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Title: Snapshots

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: PG13

Pairing: SuzaLulu

Disclaimers: Not ours, still.

Warning: Let's try a bit of political issues this time, shall we…

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Installment 6 – A Quest of Loyalty

September, Japan, 2019 a.t.b.

The year 2018 a.t.b. should be recorded as a notable year for all the citizens of the Holy Empire of Britannia. During that year, there was not one, not two, but three royal marriages happened within the royal line of the empire. The crown prince, His Highness Prince Odysseus eu Britannia, had taken the hand of the first daughter of the Grand Archduke of Wales on the beginning of spring that year and married her according to the law of God and men. On June, amidst the sweet blooming roses of summer, His Highness Prince Lelouch vi Britannia had finally vowed his entire life to His Lordship Kururugi Suzaku from Kyoto. And following the event, the first princess of the Holy Empire of Britannia, Guinevere su Britannia, entered her married life on the windy yet beautiful August, thus made the third and last royal marriages to happen within that memorable year.

It was surely something to be happy about. And His Highness Prince Lelouch vi Britannia did feel happy about the whole ordeal. He was happy for his brother and his sister. And he was happy for himself since he knew it was surely what he had wanted and decided for himself, to be with his Suzaku, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in health and in sickness, until death do them part.

But still, there was something bothering his heart. There was turmoil within his mind that seemed unable to be calmed down. For while the year 2018 a.t.b. was a memorable year for the royal marriages that took place within said year, the year 2019 a.t.b. then should also be remembered for the birth of little princes to the Britannian royal lineage that happened within said year.

March 2019 a.t.b. marked the birth of the first son to the crown prince of Britannia, His Highness Prince Odysseus u Britannia. The whole empire celebrated the news. The wave of happiness spread over the land, and it was only multiplied when on July, Her Highness Princess Guinevere also safely delivered her firstborn son. 'Three weddings last year, two births this year, surely, there will be a great victory next year', the people of the empire used to say as they partied and celebrated in happiness.

Lelouch also took part in the celebration. He cherished the birth of his nephews. He was happy for his siblings. He felt grateful that the line to the throne of The Holy Empire of Britannia was secure. Yet he also felt an undeniable sadness in him as he thought of a certain thing.

'Three weddings last year, two births this year…'

It was the truth, he mused solemnly. For even though there were three weddings during the previous year, there would be no more than two births for the present year. For no matter how much he loved Suzaku, there were still things he was unable to give him. For even though he knew that Suzaku would surely make a great father, he knew that Suzaku would never be one in his lifetime.

He was Suzaku's spouse, he had taken his hand, vowed his entire life to him. There was nothing he would not do for his Suzaku, but Lelouch knew he would never be able to give him one very essential thing. He would never be able to give him children to continue his family line. And it was that thing that had been bothering him non-stop lately. And he knew he was not the only one who had been thinking over the matter.

For royals, the matter of successor to the family line was an essential matter. Lelouch knew that he had been living his life in a royal court to know the way of politics. It was a perfectly politically valid thing in the law of Britannia for royalty to declare a divorce under the reason that the partner was unable to produce any heir. So he was not really surprised when the whispers and half concealed rumors started to reach his ears regarding his very apparent inability to produce any heir to the line of Kururugi. In the Britannia mainland, it was not so intense since the well-being of a royal lineage from another country was not really something the Britannian monarch put their greatest interest on. Moreover his high status in the Britannian society provided him a strong barrier from any ill rumors to be spoken about him. But whenever he was in Japan, it was a different matter altogether.

And that time, it was getting worse. Because instead of hushed whispering, he heard a full conversation. Because instead of sideway comments, he heard a full confrontation. And though the conversation was not for his ears and the confrontation was not directed at him, he could not help but hear since the doors were thin and it was so easy to hear any conversation conducted within a closed room.

