Carina put two fingers under Sarah's chin, bringing her to sit up straight, her face turned upwards towards the taller woman. Sarah took in a few shuddering breaths, expecting Carina to say something about being honest about her feelings towards Chuck, or giving him a real reason to trust her; but instead, Carina kissed her, hard.

Sarah stiffened at first. She honestly hadn't been expecting to go here tonight, nor was she sure that she wanted to. But as Carina ran her hands up her back to pull gently at her hair and trace her fingernails down the side of her neck, a sheet of goosebumps raced down her back and arms. At the feel of her suckling insistently on her lower lip, demanding entrance to her mouth; Sarah let go with a soft moan, and let herself melt into the kiss.

Almost instantly, she was rewarded by a welcome retreat into a world of sensation, the whirlwind of her troubled thoughts slowing and beginning a retreat towards the back of her mind. Lost in the feelings of their lips and tongues and hands running over bare skin, Sarah was almost able to forget about Bryce, about Chuck. Almost. When Carina turned her attentions to her neck, taking care to breathe a single hot breath into her ear, Sarah groaned loudly, pulled Carina's head closer in to her, and sank her hands deep into her hair. It was silky, smooth, fine and straight and it flowed through her fingers like a soft breeze though an open window. Only, that wasn't what she was wanting to feel. Her hands ached for coarse curls to twine around her fingers, dark hair so thick that she could all but bury herself in it. She wanted the feel of rough stubble against her chin, to breathe in the special combination of scents that was Chuck's alone. With another gasp akin to a choked sob, Sarah realized that as much as she may want to, she was not going to be able to use Carina to forget this time.

Sarah pulled away and the two women stared at each other for a long moment as they both caught their breath.

"So, that's your suggestion?" she finally managed to ask.

"No," Carina shrugged. "You just looked like you needed that right about now.

"Am I that obvious?" she asked softly, keeping her eyes downcast.

"No," Carina answered. "I just know you that well. Nothing helps to clear your head when you're upset like a good, mind-blowing kiss."

"Mind-blowing, huh?" Sarah smiled. "Don't we have a high opinion of ourselves tonight?"

"Well, isn't your head clearer now?"

Sarah deliberated her answer. She could easily say yes, and thank you very much for the kiss, and the two of them could go on with their Snoresville slumber party. Only, if she did that, Carina would start talking again. And already, in the brief time since she had broken their kiss, her head was filling with unwelcome thoughts of Chuck and Bryce and there was a tight knot in her chest that threatened tears at any moment.

"Not quite," she said throatily, "I think . . ."

She kissed Carina again. "I need . . ."

Another kiss. "A little more help."

And with that, she slid her tongue deep into Carina's mouth and pulled her down onto the bed, climbing on top of her hungrily. Carina may not be who she wanted right now, but at this point she desperately needed something, anything to hold on to. In the past month she had been walking around like a shell of a person, barely breathing, torturing herself with old pictures of Bryce and wondering how she could go on with her heart breaking inside of her every time she looked at Chuck's face. She poured every last bit of her weeks of frustration into the kiss, wrapping her arms around Carina and holding on to her like the last piece of debris floating in the water after a shipwreck.

After a few frantic moments, she and Carina quickly fell into a familiar rhythm, trading heated kisses in between lightly suckling on the others' necks and shoulders. With years of long experience, Carina knew exactly where to touch her, where to put her mouth and teeth and how much pressure to exert in order to make all of the tension along her spine simply melt away. She broke away and fell back into the soft warmth of the down comforter, smiling softly and feeling pleasantly loose and boneless.

"God, have I told you lately how beautiful you are?" Carina asked, looking down at her and running her fingers through the blond hair spread out around her on the pillow.

"Mmmmm," was all Sarah could manage as Carina leaned down to kiss her again.

Again, the sense of comfort and familiarity that only Carina could bring to her spread throughout Sara's body. This was safe, comfortable, like coming home. When she thought about it, she supposed that Carina was really the only home she had to come back to. As Carina kissed her way slowly down her body, her thoughts drifted back to the sunny July afternoon in Denver when she had said goodbye to her for the first time. Sarah, then only ten with tears running unabashedly down her sunburned face, had thrown her arms around a twelve-year-old Carina before she could climb into the car with her mother and drive away – for good, Sarah had thought at the time.

