Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note nor do I own the Flowing Tears' song upon which this story is semi-based and from which I took the title and all the chapter titles...
Warning: Eventual boy on boy action...
A/N: Let's just say, for fun, that there are no cameras or wiretaps in L's room. I mean, it seems kinda logical, right? Like that could make some sense. I don't know if that particular piece of information is ever explained or not in the anime/manga, but, to me, it seems like it could be true. Maybe. So, anyway, like I said, just for fun, and for the sake of my poorly constructed plot, let's say there aren't. It will become clear in the next chapter why there can't be wiretaps/cameras, otherwise a very important plot twist wouldn't be able to plausibly happen and this story would go nowhere. v.v Anyway.
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Thy Kingdom Gone
Chapter 4: The Speech Of A Twisted Tongue
The silence which followed that kiss was deafening. There were words exchanged, pleasantries, and, of course, thoughts on the current state of the investigation, but it was all nothing he wanted to hear. None of it could drown out the moaning in his head. Nothing could overpower the sound of L gasping for breath, the unmistakable utterances of ecstasy that played through his memory during the day when he had other things he needed to be focusing on. It just wasn't right. Something should have happened. Every day that went by, every moment spent in that room doing the same things over and over seemed to him utterly... wrong.
Light couldn't help but be acutely aware of the fact that, since their kiss, L sat with his chair turned just slightly away from him. He couldn't help but notice the absence of those probing eyes on him, constantly studying his every move and expression. He couldn't help but notice the other's apparent newfound disinterest towards the things he said and did. And while it frustrated him, he knew - he was quite sure - that the whole thing was just a pretense brought on by childish embarrassment. There was no way L could ignore him, not for long anyway. After all, he was everything L was looking for, his only key to self-validation and the fulfillment of his misplaced sense of justice. He was everything L wanted, everything he needed.
He would sit in that gray room, surrounded by the people who were fruitlessly searching for him, his eyes gazing listlessly at the screen in front of him, pretending to help them in their wayward quest. For just a moment, that kiss had thrown him off balance. He'd almost forgotten his plan to change the mind of the world's greatest detective and to use him to achieve his precious vision for the future. Because, whether L was aware of it or not, he was the only reason the strange man was still alive.
"Ne, Light, Misa-Misa is here to see you," Matsuda announced in a sing-songy tone, the sound of his voice causing his mind to return to the present.
Sighing, his eyes rolling toward the ceiling at the prospect of having to speak to Misa, the pure amount of effort it took to get her to understand anything he said, he stood and walked to the exit, passing through the security checks with only one fleeting glance in L's direction. A hunched back was all he saw.
"Liiiiiight! I missed you so much!" Misa shrieked as he approached her, flinging her arms around his neck and nuzzling her face into his shoulder. Her long, metallic earrings were poking into his neck and he just knew that some of her over-applied make-up was rubbing off onto his perfectly crisp, white shirt. Gingerly, he pried himself out of her embrace and gently pushed her back, both hands placed firmly on her shoulders to keep her at a distance.
"Misa... Have you been doing well?"
There were no wire-taps at the entrance to headquarters, but he felt no need to be overtly obvious with his words. When Misa nodded, he knew that she had understood what he'd meant.
"Yes, Light. I've been doing as you told me."
Leaning in slightly, he flashed her one of those charming, luminous smiles that had always gotten him so far during his high school days. "You're a good girl, Misa," he said slowly, letting the words roll elegantly off his tongue. And she nearly melted. He could feel the small tremor that went through her and see the slight glazing of her eyes as the combined force of his smile and his speech hit her.
"Oh, Light..." she murmured breathily, one hand moving to her face to ineffectively cover the blush that had appeared there. "What... What about you? How are... you doing?"
"Well..." He pondered the words he should say, straightening while still keeping a gentle hold on her shoulders. "To be honest... it's been difficult."
"Difficult?" Misa cocked her head to the side, her pigtails bouncing with the sudden movement.
"Yes. It's... bothersome..."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm sure you can figure it out."
Misa stared at him blankly for a moment before her eyes widened, a mischevious smile working its way onto her face. "Oh, yes, of course I understand! It must be so lame to be stuck all the time with only guys around... But, I mean, I'm sure that L would let you leave if you wanted... and then you can come visit me anytime! He was going to let you leave in the first place, right? So, it should be okay..." She trailed off, her imagination reeling with the prospect of all their future dates.
"No, Misa. That's not what I meant at all," he said carefully, fighting the sudden urge he felt to tighten his grip on her shoulders and then shake her, violently, until she gained some semblance of intelligence.
"Then... Then what is it?"
He sighed for effect, summoning up the most pitiful expression he could manage. "I want to leave. I mean, of course I do... but... I just can't. Not with the way things are. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the Death Note with L and the rest of them. And then I also have Rem to consider."
"... Rem? What about Rem?"