He was inside the Kururugi estate that time, visiting his dear father-in-law and doing his obligation as Suzaku's spouse to visit his mother's grave on the anniversary of her death. And like every time he visited Japan, Lelouch could hear the whispers following him, could feel the disapproving eyes of the nobilities landing on him, could see their sneers directed at him. He knew they were not really happy with his union with Suzaku due to many factors. He knew they were envious toward his father-in-law for he now had such a good relationship with the Britannian royals after the marriage. He knew some of them resented him for they had planned to wed their daughter to Suzaku instead. He knew some of them still felt it was perverted for two men to marry. He knew some of them viewed him as worthless considering he would never able to produce any heir.

So many reasons, indeed, and some could be seen as reasonable while others were plain ridiculous. But Lelouch knew that he was a royal prince of Britannia. He had his dignity to uphold. So upon receiving such treatment, he would only keep his posture straight and behaved like what his father dictated him. He knew he should never get himself affected by those rumors. He knew he was above getting pissed by some envious politicians trying to sully his name.

Yet he also knew that the things those so-called envious politicians said behind his back were true, in a way or another. And even though he had already vowed never to let those people get the satisfaction to see him crushed by their ill natured sideway comments, it still gave him enough reason to feel affronted. It stood to reason, then, why he suddenly felt so grim when he overheard yet another comment about him when he was about to see his spouse.

He was halfway to knock on the door when a stray piece of conversation reached his ears, making his hand stilled and his heart skipped a beat.

"…what is so wrong in taking a mistress?" the voice from within the room said. "It is reasonable considering that you would not get any children from that consort of yours."

"For how many times do I have to repeat myself?" Suzaku's voice replied, sounding so tense and heavily laden with emotion. "Lelouch is my lawfully wedded spouse, and I will be loyal to him."

"This has nothing to do with loyalty. We do not ask you to divorce him. This is a profitable union for Japan in any case. Naturally we would not want to ruin it," a second voice said.

"I married Lelouch because I love him, not because I want to gain profit from our marriage."

"Yet love alone would not bring you any heir to your family," the first voice continued. "Please think over your family's well-being and not only your personal desires, Lord Kururugi, think about your father and your ancestors."

"As far as I know, my father has nothing to complain about my marriage life," Suzaku's cold voice replied.

"Lord Genbu is old, and he does not at all times know what was best for his household."

"Gentlemen, I order you to refrain yourself from insulting the head of the Kururugi household!"

"We would not have to insult him if you are not so unwilling to take our proposals and just take a mistress already, a Japanese mistress who can give you some heirs to your household."

"Oh, so in the end it's all back to that matter, right? Tell me, Lord Kirihara, after all these years are you still unable to find any suitor who could stand the idea of marrying your daughter and therefore keep pushing her into a marriage with me?"

"I will not have you insulting my daughter…"

"And I will not have you insulting my spouse!"

At that point, Lelouch felt he had heard enough. Bracing himself, he let his knuckles drop against the hard wooden frame of the door. He knocked, three times he knocked. And all voices ceased from within the room. Silence reigned in the air until he could hear Suzaku's voice, biding him to enter.

Upon entering the room, Lelouch noticed many things at once. He noticed that it was indeed Lord Kirihara and his adjutant who accompanied Suzaku in the room that time. He noticed how Suzaku's lips suddenly formed a thin line. He noticed how Lord Kirihara suddenly looked a bit shamefaced as if he was afraid that the entire conversation was overheard by him. He noticed the tense atmosphere in the room, and he acknowledged its existence as he walked to Suzaku's direction.

"Milord," he addressed Suzaku formally, like he always did in public. And with that single word, the other three people in the room seemed to snap back into their senses. Hastily, they stood up from their seat and greeted him. And Lelouch also noticed how both Lord Kirihara and his adjutant took extra amount of respect in their tone, a fact that made him smile ironically inside.

Outside, he smiled courteously as he said, "I am so sorry for disturbing your conversation, Lord Kirihara, but I'm afraid I have been asked by my father-in-law to fetch his son."

"Oh, please do not say so," Lord Kirihara said dismissively. "It was not an important conversation, after all."

Lelouch let his eyes glanced to the man's direction ever so surreptitiously. "Was it?"

