Disclaimer: Logan Conrad is mine. The rest belong to CBS.

A/N: Well it's been a long while, now hasn't it?? I hope I don't get so caught off guard like that again, so sorry to everyone who has been waiting for an update. I apologize. And if I didn't reply o your reviews, well I'll get to that. I'm back, RL was just so crazy. Summer ending. With the holiday breaks, I hope to write more, and have some more relaxation time. also Thanks to BEG75 for Beta reading this chapter.

CHAPTER THREE: She's Gone.

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
-George S. Patton, Jr.The funeral was the worst part.

The funeral was the worst part.

He had to accept all the "I'm sorry for your losses." He had to pretend like he cared about all these people that he really didn't know. Every single employee of the high school Logan taught history at arrived, and he knew maybe twenty of the sixty. Some kids she taught came as well. Girls from the softball team she coached came, with tears, giving him hugs and asking to hold Logan's little girl. He knew every single one, and knew that each one of the girls were suffering a loss. Logan wasn't just a softball coach to them. She was a second mother. She taught them how to respect others on and off the field, and she listened to them when they were having boy problems. She taught them how to be better players, and overall better people. Most of the girls, save for a few, had grown to love the Messers, and the Messers had loved them back.

He just wanted to be with his daughter. Instead, had to stand in front of a bunch of people that he knew were grieving, some just as much as he was, and he had to talk about her. He had to look at her lying in her coffin, and he had to cremate her. And then he had to worry about the baby. She was too young to leave with a stranger, and everyone was going to be at the funeral, so of course she had to attend. At just two months and 11 days old she would be attending her mother's viewing.

After the viewing, Danny and the rest of Logan's family stayed behind to say their last goodbyes. Logan's parents flew from Chicago, along with her only living grandmother. Mac's sister also came from North Dakota with one of her daughters. The Conrads and the Taylors grew up just three houses away form each other, and while Claire was crushing on the big brother who was training for the Marines, Logan and Patricia were giggling about boys in the tree house their daddies made for them when they were little girls.

Patty and Logan never confessed to the things that were said in that tree house, but every time they were asked about it, they would glance at each other and start to giggle. Mac had always thought they were immature at their age, and had been glad Claire wasn't like her younger sister, but as he got to know Claire, and when they got married in 1996, he realized how amazing Logan really was.

She was strong willed and determined at just 21 years old. She promised Claire she wouldn't have to worry about anything, and she had kept her promise. She took care of the seating arrangements for the reception when Claire had complained she didn't know where to stick any one without complaints. Logan told her she had it under control, and all Claire had to do was show up in her wedding dress and remember her wedding vows.

Mac had sat by and watched Logan cuss out a caterer for bringing turkey instead of chicken, and bargain a local band to play for 400 bucks instead of 600. She flirted with the professional photographer and in return got a discount on the group photo, and she fought with the cake baker about putting a man and wife on the top of the cake. Claire didn't want it, and it was Claire's wedding, not the stupid bitch who was baking the cake. Needless to say as Mac found it hilarious to watch, Logan fired the woman and got someone who'd listen to "what the fuck the bride wanted."

And while she was doing this, she was secretly fighting cancer. She announced it after the newly weds returned home from their honeymoon in Hawaii, and explained that it was now in remission, but could come back at any moment. And then she pulled off her wig, and the tears had flooded the room. It was the day Mac gained respect for Logan. She had gone through the stress of Claire's craziness at the same time she hid her cancer, and not only that, while everyone sat in front of her hugging her and crying, she didn't shed a tear. She was braver than he had ever thought.

While he watched his little sister, and his only living sister-in-law cry as they said their goodbyes to Logan, he couldn't help but let out a few tears also. Logan had somehow molded her way into his heart somewhere in between picking on him at baseball games, and giving him advice on Claire's favorite flowers. She had been the only one in the Conrad family to visit Mac after Claire's death. She checked on him once a week, always bringing a movie or a book for him, and every other week she brought groceries. She would cook him dinner, and spend the evening trying to get him out of his shell. She had even sat him down one night and told him if he were to date again she wouldn't care. He asked why she had told him that, and she explained that if she were to die, she'd want Danny to move on, and Claire would want the same thing. She explained Claire wouldn't be mad at him for trying to find someone that could make him happier than he was at that moment.

Danny was now standing next to him, the baby in his arms. "Will you hold her?" Danny asked, tears fighting to escape his eyes.

Mac nodded his head, and took Jade from Danny so that he could say goodbye to his wife. He watched the 30 year old walk quietly towards the coffin, and fall to his knees.

He set his knuckles against her cold cheek, and ran them along her jaw line. He pressed his fingers against his lips and then felt hers. She was gone, and there wasn't any bringing her back.

"The day I fell in love with you…" Danny started, but couldn't finish. He kissed the top of her shaven head, and ran his fingers over every inch of her face. He tried to remember the feel her face before it would be taken away from him forever. "You were wearing one of my shirts, n' you rolled over on top of me, n' you scrunched your nose after I kissed it. I knew…I knew I wanted to wake up to you every day after that."

