Ranma ½ was created by Takahashi Rumiko, and is owned by Kitty, Shonen Sunday Comics, Viz Video. Not me.

The Potion

Eight

"Why are ya wearin' that?" Ranma asked as he sat down on his futon.

Akane looked down at her oversized t-shirt. "Well, you have to use your imagination, Ranma. Besides, I'll show you what's underneath."

"Really?"

"Yeah, just not out here. In here." Akane pointed to her temple.

"Meditatin' time?"

"Do we need to meditate?" Akane looked a bit uncertain of herself. "I mean...we tried meditating to keep out of each others' dreams, and that didn't help much."

"Yeah," said Ranma. "Just made them a little less well-controlled."

Akane closed her eyes and went deep into her mind. Ranma, you in here yet?

Idiot. I can't not be.

Good. Akane saw herself and Ranma standing, face to face, in a mental representation of the dojo. It seemed to be the closest thing their subconscious minds could agree on for an equal meeting space. Let's not waste time. Akane announced in their mental realm as she took her t-shirt off.

"Apparently, the bookstore burned down 5 years ago." Nodoka was looking quite disappointed with herself. "I should have thrown it away, or used it. Half measures like this just cause problems."

"You can't blame yourself, Auntie. And after all, Ranma and Akane are much closer now." Kasumi patted the older woman on the shoulder reassuringly.

"Still, my own son..."

Nodoka's thoughts of regret were interrupted by a loud scream, from Akane most likely, shook the house. Seconds later, Akane ran down the stairs wearing a large t-shirt and covered in sweat. "Not good, not good," Akane kept repeating as a mantra.

"Did something happen?"

Akane turned from the fridge, looking very wild at the moment.

"Um, no! No, of course not! I'm fine, I'm fine!"

That did not work! Akane thought bitterly as she drank down her glass of ice water.

You're tellin' me! I'm hundreds times worse now!

I know. That's why I had to get out of the room. Right away. Before you exploded.

Me?! You were about to rip my shirt off!

It ain't my fault! Besides, you were helpin'!

Wait. Who said that?

Akane set the glass down shakily, then collapsed in front of the sink, her head resting against the door of the cupboard. Oh, this is a nightmare!

I know. You're startin' to act more like me, an' I'm...well, mostly actin' the same.

And now it's getting so bad I can't even be certain who's thinking what!

Akane, you're always Akane.

She smiled at Ranma's reassuring thought.

I think we'd better not do that again.

Good. But beneath the surface thought, Akane could hear Ranma think, mebbe if we both went neko again, that'd... naah.

Don't even think that again. I'll know if you do, and I'll flatten you for it!

Hey! Come on, I didnt' even think it that loudly!

Yeah, yeah. I'm going for a soak. I'd invite you to join me, but I don't think that'd be a good idea. Akane picked herself up and walked towards the stairs, not aware the thoughts beneath the surface were getting louder. But if you do come.. oh boy...

So we gotta start in on Kodachi today.

Akane nodded. If we leave her for too long, someone's bound to find out about our new advantage.

Too many people already know. Mom knows, Kasumi knows, Cologne knows, Nabiki knows...heck, Nabiki knowin' is six people too many already.

She won't spill, especially if she wants your help in defeating Ukyo.

She would if someone offered her enough yen.

Ranma! She visualized a mallet hitting the back of his head. Nabiki has never sold information on us! She...just gives it away when there's a chance it might make her some yen.

See?

I can't see her making a profit off of this.

I guess not.

So if I were you, I'd--Wait. There's Kuno up ahead.

Great, I thought he was scared witless.

He was always witless. Shall we scare him again today?

Nah, let's just beat him up. It's more fun.

Akane grinned wickedly. Let's do both. She stepped a little closer to him and put her arm through his.

I like how ya think!

Kuno strode towards them, bokken on high. "Foul demon, I..." He lowered the weapon. "I am...very confused."

"Tell us something new, Kuno," said Akane.

"I thought I saw you slain!"

"Idiot boy," said Akane. "All this time thinking that I was Ranma's slave. When the truth is...he was mine. Slave?"

"Yes, Mistress?"

"Kindly beat that wretch to a pulp."

"At once, Mistress."

As befuddled as he was, Kuno didn't even raise his weapon to defend himself.

That was too easy. Akane, stop laughin'!

