Phineas and Ferb
Phineas and Ferb's Best Christmas Adventure Ever
Chapter 1: Holiday Spiritless
A/N: First off all, no, this Christmas special is not canon with the actual one coming in December. If a full version of the Christmas theme song comes out and the lyrics to it match mine word for word, then it will be 100% coincidence. And yes, "Cleveland" is Cleveland Brown from Family Guy. I just find the gags where his house gets destroyed while he's in the bathtub so damn funny that I can't resist using them! Plus, I don't like to post expected updates anymore because things happen and events come up that I have no control over and I don't want to disappoint you guys. Keep checking every week for updates, but I don't make any specific promises for that reason.
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Phineas and Ferb does not belong to me. It belongs to the two geniuses Dan Povenmire and Jeff "Swampy" Marsh. Keep up the good work, gentlemen! Also don't expect any good original songs! Sorry, but I'm not good with writing original songs. Never have been. But I'll give it a try. Look out for the first one in this chapter, which will be a Christmas version of the full theme song.
Meanwhile, the Flynn-Fletchers' family pet, Perry the Platypus, was in Phineas's room, sleeping, when his watch went off. He woke up, put his fedora on, and turned his communicator on. It was his boss, Major Monogram, on the other line. "Agent P, thank goodness. It's Dr. Doofenshmirtz. He's up to his old tricks again. This time, he's built some sort of ray that he will shoot into the Tri-State Area to make everyone either very naughty so Santa Claus won't bring them any presents, or very gloomy, so there will be no Christmas spirit and Santa will just pass over them this year."
Perry the Platypus sighed as he knew he had to go teach Dr. Doofenshmirtz a lesson. Again.
"I'm sorry, Agent P, but this time, we don't want to take any chances. You need to find out which it is, and put a stop to it! Don't fail us, Agent P! The Christmas holiday depends on it." Perry saluted his boss, and then jumped out the window, heading to Dr. Doofenshmirtz's evil lair.
He ran outside and turned on his helicopter backpack, and soared out to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, determined to put an end to Dr. D's plan to stop Christmas from happening. Boy, the Stock Market's like this all the time. No wonder our economy is sucking so much.
Back downstairs, Phineas was in the living room, watching some TV. Isabella had just left to go back home a moment ago, despite Phineas asking her to stay several times. She was flattered by the offer, but knew she'd feel more awkward around him if she stayed. So she picked herself up and left to go home.
She went up to her room, opened up her laptop, and began doing some research online. Her first search on Google was "What can you do to get a boy to notice you?". The first page that came up told her that boys were into race cars, building things, spitting on the sidewalk...nothing interested her except the "building things" part. "Hmm, this looks interesting." She said to herself. She went into the page and it went on about how most boys ages 12-16 want to grow up to be construction workers, and how most of them who did between the years 1990 and 1993 died in the September 11th attacks.
"Nope." She clicked out and went to another page. The next one she went into talked about how the rate of abusive men has skyrocketed since 1990, and that most of their wives have died in the September 11th attacks. The third page she went into talked about how most girls who like a boy usually do something outrageous that relates to that boy. For example, if a boy likes race cars, a girl would usually buy or build a race car to impress him. Oh, and did I mention that most of those girls who like race cars died in the September 11th attacks? "Hmm, this could work." She said to herself.
"If you like a boy and want them to notice you, find out what they are into, and either take an interest in that activity or mimic it." She read aloud, and began formulating an idea. "So, Phineas likes to build outrageous contraptions and make every single day the best day ever. Then all I have to do is build something really big that represents how I feel about him and he's sure to notice! But what can I build that will showcase my feelings for him and not scare him off?"
She spent that entire night conjuring up ideas on how to get Phineas to notice her, and unfortunately, all of them involved doing dangerous things that would likely get someone killed. And by unfortunately, I mean unfortunately for everyone else. After she had a pretty good idea of what she was going to do tomorrow, she closed her laptop, put her pajamas on, got into bed, and instantly fell asleep, allowing her dreams to be consumed by thoughts of marrying Phineas.
