Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note nor the Flowing Tears' song upon which this is semi-based and from which I stole the title and all the chapter titles.
Warning: This will become yaoi at some point...
A/N: Um... I don't think I really have anything to say this time... Except... Thanks for all the reviews!! They make me very happy. ^_^
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Thy Kingdom Gone
Chapter 3: Pale Disorder
It hadn't been hard to convince L out of his plan. Once Light rejoined the conversation downstairs, he quickly learned that a few of the detectives were having doubts as to the moral integrity of such a scheme. He latched onto that doubt, and all it took was some blinding eloquence on his part to persuade anyone with any remaining uncertainty as to whether this should be done or not that this was, absolutely, a depraved thing to do. Playing with human life, even though they might not be innocent human lives, was sick and shouldn't be a part of the investigation. After all, if they went through with this test, whether inadvertently or not, they'd be responsible for the death of fellow human beings, and that would make them all just like Kira. Crossing his arms, summoning up the spirit of the perfect, ethical young man he was thought to be, he made a firm resolution to leave the task force and the entire investigation if they had to become killers in order to go on.
L blinked at him, the hand holding his tea cup getting sidetracked on its way to his mouth. "Is that so, Light-kun?" he asked and put down his cup, the china clattering loudly against the table. "What an interesting point you make. However, testing the validity of this rule is very important."
Poorly disguised glares were being exchanged between the two of them, before Matsuda stepped in between them, perhaps to ward off any oncoming violence or to make sure that all attention was focused on him. "Um, I agree with Light-kun," he interjected embarrassedly. "Doing something like this... He's right. It's something Kira would do. And I don't see why we need to test that rule anyway. We already know that the heart attack rule is true, so, isn't that enough? There's no reason for any of us to believe that that rule isn't real. I think, you're just upset because this is the one rule that clears Light, and you don't want it to be true." His face flushed from his speech, Matsuda stepped back and crossed his arms, looking at the floor. "That's what I think, anyway."
L took in all that had been said, one hand slowly raising to his head, where he extended one finger and absently scratched the side of his face. "Yes. You're right. I am upset."
"Ha!" Matsuda yelled in victory, pointing at the seated man. "So you admit it!"
L nodded and then turned his gaze back to Light. "Yes, I have never been wrong before, and it is only this rule I cannot know the truth of which seems to proves it."
"Well, you should get used to the idea that Light isn't Kira. That's what we've all been trying to tell you all this time," Matsuda continued, apparently unable to understand that his point had been made, excitedly waving his hands to accentuate his words.
Watching the scene with detached amusement, Light heard his father clear his throat from the back of their small gathering. "Ah, Ryuuzaki?" Souichirou Yagami asked before stepping forward. "Perhaps we can find another rule to test, or another way to test that doesn't involve the sacrifice of human life. After all, we are all in this investigation together, so we must find something we can all agree upon."
"Yes, of course," L pouted, his face falling as he realized he was outnumbered. As he swiveled around in his chair to tell Watari to cancel the plans, he muttered softly, so no one else could hear, "Convinced them all, haven't you, Light-kun?"
Light stood silently behind him and watched him talk with Watari, watched him undo the genius idea that could've ultimately led to his arrest, watched everything go perfectly according to plan. As the other members of the task force returned to work, he felt a smirk crawl onto his face and approached his nemesis, one hand coming to rest on the back of his chair, the other flat on the table next to his keyboard. Leaning in, he whispered into his ear, "Well, of course. It's only what's right, L."
Neither of them could really tell for certain whether the words they exchanged were about what had just happened or if they were some kind of disguised accusation and confession. They couldn't be certain, but they each knew what the other meant.
When L slowly turned to face him, Light could feel his breath ghost warmly across his skin, could smell the herbal scent of the saccharine tea he'd been drinking. Wild, black hair brushed against his cheek when he dipped his head lower, the faint tickle he felt causing his body to tense and then recoil. He tore himself away and quickly went to sit in his own chair, staring heatedly at his computer screen while he waited for his heart to calm itself. Right then, he had almost... Almost... His hands balled into fists as he sat there, forcing himself to take measured breaths. When he dared to look back at L, he saw the pale man staring at him through wide eyes, his thumb pressing against his bottom lip.
