Author's note: Benedicte, dear readers. After procrastinating for the better part of this month, I finally finished this chapter. Personally I prefer longer chapters myself, but then comes the realization, "if one person reviews once for one chapter, shorter and more chapters in number will consequentially yield more reviews." Thus, feel free to review more than once :D. Oh, just for the sake of aesthetics, I used references to various things in this story. Have fun finding them!
Disclaimer: The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi, its characters, and affiliating subsidiaries do not belong to me, but to their respective copyright holders.
Chapter l
The end of summer sun continued to bear down menacingly while Okabe-sensei droned on about the new term wearing his patented fake smile. There was no possible chance that a cheap school like ours would have AC.
At this point, I had already stopped paying attention; and apparently, so had the girl behind me.
Haruhi was staring at the cloudless sky, unfathomable in thought. If I had not known better, I would have mistaken her for a beautiful, run of the mill high school girl. Ha, as if.
As if she had felt my gaze on her, she ceased her UFO searching and matched my eyes with her own dark ones.
This morning as I reluctantly trudged up the steep hill, I came upon a startling inspiration. They should simply cast student's daily trek as a donation walk for some medicinal fundraiser. Ingenious, and timesaving. Practicing for the possible future, I was suddenly assaulted by Taniguchi.
"Yo!" He clapped me on my shoulder.
Get off me you parasite. Hiking this hill is arduous enough without your assistance.
Taniguchi's grin did not falter. Perverted at heart, yet somehow, I managed to have him as a friend throughout my middle school years. "What's with that cold response man? We friends must stick together now for the new term!" He combed back his dark hair with a hand. His open collar unquestionably resulted from the latest fashion magazine study.
Somehow, I doubt that this suggestion is for a justified cause
"With a fresh start, girls will feel the urge for a relationship, and will be ripe for the picking! Haven't you ever heard of the expression 'get them while they're fresh?'"
Are you referring to vegetables or girls?
"Although I suppose you wouldn't be into normal girls." Don't wink at me; it's disturbing.
…Wait just a minute here. What are you implying?
Taniguichi looked at me in disbelief. And then grinned with the kind of face you would have on while abandoning your life-long friend to die. "Suzumiya Haruhi – word has it that you're involved with her. As in, a relationship."
The look on my face must've been priceless, since he clapped me on the back and ran off giggling, not a caring thought for my rumour-shattering response.
The only association Haruhi and I share is along the lines of queen and her prisoner of war. I'm not quite insane enough for any other relation.
Yet right at this moment of gazes connected, Haruhi appear to be just a dark-haired high school bishoujo. There is no extraterrestrial curiosity, or ESP obsession, nor time-travel capability seeking present.
Haruhi became wary of my analytical review. She quickly directed that glare of hers outside the window.
Hmm, was it just me, or was there a present, but scarcely noticeable flush in her turned cheek? Was it possible that the very essence of boldness incarnate actually feels embarrassment? Or was she struck by some rare tropical heat fever?
Deciding not to ponder on it, I left Haruhi to her UFO hunting.
This feels strange.
Certainly, a human such as I, lacking special talents, e.g. godlike 'data management altering abilities' bordering the lines of fantastically unbelievable magic, traveling across temporal time planes, or ESP powers – shouldn't be of any interest to Suzumiya Haruhi.
That being honestly stated, an ordinary human such as I should know better than to correlate with such characters.
Nevertheless, like a moth drawn to the scorching fires of Haruhi's overflowing passion, my feet faithfully delivered me from class 1-5 to the ex-literature club room.
The commandeered clubroom had been the occupancy of one member prior to the SOS Brigade Chief declared takeover. Truly, the home of hellish ideas as for half a year merited a complete revamp and plaque change, were Haruhi's thoughts.
Even you have to obey school rules on vandalism.
And somehow, I managed to constrain Haruhi to just taping SOS Brigade over the plaque. The tape job is crooked.
I opened the door to witness the dazzling vision that was Asahina Mikuru.
"Good afternoon, Kyon-kun." Asahina-san presented me with her pearly white smile, brilliant enough to even illuminate the caverns of Erebus. "I'll have your tea in ready in just a moment."
With that, Asahina, clad in her maid outfit, daintily shuffled over to the teapot. I couldn't help but smile.
Haruhi, if there's one decision you've made that was good; it has to be his outfit. Bearing witness to numerous cosplays in bunny girl, nurse, and frog suits, I conclude that the maid look was simply perfect. Her glossy auburn hair flowed past her shoulders, harmonious with the long blue dress underneath the white flower-edged maid apron.
"I changed the leaves today. It's a more expensive brand. Do you like it?" her question was hesitant in coming.
