Trials of Faith – Chapter 13
To apologise or not to apologise…?
Ronan stormed down the corridor and walked straight into Astra's room. She was brushing her hair, startled to see him walk in so suddenly. He was bleeding.
She leapt to her feet and hurried over, her hand coming to his lip tenderly. He stopped her hand in an iron grip.
'What happened?' She asked, blue eyes studying him.
'Mckay and Sheppard.' He growled, pacing across the room.
'None of them get it. None of them see what this could mean; they think it's a joke.' He stopped to look at her, a sad expression on her face.
'I appreciate you defending me Ronan, but not at the expense of your friends.' She said slowly, coming to him.
'They're not friends. I fight with them, that's all.' He explained.
'No. It is more than that.' She frowned. 'I don't know what I am capable of, and they are frustrated. The Wraith cause so much pain. That pain must be directed somewhere, and I will allow it to be directed at me. It will be my fault that all of those people died if I cannot find a way to fight them.'
Ronan looked down at her, her brave face, her wise words. It calmed him. He didn't want to be calm, he wanted to be mad. His friends could not see beyond their own pain to those of others - Teyla could. Teyla was like him, not one of them, one of the people of Earth.
'I won't let them force their pain on you.' He growled, and pulled her into a bruising kiss. Her hands found his hair and neck, she pulled on them desperately.
Ronan lifted her from her feet, rubbing the small of her back. He attacked her neck, walking toward the bed. She wrapped herself around him, enjoying the rough kisses and nibbles he trailed down her neck. Her breath caught in her chest, heart hammering. He came back up to her mouth, tugging mercilessly at her lips before flinging her onto the bed.
Elizabeth listened to Rodney. She listened to John. When she was conscious, she listened to Teyla. She even listened to Carson, being the most neutral person in the situation.
From the sound of it, everyone had been unreasonable. Emotions running high for many reasons, all of which linked back to the Wraith. But Ronan could be very difficult, and very dangerous. When he chose a girl over the friendship of John, it made her wonder if the damage could be rectified. She certainly hoped so. Ronan would be a true loss to Atlantis if he chose to leave.
'I know things are a little tense right now, but I need you to focus. Astra is different; she might be able to help us. We won't know until we actually do something.' Elizabeth sat in her office watching John, Rodney and Carson, all of them desperate to say something. All of them had battle wounds, Rodney's being the worst. 'Rodney, I need you to search through the Database for any mention of her people. I was going to ask you to do it with Astra, but given the recent incidents, I think it best you do it alone.'
'Obviously.' He interrupted, a waspish tone to his voice.
'Carson, how is Teyla? When can she leave the Infirmary?'
Carson looked at her; the usual twinkle in his eyes had been lost. 'Few days at least, why?' He wondered.
'I want her to go to the mainland with Astra; apparently she wishes to talk with some people she thinks will be able to help her. She wants Teyla to be there.'
'Well Teyla has been injured, Elizabeth, she can wait.' John said firmly.
'I mentioned how you would be the one to take her over; it seems she doesn't feel comfortable being alone with you.' Elizabeth narrowed her eyes. 'In the meantime, Ronan has agreed to continue her training. He believes that she is making excellent progress.'
At the mention of his name, all the men tensed.
'I suggest you stay out of his way, I can only hope this will blow over and things will return to normal.' She informed them, all looking doubtful.
'Well that's not going to happen.' Rodney snapped. John and Carson nodded.
'Why not, Rodney?' Elizabeth asked firmly.
'It's different now, don't you see? We know where his loyalties lie, and it's not with us.' John nodded again. 'At least not until he apologises. I might be able to forgive him then.'
John did a double take. 'What?' He said quickly. 'Ronan won't apologise! And even then it wouldn't matter! He almost killed Teyla, and he hit you. Repeatedly.' He growled. 'He's lost it.'