"I don't want you to go!" She had wailed, holding on to her desperately.

"Shhh . . . " Carina had whispered, rubbing her back and wiping her tears away softly. "We'll see each other again, I promise. We make too good of a team for us to end it here."

Sarah had looked hopefully up at her father, but he only shook his head slightly and turned away, walking quietly into the garage.

"No we won't," she sniffled.

"Yes we will," Carina assured her. "It won't be long until I can pass for sixteen, and I'll get a car and I'll come back for you. I'll always come back for you."

"You promise?"

"I promise." And then Carina had kissed her – Sarah's first kiss. It was short, sweet, little more than a quick brushing of their chapped lips, but it held all of the promise and assurance Sarah had needed to allow her to let go of the girl she had come to think of as a sister.

"I love you, Mandy Sue," Carina had whispered in her ear before giving her one last hug, sending an entirely new sensation shuddering through her body.

"You too, Lizzie Belle," Sarah whispered back shakily, before Carina's mom came out of the house, taking her none too gently by the shoulder and herding her into the car.

Two years later, Carina made good on her word and came back for her; she always did. No matter where Sarah went, it seemed Carina would find her, and usually just when Sarah needed her most. Still, she couldn't shake the feeling she had that day in Denver. Unable to watch her best friend drive away, she had stood in the driveway, her fingertips resting lightly on her lips and looking down at her battered, pink Chuck Taylors as she scuffed her feet along the pavement. How long she stood out there staring at her sneakers and tasting Carina's lips on her own before her dad called her back into the empty house, she never knew. She only knew at that point that she was certain the world had just ended.

Sarah gasped her way out of her reverie as Carina slid up her camisole and brushed her lips lightly against each nipple. Sarah pushed the other woman gently away and pulled her top back down.

"Not tonight," she whispered, before kissing her again.

"You sure?" Carina murmured against her lips.

Sarah met her eyes and nodded. That was the thing about Carina; though she always managed to find Sarah over and over again, she also left again just as quickly, and on top of everything else, Sarah didn't want to get too close and bring back that old pain. The thoughts of her favorite old sneakers had, inevitably, brought thoughts of Chuck to mind, and as illogical as it was – all they had was a cover relationship after all – she couldn't help but feel that this was a betrayal of some sort. The only way he would find out would be if Carina told him, of course, but knowing Carina, she might chose to do just that and she didn't know how she would be able to face Chuck afterwards if she did. After the way he had reacted when he found out about Bryce, she couldn't imagine what he would do if he found out she was bisexual as well.

Still, Carina continued to kiss her and she responded with equal passion. It was so easy to lose herself in this, so easy to close her eyes and just forget about everything – well, almost everything. Surrendering to the sensation again, she strived to school her mind to stillness, focusing her attention solely on her own body and that of the woman in her arms. When Carina sat up and pulled off her T-shirt, Sarah quickly pulled her back down and bit lightly on her nipples, smiling as she felt the shudder that ran though her body at the contact. She kissed her way back up Carina's chest, neck and jaw until their lips met again in a blaze that took both of their breaths away.

How long they lay like that, kissing each other softly and letting their hands roam freely over each others' bodies, Sarah didn't know. Things like time had ceased to become relevant. But when Carina slipped her hand inside Sarah's underwear, the sudden rush of sensation caused her eyes to open with a snap and reality came crashing back to her. She couldn't do this. Not tonight. It wasn't being fair to herself . . . or to Chuck.

"No," she whispered softly, grabbing Carina's hand lightly and bringing it up to her mouth to kiss her fingertips.

Carina heaved a sigh. "Honey, you better make up your mind, because I'm about two seconds away from tying you up and ravishing you until you scream for mercy."

A deep shiver ran the course of Sarah's body and her toes curled involuntarily at the thought, she knew very well that Carina was more than capable of doing exactly what she said. But she took a calming breath and stayed her course. She gave Carina one, last quick kiss and then cleared her throat. "Why don't you pop in a movie?" she said.