Asahina, even tap water graced by your loving hands is superior to the purest spring waters. I thanked the gods for the wonderful blessing in the form of Asahina-san, and sipped my tea.
It would appear that only one other member was currently here aside from Asahina-san and I – Yuki Nagato.
Nagato's extraordinary dedication in reading proved present, since she had not removed her focus on her book since my entering. Her short, dark hair might've been better with the glasses, but this thought merely made me shudder. I would like to pretend that the incident which resulted in Nagato's loss was simply a deranged hallucination, thank you very much.
To Haruhi, Nagato was simply a packaged bonus that came with the clubroom, like the toys in those Happy Meals. Perhaps that analogy doesn't work, since you are required to pay for those toy.
Asahina gently poured Nagato another cup of steaming tea, while I awaited the third fourth member of this motley crew.
Speak of the devil himself, here comes Itsuki Koizumi.
As usual, he has his stupid grin plastered on his handsome visage, making me want to punch it in. Not sensing my violent urges, he continued to smile, and waved his hand in greeting.
Nagato did not respond, her slim fingers flipping the pages of her thick novel being the only sign of life. Asahina greeted our last member with her smile and a cup of tea.
Asahina, you don't need to talk to this bastard. Who knows what crazy schemes he and his colleagues have.
"It seems our leader has yet to arrive. How about a game of Othello?" Koizumi challenged me with that coy smile, and flicked a strand of brown hair coolly past his eyes.
I accepted. Strange how he would have astonishing powers on the battlefield, and utterly suck at board games. Stranger still, he continues to challenge me.
Seems that strange has become a common word lately. No, strange takes on whole new meanings with Haruhi.
After all, it was her that first gathered this unique assembly of strange beings. Consisting of a Living Humanoid Interface, time traveler, and ESPer. And the only normal person within Haruhi's clutches, Kyon. That would be me.
Oh, woe is I.
Koizumi placed his black piece in what he probably thought was a strategic location. As I thought, he has no skills whatsoever in board games.
Us sitting peacefully like this is a really rare and commemorative moment. In fact, I'm sure someone could count the days we spend by just relaxing on one hand. Reason of disruption being our self-proclaimed chief.
Perhaps hearing my sorrowful cry of agony, the clubroom door was suddenly kicked open with a bang.
Run for your lives! The government is finally taking us down for the sexual coercion of technological goods from the Computer Study Group, ceaselessly littering the city with acts of vandalism cleverly disguised as SOS Brigade posters, causing time to loop endlessly for the span of eight days, and being the cause of such outlandish and bizarre experiences!
Standing at the doorway in her sailor uniform, was our headstrong leader, Suzumiya Haruhi.
Without a word she stomped over to her designated chair and sat down. Sat is not a good word, as she more or less "flopped" onto the chair. Silently she turned on the ransomed computer and glared at the screen with her mouth set like a duck's beak.
Asahina whimpered, clearly fearing for her life, cautiously presented Haruhi with her cup of tea, and quickly escaped. I don't blame you, Asahina. Only a fool would approach hungry lion. Alternatively, an irritated Haruhi.
With her glare now focused on the teacup, Haruhi sent its smoking contents down her throat in one gulp. Somehow, the saying, 'Don't taste every man's soup, you'll burn your mouth," came to mind, but that woman must have an iron stomach.
No one dared to voice their opinions on the matter, as it seems her woebegone mood made us all depressed.
After trouncing Koizumi thoroughly in three matches, I declined his offer for shougi, and examined the indignation of Haruhi.
She was no longer using the computer, but one again peering off to the cloudless sky.
"Mikuru-chan! Sit down right here!" Haruhi proceeded to gesture at the chair next to her without even glancing back to see if her command was being regarded.
"Y-yes!" Asahina stuttered, and fearfully moved over. Tears were in her large almond eyes, hands gripped tightly on her maid skirt as she prepared to accept whatever Haruhi had planned. Don't look at me like that so pleadingly Asahina! Your honourable sacrifice will not be forgotten!
With morbid silence emitting, Haruhi walked over behind the trembling Asahina, and wordlessly began to play with her hair.
During this funeral-esque moment, I glanced over at Koizumi, whose constant smile bore a feeling of trouble. And it might've been my imagination, but Nagato seemed to have ceased reading.
At this moment I wanted nothing more than to sigh, but the melancholic look on Haruhi's face restrained that notion, for it seemed that the smallest sound aside from Asahina's whimpers would break the dam of tension.
And it was within that fashion, that the first day of back-to-school SOS Brigade meeting came to a close.