Meanwhile, Perry the Platypus, now taking on his secret agent double life, had arrived at Dr. Doofenshmirtz evil lair, and had gotten past his security system very successfully. There were no troubles in getting past the traps Doofenshmirtz had set up for him at the entrance, but...
Once again, Perry had fallen victim to the trap Doofenshmirtz set up for him in his lair. This time, Dr. Doofenshmirtz had built a robotic Santa Claus that came out and grabbed Perry once he stepped into his lair, and held him in a grasp only known to basketball players such as Shaquille O'Neal.
"Perry the Platypus, as usual your timing is uncanny. You know, I never understood it. You can get past my laser beams, my crocodiles, and even my gillotines with no problem, and yet you fall victim like an innocent little child the traps I set up in here. I never understood that. Anyway, I see you've met my new robotic Santa Claus. I call him Clyde. I don't know why I picked that name. I just thought it was cute. Anyway, you're probably wondering what's going on. Well, I'll tell you."
"Every Christmas since I was 6, my parents would always hide my Christmas presents somewhere in our home so I wouldn't touch them until Christmas morning. But every Christmas morning, they always forgot to take them out and put them under the tree, so I was always without presents. That is...until I was 18. See, when I moved out of my parents' home, I finally found all of my old presents hidden in a closet in their room. When I confronted them about it, they denied ever buying me presents. So I did what I felt was right. I cursed at them with every bad word in the dictionary, and every curse word known to man. Then, I left to pursue my life-long dream...which is another back-story, which I will tell you another time."
"Anyway, since my parents made me feel gloomy and miserable every Christmas as a child, I will destroy all that is happy and joyous and related to Christmas in the entire Tri-State Area!" He went over to an open window, and pulled the sheets off of a new invention of his. "Behold, Perry the Platypus! My Holiday Gloominator 4000...inator."
"With this, all I have to do is shoot it into the skies once, and in just 60 seconds, all of the Tri-State Area will be zapped with a ray that will cause them to become extremely depressed, thus they will lose their holiday spirit! Oh yes, kids will stop believing in Santa Claus, parents will stop buying them gifts and holding family dinners, and the only gift everyone'll be seeing in their Christmas stocking is a big, fat, lump of coal! A ha ha ha..."
While Dr. Doofenshmirtz laughed at his only horrible evil scheme, Perry began devising up a way to break away from robo-Claus's grip. But try as he might, Robo-Claus was far too strong for Perry to fight. Doofenshmirtz walked over to his invention and pressed a button on it. After that, a computerized voice came on "Holiday Gloominator 4000-inator firing sequence initiated. 3 hours to firing."
"Huh...I'm not sure I made the launching sequence so long. I mean, who has that kind of time? Oh well, I guess there's nothing we can do now but wait...and wait...and--oh you know what, this is boring. I can't just wait for the next hour! I have a life!" When he looked at his nemesis, all he got was a disapproving shake of the head. "OH don't give me that, Perry the Platypus! I too have a life! Well, it's just not that good. That's all!"
Meanwhile, back in Danville, Candace was having much difficulty finding Jeremy the perfect Christmas present. She didn't want to get him just anything. She wanted to get him something that really meant something to her so it would mean something to him. But she couldn't figure out what exactly to buy him. So she started with jewlery. She went to the Danville Emporium.
"Um, hi." She said nervously to a jewlery store clerk. "I'm trying to buy a Chrismtas present for a boy and I'm not sure what exactly I should get him."
"Oh, I see your problem. Well, miss, I think I might have to answer for you." The clerk said in a peppy tone as he looked to his left and pulled out an activity book. "You look like you want to get him an activity book with half the activities done!"
"But...that would save him half the time." She said, slightly confused.
"Exactly! Connect the dots? More like set the book down and have a beer."
"But he's too young to drink...and so am I."
"OK, then. Activity book -- not for you. No problem. What else do you think this "boy" of yours would like?"
"No, really. It really is for a boy I like. Anyway, he's also into music. So...maybe I could get him a new guitar."
"Guitars? I've got just the thing for you!"
