I Don't Know How to Love Him

Past the Point of No Return (is that the title?)

"Sirius!" called James from up the hallway, seeing the lanky boy and running to catch up with him. James had a very loud voice, and he was sure his friend had heard him, but Sirius just kept walking. "Git! I need to talk to you!"

"WHAT?" roared Sirius, suddenly wheeling around and causing a third-year to crash into him. Sirius barely noticed.

"Sirius," James said as he approached, "I heard about you and…your girlfriend." He was obviously reluctant to say in public that Sirius and Minerva were together.

"And?" snarled Sirius.

"I just want to tell you that...I'm okay with it."

"Then why don't you just go convince Remus that it's okay?"

"Sirius..."

"Yeah?"

"He's jealous."

"Of me?" Sirius asked, confused.

"Of her," James said quietly.

"Remus likes me?" Sirius asked, the light finally dawning.

"Yes."

"Wow." Sirius let out a puff of air.

"Just don't tell him I told you."

"Er, okay...do you think I should talk to him about it at all?"

James considered this briefly. "I wouldn't," he replied. The hallways were clearing out. "Gotta go to class. See you."

"Bye," said Sirius with a casual wave as he headed in the opposite direction.

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(anything here?)

It was after seven at night. Minerva would already be in her rooms, Sirius thought. After that kiss, there was no way he could stand to keep away from her. Besides, it wasn't like the Marauders and Lily were doing interesting.

"Guys, if you could be a kind of soap, what would you be?" asked Peter.

Sirius groaned. "That's the worst question yet. What's that supposed to reveal about our personalities?"

"I'd be pumpkin-pie flavored soap," replied James decisively.

"James, soaps have scents, not flavors," Lily pointed out.

"So?"

"So…oh never mind."

"As much as I'd like to hang around talking about soap," Sirius said, "I think I'd rather go out and have some time to myself.

"You mean 'time with Minerva,'" said Remus waspishly from off to the side, where he sat scowling at the fire with his arms firmly crossed over his chest.

Sirius paused in the middle of getting out of his chair. Realizing that it was an uncomfortable position, he finished righting himself. "I thought you weren't talking to me?" he said, looking askance at Remus.

"I never said that."

"Yes, but your posture indicated it," Lily interjected.

"Lily, I'm growing a little bit sick of your 'women's intuition' act," Remus said bluntly.

"Remus..." Lily said warningly.

"Sirius," Remus said in an accusatory manner, as though Lily didn't exist. "You never answered my question. Are you going out to see Minerva?"

Sirius decided to tell the truth; "Well, yes."

"If you must," said Lily with a slow nod and an understanding look.

"Don't encourage him, Lily," said Remus disapprovingly.

"I think it's cute," Peter put in.

"Whatever, guys. Discuss it on your own time. I'm leaving," announced Sirius, and he left, not even bothering to take the invisibility cloak.

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...stuff

"Mm, that's good," Sirius said as he bit into her chocolate. Because Remus doesn't always have to be the chocoholic.

Minerva smiled and gave a quick snort. How she would love to hear him say those words in another context.

"What?" asked Sirius in response to her snort.

"Multiple meanings..."

"Oh."

"Yes," Minerva said matter-of-factly.

"So."

"So," she echoed.

"Got any firewhiskey?" Sirius asked with a roguish grin.

"You're old enough to get it on your own now."

"Yeah, but I didn't happen to bring any with me."

"Unprepared as ever. But I find that Madame Rosmerta's Finest Mead goes much better with chocolate. Plus, it's the only liquor I have at the moment."

"Never tried it. Pour me a glassful."

"Nice try, but I think we'll start you off with slightly less than a glassful. They don't pay teachers enough that we can go around squandering expensive liquor." She went to her cabinet, got out glasses, and poured for the two of them.

"Nice stuff!" Sirius said, staring appreciatively at the snifter as he held it up to the light. [Isn't it weird how people do that sometimes?]

"Only the best for the first man I've kissed in four years." [yes, this is the part where I entirely make up a romantic history for her]

"Four years?!! I can't last four weeks without snogging some random girl." As soon as he had said it, Sirius regretted it.

Minerva stiffened. "Does that make me just another horse in your stable of lays?" she asked coldly.

Sirius winced. "Can I retract that last comment?"

"Mr. Black," she said as she stood and became suddenly formal, "your personal life is no concern of mine, but I suppose I should have given a moment's thought to what kind of boy you are before becoming involved with you."

Sirius began to get angry. What right did she have to judge him? He stood, so that he was on even footing with her, and spat, "Maybe you should have. You're the only woman I've ever wanted. For years I've been trying to convince myself that maybe I could want a girl my age the way I want you. If you disapprove of that, I'm perfectly happy to leave you to your books. After all, I'm sure you care more about them than you could ever have cared about me."

Minerva was truly shocked by the force of his anger. "Sirius..." she said in a hurt tone as she took a step towards him.

"Don't come near me," he growled. She stopped advancing. "Goodbye, Minerva." On his way out, he slammed the door.

As soon as he was gone, she sank back into her chair. She began to cry bitterly. It was the first time she had cried in years, and she took it as a sign that she was beginning to care far too much for the boy.

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