That night was to leave no sense of peace in me. After procrastinating for several hours, I finally gained the courage to tackle the fearsome load of 'back-to-school' 'what did you do during your summer holidays?' assignments, but now I was pondering what to write. Don't misunderstand; my summer experiences have been much too numerous in number, far too exceptional for a human like me. I cannot exactly submit a report entitled, "How I spent my summer reliving an endless cycle of eight days due to Suzumiya Haruhi." You simply do not write about the girl that sits behind you in class.
Did I accomplish anything typical this summer? Of course, like my yearly family trip to the mountains. Not one of my experiences that involved Haruhi or the rest of the SOS Brigade fell under the category of normal.
As I was pondering on appropriate censorship, my cell phone rings with none other than Asahina on the line.
"Hi Kyon-kun... it's Mikuru..." came her sweet, hesitant voice.
Asahina, Asahina, I would never mistake your delicate voice for anyone else!
"Umm, Kyon-kun, is this a bad time?"
In a match of Asahina versus pile of assignments -
"Of course not. What's the matter?"
"Can you meet me at the park near the station?" was her seductive request. Could this be a secret date?
"I'll be there faster than you can blink! Should I bring anything?" I eagerly replied. This was a golden opportunity to spend quality time alone with her.
"Thank you Kyon-kun, Koizumi-kun is already here."
...Why is that damned ESPer boy alone with you? Don't tell me you're going out with that bastard!
"Eh... Nagato-san is here too. Hurry Kyon-kun!"
The adorable princess has declared her command, and there was no way in hell I wasn't going to meet with her. After all, I can't let him take advantage of the meek and defenceless Asahina.
Despite how urgent the matter was at hand, I am still a careful cyclist, and arrived approximately fifteen minutes after the phone call, where I was greeted by Koizumi.
His smile was a bit stiff compared to his usual sadistic farce. Asahina was sitting on an old bench near Koizumi was waiting, clearly distraught with her hands cupping her face. Like she stated, Nagato was standing beside her, her own face like a piece of cardboard, emotionless. Unless my usual keen perception took a beating, her eyes gave off a feeling of foreboding. What could possibly be horrifying enough to shock this alien?
Needless to say, this meeting was about Haruhi.
Nonchalantly confirming my worst fears, Koizumi said cheerfully, "I'm glad you could make it. If you're wondering about the purpose of this gathering, it would be concerning Suzumiya-san."
On my relatively short bike ride, I had plenty of time to reflect on why we were meeting, though truthfully, it hardly needed any thought. It did not take Einstein to discover the equation of 4s T; four brigade members meeting in secret equals trouble.
"I trust that by this time you have noticed Suzumiya-san's particular depressive mood?"
No kidding. Was it not merely suffocating me this afternoon?
"Quite right. Although the situation is currently at equilibrium, the Agency is preparing for the worst. If possible, we would like to avoid possible meltdown of Suzumiya's thought pattern. Personally I would prefer having to encounter Celestials more than necessary."
I glanced over at the frightened Asahina, and silent Nagato. I can only assume the adorable Asahina is in consensus. If this had involved anyone but our energetic chief, I would be burning Asahina's meek stature onto my retinas. What does your Integrated Data Sentient Entity think on the matter?
"I am only present here as an observer. I am not instructed to interfere," she intoned. "However, the Integrated Data Sentient Entity wishes for this halt in information to cease. Present situation may lead to reverse evolution."
"How about explaining this in words Asahina and I would understand?"
Koizumi took on the task of translator with a cheerful smile.
"In layman's terms we must ensure that Suzumiya-san's mood improves. Otherwise we may end up being cast away for a new world."
I stopped standing long ago to sit next to Asahina. Looking at that pitiful expression, I gently patted her head. I should probably note that her hair was softer than silk, its texture seeping through my fingers like moonlight rays. Feel free to lean on me, Asahina! No need to be shy!
"I believe it would be best to discuss a solution to the predicament at hand"
Stop ruining the moment! What exactly do you expect me to do? Grovel at her feet begging for compassion upon the poor citizens of the planet, attending to her every wish and command (like I'm already coerced to)?
"That is one possible solution. However, my recommendation is that you utilize the same method as when you rescued our world from rebirth."
"Hell no." I never wish to be reminded of that moment ever again as long as I exist. The reminiscing taste of her lips… Argh!
"I presumed that to be your response." Koizumi answered immediately to my outburst, grinning like a monkey. "You speak of this matter as if it doesn't concern you, but you also wish for the safety of this world. Grovelling might not work, but I recommend that you seek to relieve her of her stress."
How am I to accomplish such an ambiguous task? In addition, why are the girls staring at me with that calculating look? You're all in cahoots with this plan, aren't you!