'I think Ronan's gone a little haywire, but everyone's alright aren't they?' Carson folded his arms, ignoring the glare from John and Mckay. 'Besides, he never tells us about his relationships before the Wraith destroyed his home. Maybe we should be thankful that he's found someone he likes? Someone he can open up to.' He paused. 'Not that I'm put out he doesn't feel comfortable opening up to us.'
'If you truly think it will help, talk to him. Ronan has never been the most vocal person when it comes to anything unrelated to the Wraith, we may have missed something that as his close friends we should have seen.' They listened to her words, whether or not they truly registered them, she was unsure. They nodded, all looking to the floor, waiting for her to let them leave. 'Go, do what you need to. John?' She watched the others leave as the Colonel took a seat. 'I want you to talk to Astra.'
John looked at her as though she had just shown him a dirty picture starring his mother.
'Why?' He asked, delicately.
'Because you don't like her. I don't know why that is exactly, but it is beginning to tire with my nerves.' Elizabeth informed, John stood. 'She is the best chance we have at defeating the Wraith. I'm not asking the two of you to be friends, but a little respect for each other could go a long way.'
He had been told by Teyla and now by Elizabeth, and indirectly by Carson. So maybe he was a little hostile, she was the reason the Wraith destroyed Tolas and injured Teyla, not to mention the new anger between the rest of the team and Ronan. It all boiled down to the Wraith. If she could hurt them, or even better, take them out completely – maybe his friends had a point.
John nodded slowly and walked from the room.
Roundhouse kick into a triple front kick attack – Ronan blocked them all, but he could feel his arm screaming at the force. He grinned as she advanced once more. Her arms were quick, jabbing at his face – left, right, back. She flipped over him and kicked his back, he stumbled forward and recovered quickly, blocking her side attack, grabbing her leg and throwing her to the mat.
She landed face first and rolled immediately, but Ronan was on top, waiting. He pinned her down using his height and weight. Her arms above her head, her legs entangled with his. She smiled, his face inches from hers. Both of them were breathing hard.
'You did that on purpose.' He said, smiling slightly. 'The kick was wide, you could have placed it better, I had time to reach you while you recovered from the move.'
'Maybe you're just a better fighter than me.' She squirmed under him, enjoying the weight, their closeness. She liked that he thought her helpless.
'You can be better than me, when you stop playing games.' He looked at her eyes; they knew what he was talking about.
'I very rarely ever play games.' She whispered, raising an eyebrow.
Suddenly her knee and arm slipped out from under his control and she pushed him onto his back, she straddled him, now pinning his arms above his head. He could have easily overpowered her, alien or not, but instead he smiled at her mischievously.
'You did that on purpose.' She teased. Ronan grinned.
He batted her hand away, his hand shot up to the back of her neck and he pulled her down, thrusting her mouth onto his. His hunger for her was incurable.
She purred in her throat, stroking his arms and shoulders as he gripped her head, arms straying to either side of her hips, clawing at them.
'Ahem.'
They stopped. Carson stood in the door way looking extremely embarrassed – and nervous.
'What?' Ronan said, no mercy within him for the kindly Doctor. Astra cast him a glare.
'What is it Carson? Is everything alright?' She asked, attempting to get up, but Ronan kept his hands on her hips. He looked at the Scot from his place on the floor.
'Everythin's fine, I just came to tell ya that we received the results of the last medical exam, and you're fine. Picture of health.' He smiled awkwardly.
'Thank you Doctor, that is a relief to hear.' She smiled kindly and Carson shifted.
'Yes, well, I'd better get back to the infirmary. I've caught Teyla trying to escape several times this morning!' He said firmly, keeping his eyes on Astra, ignoring the glare Ronan was burning into his skull.
Astra and Carson smiled once more before he left.
Astra's eyes snapped down at Ronan. He smirked.
'What?'
She slapped his chest and rose, heading for the towel at the corner of the room.
'You shouldn't be so unkind to them when it was you who was in the wrong.' She growled. Ronan stood slowly.
'They treated you badly.'
'Many have treated me badly; they have been truly wonderful in comparison to some worlds.' She did not face him.
