing that doesn't require any movement. We can work on your toughness..."

"Oh, I don't think so," she said. "I just know that that's going to involve you pounding on me. I don't think I can take that right now."

Darn.

"Well, real exercise comes from exherting extra after feelin' exhausted."

"Sounds like something that would kill."

"No pain, no gain, right?"

"How about we stop after 'no pain?'" She sighed, and straightened up. "Okay. What can we do for toughening that won't leave me in a cast?"

"You can steel your stomach, right?" Ranma flexed his fist.

"Ranma, that's the first thing my dad taught me." Nabiki sighed. "I know I'm rusty, but I'm not a total novice."

"Then can you steel the muscles in your arm?"

"In my... Ranma, that's impossible! The reason why you can steel your stomach is because of how the ab muscles are structured!"

"Then, ya better make sure yer opponents always hit you in the gut, huh?"

"Are you insane? Is that your problem?" Nabiki shook her head. "I can't constantly take gut punches!"

"Then ya better learn to steel your arm muscles."

Nabiki held her right arm up in a guard and focused.

"No no, yer just flexing! That'll just sprain something."

"So what exactly am I supposed to do?"

Ranma sighed. "Didn't your dad teach ya anything about ki?"

"Before you showed up, I always thought ki was just a metaphor."

"Then how do ya think people move around without internal energy? Energy's a law of motion or somethin' right?"

Nabiki groaned and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "No no, I mean, I thought it was a symbolic word."

"Nabiki, people can't move around on metaphors."

Geez, and she thought I was stupid.

You are.

Thanks. Aloud, he said, "Ki is life energy, an' it's used to power your body. But a properly trained mind can use ki in ways that your body can't."

"So, how do I train my mind then?"

Ranma opened a storage box in the dojo and pulled out a small candle and a stand. "Well, there's always focusin' on a burnin candle for a few hours a day."

"Anything not quite as mind numbing?"

"Nabiki, there ain't a quick way to this."

"I thought you were the great martial artist."

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Okay. I'm willin' ta bet that you've already done some mental imagin', right?"

"Some, but most of those tricks like breaking boards, isn't that just imagining hitting a spot beyond the board?"

"You've read a few books on this stuff then."

"Well, of course."

"Forget what most of 'em said. It'll just confuse you with their explanations."

"Then why were they written?"

Ranma shrugged. "Real masters don't write books. They know that what they have to teach, can't be written down. But mental imagin' is central to managing your ki. You just gotta learn to do it while in the middle of a fight."

"Here, let me demonstrate." Ranma held one open palm up. "Hit here, hard as ya can."

Nabiki narrowed her eyes, raised her fist and threw. For all the drama put in Nabiki's pose and yell, the comedy of it not even moving Ranma's hand back made her feel rather foolish.

"My muscles were not locked at all." He smirked.

"Well, that doesn't teach me much!" Nabiki shoulted.

Akane, come in here. I need ya to do something to yer sister.

Akane stepped into the dojo, Kasumi right behind her, both dressed for practice. "You needed me?"

"Tryin' to show Nabiki how to focus her ki. Apparently, she went to a library and read a buncha books, so her mind's polluted with explanations and theories."

"Hey! A lot of those writers have doctorates!"

Ranma ignored Nabiki's protest and talked to Akane. "Akane, put your hand on Nabiki's shoulder. When she punches, try ta flow some ki into her towards her punch."

Akane nodded and put her hand on Nabiki's shoudler as instructed.

"Now, this'll feel really sloppy and it can't be used in real combat, but you'll get a feelin' of what ki flowin through the body's like." Ranma held his open palm up again.

Nabiki took to her stance again, and focused her eyes on that open palm. She threw that punch, but this time, Ranma's hand did move back... a few inches.

"Feel that?"

"Yeah...it's a bit of a rush."

Akane released nabiki's shoulder. "Tell me about it," she said with a smile.

"Now try ta replicate it," Ranma held his palm up again.

"Okay..." Nabiki raised her fist, took a deep breath, then threw the punch. This time, there was no yell, no big windup, and Ranma's hand still didn't move.

"Damn."

Ranma shook his head. "I felt it that time. You got a bit of ki behind that one."

"Don't worry, it took me a good month before I could get any noticable result," Akane said encouragingly.

"But you were younger then."

"And mostly self taught," Kasumi added.

Nabiki turned to her older sister. "You had the most instruction from Dad. Does that mean you can do this?"

"Oh my... it's been years, I'm not sure I still have the control I used to..."

"An' correct me if I'm wrong, Kasumi, but most of your practice since then is strictly internal, right?"

"Yes, I suppose you could say that."

"Then you'd be better at managin' an opponent's ki to turn aside his attacks...which is what I'm tryin' ta teach Nabs here."

"Oh, in that case, that's quite a bit easier to manage than attacking!" Kasumi seemed quite excited into getting in a teaching role. "Nabiki, you can steel your stomach, right?"

Nabiki groaned. "Been through that."

"The trick to steeling your arm," said Akane, "isn't to do anything with the muscles. It's to use your ki to turn the energy of your opponent's attack away from you."