"Forgive me saying, but scientific research have proven that sexual stimulation can accommodate as an exceptional stress-reliever." Koizumi palpably stated, visage frozen in a provocative smile.
Being a hormonally challenged warm-blooded male, the images that swept through my mentality were definitely not appropriate or this fiction rating. My vivid imagination had no difficulties creating numerous scenarios where the slim and beauteous Haruhi engaged in several 'exercises' with yours truly.
To my credit, I subconsciously refrained from drooling, though in the split second of imaginary paradise, Koizumi's upturned lips branched to the wicked look of, 'I know what you did last summer.' Sorry, I am being sidetracked. Craning my head to clear of ridiculous thoughts, I proceeded to defend my honour to the anxious Asahina and the silent Nagato
"Just what madhouse do you pull your insane ideas from? Don't pollute the minds of these girls," I expressed, turning to them. Asahina was blushing beetroot. Ah, her innocence is so captivating.
"If Haruhi were here, she'd mutilate you for suggesting such an idea."
"Umm, Kyon-kun, it may not be as impossible as you think. Classified Information from the Classified Information suggests that the possibility of Classified Information is quite high," Asahina interjected, flushing even darker. Even if you say that, what am I supposed to understand here?
Speaking for the second time that night, Nagato took the liberty of answering my unspoken question. "Initiating basic association with Haruhi in a positive manner is the most appropriate course of action"
Silent approval rang in the calm moonlight. I sighed long and hard, and felt if my soul was really attempting to escape its earthly container.
Koizumi deterred his gaze at the sky. "In any case, let us be aware of the potential danger. I'll personally be counting on you, though" the bastard even had the gull to wink!
And that concluded the first secret plotting meeting of Caesar's downfall.
Glaring sunlight filtered through the curtains of my room, disrupting my dreamless sleep far too early. Burrowing under my covers like the seasonal groundhog, I was awaiting slumber when my sister leapt upon bed.
"Kyon!" Hop, hop, and hop. What you're hearing aren't the creaky bedsprings. Those are my bones you're breaking!
Beloved sister did not cease her torture, but proceeded to pull me off the bed.
"Get up, Kyon! Your friend is waiting for you! Kyon!"
If you were to witness my sister firsthand, I can bet with confidence that your first passing thought will be 'kawaii!" or the sort. This is because her ponytail tied off cutely to the side and her delicate frame simply screams 'I need your protection, oni-chan.' Trust me, fellow male readers; this classic anime character-like sibling is most certainly not as adorable as she appears. She could at least call me "oni-chan" occasionally. To further demonstrate my point, let us witness her routine morning ministrations.
'Kyon! Hurry up! She's not going to wait forever!"
Groaning and moaning, I allowed her miniature hands to drag me down the stairs. Laugh all you want, but it was far too early to wake up. Therefore, I simply gazed upward blankly as the sounds of the petite girl grunting in exertion while rubbing against me intoxicate my senses.
"It's not even morning and already you have that perverted look plastered on your face. Have you no shame?"
That voice. That crystal-clear voice that echoes through my darkest nightmares. The voice that haunts my sleepless nights. It couldn't be, could it?
No, a man is brave. He does not cower from enemies or the unknown. He ventures steadfast, charging like the manly icon he is. would that classify me as a spineless coward, if my whole body stiffened at that resonating sound, which could only have come from one woman.
Apprehensively, I lifelessly craned my head upward to the source. Blocking the bright sun was the young SOS Chief in all her glory, mercilessly regarding her POW. Mouth set acutely, Haruhi's confident grin etched upon her face contradicted her earlier lamentation.
Was it time already to ruin my day?
"I came over later than I had originally planned, but yet I find you like the dead." with one swift action, I was hauled to my feet and down the steps in bounds.
"See you later Kyon!" my precious sister waved happily, not looking depressed at all that she may never see me again.
"Haruhi, do you have idea what time it is?"
"Stupid, of course I do! Kyon, when will you learn to stop this senseless doubting of your leader?" Haruhi huffed.
Out the door, Haruhi went, and out of it, I was dragged, legs bouncing limply on the ground.
"Haruhi."
"What!" She didn't turn around.
"Can I put some clothes on?"
"..." Haruhi stopped her power walk and turned around slowly, realizing probably for the first time that I was clad in only an undershirt and boxers. I felt her eyes trail over me.
"Quickly." Just that one word and she released me, whipping her head around. Rubbing my sorry rump, I looked to see the faintest of red on Haruhi's cheeks. Grinning, I planned to tease her, if not for the frigid breeze reminding of my near nudity.
