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CHAPTER ELEVEN:
How to Drown in Darkness

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Thanks so much to everyone that's been voting at the Mortal Archives Awards. COI is kicking butt and taking names. Seriously. I've added all the other nominees to my to-read list. Sins of the Father is apparently my number one competition so I'm going to read it first. Lol. Voting ends Oct. 31st so keep it up. Oh! Oh! And they have a forum over there so if you guys want to chat with me and other fans, have any questions, requests… you know… I check it often and totally reply. The link is on my profile as OFFICIAL COI FORUM under My Websites.

You all rock my socks. Kisses from Florida!

This Chapter's Song: Run by Snow Patrol.

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Jace gave her a minute to compose herself before allowing him into her mind. He knew this would not be easy for her but couldn't quite empathize. He personally had no qualms about allowing her into his own mind but he didn't feel like he had anything to be apologetic for. He was crude and an ass and lived to bring others down so there really wasn't anything to hide anymore. She knew everything there was to know about him. The darkness that had been engrained into his heart had been exorcised long ago by her light, her spirit, the same spirit that had threatened to suck her dry.

Before she could finish her meditative breathing exercises in an upright breathing position, he was shaking her awake and alert. "Wait!" he called. "I have an idea! You do me, then I'll do you."

Her eyes shot open but remained overcast with obvious annoyance. "Honey, we gotta work on your sexual innuendos."

He laughed but it didn't soothe Clary any less. The laughter had a madness to it. "Go into my mind," he explained, gripping her shoulders tightly despite the softness of his voice. "If you go into mine first, I'll show you that there's nothing to be afraid of. Get me? Monkey see, monkey do, and we'll be able to get the answer out of you quicker."

"How can you be so fearless?" she mumbled, closing her eyes. She sighed and shook him off her. She brought her hands up to either cheek and rested her forehead to his. He smirked triumphantly and let her.

"Breathe," he said and let the images take them.

He tried to focus on something soothing for his first memory, something to guide her in gently. He thought of her, of course, because no matter how confrontational she could be, she still lit him up inside. He took her to the first kiss and the room around them seemed to reshape accordingly, even though they knew it was just inside their heads. It was the simplest memory, always prominent in his mind, of back when it was easy and normal to be in love.

"You sentimental ass," she said and laughed, walking around the black and white scene before them. They realized how much they'd changed. It wasn't just Clary's hair or the ever-increasing number of scars on Jace's body. It was on their faces, the innocence in the roundness of their cheeks and the timid smiles they stole when neither was looking.

"This is wrong," said Jace suddenly. Clary snapped to face him, turning away from the precious scene before them. When she did, it seemed as though everything around them collapsed. They needed both of them to make the scene work. "It's not right. I didn't see that before. I didn't see that smile or that gesture. This isn't my memory, not just my memory."

"You mean we're in each other's minds?" she squealed. She dropped her hands to her sides and the room was back to its usual barren, dark-lit self. "No no no. I thought I was just going to be in yours!"

He sighed. "Maybe it doesn't work that way. It's a door, Clary. It opens both ways. Now suck it up and focus. We have to figure this out. You know that the longer we take, the harder it's going to be to go back."

She growled and slapped her hands on his cheeks again. He winced. "I'm focusing. I'm focusing."

The room collapsed around them again and they were somewhere known yet… unknown. They had seen it often in dreams but had never been there. "It's an abyss," said Jace. "We're not going to find anything here. Why'd you even bring us?"

"Hey, it takes both of us, buddy. Focus! I dunno. I figured that this stupid nightmare was significant. I mean, we've both seen it. It's got to mean something, right?"

He let out a small moan. "Maybe," he whispered and took her hand. Though they hadn't moved, still forehead to forehead in the sanctuary house, they could move around freely inside their heads.

"Come on," she said with a sinister smirk and stepped forward, pulling him along. He didn't realize what she was doing until it was too late, until she had already stepped over the edge. The fall was too quick for him to steady himself on the edge and fell forward beside her. They did not feel like they were falling. It was more like floating in a large pool of ink. They could breathe because it was of course a dreamlike hallucination, a byproduct of their condition, but it was still painful.