"Can I talk to you two?" Ukyo stood infront of Ranma and Akane, who seemed to be enjoying a quiet lunch.

"I dunno, have something to say to me?" Akane said in a sneering tone.

To their surprise, Ukyo dropped to the ground, forehead touching the soil at their feet. "Akane, I beg forgiveness for attacking you on your wedding day. I stand ready to accept whatever judgement you see fit."

Akane's jaw dropped. She looked at Ranma, her mouth still hanging open.

Don't look at me, Akane. She's talkin' to you.

Akane looked around nervously. Several people seemed to be watching.

"Come on, Ukyo, you can stand up..."

The chef slowly rose. "I'm really really sorry!" she repeated.

"All right, Ukyo, we can start fresh, if you understand that Ranma's mine. You got it?"

"I..." Ukyo bit her lip. "I'm sorry, Akane, but that, I..." She sighed. "Ranma and his father still owe me a lot. I intend to collect on that, one way or another. But in no way was this your fault, and I regret taking it out on you."

"After that attack, I think any debt left is almost gone, wouldn't you agree?"

"Any monetary debt. But there's still a personal debt of honour to resolve."

I think she's now gettin' to the actual reason she wanted to talk to us. The apology was just an excuse.

"We can discuss ideas for that, if you are open, and as long as Ranma's no longer on the table."

"Very well." Ukyo started setting up her portable grill. "But there's no reason to discuss it on an empty stomach.

"Sorry, Ukyo," Ranma held up his hand. "We sorta agreed, I'm not, ah, gonna eat yer food no more."

"Oh," Ukyo seemed to deflate a bit more.

"I think just this once," Akane said.

Don't treat me like the bad guy!

I won't.

Good. Aloud, he said, "No, Akane. I agreed, and I stick by my word." He dug into his pocket and pulled out a five hundred yen note. "I'll buy one."

Ukyo took the wrinkled note. "The works?"

"You know it."

"All right, Sugar. I mean--" She bit her lip. "Ranma. And you, Akane?"

"I'll have the same." Akane too held out a five hundred yen note.

Ukyo frowned. "Even the hot peppers?"

"Oh, right. Ranma and I have been cooking a lot lately. I'm developing a lot of tastes for what he likes, but no peppers please."

Hey, don't knock 'em until you've tried 'em.

I did, on your tempura, last night.

Oh. Um.

Idiot. She turned back to Ukyo. "So, the limit of the debt is one of personal honour, then?"

"Yes."

"For what exactly?"

"I basically had to give up my identity because of what his father did to me!" Ukyo scowled. "And I did it again, when I thought he would marry me after all, only to learn that he wasn't going to!"

"Well, what do you want to be? If it's reasonable, we'll help."

"Yeah, we're reasonable like that," agreed Ranma.

"All I want out of life is to be happily married, and to run my restaurant with my husband." Ukyo sighed. "Two out of three ain't bad, but I've only got one out of three."

"Well, ya don't haveta marry now."

"He's a dope, but he is right. Most girls don't marry until their twenties, anyway. And by then, your business may take off, and you would be a very attractive prospect for any successful man.

"And in the meantime?" scowled Ukyo. "Just sit around my apartment, feeling sorry for myself?"

Ranma waved his hand across the schoolyard. "Do ya think any of these gals feel sorry for themselves? Several've dated more than once."

"They aren't running a restaurant, and living by themselves," pointed out Ukyo. "They have family to help them."

"Okay, yer dad's a bastard. Join the club. But," Ranma sighed, "we did offer ta help. Whatcha need?"

"Besides a husband." Akane grabbed Ranma's arm for emphasis.

"Hell, I don't know," she grumbled. "I'm a cook, not a psychiatrist."

"I mean with running th' restaurant."

"Oh, I could use some new wait staff. Two new female wait staff to be precise."

"Hmm, haveta be either me or Akane."

"Why do they have to be female?" asked Akane. "Surely you have male customers."

"Between me and Konatsu, we've got the guys covered," said Ukyo.

Which of us should it be? Akane thought.

Yeah, it can't be both of us...unless we get Konatsu to give your guy half fashion tips.

Akane shuddered. I may be bishounen, but I'm not that bishounen.

An' Konatsu is? For that matter, Ukyo makes a pretty convincin' guy, even with that hair and that rack.