Lord Kirihara did not answer. Truthfully, Lelouch did not expect any answer himself, yet he was unable to tear his gaze away. Somehow he seemed unable to avert his eyes from the man who grew more restless under his gaze.

"Dear," Suzaku's voice stopped his silent gaze and made him turn to face his husband. "You said that father required my presence. Would you kindly escort me to where he is?"

He blinked. His smile easily slid back into place.

"Certainly, Milord," he said to Suzaku. Then, turning his face to the direction where Lord Kirihara stood, he said to him. "Please excuse us, Lord Kirihara, you two could possibly continue your conversation later on, but during such occasion, may I too be included in your conversation?"

The tense atmosphere somehow became even more oppressing in the room after he finished his sentence. Suzaku stared at him, disbelief was clearly shown on his face. He was not the only one to possess such expression. Lelouch noticed how those three people, apart from him, seemed to sport a look of disbelief on their faces.

He too, felt a sense of disbelief at his own suggestion. Yet he knew he could not running away from the issue anymore. He was already fed up with all the talking behind his back, with all the times he evaded the problem. He was fed up with running away, therefore that time, he intended to face the problem head on and solve it.

No matter how painful it was for him.

"Lelouch," Suzaku carefully called him. "Whatever did you mean by that?"

"I am also part of the Kururugi Family," he said with his calm voice that belied none of his painful emotion inside as he steeled himself to say his next words. "So of course the matter of the heir to the family is also of my consideration. Please do not exclude me from your discussion, gentlemen, I only ask that."

"Lelouch," Suzaku's voice held a stressed tone in it. "What kind of nonsense are you speaking?"

"I am aware of my limitation," he continued, trying so hard not to let Suzaku's hard expression bother him. It was already hard for him to admit that, and looking at Suzaku would make it even harder. "And I have been living in a royal court to know that a matter of successor is an important thing for any noble. I, as the consort to the Kururugi household, absolutely want the best for this family. I know that there are things I cannot do, things that other might be able to do for this family. I accept it, but… I will not accept it if such important thing is decided… without my taking part in the decision. Therefore…"

"That's enough!" Suzaku's sharp voice cut his sentence off. "Gentlemen, please do excuse us."

Lelouch felt his wrist snatched by his husband and soon after he could feel Suzaku pulled at his wrist, dragging him out of the room. Suzaku was angry, he could sense that. Suzaku's hold on his wrist was painful, the way he dragged him was not in the least bit taking his comfort into consideration, he was walking too fast and the tug at his wrist was harsh, unyielding.

He knew what made Suzaku angry. He was angry at first of the prospect of people conspiring behind him to lay Suzaku in a bed with another woman to get an offspring from the union. He was angry at first to have people plotting behind his back. He was angry at first at his own inability to be a perfect consort for Suzaku. But after so long, the anger had melted down and it was replaced by a dejected acceptance. There was something he could not do, no matter how much he wished it. And there was something he could not do, no matter how important it was for Suzaku.

It was hard, and Suzaku made it harder. And suddenly Lelouch felt so helpless, so dejected, as he viewed the situation at hand. Those nobles were angry at him. Suzaku was angry at him. And even he was angry at himself. He felt so useless he felt like crying.

He was so busy trying to sort out his emotion that he failed to realize at first when Suzaku stopped his stride. Yet he noticed the absence of harsh tugging at his wrist. He noticed the feeling of fingers gently landing on his cheek.

He was the royal prince of The Holy Empire of Britannia, Lelouch reminded himself, therefore he should be strong, never show weakness, and give his best for those he cherish. He let no tears. He let no smile. He just stared calmly back at Suzaku, his Suzaku, whose fingers still lay gently against his cheek.

"It's not really polite to make our exit like that," Lelouch spoke softly, because no matter how strong he tried to become, there was never a time when he could keep his emotion fully hidden before Suzaku.

"Why did you say all those things back there?" Suzaku asked him, dismissing his statement as if it was unimportant. Maybe for him, it was indeed so.

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked back. "I am neither blind nor deaf. I know that they have been pressuring you about this whole successor issue."