"Hmm, these aliens are quite ingenious to have prepared for a morning assault," said Haruhi, ever-energetically probing every street corner.
I followed along, having already accepted my defeat, enjoying the mint-laden morning air. Somehow, the ordinarily glaring sun composed itself, enriching in the world, an orange glow. Thankful for such serendipitous weather, I closed my eyes to appreciate the atmosphere.
Only to be interrupted, of course.
"Kyon! Are you listening? Jeez, didn't your mother teach you it's impolite to ignore beautiful girls?" Self-proclaimed beautiful girl exclaimed.
I peeked at her through half-lidded eyes, still noting the entrancing smooth face that belonged to the beautiful girl. The light cast by the gentle sun softened her features, so that it possessed no equal in radiance. Her healthy glow emanated from her scowl; the very one directed at me.
"Haruhi, just take this moment to appreciate life," I sigh, strolling into the lion's den.
I imagine her face is quite a sight, from her indignant stutter of a response. Might as well enjoy the end of my short life before Haruhi takes aggravated action.
"Kyon..." Haruhi slowly began. "You're strange, you know that?"
"...Yeah."
Eyes closed, I imagine Haruhi's unadulterated grin.
Have you ever noticed how tiredness catches up the instant you rest? Waking early takes exceeding effort of will, yet the challenge exists with attempting to stay awake several hours later. Therein lay my predicament.
Okabe-sensei's droning is quite similar to a mother's lullaby, and his equation remind of sheep counting. Sorry, my mind has just about evaporated. Moreover, perhaps by some cruel joke of higher beings, the girl behind me was granted slumber, neither teacher nor fellow classmates taking note of such inappropriate behaviour. Sadly, I knew that even with classes missed, Haruhi would have no problem conquering schoolwork.
Forgive me if this appears biased, but is it also a practical joke of God that I am called on for every question?
Life is truly unfair.
Yawn. Several hours of sleep-learning later, I am journeying towards undoubtedly the greater stress that is the SOS Brigade clubroom. This repetitive walking sensation burned – no – beaten into me, and I was not about to risk breaking tradition.
I entered the Brigade room to the sight of Asahina, today donning her nurse outfit.
"Good afternoon, Kyon-kun," she said, head tilted slightly in the most delectable expression ever. "Tea will be ready in a second, so please have a seat!"
Ah, life is worthwhile. Sitting down, a glance revealed that Nagato is in her usual corner, today reading a thinner novel, "Race to Freedom." Stoic as always, I see. Across from me was Koizumi, face in a perpetual smile, holding a challenge of shougi. Quite a normal day and excellent tea as usual.
Asahina, having finished her preliminary work, sat down gently holding the tray to her body, eyes large in wonder as she watched our game. If only this false peace can continue.
Koizumi simply had to interrupt this tranquility. "It appears that Haruhi's disposition is of a good humour once again," he waved absently as a gesture. "If I only knew what such effective methods you employ to cheer her, I may be free from a lot of demanding work."
I really didn't do anything. Haruhi simply has the average teenage mood swings.
"Really? Then I should hope you'll always be available to ensure her mood doesn't exceed the limit of the swing."
Glancing up, I can see the laughter in his eyes. Horrible pun. Asahina looked relieved also, smiling brilliantly. However, I'm happy the world averted disaster once again.
There is no surprise in me that Haruhi would not take a break from her duty as commander, and just let this normality slip by, if only this once. Murphy's Law exists in our daily life, and being a fervent upholder of such a pessimistic outlook, Haruhi herself burst through the door with a kick.
"Hello," declared Haruhi. "I'm glad you've all gathered here today, as I have our next activity prepared!"
No one gave an evident response, except for all eyes and ears focused, particularly mine. I can only pray that this activity does not yield too many casualties.
Brigade Chief glanced around the room, obviously disappointed with the lack of enthusiasm. "Come on people, show some energy! Aren't you guys curious at all about our next footprint on this boring world?"
Seeing as I have been elected as chief communicator, I asked for the all of us.
"And, what are we going to go destroy next?"
"We aren't going to destroy anything," she firmly stated. "We're going to enter in the annual Go-Kart competition!"
"…" Asahina's horrified response.
"…" Nagato's silent reception.
"…" Koizumi's idiotic smirk.
"… We can't drive." The obvious.
"So? I've gotten to practice on the family car." No, obvious facts never stopped Suzumiya Haruhi. For she changed facts when she felt like it. "Quit worrying before you even experience driving – trust me, it's a thrill to die for!"
May that sadistic, sarcastic and egotistic sentient being up there have mercy.
A/N: Edited on: 10/11/06 9:12PM EST -5:00
-Added HTML codes
-Corrected minor mistakes