Hey! The only rack you can think of is mine!

I toldja, I'm a guy. I even think about my own--

You're not to think about those, either. They're mine.

Akane glanced back at Ukyo. "I think that it'd be better if it were Ranma helping you out. I don't know if your restaurant would survive my helping you."

"Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't be that bad, Akane. Besides, two new waitresses is better than one..."

We didn't tell her?

Of course not, you dolt! Akane sighed. "Sorry, Ukyo. But there's a very good reason you can't have me and Ranma both as girls in the restaurant."

"Why's that?" Ukyo seemed confused now.

"I can't tell you yet. We're working on fixing it. But right now...all I can say is, it won't work out."

"All right, but you better tell me one day."

Or else what?

Quiet, Ranma. We're about to win.

"All right, one day, Ukyo."

"Also, if ya want, Akane and her friends can hang with ya a bit more. Get ya more in touch with the class, right?"

Do I have to?

Do you want the win?

Ukyo smiled tentatively. "That would be a switch. They're almost as mad at me as Akane is. Was?"

"Was." Akane smiled. "Okay, we'll do something Friday night."

Uh...Didja forget that Kasumi's invitin' Kodachi over on Friday?

No, I didn't forget. Kodachi and Ukyo in the same room might be a nuclear combination, but having Kasumi there will be a good moderator.

"Alright, I'll be ready. Will it be a sleepover?"

Remember our sleepin' arrangements!

"Sadly not this week."

"Oh. Well, I'll get Konatsu to pick me up." She grinned. "Not that I can't handle a mugger or six, but why risk wrecking a pleasant evening?"

"Oh, maybe I can hang 'round Konatsu, get him to be more masculine?"

"Tried that, it didn't take."

"I think I can do better."

"Why do you think so?"

Ranma thrust out his chest. "'Cause I'm a certified manly man, with a seppuku contract to prove it!"

Akane swatted him across the back of the head. "Dope."

"Oh, now you've done it," chuckled Akane. "You know what he's like with a challenge. He'll probably switch to female form and dress up in something frilly - with boxers under it, of course - and drag him out on a date."

"Hey, that's not a bad idea," said Ukyo.

Ain't gonna happen!

"Heck, he's not gonna want to be around for a girl's night, anyway," continued Ukyo. "He can do it Friday night!"

AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! Ya'd haveta be a guy, remember?

"Actually, Ukyo, maybe just having Ranma and Konatsu sparring would be manly enough."

"No, I like this idea," said Ukyo. "Konatsu can be manly enough when he's fighting, despite his...unorthodox attacks. It's when he's not fighting that he goes completely girl."

"Actually, I can't do anythin' Friday," said Ranma quickly. "I've...gotta work. Yeah, that's it. Work."

"Oh? Where?"

"Out. Ain't that enough?"

Ukyo sighed. "Ranma, if you're really dead-set against dating Konatsu - and trust me, I understand that perfectly - I'm not going to force you to do it. But please, don't insult my intelligence. Okay?"

We should tell her.

No! That would ruin this!

We should tell her eventually, I mean. Not right now. I'm not that stupid.

Ukyo waved her hand between the two. "Yoo hoo! You two decided to start a staring contest?"

Ranma glanced at her. "Yeah. An' ya just cost me the fifteenth straight rematch!" He chuckled at her somewhat stupefied expression. "Sorry, didn't mean ta zone out on ya."

"It's fine, Ranma." Ukyo sat back.

"What do we have here?" Nabiki's voice was unusually chilling today.

"Oh, Nabiki! I'm... look, that spatula to the head, that was..."

"Uncalled for? Completely idiotic? The last act of a woman with a death wish?" Nabiki smiled. "All three?"

"You're making it really hard to apologize."

"Then don't. This Saturday, I'll make you eat that damned spatula."

Saturday! She can't be serious! She's improvin, but...

Nabiki slowly pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket, and tossed it to the cook's feet. "I think you should recognize this."

Ukyo picked up the paper and unfolded it. "You can't be serious! Nabiki, we both know you aren't a fighter. You just don't have a taste for it. I'm sorry I slapped you around a little, but...."

Ukyo's words were cut short by a fist to the face. She reeled backwards, one hand raised to her face, an expression of shock. "You--you throw a challenge at my feet, and then haul off and smack me?"