He kissed her cheek, and then stood up. He picked the spaghetti strap dress he loved so much for her to wear for her funeral. It was white with yellow red green and blue flowers traveling from the bottom up. She had a pair of lime green flip-flops on, and diamond stud earrings in her ears. A white gold chain hung from her neck, a heart attached, and her wedding ring was still on her left finger. He took the ring off her finger, and set it in his pocket. He'd put it in the box it belonged in until it would fit Jade's finger.

The sun set over the ocean, bouncing pink-orange color onto the blue water. Logan placed her head on Danny's shoulder as they sat barefoot, legs stretched out, hand in hand on the beach in Atlantic City. She was wearing a pale pink sundress that stopped just above her knees.

"This was a fun weekend," Logan smiled, looking up to kiss his cheek.

"I love you, Logan," Danny told her.

"I love you too, Danny," Logan smiled.

"I love you like this, as you are. I accept what we are. I'm happy with what we are. I love that we have a relationship, and I'm not going to force you into anything," Danny explained, moving to his knees. "If you're happy, I'm happy."

"Yes," Logan said.

"What?" Danny asked, scrunching his eyebrows in confusion.

"Yes, I'll marry you," Logan replied.

"What? No this wasn't a proposal," Danny said shaking his head. "I wasn't asking to marry you."

"I know you weren't," she smiled. "But that's why I'm asking you."

"What?" he asked tilting his head to the side.

"You just said that you're happy like this. Dating, not getting hitched, that if I'm happy you don't care. That's what I've wanted to hear. That getting married wasn't because I'm sick, or a way to control me. But because we do love each other, and we do want a family together." She sat up on her knees as well, coming eye to eye with Danny. "I love you, Danny Messer. And I do want to get married."

"Wait did you just propose to me?" Danny asked her, a smile coming to his face.

"When are you going to realize nothing about our relationship is going to ever be normal?" she giggled, kissing him. "So? You gonna marry me or what?"

"Of course I am," he told her, giving her a passionate kiss. He pushed her onto her back, and climbed on top of her. "I wouldn't give you up for the world, Logan Elizabeth Conrad."

"Good, because I'm not going anywhere," she told him. "Now go upstairs and give me my ring."

"What makes you think I have it with me?"

"Because I know you've been carrying it with you ever since I turned you down the first time you proposed like a loser."

"You said yes," Danny laughed, pointing a finger in her face.

"Because you did it on the score board in Shea Stadium when the Mets were playing yours truly the Phills and got their asses handed to them!" she giggled. "I wasn't going to turn you down in front of 50 thousand people. One of them including Flack. Besides I thought it would be a good story for the news. A Mets fan kissing a Phillies fan. And did we not get to meet Gary Bennett and Pat Burrell?"

"Yeah and then you gave me my ring back and told me where I could shove it."

"I did not!" Logan laughed. "I just told you the truth. You can't tame me."

"I'm not trying to tame you, babe," Danny assure her, allowing her to stand up.

"Let's get married in Vegas," Logan said, grabbing Danny's hand, tugging him towards the hotel.

"Okay," Danny agreed. "If that's what you want."

"It is. Just me and you and Emmy and Flack. And we won't tell anyone until we get back. Let's go next time your off."

"Are you sure that's what you want? You don't want a big wedding or anything?"

"No. I want to be married to you next weekend. I'm not even kidding. Let's go, Danny!"

"Are you high?"

"No, I'm in love," she told him. "Let's go to Vegas before I change my mind and get cold feet and become a runaway bride."

"Okay," Danny said. "Whatever you like."

"Okay," she smiled, kissing his cheek. "And when we get back we can have a small little cook out for everyone."

"Sounds good," Danny smiled. "Are you all packed?"

"Yeah," Logan said. "I'm ready to leave paradise whenever you are," she told him, as the walked into the lobby of the hotel hand in hand.

"Back to our boring old lives," Danny said with no emotion in his voice at all.

They reached their hotel room, and Danny took their bags downstairs, and checked them out a grin on his face. He'd been happy that somehow, without even realizing he had, he managed to say the right words to get her to marry him. And now, next week they'd be married. That is, if she didn't get second opinions.

A week later they'd been married in Vegas as planned, with Emmy and Flack as their witnesses. And they'd gone home smiles on their faces from ear to ear with exciting news that no one could believe. Logan had proposed to Danny, and they flew to Vegas to get hitched. That's what Logan told everyone right after Danny said, "We got married."

The two were happy, and that's all that had mattered. It didn't matter how or when or why they got married, just that they did. And Flack was pretty damn sure Danny was the luckiest man in the world for having someone to love so much, and someone who loved him back if not as much, even more.

He wasn't sure if he was feeling this way because he hadn't had sex in two years, or because he actually had feelings for her. The only thing he was sure of, was that he was beginning to notice how insanely beautiful Lindsay Monroe was. Bitch or no bitch, the girl was cute. He was starting to realize that he could move on. He could learn to be with someone else, other than Logan.