"What is it, Light-kun?"
"... What?"
"Something is troubling you?"
"No, Ryuuzaki, nothing."
He saw disbelief mirrored in those black eyes, and turned away, pretending to work, his nerves becoming more and more frazzled with every second that went by with that hollow gaze never leaving his form.
As hours passed by, and it eventually became late, the various members of the task force started to disperse, either going home or heading off to their live-in rooms to sleep. Light stayed where he was, searching for pointless leads on his computer, deciding that staying up would be preferable to subjecting himself to his sickening dreams. Soon enough, only he and L remained in the gray room. Looking over from the corner of his eye, he watched L as his bony fingers flew over his keyboard, the clacking sounds merging together in their frequency so they almost sounded like one constant hum. He must have found something interesting. In an instant, the clacking came to a complete standstill, and the detective leaned over even further in his chair, his eyes zipping back and forth in their sockets as he read whatever was on the screen. Light watched him suspiciously through narrowed eyes, curious to know what he'd found.
"Ne, Light-kun, am I that good looking?"
Light jumped, his hands clamping around his chair's armrests. "What... did you just say?"
L swiveled his chair, so he was facing him completely, his countenance as impassive as always. "You've been staring at me for quite a while, so I wonder if it's because I'm very good looking?"
Light's eyes went wide as his breath got stuck in his throat. He... He knew? "Do I look like some kind of faggot to you?" he spat, his carefully constructed mask falling off for just a moment as his building agitation towards the other finally showed itself.
L blinked owlishly, his head lolling to the side as he appeared to ponder that. "There is no need for such language, Light-kun..." he said slowly, his voice trailing off as his black eyes wandered to the ceiling.
"Well, what do you expect, asking me something like that?" Light countered, his heart hammering against his ribcage. L didn't answer him, though, and only continued to stare listlessly upward, his mouth falling open, apparently so lost he'd even forgotten to chew on his thumb. "... L?" Light ventured after a moment, rolling his chair forward slightly as the detective continued to zone out.
The addressed man lowered his head, returning his gaze to the boy in front of him. "Hn?... Oh. Yes. Well, the answer to that is, 'I'm not sure'."
"The answer to what?..."
"Light-kun asked if he looked like a faggot."
Light stared at him incredulously, his back straightening, his chestnut eyes widening fractionally. Hearing L say that word shocked him for some reason and made him feel strange, made him feel uneasy.
"However, knowing such a thing just by looking, it's almost impossible. If I were to make assumptions based on stereotypical speech patterns, lifestyle choices and witnessed behaviors, then I would say 'no'. You seem to be very hygienic, though, Light-kun, and you dress well, which are both common stereotypes associated with homosexuality, however, there are also the aforementioned attributes to take into account, which seem to contradict one another." L drawled on in his incessant monotone, his hands twirling lazily as he spoke, apparently voicing every thought the moment it came to him.
"Though, I know, as a detective, that judging a person based solely on stereotypes can often be foolish. Serial killers, for instance, they often were abused as children, yet that doesn't seem to fit in this case, does it? It is also very common that they are products of a dysfunctional household, often without a present father figure, yet that, also, does not apply. We already know that you've had no trouble in school... And I suppose it would be impolite to ask if you've ever attempted suicide." Pausing for a moment, L tugged on his bottom lip with his index finger, then tapped his chin. "Say, Light-kun, did you perhaps continue to wet the bed past early adolescence?"
Light gaped at him. He could barely formulate words, let alone thoughts, as his mind tried to catch up with what the suddenly talkative detective was going on about.
L stared at him expectantly for a moment before speaking again. "I suppose that might be too personal? And, I'm sure, if you had a history of killing or torturing small animals, I'd already know about that..."