"That was for the insult just now." Nabiki cracked her knuckles. "But I'm saving up an awful lot of mad. I'll hand it all back to you on Saturday."

"I get a feeling you don't like me, sugar."

"What made you think that, hon?" Nabiki was sure to purposefully draw out a rather bad Kansai accent.

"In fact, I'd be willing to wager that you're being deliberately snotty to me!"

Let's get outta here, Ranma thought as he started to scoot away.

Good idea...

"Well, I certainly hope I'm getting my point across...I really dislike keeping things bound up..."

They ain't gonna make it to Saturday without causin' major property damage.

Yes, but my sister isn't anywhere near ready now!

Ya sure? Even I was surprised by that pop to Ukyo's jaw!

One lucky shot won't make this battle.

Then we gotta train her up a whole bunch more.

Fine, I'll save her then! Akane thought, putting herself between the two warring women.

"Hey you two, calm down! You'll do this Saturday!"

Ukyo's spatula was already raised; she lowered it. Nabiki unclenched her fists.

"Ukyo, I have no choice but to stand as Nabiki's second. As the challenged party, you may choose the location and the conditions."

"The field outside of school!

"You better not bring that damn ring!" Nabiki shouted.

"Oh, think I can't win without it?! Fine, just you and me, no weapons!"

Someone should tell Ukyo to stop an' think, rather than gettin' mad. She just ceded her best advantages.

You want Nabiki to lose?

I don't want my student, an' prospective teacher, gettin' a cheap victory.

"We accept those conditions."

After a few months, then she can get into those sorts of fights. Sorry Ranma, but she's my sister.

Fair enough. What about Ukyo's second, an' the judge? You've just made yourself the challenge mediator.

"Ukyo, who will you name as your second?"

"Konatsu!" Ukyo shouted. The young ninja appeared, kneeling next to Ukyo.

"Yes, mistress?"

"Why didn't you stop her from punching me, you jackass?"

"It was quite sudden. If I'm right, even Ranma didn't react."

"Excuse me," said Akane. "Are you declaring Konatsu your second?"

At that moment, the bell rang.

Ranma sighed. "Guess not."

English. He hated English.

Hinako-sensei was droning meaninglessly at the front of the class. Half the classmembers were paying attention to her, but the other half were staring out the window, passing notes, or otherwise jerking off in a non-productive manner.

You should be paying attention, too.

I'm tryin'! But she ain't exactly catchin' my attention!

Why not? Because she's not in her adult form?

I ain't interested in her that way, in either form!

"Oooh! TEST TIME!" Hinako announced as she hopped from her desk.

Oh, good. Since I suck at English, you can help me with this.

Hey now, use your own brain!

Hey! You have some of my ki. Let me have a little brain.

Figures, all you want from me is head.

Beats all those guys that wantcha 'cause you were a prize.

Low blow. Wait, I should rephrase that. Akane shook her head. Forget it. You're on your own.

Are you sure? He mentally envisioned his hands running up her thighs, under her skirt.

Akane shivered in her desk.

I'll help you pass, but in return, you teach me some more ki moves.

I was gonna teach 'em to ya anyways.

What else do you have to--No, don't touch there!

Well, as I see it, either we both pass... He hesitated until he saw her cheeks flush and her teeth grit. Or we both fail.

Fine, fine! I'll be an open book!

Always were, he thought.

So you can stop that now.

But I'm having fun.

I can't! Everyone will know! I can't be the class pervert!

Ranma relented. Can I propose yet?

No! We don't have them all sorted out yet.

We're getting closer.

Akane drew in a shuddering breath. I am going to kill you just as soon as we get out of here. She looked up, to see Hinako-sensei staring at her oddly.

"Problem, Tendo-san?"

"Sorry...thought I was going to sneeze."

"Well, be careful. There is a flu going around."

"I think someone in this class is sick, Sensei."

Ranma looked hurt. I ain't sick!

To do something like that to me in class? And you say you're not sick?

We both want it. How's it sick if we both want it?

We don't want it in the middle of class. What's wrong with you?

Sorry, Akane. Didn't really think it through.

I'll let it go this time. She sounded calmer now. After all, when I told you to stop, you did.

That session of ours...I think we both need relief, soon.

Yeah. But for now let's ace the test!