Carina gave her a long, searching look, but finally swung her legs off of the bed and stood up. "Tease," she said accusingly.

Sarah sighed and propped herself up against the headboard, pulling a pillow into her lap. She supposed she was being a tease. But she also knew that with the low simmer that Carina constantly kept her sex drive on, she could turn her desires off and on more easily than a hot water tap; so she didn't feel particularly guilty about the situation.

"You started it," she accused back, smiling.

"Maybe," Carina drawled slowly, "but you certainly didn't help matters any."

Sarah just shrugged nonchalantly as Carina turned the wall panel to reveal the room's entertainment center.

"Chick flick?" Carina asked, running a finger along the row of DVDs.

"I don't care," Sarah said, "as long as it's not a spy movie or a fucking romantic comedy."

"Ok, no romance for you tonight. I get it." She flipped through the DVDs idly, "Rom com . . . rom com . . . rom com . . . you know, you're kind of limiting our options here."

Sarah just shrugged. After so many years in deep cover ops with very little contact with civilians, she had felt the need to brush up on her casual, California girlfriend routine.

"Tron? Really?"

"Yeah," Sarah mumbled, "that's a Chuck thing."

"And so, I guess is Dune, The Lord of the Rings, A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Resident Evil, Spies Like Us, and the View Askew-athon?"

Sarah nodded as Carina pulled out two cases. "Again, really? Beaches and Steel Magnolias?"

"Yeah, Casey gave those to me. Said they were to help brush up on my 'lady feelings.' I guess he thought I was lacking in that department."

Carina snorted. "I still can't believe you ended up partnered with him."

"Ah, he's not that bad once you get to know him a little. He's actually kind of funny."

"Oh, and how well do you know Casey now?" Carina asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Carina!" Sarah reached over to the bedside table and threw her phone at her. "Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Why not?" she asked, easily dodging the phone, "you put it there."

"Your mind is always there," Sarah scoffed.

"Only when you're around, babe."

"Sure," Sarah drawled, rolling her eyes.

"This has to be from your dad," Carina said, holding up a copy of Bright Eyes.

"Yeah," Sarah nodded.

"Want me to pop it in?"

"No!" Sarah said far too quickly. The last thing she wanted to do was to think about her dad on top of everything else tonight.

"How's he doing, by the way?" Carina asked gently, putting the Shirley Temple movie back on the shelf.

"He's fine. He's coming up for parole in a few months, wants me to come testify and say I'll let him stay with me, help him get a job, start an honest life, etcetera."

"Will you go?"

"I don't know," Sarah sighed. "I'll see what's going on then."

"Wonder how long it'll take him to get back up to his old tricks."

"Oh, I'd imagine about as long as takes him to find a good paper guy and the first flight to anywhere else," Sarah laughed.

"No doubt," Carina chuckled along with her. "Marilyn Monroe?"

"No. I'm not feeling particularly musical tonight." Carina flipped past her collection of musicals and dance movies.

"Casablanca?"

"No!"

"Charlie's Angles?"

"That's a spy movie."

"Hardly," Carina snorted. " What about Thelma and Louise?"

"Maybe."

"Ah! Here we go, I haven't seen this since high school." Carina smiled triumphantly as she pulled down a copy of Tank Girl down and opened the case.

"Perfect," Sarah agreed.

Carina loaded up the DVD player and picked up Sarah's cheeseburger and melted milkshake. "Here, finish this up, you've barely eaten a thing today."

"Thanks." She grabbed the remote to cue up the movie as Carina settled in next to her, leaning back against the headboard with the plate of pickles on her lap. Sarah snagged a few and loaded them onto her burger.

"Think you have enough?"

"You can never have enough pickles," Sarah said seriously from around a mouthful of food.

Carina twined her legs casually with Sarah's and they settled in to watch the movie, Carina's head seeking out a comfortable nook in Sarah's shoulder. Midway through, Sarah was feeling comfortably full and heavy and her eyes began to drift slowly closed. She didn't protest as Carina shut off the movie and maneuvered her down under the covers, cuddling up close behind her and wrapping her arms around her. Instead, she pulled Carina's arm closer into her chest and sighed contently. Feeling completely safe and secure for the first time in months, she drifted off easily to sleep.