The hand retreated from his cheek and Suzaku's eyes were hard.

"You mean you really meant your words?" Suzaku asked. "You mean you really have no hard feeling upon the thought of me being with another woman? I never thought of you as that kind of person, Lelouch."

"Suzaku, please…" he sighed. "I also don't want this…"

"Then why did you suggest it?"

"Because I know my limitation," he harshly said. "I love you and I'm married to you. Therefore I want the best for you and your family. But if it is something that I cannot give… something that someone else is able to give…"

"But what if it is something that I myself do not want? What, then?"

"Suzaku, this is not only about you. This is the problem for the whole of your family…"

"Yes, I know that. This is the Kururugi family problem, and I will solve it myself without having you doing stupid thing like that."

He took a breath to steady his erratic heart beat, to keep his hands from trembling, to keep his voice from shaking.

"And I thought I am also part of the Kururugi family, Suzaku, after I vowed myself to you or am I mistaken?"

He did not intend his words to be spoken with such a cold tone. But the look of hurt and disconcert on Suzaku's face let him know that he had failed to keep his emotion in check. Suddenly he felt really ashamed of himself, moreover when he turned his face to a side, unable to see that look on Suzaku's face, unable to face his husband.

"You better go to father, he is expecting you," he said softly, that time he did not bother to hide the trembling of his voice.

"I will talk to father," Suzaku said, his tone was soft. "But after that we will have to talk, okay, Lelouch?"

He did not answer. He could not answer. He knew he should answer but he could not. He even could not turn his face to watch Suzaku walking away from him, he could not raise his face to see Suzaku's receding form as he walked to their father's room. He knew he should have accompanied him to meet their father, but he could not.

He was upset, and he did not want to offend anyone, especially Suzaku, since he knew that even though he was upset Suzaku was not really the one to blame. And he was the one who decided it for himself. There was no use to be a whiny soul over something that he had decided. Sure it was painful for him, sure he did not like it, but he had decided it.

He took a breath and reminded himself that he was Lelouch vi Britannia, the royal prince of The Holy Empire of Britannia. With that he retreated to his own personal quarters and stayed there for the whole afternoon until a knock on his door disrupted his thoughts.

Opening his door, he was not in the least bit surprised seeing Suzaku standing outside. He merely made way for his husband to enter the room. He merely gestured for Suzaku to sit on his reading chair. He merely sat beside his Suzaku. And he kept his silence, since he did not know if he should say anything, if he wanted to say anything. He felt numb. But he still could feel the warmth of Suzaku's embrace as the man took him into his arms.

Lelouch never before thought that the sensation of Suzaku's lips kissing the side of his face could send him into such explosion of numerous emotions within himself. Yet that time, with that simple chaste kiss, he felt all his buried emotions surged free. He felt the sensation of helplessness overcome him. He felt thankful, really thankful, that he had Suzaku. He felt really thankful that Suzaku was there, to hug him tight, to give him his shoulder to lean on to, to support him, to love him.

"Lelouch…" his Suzaku said softly, his lips were so very close to his ear. "Lelouch, why? Why, if it pains you so much like this? I don't want to see you like this. Lelouch, why?"

He gave a sarcastic snort, "Why what? Why did I tell the truth?"

"Lelouch," Suzaku's gentle voice held a hint of harsh edge to it. Hearing that, Lelouch released a resigned sigh. With a bit of reluctance, he disentangled himself from Suzaku's embrace. He was calm now, or at least, he tried to be calm as he opened his mouth and spoke.

"I live in a royal court, Suzaku. I know the dirty world of politics," he said. "I live with the awareness about my so many half siblings. I acknowledged my father's many consorts. I could not understand my mother at first, why she agreed to share her husband with so many others but… when I grew up, I realize it's not essentially the matter of whether you want it or not… there's always the big picture to be considered. And for this matter, I know… that I have to accept this. Because that's the only thing I can do that can satisfy every party… and solve this problem…"

"It won't," Suzaku said with a decisive tone in his voice. "Such thing won't ever solve the problem, won't ever satisfy every party, because you're not happy, Lelouch, because you don't want this."