"I can't see anything," huffed Jace. "This is wrong! We're wrong! We're going to get ourselves killed, Clary! If we die here, we die in real life."

She shook her head and shut her eyes and suddenly, they were back in the room. They both sighed with relief. He ripped her hands off his face and shook her violently.

"Stop it, Jace!" she screamed.

"Are you crazy?!" he yelled back. "You jumped into a bottomless pit, Clary! You can't do that to me! You CANNOT do that to me!"

She gasped at his passionate eyes. He'd never had any issues with suicidal missions before but that'd been him, his life at stake. She pushed him off her and held her heart. "I knew we weren't going to die, you ass! It wasn't real and I had completely control. We never even left this room."

He turned his back on her and covered his eyes with one hand, his other fist on his hip. His shoulders shook as though he were laughing or crying. She didn't realize it'd affected him so much, so suddenly, but she could feel his heartbeat echoing in the ink. It was rapid, like the incessant ringing of a bell over her skin. It made her shiver and cry.

"Jace, stop it!" she shouted but didn't try to touch him.

"This isn't me," he said softly. She had expected to hear the pain or anguish in his voice but it wasn't there. "I can feel him trying to get to you through me. This is so wrong."

"He can't get to us here."

"Maybe not physically but he was able to get to us in New York, on a different plane of existence. He can get to us anywhere, Clare. Admit it."

"What do you want me to do?" she begged, her voice breaking. Before he could respond, his feet had taken him to the door and he'd opened it, letting in the gush of warm air from outside. It knocked him back a step but he kept walking through towards the street, stabbing her heart with every step. She wanted to run after him but she felt like she'd suddenly lost her breath, that it'd been taken away with the wind.

She screamed and her mother's voice began to sound through the room. She jumped and looked around her but she was alone now. Jace is taken over, Clary, said Jocelyn in an eerily disembodied voice. He's not yours anymore. Let him go.

"I have to go after him!" she called back at nothing. "Why can't I move? Why are my feet so heavy?"

I don't know, sweetheart. Just relax and stand still and I'll go in after you.

"No! That's what he wants! Two morsels instead of one. You need to stay away. You did this to him. You need to stay away!"

When Jocelyn didn't reply, Clary stepped forward once with no reservations. It felt like she was moving dried cement blocks rather than feet but it suddenly occurred to her that this wasn't real. It was wrong. Why did Jocelyn want her to just stop trying and let her take over? Why had Jace gone and left her? She knew he would never leave her.

Never. Not again.

And she realized that it couldn't be real. She snapped around and she might as well have walked into a dark ventilation shaft. She realized that the darkness had never gone and she'd never left the bottomless pit. She cursed and twirled around, trying to find the light again. Even the nightmare was better than the whirlwind fall down a pit.

Then, Jace's voice called out to her. "Clary, are you okay?" he asked softly. She smiled and let the abyss take her, sure that they were still safe in the room and that the pressure on her hand was Jace, still beside her, a rock to keep her steady.

"Jonathan…" she called out into the darkness, taunting him with the very nature of her existence. "I know you're there, big brother. I can feel you. Show me where to find the bottomless pit. Show me where to kill you."

She felt her knees hit floor and gasped with sharp pain. "He's not going to—" began Jace's voice but it was stopped by the sudden collapse of everything around them. She had expected to see the room, Jace's beautiful face, but she didn't. She saw a long path through the city. It curved but the buildings were unique. It was a street in the real New York, a street she knew well. It was the path to the Institute.

She sighed and realized that her mother had drawn it into the city. It was the only explanation. She saw a meadow in the distance, a great empty field where she knew more metropolis should have spread on endlessly. She blinked and it was gone and she was back in Jace's arms.

She'd apparently collapsed and was about to start convulsing so Jace poked her lightly with his knife, hoping the pain would wake her. It did but she managed to get the landmarks burned into the inside of her eyelids. Whenever she blinked, whenever she paused to catch her breath, she would see that path.

"I know where to go," she said, completely ignoring his worried rant.