*****

Carina woke some time later with an elbow crashing into her cheekbone. Instinctively, she rolled off of the bed and took cover, reaching for the gun on the nightstand. As she looked around the room, she realized where she was and what was happening. She was in Los Angeles, in Sarah's hotel room, and Sarah was full in the grips of one of her nightmares. She was thrashing feverishly the bed, her face twisted in what looked like a grimace of pain, and in the moonlight, Carina could see the streams of tears shining on her cheeks.

Carina quickly moved back up onto the bed and gathered the sleeping woman into her arms. It wasn't uncommon for agents to have nightmares; heaven knew she had witnessed things that would send even the most hardened of killers running for a psychologist's couch. But that's not what this was about. Sarah had been having these dreams long before the CIA. Carina never knew what they were about; Sarah would always claim not to remember them after waking, though she would almost always turn introspective and brooding and wear a vaguely haunted look on her face for the remainder of the next day. Sarah confided in Carina about nearly every aspect of her life, but her dreams, she guarded strictly for herself.

Carina didn't know if she was reliving some sort of childhood trauma, or if this was simply her subconscious struggling to process all of the emotions she couldn't allow herself to feel while awake, but Carina had always suspected the latter. Sarah's dad may have been a lot of things, but he wasn't an abuser, nor would have he ever forgiven himself if he had allowed any harm to come to his daughter. Carina wondered, not for the first time, what kind of God would give her friend such a rare depth of feeling and capacity for emotion, and then put her in a life where she had no option but to stuff all of it inside. Carina knew that she, herself, could be shallow almost to a point of fault, but she still couldn't help but feel that she had gotten the better end of that particular bargain.

It took nearly all of her strength to hold the thrashing woman still – Sarah really had been working out lately – but Carina held her close, running her fingers through her hair and murmuring soft reassurances in her ear in a routine they had established long ago in their Denver bedroom.

Gradually, Sarah's frantic movements slowed and she began to mutter under her breath. She never spoke complete words, only random whispers and syllables, which had been lucky for Sarah. Sleep talkers couldn't be entrusted with security clearances. Still, Carina knew that Sarah had walked a fine line when she entered the Academy and that it had been only Graham's insistence as to her tremendous potential as a field agent that had gotten her through the psychological screening. When the FBI drone contacted Carina for Sarah's routine background interview, she had very seriously considered lying to keep Sarah from being accepted. She had already completed her DEA training and been in the field for a year by that time and she knew that this wasn't the life she wanted for her friend. Someone like Sarah, she wanted to see happy; with a good guy she could love with all that she had in her, a couple of kids that she could raise the right way with all of the things that they had missed out on as children, hell, maybe even with a golden retriever and a fucking minivan. But Carina had also known that without the CIA, Sarah would have been far more likely to slide back into a life on the grift and she deserved that even less. So she had answered honestly: no, she had never heard Sarah talk in her sleep. And then she had gone on enthusiastically and at great length about Sarah's ability to take on and shed new identities as easily as most people shed their clothing.

Which in my case is quite often, Carina thought to herself with a grin as she hummed a low lullaby and continued to rock Sarah softly. She had to admit, the kid was kinda cute in a geeky sort of way. But then, Sarah always did have a soft spot for the nerds. For the life of her, she couldn't figure out what the bloody hell was so damned important about Charles Irving Bartowski, Stanford reject and current Buy Moron, but the whole operation had the feel of a long-term assignment, and he seemed like he could be the type of guy who could finally make Sarah happy. And for that alone, she couldn't help but love him a little bit. Maybe he could turn out to be that good guy that Sarah needed. She reminded herself to give Chuck a little nudge in Sarah's direction before she left town the next day.

Eventually, Sarah grew quiet and her skin began to rapidly heat up, a sign that she was about to wake. Carina laid her carefully back on the bed, and when a few moments later Sarah bolted upright with a gasp, Carina was waiting to cover her lips with her own.