'They didn't try.' He raised his voice, not into a yell, but enough that it made her hackles rise. Astra rounded on him.
'Teyla did. Teyla has tried very hard, and she suffered for it.'
Ronan watched her and said nothing. She turned to fetch her things.
'I have been working up the nerve to apologise to Rodney, and John Sheppard. You should accompany me.'
Ronan narrowed his eyes. Apologies were not his way. He had regretted hurting Teyla; he did not know that he had until he heard about it from a scientist after he left the infirmary. He had wanted to go back and see how she was doing, but no doubt Sheppard stood watch. He was not ready for that confrontation.
Ronan watched her, stuffing the towel into a bag, she was angry with him. It disturbed him. What disturbed him more is how much he cared about her opinion of him.
'If this doesn't work, if you have to go to another world –' He said slowly. 'I'm coming with you.' She paused.
Astra did not move as Ronan walked up behind her and wound his large arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder. He kissed it gently. She closed her eyes and turned. He saw tears and frowned.
'No.' She whispered, she moved for the door. He held her, and said nothing. He wanted an explanation. 'Borus was my guardian and a dear friend; it hurt me more than words can express when he died.' She paused. 'If I were to lose you to the Wraith, then I could not go on, and all the worlds in this galaxy would most certainly be doomed.'
Ronan studied her and held her in his arms a moment longer before kissing her tenderly. 'There's no way I'd let you go alone.' She put her head on his chest.
Carson, hidden by the doorframe, hurried back to the infirmary, a worried expression on his face.
John hated this. Hated it. He did not want to do it, but if he didn't then things would just get worse. He would talk to Astra, make with the nice, apologise and then shower. That was the plan. Tomorrow he would take Astra and Teyla to the mainland and he would like to do it without so much tension in the air.
He walked along the corridor to the training room, thinking of what he would say if Ronan were there. He would have to apologise to him too. That really sucked since it was Ronan that should be apologising to him. He calmed himself, no angry thoughts. Ronan would just deck him again and things would escalate.
He put his hands in his pockets, deep in thought when Carson came quickly around the corner.
'Hey Doc, what's the rush?' He asked, glad for the distraction.
'Is Teyla-?' He began.
'She won't leave the infirmary until tomorrow morning. I've had a chat with her and she has reluctantly agreed to stay put.' He grinned, then stopped himself when he saw the troubled expression on Carson's face. 'What?'
Carson paused. 'I don't think I should tell you.'
'Why?'
'Coz you're likely to throw a fit!'
'Carson… just tell me.' John put his hand on his hips and gave him a tired look.
Carson sighed. 'I was just in the training room talking to Ronan and Astra-' He started.
'Why would you do that?' John burst out.
'Well, I'm not goin' to tell ya if you keep on interrupting me!'
'Alright, I'm shush, go on.' He said calmly, frustration boiling underneath the surface.
'I was telling Astra that her tests came back fine, she was lovely as always, and Ronan was in a foul mood if ever I saw one. It's just the way that I found them…' He paused.
John raised an eyebrow.
'Well, they were attached…at the lips.'
John raised both eyebrows.
'I think Ronan and Astra are something of an item.'
'Because they kissed?' John said, unbelievingly. Kissing and being 'an item' were not necessarily one in the same.
'Well that and she was straddling him-'
John raised a hand, but Carson didn't stop.
'- but I think Ronan's willing to leave Atlantis with her if things go pear shaped.' Carson explained.
John paused.
'Why would you think that?' He asked angrily.
'Because he said it to her, I was eavesdropping!' He retorted.
John growled putting a hand to his face. 'Wonderful. Not only do I have to apologise for insulting the 'best hope of defeating the Wraith,' but I have to apologise to Ronan's girlfriend!'
Carson smiled sympathetically. 'Good luck.' He patted the Colonel's arm and left.
Sheppard paused a moment before quickening his pace. If he didn't do it now, he would never do it.