He sighed and sat her up. "Well, while you were exploring the abyss and dreaming that I was leaving you – yea, I totally saw that – I was digging through my own mind. I've seen the symbol before but I didn't get where. We'd never had to use it but it's not new though it is more or less forgotten. It hardens the flesh. That's why it's not used. Two curves are a little different but I think it's supposed to make Jonathan solid so I can kill him."

She nodded and stood on wobbly feet. She felt heavy still like the ink had been poured into the void where her soul once lived. She was dying. They both were, every second they were there. The urgency in his eyes confirmed that he felt the same. He grabbed her hand and they were soon running down the stairs outside their sanctuary, towards what would have been the Institute in what she once considered the real world.

It was quick but she knew it had to do with the path itself. It felt like running up an escalator. She wasn't sure if Jace was still beside her but she felt safe so he must have been. Their heartbeats got louder as they reached the other side of the city.

The path ended at a wall of bushes. Clary reached out and spread the bushes with her hands, covering her arms in black. It felt cold and she shivered. The cold went away and she looked up to see her mother covering her in a blanket. Others were asleep in the room, cuddled up in couches. She smiled, reached out for Jace's hand, and walked through to the other side.

The walk was short because they instantly came upon the black hole from their dreams. It was a pond, or so it seemed. The water was pitch black and they knew that if they fell, they would not rise again. Jace dropped her hand, relaxing at the sight of the quiet yet ominous pond.

"This is it?" he asked with a chuckle. His voice still held that madness. Clary winced at the sound of it. She wasn't used to seeing Jace scared like that. "We have to fight a puddle?"

Clary chuckled drily. "No, that doesn't make any sense. Look around us. Mom went through all this trouble to make a detailed city for him to play in and doesn't give him a physical body? She had to have drawn him."

"Maybe she drew him but he became part of the painting or something. Maybe he chose this."

Clary didn't believe it could be so simple. She looked around at the ink. It was quiet, somewhat, like she expected him to jump out of the bushes or something. She could see his face in her mind. It was covered in blood. Always covered in blood.

She closed her eyes and clenched her fists over the knives by her side, trying to focus on the image of her brother as though she could call him to them. She felt like she was walking into a lion's cage but It was worth the danger if it meant she got herself and Jace out of there. Soon.

She began to feel hands over her body and imagined it was mother wrapping the blankets around her but it soon felt wrong. Those were not her mother's hands. They were made of ink and they were wrapping around her arms like tendrils, reaching for her weapons. Before she could open her eyes again and scream at the top of her lungs, Jonathan was behind her. His arm wrapped around her throat and she couldn't breathe, let alone call out to Jace who was looking through the bushes around the pond.

He finally turned but it was too late. Jonathan had her weapons and she was putty in his arms.

Jace's eyes widened. He ran to stop it but Jonathan had cut Clary's arms and threw her down to the ground. She just laid there, frozen by a pain whose source she couldn't find. The cuts weren't on these arms. She looked up where her real body was bleeding all over her mother's sofa. She cursed and stood, reminding herself that the cuts did not impede her in the city of ink. The pain was a phantom pain and she was not in her body anymore.

Jace had a knife to Jonathan's throat but neither moved. Jace's eyes were large but he didn't move the knife. "Fight!" he screamed at Jonathan. "Why are you just standing there?!"

Clary noticed then the look on Jonathan's face. He was covered in ink like he'd just risen from the pond but it was still there. Pearly white teeth. A smile so eerie that it sent shivers down their spines.

"Why aren't you doing it, Jace? Why don't you just kill me?" he taunted, his smile turned to laughter.

He folded his arms over his chest and Jace backed away, stunned. Clary didn't know where to call out and tell him to do it. After all, she'd be asking Jace not just to kill another person but her own brother. Still, Jace had killed him once with little to no regret. He should have been able to do it again.

"Jace, do it," she said softly, trying to stand. "We need to get back to the tower. Just do it."

He snapped to face her with bewildered eyes. "Clary, he's—"

"My brother. I know. Our brother. But he's killing us, Jace."