"Great!" Candace followed the sleazy clerk into another department of the store, where he picked out a guitar for Candace. Unfortuantely and to Candace's dismay, it was a plastic guitar. "Wait, this looks like those guitar controllers they use on those video games "Guitar Hero" and "Rock Band."
"You are correct, missy. These are state-of-the-art, and indestructable, so never again will he have to buy another game controller."
"No, see, I meant a real guitar. Not one of these cheap, plastic knockoffs."
The clerk looked at her angrily for a moment, not uttering a single word, which began to scare her. "I play Guitar Hero. I was the one who designed the controller in the first place." She gasped. "Still think they're a knockoff? Hmm?"
"Um..."
"You know what? Just get out. Just get out of my store right now before I have a hissy fit and probably end up hurting you! Go!" He shouted angrily to the girl, which prompted Candace to take his advice, drop the guitar, and run out as fast as she could. She started trudging outside, trying to think of something she could do.
"Well, that worked out fabulously." She said sarcastically to herself. "There's gotta be another place where I can buy Jeremy a Christmas gift." She was walking along when she noticed that she had walked passed the Googolplex mall. "Oh wait! The mall! They have everything there!"
She went into the mall to browse around for the perfect gift for Jeremy. She decided that since she was unable to get him jewlery or a new guitar, then she should just get him a gift card. So she went in and headed over to the gift card department. "A gift card should do the trick." Yeah, it's a great way to say "Here's $20. Go buy your own f*cking gift."
"Now which one should I pick?" She picked out a few at random that had to do with boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, and read them aloud. "Thanks for not getting mad about the spill on the carpet? Merry Christmas, don't let the door hit you on the way out? Sorry for accidentally destroying your house while you were taking a bath again? These are horrible! I can't give him any of these! Ugh!!" She shouted in frustration as she continued walking around the store.
There was absolutely nothing that was in the store that she actually thought was good enough to give Jeremy as a gift. Feeling defeated, she trudged out of the mall empty-handed and decided to go home.
Meanwhile, back at Isabella's house, the girl was busy writing in her diary. About what, you may ask? About Phineas, of course. She wrote about her ingenious plan to make Phineas love her. What is it, you ask? Well, I'm not going to tell you. At least not yet. No, you have to read on to find out what it is.
After she finished writing in her diary, she closed it, put it away, and turned on the TV.
"And in other news tonight, teen pop sensation Drake Bell will be performing his new Christmas single, "Jingle Bells" in the Tri-State Area tonight at 6:00 pm in the Danville park."
She thought about that announcement for a second, and realized that it would be the perfect way for him to realize his love for her. So she picked up her cell phone and dialed Phineas.
"Hello?"
"Hey Phineas. It's me."
"Oh hey, Isabella. What's up?"
"There's a Christmas concert playing tonight. And do you know who's gonna be playing?"
"No. Who?"
"Drake Bell!"
"No way! I love his music!"
"So do I!" She laughed a little bit. "So, um, Phineas, speaking of that concert, I was wondering if you wanted to go see him with me."
"Sure, I'd love to!"
"Really?"
"Of course! So when's he playing?"
"6:00."
"Cool! Then I'll meet you outside your house at 5:30 and we'll walk over together."
"Um, OK." She sighed heavenly as she hung up her phone and squealed in delight. "I've got a date with Phineas! Now that that's out of the way, I've got to get his attention even more."
She came up with the idea that she should start by building a snowman in her front yard. So she went outside and started building. It was going to be the biggest snowman she had ever built on her own, and she was building it in the shape of Phineas, with a heart in the middle of his chest and Isabella's face inside the heart. It took her a couple of hours to complete, and by 5:30, she was almost finished. But by that time, Phineas was leaving his home to meet Isabella at her house so they could go to the concert together.
"Hey Phineas!" She shouted to him as he made his way over to her house, while still building the snowman.
"Hey Isabella! Are you ready?"
"What? Oh, for the concert. Heck yeah I am!"
"What have you been doing?" What does it look like she's been doing, you idiot?
