Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note nor the Flowing Tears' song upon which this is semi-based and from which I stole the title and all the chapter titles.
Warning: Yaoi. At some point. And a little boy on boy kissy kiss in this chapter. Be aware.
A/N: I don't think I really have anything thing to explain directly regarding the story that you need to know before reading it... So... Um... Sorry for the longer wait. I hope you all found some way to deal with it... Ha ha... AND THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO REVIEW!!! I FOR REALS APPRECIATE IT!!
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Thy Kingdom Gone
Chapter 5: Sanctimonium Part I
"What am I trying to say?"
"Yes, Light-kun. I really would like to know."
What was it? He had known earlier, hadn't he? He had planned everything out so carefully, what he would say, what the other's reaction would be, right? And here he was, now... trying to... make L... want him.
The realization of what he was doing was like a siren going off in his head. It was like standing on the sidewalk, watching an ambulance go by, hearing the mechanized wailing and knowing that somewhere, completely out of your control, something disastrous was happening.
Drawing in a breath, expression never faltering, he pushed down the piercing warnings of his mind and returned his focus to his original intent. "What I'm trying to say is, maybe we're going about this whole thing the wrong way."
L's eyebrows jumped upward as one finger scratched lazily at his temple. "Oh? The wrong way? Expand, if you will, Light-kun."
"I think it's become obvious that this investigation is going nowhere. Kira's got us running in circles. I think it might be a better idea for us to try to work with Kira instead of wasting all this time and energy trying to catch him." Light spoke slowly, keeping his eyes glued to the other, waiting for what he assumed would be an immediate rejection to his, as of yet, vague proposal, but L remained silent, his black eyes having drifted to the floor.
"What, you have nothing to say about that, L?"
L's feet shifted over the edge of the couch, his eyebrows furrowing as he squinted at the low table in front of them. "It's not that I don't have anything to say. I'm just trying to figure out what in the world you could be thinking by actually saying that out loud."
"I take it you don't approve."
"Of course not."
"Won't you let me try to convince you?"
"Oh, please, Light-kun. I'd love to hear it."
Even hidden under the flat monotone of the detective's voice, he could clearly hear the sarcasm, but he paid it no mind. Scooting closer to the other, yet still maintaining a friendly distance between them, he slung his arm over the back of the couch, his fingertips resting precariously close to where L's back reclined against the piece of furniture, and locked his gaze with L's.
"Countries all over the world execute their criminals."
"That is true, Light-kun."
"The deaths of these men are seen as lawful and are imposed by the will of the people. Disregarding any certain individual's personal beliefs on the matter, this practice is generally not considered... unjust."
L nodded at this though his expression clearly displayed his growing suspicion in what was being said.
"Perhaps the best way to catch Kira is to pretend, for now, to work with him, as I mentioned before. Appeal to his interests, give him something, maybe gain a little of his trust in the process. Who knows? Maybe he'd let his guard down."
"Oh? And how would we achieve this?"
"Well, it'd have to be something that both sides would be ready to accept. We'd have to reach out to both the media and the government, but, my thought is... the broadcast of criminals who have committed lesser crimes should be stopped altogether. Various countries, whoever would like to participate, would broadcast only criminals that have been convicted and sentenced to death. Let Kira take care of them. The only reason Kira is able to kill is because the names and faces of these people are plastered all over the television and internet. He'd still be able to go on with what he wants, but there would be no unnecessary deaths. It might keep him pacified and then we could work on gaining his trust and getting closer to him."
It was silent in the room as he waited for L's response. As he'd been speaking, he could almost taste the air going stale, could feel a completely non-physical type of separation occurring. His brown eyes lingering on the other's face, he watched him closely, the always subtle changes in expression now seeming incredibly overt. And when L spoke, the quiet words, despite their meaning, seemed like an invitation to him, another one of the endless acceptances of their ongoing battle.
"Before I point out the obvious flaws in that plan, I would just like to state that contradicting oneself is never a good way to get people to believe in the things you say, Light-kun."
"How am I contradicting myself?"
"You may recall, not too long ago, I wished to test one of the rules of the murder notebook. You quickly, and quite adamantly, convinced everyone that, whether inadvertently or not, allowing another human being to die is a terrible, inexcusable thing to do."