"Well... I think she's made it quite obvious that she dislikes me. I'm living here... in constant fear for my life. I never know when I might say or do something that might give her reason to kill me. I've already had to deal with her threats once..."
Misa's expression turned into one of fear as she took in what he was saying. "No... No way! I won't let her do that!" she yelled passionately, her small hands clenching into fists.
"But... how could you possibly stop her, Misa?" he asked forlornly, his eyebrows scrunching together under the sorrow he felt at his impending death. "I sometimes feel... like it would be better if Rem just wasn't here at all."
"... Oh."
A breathy whisper fell from the lips of his companion. He continued to hold onto her shoulders delicately, his thumbs moving gently back and forth across the black lace that adorned them. Misa's precious eyes had gone wide and he could see in their shallow depths the inner workings of her mind as an idea formed itself. She took a deep breath and nodded, her eyelids falling closed for a moment before she began to speak.
"I understand, Light," she said quietly, the words coated with that dangerously serious tone he got to hear so rarely. And then she smiled, a small giggle escaping her painted lips. "I have to go now, I think. I've just got so many things to do!" She skipped over to the door before he could ask her for an explanation, her hand raised in farewell. "I'll call you later, Light. And, please, make sure Rem is there when I do..." The last sentence, while said through a smile, had carried a certain weight to it. With that, she left the building, the door falling closed heavily behind her.
Light watched her departure through wary eyes, curious to know what sort of scheme she had cooked up during their short conversation, yet his certainty that it couldn't be anything too important kept him from dwelling on it for very long. He made his way back into the main room of headquarters, receiving a few confused glances on account of his extremely short visit with his "girlfriend". Ignoring the pointless questions Matsuda asked about Misa-Misa and her welfare, he sat heavily in his chair, sighing at the less than desirable situation he was in.
Things couldn't stay like this. Not for any longer. He would never be able to achieve his destiny stuffed in a little box with over eager detectives while some dim-witted, shortsighted girl took care of, what should be, his work.
His eyes drifting to the side, he regarded L with barely concealed contempt. The detective had never made any acknowledgement of his departure and subsequent return and was still clacking away at his keyboard, eyes glued to his computer, in the exact same position Light had left him in. And the next few days followed the same pattern. The case had, once again, come to a standstill, yet that didn't stop L from spending every waking hour perched in his usual chair, seemingly oblivious to what was happening around him. He was unusually quiet and would speak to the others only when absolutely necessary. The majority of his words were directed to Watari, mostly on the subject of food, and if he would be so kind as to bring him some. Light watched the situation continue with building agitation, unable to accept the detective's lack of interest, unable to accept that that kiss had been a beginning and an end all in one.
Disregarding the warnings his mind was screaming at him, he decided to stay up late one night with L, to see if being alone with him would bring about any change in his behavior. As the other members of the task force left the room, he stayed behind, pretending to be just as absorbed in his work as the other. Minutes flew by in silence, Light's mood growing increasingly foul until he stopped pretending to work altogether and leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, eyes fixed on the only other person in the room. His movements had been obvious, yet garnered no response.
"L," Light said pointedly, and rather loudly given the distance between them, looking at his companion through dangerously narrowed feline eyes.
L's hands ceased their typing at the sound of his name, his back straightening just slightly. Slowly, and almost unbearably so, the pale man turned to face him for the first time in so long. "What is it, Light-kun?" he asked, his wide eyes belying the steady monotone of his voice.
Light spoke carefully, enunciating each word clearly, making sure that the other understood that his utterance was not a request, but an order.
"We need to talk."
The walk to L's room was short. Light was almost surprised at how easy it had been to convince him to bring him there. All it had taken were a few tender pleas and a sincere expression. And now, L was ushering him into his private suite and closing the door behind them. Light went straight to the couch that was situated in the sitting room and made himself comfortable, slinging one arm over the back as L sat next to him, as far away as the piece of furniture would allow.
"Shall I have Watari bring us some tea?" L asked him quietly as he brought his knees up to his chin, one hand playing nervously with the hem of his pants.
"No." Light didn't even try to hide his smile when he noticed the small jump his quick reply had earned.
L looked at him cautiously. "Alright then. What was it you wanted to talk about, Light-kun?"
"Serious matters." He never did get tired of hearing his name pass through those thin lips, as it seemed to do so often.
"Are you going to elaborate? Or is Light-kun going to make me guess?"
Light took in a deep breath, holding it for just a moment as he rested his head on the back of the couch, allowing his body to recline in a completely relaxed fashion as he exhaled. "Am I correct in assuming that there are no wiretaps or cameras in your room, L?"
"Yes, that is correct, Light-kun."
"That's good."
L looked at him quizzically, his expression shifting ever so slightly at those words. "Should I prepare myself for something terrible then, Light-kun?"