"L," Light said pointedly, his exasperation finally catching up with him, one hand pressing against his temple as though to ward off an oncoming headache. "What the hell are you talking about?"
L blinked at him, his mouth falling open. "Well... stereotypes, that's what I'm talking about. I was also trying to make a point, I suppose. Which is, even though you've been cleared and you don't fit the common profile of a serial killer at all, I still believe that Light-kun is Kira. Though, perhaps, since Kira's killing methods are completely uncommon, maybe none of that applies in the first place."
Light glared at him through narrowed eyes. He knew that L had a one track mind, but he couldn't help but be amazed at how he had taken their bizarre conversation and twisted it around in such a way so he could, once again, assert his assuredness of his guilt.
"Is that really what we were talking about?" he asked in a bored tone, not wishing to discuss his alleged position as Kira with the strange man.
"You're right, Light-kun. I suppose I went off on a tangent there... Returning to the original topic, I don't know whether you look like that kind of person or not. Who would know such a thing?"
Light didn't respond. He sat in his chair silently, trying to gauge L's expression, trying to understand what he was thinking. Either way, it was clear, he should've just kept his mouth shut to begin with.
"However... I am not an expert on human sexuality, so perhaps I am not the best person to ask."
Light smiled at this, a short sigh escaping his curled lips as he looked at L, his eyes appearing almost feline as he narrowed them. Before he could stop himself, he rolled his chair across the short distance between them and grabbed the armrests of L's chair, dragging it closer until the detective's toes hit his knees. "Oh? Really?" he jeered, his smirk widening as he spoke, "I thought the great L knew everything about everything."
L cocked his head to the side and pursed his lips, both hands hugging his knees as he looked at Light quizically. "Well, I have no experience in this particular area, so..." His voice trailed off uncharacteristically, his gaze falling away.
Light could barely contain himself. "No experience? And what do you mean by that?"
"It means exactly what you think it means, Light-kun."
"Oh? What? You're a... virgin?"
L's only reply was a glare directed at the wall. Light smiled and let go of his chair, leaning back into his own as he quietly chuckled at the other's expense. Knowing this only gave him another reason to feel superior to L. Bringing one hand up to his mouth, he let his fingers brush against his lips in a feeble attempt to stifle his laughter, all while staring at L's impassive face. "You... How is that possible? I mean, how old are you?"
Finally, L looked at him again, his slightly furrowed eyebrows the only evidence that he might be upset. "I have spent the majority of my life in isolation, Light-kun, with the only person I had any sort of contact with being Watari. There's never been much of a chance to do such a thing... Not that it really matters anyway..." One of his bony hands was running nervously through his messy hair as he spoke, his words hushed.
"'Not that it matters'?" Light questioned disbelievingly. "How can you say that? You're a man, aren't you?" He kept pushing L, waiting for him to react, able to tell by his subtle change in expression that this conversation was upsetting him.
"Yes, I am a man, Light-kun. That's quite obvious, isn't it? However, I've always had more important things to do with my time. And I've never felt the need... to do such a thing..."
Light scoffed and stood, looking down at the tangle of hunched limbs below him. "Never felt the need? Are you serious? I guess the better question to ask would've been are you human?" He continued to stand over him, leaning forward just slightly, waiting for an answer.
L shifted in his chair, rubbing his toes together, his eyes roaming around the room before settling warily on Light. When he spoke, his voice was barely more than a whisper. "Are you perhaps trying to provoke me, Light-kun?"
Light opened his mouth, then paused and straightened up, crossing his arms. He had a feeling that it might be unwise to continue this conversation with the somewhat strained atmosphere that had appeared between them. "I was only curious, L..." he said quietly, collapsing onto his chair, his gaze falling to the side, his body slumping defeatedly. Without looking, he could tell L was still staring at him and had to suppress a smile.
"I somehow find that hard to believe, Light-kun."
"Well, it's strange, L," he said, finding the dark eyes of his companion, choosing his words carefully, feeling the need to press him further. "I just... I've never met anyone like you..."