He shook his head and stepped back. "This is wrong. All of this! Why aren't you fighting me?" he asked Jonathan. "Why do all this just to get us here?"

Jonathan shook his head. "I should have known you'd be useless. Maybe Clary will be a more effective executioner. Maybe… if it's you in danger."

With that, Jonathan leapt at Jace with a long sword and before the other boy could raise his own arm in defense, the weapon had pierced him through.

Jace gasped and fell forward onto his knees. Clary ran between them, cutting Jonathan's throat. The two fell back but Jonathan's mad laughter echoed through the ink. It'd done nothing to him. She was running a knife through ink, not body.

"Even in death, I envy you, brother. Even in death. Even in your fragility, your weaknesses," hissed Jonathan from the floor.

Clary understood then. She cradled Jonathan's head against her chest and wept, knowing it couldn't help him. His wounds, like hers, were back in that room. She looked up at where Alec and Magnus were trying to stop the bleeding. Jace's eyes were closed but she trusted that he was being helped.

"I know why you did all this!" she shouted, black tears streaming from her eyes.

Jonathan's expression changed. All she saw were his black eyes. They were so somber, so tired. They mirrored her own back in the real world, back when her illness was hers alone, a painful secret. He said nothing now. He fell forward onto his knees, waiting.

"You want to die," she whispered. "You did all this so we'd come here to kill you."

"I can't believe you two can't even do that right. I waited for you to find out how. I know you know the rune. You know how to make me corporeal!"

He was practically begging her to kill him. But she just knelt there by Jace's limp body. She'd never killed someone before. Not a human.

"I… I can't, Jonathan."

"I could make you do it. I'm connected to your body. I can take it over. I can kill your mother. Would that do it? Would that make it easier for you to kill me? Just do it!"

She wiped away the tears and stood, gently letting Jace's head touch the ground. She reached into the pond and began to draw into the water. The black cleared, revealing white canvas. It was never bottomless at all. It had been a fear, nothing more. She drew the first part of the rune and looked up at Jonathan. He had crawled over to Jace. He took the knife from his belt and held it over Jace's head.

"Do it, Clarissa!" he warned. "Do it, or I kill him."

"Why?" she whispered sadly, letting the tears flow.

He laughed again in that desperate madness. She remembered Jace's laughter, how it was based in fear. "She promised me I'd be safe, that I'd be happy where I couldn't hurt anyone. Jace killed the demon, Clary. He didn't kill the human. I am what's left. I am the soul. And I am alone. I am in pain, missing that other half, for all eternity. There is no time here and I am in Hell."

"She's our mother," she replied sadly, wiping away from tears. "She did it out of love. She thought you'd be happy here."

"SHE WAS WRONG!" he shouted, bringing the knife down onto Jace's forehead. A droplet of black blood dripped down where they met.

Clary tensed but knew he wouldn't kill him. Jace was the bargaining chip. They thought they were connected by something more primal, that she drew the energy from Jace because of what they were. Jonathan knew them too well. Everything had been leading to this.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and drew the final curves. Slowly, the ink began to settle, to dry around her.

He smiled and withdrew the knife from Jace's head. He walked into the pond as it dried, becoming one with the ink for the last time. And, when the time came that he could no longer walk deeper into the pit, he turned back to Clary and gave her one final nod.

She smiled back and covered her mouth as he took the knife and drove it into his own chest.

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Big fight! Yay! A partial resolution next chapter. They have to reach the tower and remember we still have the Seelie Court to deal with and the promise of Magnus in white. Also, I'm working on a new Magnus/Alec AU one-shot called Rules of Conduct. Plot is below. Interested in reading or no?

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"Magnus and Alec didn't survive Alec's formative teenage years but they never quite venture far apart. Six years after Valentine's downfall, war is on the brink of igniting south of Alicante… for the sixth time… and the new Clave call upon a young group of distinguished representatives from each sect to negotiate peace. But when Jace gets pulled away this time, Alec has to fill in and Magnus can no longer avoid the reason why they broke apart all those years ago."

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Reviews are better than sentimental asses.