L. Oh, sweet, simple L. "No," the boy chuckled phonily, brushing his hair from his eyes. "I just want to speak with you candidly... and... to be honest, it's a little unsettling to know that there's always someone watching and listening to everything you say and do."
"It shouldn't be. Unless you have something to hide."
"I'm sure that everyone, innocent or guilty, would feel at least a little bit uncomfortable being watched all the time. But this isn't what I wanted to talk about."
"What is it, then?"
And what... what was it, exactly?
After L spoke, it was quiet. It was so quiet, he could hear the other man breathing, the shallow intakes and the sighing exhales. It instantly reminded him of those nights when he couldn't sleep, when he was haunted by some twisted thought he couldn't place, when he was haunted by the simple fact of the detective's existence.
"Light-kun?"
Suddenly, the room seemed so small, the space between them so congested. It was the first time he and L had ever been truly alone together. Closing his eyes for a moment, he reveled in that realization and, at the same time, felt an unwelcome feeling of apprehension wash through him.
"Why have you been ignoring me?" he asked abruptly, the question bursting forth from him before he had any time to stop it. Again, that wasn't what he'd wanted to talk about.
"I haven't been doing such a thing, Light-kun."
"Yes, you have. It's been ridiculously noticeable, so don't even try to deny it."
L sighed, his bottom lip jutting out, his black eyes squinting at him from across the couch. "I'm sorry. I've been working. You should give it a try some time, Light-kun."
"Oh yeah? You've been working?"
"Yes. That is what I just said."
"So, you've been busily working all this time, yet you haven't found anything worth sharing with the rest of us at all? Am I supposed to believe that?"
"Light-kun can, and will I'm sure, believe whatever he wants."
Light breathed in slowly, taking a moment to center his thoughts and return his focus to his intended plan. He hadn't come to L's room to squabble with him. "Listen... L..." he said quietly, giving him a meaningful look, his head tilted down slightly so as to peek up at the other through his bangs. "There really is something I want to talk to you about, so..." he trailed off, a sudden clenching in his chest catching him off guard, forcing him to stop speaking.
L returned his gaze, his eyelids hanging heavily over his seemingly hollow, black orbs. "Whenever you are ready, Light-kun," he said flatly while rubbing his toes together.
Oh, this was a joke, wasn't it? This wasn't really happening. He closed his eyes, let that unstoppable, unrelenting force rise up within him and pushed every shred of his uneasiness down as far as he could. "I had this dream, L."
A dream wherein I tore you apart, wherein I fucked you over and over again while you begged me for more. I had a dream that I killed you; that you were dead, silent, absolutely perfect.
"... It was in the future. Kira's future. All the criminals had been done away with, and you and I were there, together. We were living in the world that Kira had made and we were... we were happy."
L's eyes went wide as he listened to his little speech, his little lie, his mouth falling open in incredulity. Light felt an inward smirk nearly tearing his soul in two as he saw L's pale face becoming stained with a light, barely noticeable shade of red.
You'd love it, wouldn't you? To be with me.
"We weren't the only ones who were happy. Everyone was. Everyone lived peacefully, without fear. It really was like... paradise."
L remained silent, but by the look on his face, Light could tell that he was unsettled by the things he was saying.
"What do you think about that, L?" he said, trying his best to sound genuine, trying his best not to break out in hysterical laughter at the other's obvious reactions.
L squinted at him, the expressionless mask falling firmly back into place. Leaning towards him, his unkempt black locks shifting over his eyes, the detective scrutinized him, his mouth remaining shut while his eyes roamed. Light enjoyed the attention, giving the other a small smile as he basked in the long awaited return of that penetrating, yet ultimately powerless gaze. And, then, the silence broke and a question was posed whose answer seemed so simple and innocuous, yet, at the same time, so obscure and so twisted, he could hardly put together a reply.
"Just what exactly is it, Light-kun, that you are trying to say?"
The Speech Of A Twisted Tongue - FIN
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Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it...
I need to tell you all something. I have a deep dark secret. And that is... I like Misa. Yeah, I'm a super creepy Light/L fan, but I like Misa. I really don't understand all the hate out there towards her, but whatever. I just thought I should tell you because she will be playing a bit of a role in this fic. Especially in the next chapter... and the one after that. Assuming all my "carefully laid plans" go smoothly.
Also...... It might be a while before the next chapter is posted. It's hard to deal with, I know. Anyway, I'm not gonna go and say that this story is "on hiatus", because it's not, really. I'll work on it when I can, but I have very little free time lately, so, as I said, there might be a little delay. And how sad for you, 'cause they were totally gonna make out in the next chapter. I mean... What? Huh? Did I say that? I don't know...
And... lastly... please review. They make me happy. AND WHEN I'M HAPPY IT'S SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE THIS THING, YOU GET WHAT I'M SAYIN', MMKAY??!! ^_^ (... Please and thank you...)