After a moment of panic where Sarah clawed unseeing at Carina's face and shoulders, Sarah calmed and sank hungrily into the kiss. She sobbed desperately into Carina's mouth, pressing their faces together urgently, and held on to her with a grip hard enough that it would leave bruises the next day. When she felt Sarah finally begin to relax slightly, Carina softened the kiss and resumed stroking her hair and back softly until Sarah pulled away, breathless.

"You wanna talk about it?" Carina asked gently.

"No," Sarah sniffed, "he . . . I . . . I don't remember," she said, shaking her head and casting her eyes downwards.

Carina didn't believe her – she always knew when Sarah was lying to her – but she didn't press. The single word "he" was the most description she had ever gotten about one of Sarah's dreams. Maybe that was progress, or maybe Bryce's death and the addition of Chuck to her life had only made the dreams that much more intense.

"Then just lie back down and go back to sleep," Carina soothed.

"I . . . I don't know if I can," Sarah whispered.

Carina knew that was true. Sarah never could fall back asleep after one of her dreams without help. She wondered how many nights she had spent in this room, alone with her ghosts, sitting cross-legged on the floor by her bed, staring out the window and waiting for the sun to come up so she could start another day.

"It's ok," Carina soothed her, "I'll help you get there."

"Will you . . . will you stay?" Sarah asked, her voice almost child-like.

"Of course. I can even stay a few days if you want. I don't have a mission right now and I've got plenty of comp time I can use."

Sarah considered for a second. "No," she said finally, but with a tinge of regret. "I need to deal with this on my own."

"If that's what you want," Carina said, "but tonight, you sleep. You just lay back and close your eyes; let me do all the work."

"But . . ." Sarah halfway protested.

"But nothing," Carina asserted, softly running her hand down Sarah's face and closing her eyes. She stroked her hair a few times then bent down to whisper directly in her ear. "You can even pretend I'm Chuck."

Carina grinned as she felt Sarah shiver beneath her and the blonde moaned lightly.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Carina kissed her way down Sarah's body, using long, sweeping motions of her hands to ease the tension in the other agent's arms and legs. This time, when Carina pulled up her shirt, Sarah did not refuse, only sat up slightly to allow it to be pulled over her head before collapsing back on the pillow, her eyes closed and a soft smile on her face. Carina took a long moment to admire the view of her laid out in the moonlight, her skin flushed and glowing and her hair spread out in a sliver fan around her on the pillow. Carina thought she had never seen anything more beautiful.

After a while, Sarah opened her eyes and looked at her as if to question why she had stopped. Before she could speak, Carina silenced her with another kiss and continued her path down Sarah's body, flipping her own hair over her head to trail it slowly over her breasts and abdomen, eliciting a soft moan from the other woman. With agonizing slowness, Carina peeled off Sarah's boy shorts and drew one of her legs over her shoulder. Sarah thrust her hips once in anticipation, but Carina put a hand on her firm belly and whispered again. "Shhh, just lay still and let me. Let your mind drift off until you fall asleep."

Sarah gasped softly as Carina's mouth found its mark, but Carina continued to work slowly, her tongue barely moving as she listened to Sarah's soft moans. Every time Sarah's languid movements sped up or she showed signs of waking fully, Carina drew back and waited for her to let go again, until finally, she felt the long, shuddering orgasm course its way through Sarah's body and the leg on her back relaxed completely. Carina smiled as she heard Sarah whisper Chuck's name softly, as reverently as a prayer. Twice more, Carina brought her slowly to orgasm, and twice more Sarah moaned Chuck's name, and eventually Sarah was utterly limp and relaxed and drifting off to sleep with a peaceful smile on her face.

"I love you Mandy Sue," Carina whispered softly, planting a feather-light kiss on her inner thigh.

"You too Lizzie Belle," Sarah murmured back as she faded into unconsciousness.