Lindsay could possibly be that someone. No she can't, Danny. You work with her, he thought, as he slammed his fist into the glass table.

"Are you okay?" Lindsay asked him, a concerned look on her face.

"I'm…" Danny didn't know what to say. He wasn't fine. He couldn't tell her he was thinking about his dead wife, or his daughter, or even thinking about her. He couldn't admit anything to her. He didn't like her. It was the sexual drive that hadn't been fed in a long time that was making him this way. He probably would think that way about any girl that smiled at him at this moment. He just needed to go home and take a cold shower, and he would be okay. He hoped.

"I need to talk to Mac," Danny explained to Lindsay. He hurried out of the lab room, shedding his coat on the way, and hanging it up on the coat hanger next to the door before he left. He made it to Mac's office in record time, and let himself in without knocking.

"I have a problem," Danny explained, glancing at Peyton Driscall, the new girl from autopsy.

"Can it wait?" Mac asked, raising an eyebrow at Danny.

Danny cleared his throat and then pulled up his pants. "I don' think so…."

"I'll come back later," Peyton said, excusing herself.

"What's wrong?" Mac asked, dropping a file on his desk, that Danny figured Peyton just brought him. Mac sat down in his computer chair, and watched Danny pace, obviously not comfortable enough to sit.

Danny let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding, and plopped down in the chair opposite Mac. "When was the first time…" Danny stopped in mid sentence, trying to find the correct phrase for his situation. "You noticed another woman after Claire died?"

Mac looked at Danny, and let out a sigh. "About seven or eight months. But I never, ever dated anyone up until last year, and even then its only been maybe three girls."

"So you just…took cold showers like I am?" Danny asked.

Mac let out a chuckle and nodded his head. "What's up?"

"I've noticed someone lately and…. I don't know if its because I wanna have sex or if it's because I like her."

"You probably like her, Danny," Mac told the younger man. "Noticing that a woman is…what do you guys say these days? Do you say hot?"

Danny laughed and nodded his head.

"Okay saying that a girl is hot is one thing, but feeling…feeling something is another."

"Thanks Mac," Danny said standing up. "Thanks."

He headed towards the break room where he knew Flack would be, trying to scrounge up some food, and he was right. Flack was sitting alone, watching the television and eating a slice of cold pizza when Danny entered the break room.

"I'm a jackass," Danny said, plopping down in the chair across from Flack.

Flack raised an eyebrow at Danny, pizza in his mouth, waiting for an explanation.

"Logan…I loved her man. I still do. I always will. But today…I…Lindsay…"

"What's up?" Flack asked Danny, propping his elbows on the glass table.

"Lindsay. I like Lindsay. Dude, I get around her n' I wanna just… I can' even explain it. N' then I feel so bad, Flack. I feel so bad for wanting to be with someone else. I feel like… like I'm betraying Logan or something. That she'd be mad at me. That she'd hate me if I slept with someone else, or dated someone else. Or let someone raise Jade. I don't know what to do."

Flack nodded his head. "Danny, I can't say I know what I'd do if I was in your situation. Because I haven't even found anything remotely close to what you and Logan had, but I can tell you that she'd never ever be pissed at you for attempting to move on. For trying to find someone Jade can look up to. Someone who can lighten that heavy emptiness you've got. Whether it be Lindsay or someone else. Whether it be tomorrow or three or four years from now. She wants you to move on. And it's probably super hard, like I said I wouldn't know. But you'll find someone that can and will understand your love for Logan. And when you do, man. I'll be there behind you one hundred percent."

Danny nodded his head. "I just feel like I'm cheating on her if I do something with someone else. Because if she was still here, we'd be together. And I wouldn't think twice about Lindsay like that."

"She's not coming back," Flack told him in a soft voice. "I wish she was, Mac wishes she was. Aiden, Emmy, everyone wants her to come back. But she isn't ever coming back. And the only healthy thing to do is to accept it."

"I thought I did accept it. And then I feel like this."

"You will one day," Flack assured him.

"Do I ask Lindsay out, or do I ignore the fact that I may like her?"

Flack shrugged, and took another bite of his pizza. "Only you can say if you're ready for a date.

Danny nodded his head. Flack was right. The only healthy thing to do was accept Logan was dead. And one day Jade would need someone other than her aunt. She would need someone that she could call a stepmother. He would need someone too. He couldn't be alone forever. And eventually one day him and Logan would be together. Maybe not for a long while, but they would. He had faith that they would.

But until then, he'd try and find someone, starting with Lindsay Monroe. He stood up and took a deep breath, before heading off to ask her something that could possibly change his life.

Thanks to everyone who added me to alerts! I hope you're still following, we all know I've slacked off, and thanks to my awesome reviewers as well:

-Sweetheart.X

Brown-Eyed Girl 75

Linoria