He was just picking up speed when he almost bumped into Astra.
'Oh come on, everyone's in a rush.' He huffed, stepping back. Astra looked startled. 'What are you up to?' He snapped.
'I was thinking about how best to apologise to Doctor Mckay.' She answered, still a little shocked at their sudden meeting. 'And to you, actually.'
John was surprised. His hackles sat. He breathed a moment and realised she was just doing a good thing. She was not the villain here.
'I was coming to do the same.'
'Apologise to Mckay?'
'No, to you.'
'Oh.'
There was an awkward moment, both looked to the floor and then looked to each other.
'I'll go first.' John offered, she was glad. 'I'm sorry that I was all hostile and that I may have made you feel, somewhat, unwelcome.' He stopped, wringing his hands.
Astra nodded, smiling.
'I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you, it was unintentional.' She stopped.
The awkward moment returned.
John nodded his head. There was more. She deserved more, no matter how much he hated to admit it. 'You're important, and a person, so I should have been more nicer to you.' He frowned. 'No, wait, I didn't say that right-'
'You spoke wonderfully.' She smiled.
'So you're off to see Mckay?' He changed the subject.
'I am.'
They walked side by side.
'I'll take you to his lab; make sure he doesn't get too snippy.' John said, offering her a smile, which she returned.
'He has every right to be, I should not have hurt him.' She hung her head.
'The thing with Mckay is that he's very…he's extremely…well, he's a lot of it, and it's something you get use to after a while.' He nodded.
'Mh, but something else weighs on my mind. My arrival here has upset the balance, your teams friendship is in jeopardy because of me.' She glanced at him and saw his jaw tighten.
'My team is always in jeopardy, and if we truly are friends, which I know we are, we'll pull through.' John spoke kindly despite his anger on the subject.
'Ronan is very angry.' She stated. 'But I think it is something more than what recent events have caused.'
John frowned. 'You mean he's upset by something other the insults Mckay and I chucked around?'
Astra nodded. 'He will not say, and I cannot make him. He is very closed.'
'He's always been closed. I don't know if that's Ronan or if it's a Satedan thing, but whatever it is, it bites.' John commented, and paused when he found that Astra was not at his side. She had stopped behind him and looked frightened – and angry. 'What?'
'Please go on ahead and tell Doctor Mckay to expect me shortly, I have forgotten something.' She rushed back leaving John confused and only slightly satisfied.
Astra ran past the training room and headed for Ronan's room, she did not knock.
When she entered, Ronan was topless about to take a shower. He raised an eyebrow to see her storming toward him, about to ask what was going on. She hit him, full on. He stumbled, but did not fall. He frowned at her with pain and anguish.
'What are you-?'
'Why did you not tell me?' She yelled, her blue eyes burning. 'How could you not say?'
'Say what?' He shouted.
She slapped his chest with both open palms.
'That you are Satedan!'
He paused. She was having a fit over that fact that he was Satedan?
'You are, aren't you? Or is Sheppard mistaken?' She watched him, so angry that her fists were shaking.
'Yes!' He yelled, confused. 'Why does that matter!?'
'Because!' She yelled. 'Because Borus was Satedan! He only ever said that he was from Sateda and that he would never return, that the Wraith had destroyed it long ago!'
'Astra-' Ronan approached her, she pushed him away.
'If I must leave this world you can never come with me! You must never follow!' She insisted, tears falling on her cheeks.
'I won't leave you for the Wraith to find!' He growled.
'And I will not lead you to the Wraith to die!'
He paused, her breathing heavy.
'I have nothing Ronan! No one!' She cried, pleading with him to listen. 'The Wraith have taken them all from me! You and Borus are so alike! Except I did not feel for him the way I feel for you! You cannot come with me, I will not allow it!' She pushed him back, screaming in anguish, tears falling freely.
He held her fast as she pounded his chest, pulling her to him. He held her as she dropped to the floor, his arms shielding her from the world, from the Wraith, from all of their expectations and hopes.