Nabiki flexed her arm again. "Let's see if I can move that energy, like Akane did..." She held her right arm up in a guard.

"Well, ki IS flowin' into the arm. That's somethin'"

"Yeah, but most of it is overflowing. Not very efficient."

"Not all of us are sensitive to ki like you, Ranma," said Nabiki.

Ranma frowned. "Nabs, have you ever seen my battle aura? Or Akane's?"

"Yes. So?"

"So battle auras aren't normally visible. There's so many high-level martial artists around here that most of us forget this."

"So you're saying I can already go that far?" Nabiki seemed puzzled. She would never put herself on the same level as the rest.

"Not for a while, but a good foundation makes for a strong building."

"If I can make a suggestion," Kasumi had her hand raised. "Nabiki, you may need to improve your core."

"My core? My core what?"

Kasumi put her hand over her stomach. "Your core muscles. This is your wa, the engine for your ki. For what you're trying to do, your core is somewhat underpowered."

"I do sit ups every day, Kasumi. What are you talking about?"

"Sit ups don't properly tone the core," said Akane. "We need better targeted exercise."

Kasumi's very smart! I always thought Nabiki was the smart one.

Knowledge is relative, Ranma.

Well, your relatives are pretty darned bright.

"Better targeted how? I mean, don't tell me Ranma's dad has a better core than me."

"Actually, he does."

"Nabiki, you're still thinking a core is like a six-pack."

Nabiki threw up her hands. "Look, you're all talking way over my head here. Even you, Sis! And I know that you're not much more ahead of me."

"Kasumi, Akane. You two can resume your exercises outside. I will have to try some more drastic teachin' measures..."

"Thank you for your time, Ranma," Kasumi said with a bow, then following Akane outside. The wooden door slid shut, leaving Ranma with Nabiki.

"Now let's get yer core tuned up."

"Should I be worried?"

"Depends," said Ranma. "Do leg lifts worry you?"

"Leg lifts? That's it?"

Ranma picked up a ten-kilo dumbbell. "Well, not quite..."

Akane was sweating, but not yet breathing hard. Kasumi, on the other hand, was nearly to the point of collapse.

"Sister, your focus is incredible. I wouldn't have expected blows of that power coming from you."

"Oh, I was being foolish," Kasumi rasped, still trying to catch her breath. "After that talk with Ranma and Nabiki, I thought I could channel ki into my strikes as well as you two can."

"You seemed to be doing well. I saw and felt no overflow."

"But my muscles aren't conditioned for ki to be channeled through them that rapidly. I think I need to condition my body better before I try that again..."

"I think you might be right. But still, Kasumi, I'm really impressed."

"Thank you." Kasumi gave a bright smile and stumbled slightly.

"Here, sister!" Akane helped Kasumi to the house, slowly. "A good night's rest and you should be feeling better."

"Please, I'll wake up stiff."

"You're right. Furo first." She paused. "I think I just heard Nabiki hit the floor. She'll probably want to join you."

If she's still alive.

Don't worry. She's still alive, and I think after a good night's rest, she'll notice a much stronger core.

Good. If you'd broken my sister...

We're both gonna want a good night sleep, too. Remember, we still gotta deal with the aftermath of the Ukyo situation, not ta mention we're gonna go after Kodachi, too.

We're still going to try that mental exercise tonight, right? Akane's cheeks were burning red hot.

Yeah. I think it'd be fun, an' it might make things easier for us.

Ranma and Nabiki were walking right behind Akane and Kasumi. Nabiki barely limping, but for the most part was walking under her own power.

"Have you two--ow." Nabiki winced. "Talking hurts," she continued more softly. "Have you decided how you're going to deal with Ukyo?"

"She'll be on the back-burner, at least until you get your rematch."

"Okay, but if you want me to back your play when it comes time to write her out, I need to know when, and what you have planned."

"We aren't sure yet, honestly," admitted Akane.

"Yeah, we wanna tackle Kodachi before we even deal with Ukyo. That alone tells ya what we think of that mess."

"That reminds me," said Akane. "Kasumi, I was thinking of asking you for help with Kodachi."

"Who was thinking of it?" interjected Nabiki.

Akane rolled her eyes. "Nabiki suggested you help us with Kodachi."

"Oh. What did you have in mind?"

"Invite her to a movie?" Ranma suggested.

"Oh, that is a marvelous idea," beamed Kasumi.

Akane rolled her eyes. "But what we had in mind, Kasumi, was for you to spend that night with her. Just...show her what it might be like to have a real friend. You can fake that, right?"

"Why can't I really be her friend?"

Ranma snorted. "Kasumi, you could make friends with Atilla the Hun."

"Ranma, I'm friendly to everyone that's respectful."

"Does that mean if someone's disrespectful, you'd bite their head off?"

"Oh, no! No no! But the will know I don't approve."

"So remember to use a napkin," said Nabiki. "Sis, how 'bout that bath?"

"I will need Akane's help with dinner again," Ranma said. She's mine! Geez, even he's mine.

You could have gotten a free show if I'd gone with them.

What? Ya want me to peep on your sisters that way?

It would have only frustrated you that much more. But the mental tone of her voice was teasing.