"Hmm. I see."
"I mean... you've at least kissed someone, right?"
"... I believe you were there when Misa kissed me on the cheek."
Light's eyes widened as a crooked smile nearly stretched his face in two. "What? Is that it?"
"Yes, Light-kun, that's it."
Light sunk down in his chair, letting his head rest against the back as he stared up at the ceiling, his body limp. Despite the wonderful feeling of supremacy he got from it, he had no idea why this conversation was making him feel so satisfied, and, at the same time, even almost giddy. He breathed in deeply, his mind going over everything he'd just learned about the man he considered to be his greatest enemy. L was completely and utterly untouched...
Letting his head fall to the side, he gazed at the detective who had, during his short silence, decided to return to work and was busy clacking away at his computer. He knew that he shouldn't say it, but he just couldn't let it rest. "Hey, L, maybe the reason you've never been interested in sex is because you're gay. Have you ever considered that?"
L's hands froze on his keyboard and he slowly turned to look at him. "No. I've never thought about that," he said quickly, his eyes returning to the screen in front of him, his hands resuming their typing.
Light bristled in his chair, his hands, for the second time that day, balling into fists. L's speedy, dismissive reply had not satisfied him. Not one bit. In his dreams, L was most definitely gay. In his dreams, the pale detective loved the feeling of being penetrated by another man. In his dreams, L hungrily lapped up everything he gave him.
"I've always had more important things to think about," L added on a moment later, the utterance a vague afterthought to his original reply as his mind was still focused on his work.
Light wasn't done, however. "So how can you know then? If you haven't given it any thought?"
L let out a puff of air, swiveling his chair back around to face him. "You are making it very difficult to work, Light-kun."
"Maybe you should take a break then."
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"... Yes. I would."
L blinked at him in surprise before letting his gaze fall to the floor. Light's mouth fell open as he swore he saw a small touch of red staining those normally pallid cheeks. L was... blushing...
"This conversation, Light-kun, I do not know where you are trying to take it..." L murmured, his voice sounding incredibly small as he refused to look at him.
Light stayed silent, simply staring at the nervous heap of limbs sitting across from him. Just as he was about to smile at the long awaited reaction he'd finally received, L's black eyes shifted back to him and he could almost see the wheels turning in their fathomless depths. Before he had time to react himself, L stood and walked over to him, his skeletal hands clamping tightly over his shoulders and gently pushed their lips together. Light's body went rigid at the unexpected contact, but as soon as it came, it was gone. L pulled away from him and went back to his chair. Light's breath came out raggedly as he stared at his companion in complete shock, his body seemingly frozen in place.
Without looking at him, his gaze already fixated on his computer, L said, "There. I have kissed someone now. Are you happy, Light-kun?"
The feeling of L's lips brushing against his own had sent Light crashing back to reality, had finally woken him up to the dangerous place his current subconscious instability might take him to. Abruptly, he stood, his chair spinning off a few feet behind him at the sudden movement. "I'm... going to bed now," he ground out, quickly heading for the staircase.
As he climbed the steps, he heard a quiet voice say, "It's almost strange to sleep alone, now, isn't it?" Those words nearly made him falter, and he turned his head to look at his former bedmate, but the pale man was still facing away from him, absorbed in his work. He ascended the last few steps, and then L was out of sight.
He spent the rest of the night, laying in bed, remembering the sensation of the coldest, most unfeeling kiss he'd ever experienced, remembering the sudden, sickening warmth that had immediately followed it. And in his dreams, that kiss was multiplied and built upon, until both he and his greatest enemy were completely spent.
Pale Disorder - FIN
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Thanks for reading! I hope they weren't too out of character, because I do try my best to make sure that they act at least a little bit like "themselves", but it can be hard sometimes, you know... Especially with where this story is going. For L and Light to get together, it seems like at least one of them has to break character, you know what I mean?
Anyway... Review, please. I'd like to know what you think. Constructive criticism and such is always welcomed and appreciated. Please and thank you. ^_^