Moving carefully so as not to wake her, Carina crawled back up the bed and rested her head on Sarah's shoulder, gazing up at her face as she slept. After several long minutes, Sarah's eyes began moving rapidly under her lids as she entered REM sleep. Carina waited until the REM cycle passed without any signs of the nightmares returning and then slowly made her way out of the bed, getting up to pace restlessly around the room. She was always happy to help Sarah out, but now there was no way she was going to get any sleep herself without some assistance of her own.

She thought about that cute room service kid that had come up earlier. What was his name? Mitch? Mark? Whatever, the boy looked like he had some serious stamina. Carina glanced over at the alarm clock on the wall – 1:13am. Depending on how long Matt liked to spend at the bar after he got off of work, there was a chance that he was still downstairs. And if not? Well, she could always go see if Casey was still sporting his clovers.

After dressing quietly in a pair of yoga pants and a tank top she pilfered from Sarah's drawer. Carina sat down on the edge of the bed and waited until Sarah entered another REM cycle, assuring herself that there would be no more nightmares tonight. Then, snagging a keycard from the dresser, she silently slipped out of the room to go see what the rest of the night held in store for her.

*****

Sarah stirred awake and wrinkled her nose as she felt Carina slip back into bed beside her, just as the sky was beginning to lighten. She smelled strongly of smoke, liquor and sex. Sarah smiled softly to herself – did she really expect anything else? She continued to feign sleep as Carina cuddled up to her back, but when the redhead settled in a position that involved her breathing across Sarah's cheek, she had to turn over.

"Go brush your teeth," she murmured. "Your breath reeks."

Carina laughed lightly and tweaked the end of her nose with one fingertip. "For you, my dear, anything. But you go back to sleep."

"Ok." Sarah didn't protest; she was more than halfway there already.

As she heard Carina start the water in the shower, Sarah's thoughts drifted naturally back to Chuck as they did so often these days. She couldn't remember the details of her dream as any more than a vague blur, but she knew that it was the same one she had been having at least three times a week. Chuck had been violently torn away from her over and over again, and each time he called back to her, his voice full of pain, saying, "but I thought I could trust you . . . "

Sarah knew that she had to say something to fix things between them. She couldn't really blame him for the way he had reacted when Carina had told him about Bryce – especially given the way in which she had chosen to deliver the news – and she should have been honest with Chuck to begin with. He had never been anything but open with her, and he deserved no less in return. And now that her head was finally calm and she felt completely at ease for the first time in months, she realized that the problem wasn't as dire as it seemed. Chuck didn't need a grand gesture; he just needed to know something real about her, to see that there was an actual human with genuine emotions hiding underneath her agent veneer. He needed a touchstone to ground himself on to keep him from floundering so badly in this new world he had been dragged into.

Sarah drifted off to sleep wondering what about herself she could tell Chuck that would be enough without revealing too much. It had to be something more substantial than her love of pickles or her olive aversion. Maybe her favorite movie, or type of flower? She was still determined not to delve into her past with him. It wasn't that she was ashamed, per se, but the subject was just too vast and complicated for her to get into at this early time point. Even Bryce had known very little about her childhood. Maybe some day if they ever found themselves in a position where they were no longer asset and handler, she would tell him everything. But honestly, she couldn't stand the thought of Chuck looking at her with pity filling his eyes, as she was sure he would do if he ever found out the truth.

No, something simple, but honest. Books, movies, TV shows, music. They could have the Beatles vs. Stones or Leno vs. Letterman conversation. It would be nice, Chuck would tease her about her love of bluegrass and cheesy dance movies; they would laugh easily and share a comfortable night together, and Chuck would walk away feeling validated that he had gotten to know her as a real person. As long as he didn't ask any dangerous questions like her real name or where she was from, it would all work out just fine, she was sure of it now.

And with contented thoughts of thick curly hair, warm brown eyes and a smile that could melt her heart from a hundred paces, Sarah slipped once again into a peaceful and blessedly dreamless sleep.

So, how'd I do? Different? I very much appreciate all feedback. This was my first attempt ever at writing even a hint of sex and I'm actually very nervous about it, so I'd love to hear what y'all think, positive or negative. I've got a thick skin and am very hard to offend, so feel free to be brutally honest. And thank you so much for reading!