"That was a completely different situation. We have no reason to doubt those rules. You just couldn't accept that you were wrong and were willing to play with human life in a desperate attempt to prove yourself. This has to do with making a real effort to catch Kira."
"I suppose that is a valid point, though I'm still quite unconvinced that I'm wrong. I'm just confused as to why, suddenly, you are comfortable with being responsible - inadvertently, to quote you directly - for causing someone's death."
"As I just said," he said through his teeth, trying his best to keep his expression neutral, "This is a completely different situation. We need to change tactics if we're ever going to catch Kira."
L sighed. "Well... I suppose now I will explain why that plan could never work, and why I would never allow it, just the same. You are suggesting some type of international broadcast with various countries offering up their criminals. Now, there are countries that show signs of supporting Kira and there are countries who openly oppose him. Just like some countries have the death penalty and others do not. Now, Kira is a touchy subject for most people, whether they are supporters or opposers. If something like this were to happen, it could cause untold damage to foreign relations in countries all across the globe. And then there is the fact that this would, quite effectively, make Kira the law. The recognized law. To be honest, I'm quite shocked you actually said that out loud. It's not like you at all, Light-kun."
"How is it not like me? I want to catch Kira. This is a way, I believe, we can get closer to him."
"Yes, but... You are usually much more careful with what you say. There is no need to glare at me like that, Light-kun."
He had spent so long hiding his every emotion, and here, alone with the chief cause of his agitation, he felt no need to disguise it. "It's a brilliant plan, L. Accept it."
L smiled at him, one of those ridiculously childish smiles that he would unleash upon them all at random, that made him look like a fool. "There are two ways to interpret what you just suggested, Light-kun. The first way is that it is the overzealous scheme of someone desperate to find a way to Kira. I, however, choose to interpret it the second way."
"And that is?"
"Light-kun will only get angry if I say it."
"Since when has that ever stopped you?" he asked through a grimace, the hand that was resting near L's back twitching with a stifled desire to reach out to the other and cause him some kind of bodily harm.
"I suppose it hasn't... Well, I suppose I've been quite rude in the past, but... I'm really not sorry for it."
"I didn't expect you would be."
"You know, Light-kun," L murmured, his head tilting to the side. He paused for a moment, his fingertips drumming against his knees before he made a small clicking noise with his tongue and continued. "You know, when you asked to come up to my room, I thought... I thought you were going to confess to me."
Straightening, his eyes going wide only to narrow again, Light turned on his side to fully face the other. "Confess? Confess to what, exactly?"
"To being Kira. To confess that... you are Kira."
"Why in the world would you think something like that? Disregarding the fact that you're completely wrong about me, why would the person who is Kira come out and confess for no reason?"
That was the truth. L wasn't wrong about him being Kira, but he was wrong about everything else. Everything else.
"You've been acting strangely lately. That's why. I'm not quite sure what you may do."
Was it strange? He'd known, hadn't he? The moment he'd decided to save L's life, he's formulated another one of his genius plans to use him, to somehow change his mind. And that was it. The flaw. The reason he was was here with L now, stuck in this aggravating conversation, stuck in this pointless situation. There'd been no plan, no concrete idea, just a mass of vague, directionless thoughts floating through his mind due to his mysterious desperation to keep the other alive. All he'd been thinking about lately was finding a way to return the detective's undivided attention back to him, and only him. After all, he only felt right when those vacant eyes were on him, filled with his reflection.
"I... don't know what you mean."
L made a small noise of acknowledgement, his eyes drifting to the side. "Well... if that's all you wanted to talk to me about, Light-kun..."
"What?" he sneered. "Getting tired of me already?"
"No. I'm just tired in general. Concerning many things." L's gaze returned to him, his eyelids hanging heavily over his onyx orbs, the dark circles seeming all the more pronounced as he regarded him expressionlessly. Silently, the two of them stared at each other for a few moments, neither speaking nor moving as a strange feeling of understanding passed between them. Understanding of what, though, was something that could never be put into words.
"Well..." L mumbled as the silence began to slowly turn awkward. "If you insist upon staying, then I think I will have Watari bring us some tea."
"Don't bother."
