Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimo
Warning: course language
See me as I am 23
This was betad by Yaoirocks
Thank you
The dreams came in a tsunami of visions. All were terrible and all involved my father claiming his disappointment in me.
His disappointment in having a daughter instead of a son. For years I had tried to please him even going after Uchiha Sasuke. Hoping against hope that if I won Sasuke's heart I may actually win my fathers approval.
No matter what I have done nothing has ever been good enough. Nothing was ever good enough in his eyes.
I had once come in first place during a school competition. It had been an all school tai-jutsu match. Even that did not even impress him... in his eyes there was still room for me to do better.
He told me afterwards in front of my school, classmates and teachers that a blind monkey could have accomplished what I had.
I cried so hard when we had gotten home. How could he have been so cruel as to say that to me in front of everyone? Did he not understand all the time and effort I had put in to my training so that I could win?
I cried more when he back handed me and told me to grow a back bone. He had also told me that shinobi do NOT cry and the at the rate I was going I would never become one.
I hate him. He has no idea of all that I have been through. Kunoichi are trained form the age of 5 about sex and pleasuring both men and women. At the age of nine we are told we MUST lose our virginities. That way we can begin to put in practice all that we have learned.
I took my own virginity; that was not a gift I would ever give to anyone. There was no one that I liked or even loved enough to give that to. I cried that night in addition to getting drunk and cutting myself.
My father had not even noticed the change in me. All he cared about was his phantom son of his that does not exist.
Words cannot describe my hatred for that damn phantom shadow I live in.
When we had went to Wave country I was so mad and distraught that neither Haku nor Zabuza spared me a glance or even a thought. In fact, neither of them even thought me worthy of killing. They had not even considered me worthy of notice.
Their only concern had been Kakashi-Sensei, Sasuke and Naruto. I was the one who mastered that tree climbing exercises on the first day. I was the one who had been there all that week at the bridge... not those two.
I felt such a white hot anger at them all. What the hell made them so damn special? What they have a dick and I don't?
I am so much better than they are why is it no one notices?
Big damn deal. For years I have down played my abilities...all so that Sasuke would not feel inferior.
I hate him... there I said it. I hate Uchiha Sasuke and all that he stands for. His name makes me see red. His snotty arrogant voice makes me want to rip his fucking throat out. I hope his life is as miserable if not more so than mine. I wish him the most painful of deaths.
I want to see that teme writhe in agony!
Again more dreams come and again my father is asking me why I can not be more like Sasuke. Why is it I can not do something as simple as lure him in to my bed and heart?
I dream of me crying and telling my him how much I dislike Sasuke and my father back handing me and telling me to be the little slut he knows I really am. He told me he knew what all Kunoichi are nothing more than concubines and whores... and get Uchiha Sasuke in my bed.
That was when I began cutting... I was ten years old and all I wanted in the world was for my father to notice me and love me.
That never happened all I ever received was put downs and contempt for being a female.
I began hating my body and binding down my chest.
When all the girls were excited about their cycles and having parties and dinners to celebrate. I was slicing myself when I had started mine and crying bitter tears over the unfairness of having been born a woman.
In my short life I have cried more than anyone in this Kami forsaken village.
I had saved a kunai back for my cutting rituals. I had begun cutting myself on a daily basis. No one had even noticed. I had started studying harder and harder. All in hopes that man I called father would notice me.
All the recognition I received was from Ino...and not a bit of it was nice. Oh it had started off as being nice… somewhat. But, a few years later she wanted Sasuke as a status symbol and I wanted him dead like the rest of his damned clan.
Oh how I loathed pretending to care about him. Trying day after day to make myself believe the lie that he was the center of my universe. I hated him then and I hate him even more now.
I am half awake and can hear Genma and Kakashi talking in low voices near me. Wondering how long I have been cutting myself and weather or not I should be put on suicide watch.
I want to laugh.
I really find it hard to believe anyone would notice me missing. After all not many have even bothered to spare me a glance let alone a thought.
I am Haruno Sakura the pink haired slut of Konoha.
Not worthy of notice or anything.
A/N: Sorry for so long in updating unfortunataly my muse has been MIA and I have had many rl issues going on.