"Oh nothing. I've just been building this snowmanm in my front yard for the past couple of hours. I thought I'd do this to pass the time. Guess I lost track of it. Do you like it?" She asked, rather desperately, hoping Phineas would at least get that it was in the shape of him.
"Yeah. It's great." He actually looked a bit nervous as he looked at the snowman in his shape. This actually made her glow with joy because it meant to her that he was picking something up. "Wow...that must've taken you hours to make."
"Yeah, it was pretty hard. But I had lots of fun. So, are you ready?"
"Um...sure." Isabella walked over to him and the two set off to the Danville park. To neither of their knowledge, they held hands the entire way there.
All of their friends were there, including Ferb, who was busy working the lights. "Wow, Phineas, this is gonna be the best concert ever!"
"It sure is! What better way to start Christmas off than with a teen rock star?"
Dr. Doofenshmirtz had grown extremely bored of waiting for the launch sequence to initiate. So, out of shear desperation for excitement, he released Perry the Platypus, and sat down with him to watch some Christmas Classic with hm. The first was "KISS Saves Santa".
"You know, Perry the Platypus, watching this video with you kinda reminds me how horrible our economy is." Dr. D said to the Platypus spy. "I mean, really! Who wants to watch a movie about a rock band that nobody's ever heard of save a guy that only exists in the imagination of little children and Michael Jackson everywhere!? It's mutiny I tell you!" He was ranting so much now that he did not even notice that his machine was about to fire.
60 sequence to firing. The machine's computarized voice said as Dr. D took out the CD and put in another Christmas classic "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Perry noticed that the device was about to fire, and contemplated going over there to disable it. "See, Perry the Platypus!? This is exactly what I'm talking about! Who wants to watch a movie about an old lady getting run over by a reindeer!? That's not a good story plot! That's just stupid!"
30 seconds to firing.
Perry quietly snuck over to the machine and started pressing some buttons in an attempt to dismantle the machine or at least stop the countdown. However, what Doofenshmirtz failed to tell him was that there was a phone installed in the machine as well, so instead of disabling the machine, he ordered a pizza. But he never realized this because once he was done, he turned around and walked back to the couch to watch an old lady get run over by a mythical creature.
Firing in 5...4...3...2...
Meanwhile, down in the Tri-State Area, everyone was at the Christmas concert rocking out to Drake Bell. Everyone danced along to the rock music, including Phineas and Isabella, though the whole time, Phineas believed it was all supposed to be a fun friend thing. Sound familiar?
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
O, What fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
O, What fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh
Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh
Over the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bob-tail ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to ride
And sing
A sleighing song tonight
The Holiday Gloominator 4000-inator was now firing, and unfortunatley for Perry, it was aimed at the entire Tri-State Area, so everybody was about to feel the wrath of it and lose their Christmas spirit.
As Drake was finishing his song up, and everybody was having a good time dancing to it, the beam hit, and everybody in the Tri-State Area was hit with it, so the festivities suddenly stopped, and everyone in Virginia suddenly felt different. (Lucky for the kids that their spirits were far too high to be broken by a simple ray, and by a technicality, Candace was outside state lines at the moment still looking for a present for Jeremy) They felt as though...they didn't feel like celebrating Christmas.
They all looked around at each other for a moment. "Hey...what just happened!?" One curious man spoke up.
"Yeah. I suddenly feel like going home and taking down all of my Christmas decorations and spending my time crying in my room or watching "Most Daring." Drake said as he and his band began making their way off-stage, and soon everyone started following their idols and started heading home, depressed about the holiday. Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Buford, Baljeet, and Irving, who somehow made his way into the concert (OK, who let the psycho in!?) looked on, shocked at the lack of holiday spirit there was.
"Um, what just happened?" Phineas asked to his curious friends, who all failed to give him an answer.
End of Chapter 1!
Next Time: Phineas, Ferb, and all of their friends attempt to spread Christmas cheer back into everyone's lives, Candace continues to search for the perfect gift for Jeremy, and Isabella tries to woo Phineas. (My goal is to have this story done by the time the special premieres on Disney XD on December 6th!)