As L ignored his words and turned towards the laptop that had been sitting open on a small end table near the edge of the couch, a few things happened, none of which Light could find a reasonable explanation for. His left hand, which had been resting innocently near the other's back for the duration of their conversation, shot forward and quite forcibly grabbed the pale skin of the detective's neck and pulled him back, his other hand fisting in the fabric of his shirt over his shoulder, dragging his lean body close. L uttered a small noise of surprise, his body gone rigid in the other's grasp. Leaning forward, burying his face in the other's hair, Light dragged his fingernails roughly across the sensitive skin of his neck, relishing in the slight hiss his actions earned. He angled his head, his lips searching for an ear amidst the mess of dark locks until he found one, a smile breaking out across his face as he basked in the glow of his power.
"No matter what you do," he whispered, his lips moving against the shell of L's ear. "No matter how long this goes on..." He closed his eyes, preferring to simply feel - to feel the obvious heat where L's cheek rested against his jaw, to feel the rigidity of and the almost imperceptible tremors running through the body in his hold, to feel L's breath puffing unevenly onto his neck. "... You'll never be able to prove anything."
A small gasp entered his hearing as L tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let him, his hands clamping even harder onto his body.
"Light-kun...!"
There were bony hands pushing against his chest. There was hair tickling his neck. They were tangled up in each other. Completely tangled.
L smelled like vanilla. Inhaling, the thought struck him as strange. He shouldn't smell this good.
He shouldn't.
"L..." his hand worked its way upward to knot in the other's hair, angling his head into the exact position he wanted it. Their eyes met for a brief moment - one pair of honey brown, dazed and resolute, and the other deep black, wide in shock and confusion, but not a hint of fear. It was a fleeting exchange, over before it could truly begin, and then their lips were pressed together.
Light opened his mouth and leaned forward, nearly forcing the other onto his back. L was fighting him, still, as always, his hands like vices around his shoulders as he tried to push him off. And that observation only urged Light onward, because he knew that the other man possessed the strength to push him away, and if that was what he really wanted, it would have already happened. So, he pressed further, his tongue snaking out to trace the contours of the other's tightly closed lips.
"Ligh-"
The end of his name was lost as he delved into L's mouth, their tongues meeting haphazardly as one pushed forward and the other pulled back. It was sweet, of course, like tea and chocolate and fruit. L's body was stiff in his arms, his passive attempts at resistance finally coming to an end as he merely laid still. Light opened his eyes, keeping their mouths locked together, his tongue still moving and exploring everything that had been denied to him, and saw L's, black and open and so close, staring at him as their kiss continued.
You need to stop fighting me. You need to accept it. Otherwise, you're dead.
It was the message he tried to convey before closing his eyes and pouring all of his energy into asserting his dominance over his greatest enemy. It was the only truth that remained to him. It was his last clear thought before he felt L shiver beneath him and his mind turned into a hazy mess.
Sanctimonium Part I - FIN
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Thanks for reading! I hope it was... okay? And I'm sorry about the delay, but I'm sure it was bearable... I've been "busy" lately and low on inspiration as well... so... when those two factors come together... my creepy yaoi fanfics don't get written. Yes, it's tragic. Anyway.
About the whole "Part I" thing... When I planned out what was going to happen in this chapter, well, there was going to be some other stuff happening that I didn't quite get to. While I was writing this, L and Light just decided to blab on and on and before I knew it, I was practically at my average chapter length without having a few things happen that I wanted to have happen in the "Sanctimonium" chapter, so, therefore, it was been extended into a two part deal. I thought about just writing a longer than normal chapter (oh my god, heresy!!), but then it would take longer to post and I've been really annoyed at how long I've just been blowing this off already. I really want to write this story, but it's sometimes... difficult, shall we say.
And don't worry. I know everyone has been desperately missing Misa and her feminine wiles. Well. Fear not. She's comin' back in all her wile-y glory next chapter with her secret little plans. Look forward to it.
And, lastly, please review. They warm my heart. I know that sounds stupid, but I'm being completely serious. Constructive criticism, suggestions for betterment, etc, are all greatly appreciated. Even if you just want to point out everything that is wrong with this story, feel free to do so. If you take the time to let me know what you think, I'll be very happy. Please and thank you. ^_^