He gave a somewhat strained smile. "It's not that simple, Suzaku…"

"It is that simple," Suzaku insisted. He had that determined glint in his eyes, yet his expression was soft when he reached for Lelouch's hand, when he let their hands entwined. "Do you know why my father agreed on our marriage?"

That seemingly unrelated question took Lelouch aback. He gave a confused stare yet answered nonetheless. "Because it's beneficial… I guess…"

"No," Suzaku said. "Because I love you at first sight, that's why."

Lelouch blinked rapidly. "I… beg your pardon?"

"You know that my father proposed a political marriage to secure the bond between Japan and Britannia, right?" Suzaku said wistfully. "Well, to cut the long story short, your father somehow saw the crack on the proposal and thus you ended up as the candidate for my bride. Father was furious back then, but I saw your photograph and… I cannot say I loved you right then, but I knew I would like to know this beautiful boy with curious purple eyes, I would like to make friends with him, I would like to let him into my life, and that was why my father accepted the proposal. That was how we could be together now."

Lelouch was silent, transfixed on his seat as he heard the story coming from Suzaku's lips.

"You see, my father did not decide our marriage for Japan or for Kururugi household," Suzaku continued. "He knew I loved you so he followed my selfish request and accepted this whole ordeal. My father put my happiness first because he loved me. And I love you, Lelouch, so very much. Can you blame me if I also want to put your happiness first?"

Lelouch was not quite sure if Suzaku's words were meant as a question or not. But he knew if it was indeed a question, the answer would be 'no'. He could never blame Suzaku when his husband was looking at him lovingly like that.

"I don't want to burden you and father," he whispered. "I would feel really guilty if the line of Kururugi died with you…"

"Don't be so dramatic," Suzaku chuckled. "I still have an uncle and he has several children."

"But your uncle is not of the main Kururugi family," he retorted. "Won't your relatives and peers object to the idea of naming someone from the branch family the successor of Kururugi name?"

"Oh, they would not, at least not openly, we still have enough power, you know," Suzaku said dismissively. Then, seeing that Lelouch was still having a look of worry on his face, he smiled. "Don't burden yourself by thinking over this matter too much, Lelouch. I'm more willing to stand their objections than to have you silently torture yourself as I am forced to entertain some strange woman whom I don't even love."

Lelouch had to smile at that. "You make me sound like a pathetic heroine in a tragedy."

"You indeed sounded like a pathetic heroine in a tragedy," Suzaku said with a chuckle. "My Lelouch is supposed to be a proud and snobbish little prince who would do things as he sees fit, regardless of what others might think. Why the hell is he now behaving like a hopeless tragic heroine is beyond me."

"So you are saying you prefer me to be a selfish villain than to be a damsel in distress?" Lelouch asked teasingly.

"I'm not that partial to women, after all," Suzaku admitted, his laughter rang clear in the room. And when he gathered Lelouch into his arms again, he met no resistance. When he tried to kiss his spouse again, he got nothing but acceptance.

"I've talked with father about this," Suzaku spoke up again. "He said he would trust this entire matter of naming my successor to us. You are part of the Kururugi family, Lelouch, and I'm sorry if I made you feel like you did not belong here. So, we would do this together, we would find a way which does not involve my finding a mistress or something… gosh, even the prospect of it scares me… it might be hard, I guess, to make those nobles accept this idea, but we'll do this together, that is if you still want to stay beside me and do this with me."

Within Suzaku's embrace, Lelouch was silent as he listened to his spouse's words. He had a smile on his lips as those words came out from Suzaku's lips. He had a small smile on his lips as he nestled his face deeper into Suzaku's shoulders, feeling somewhat stupid for being so overly fretful. He had a small smile on his lips when Suzaku stared at him apprehensively after he finished his sentence.

He had a small smile on his lips when he flicked his finger to Suzaku's forehead gently, enjoying the flinch that his husband was making.

"For better or worse," he said. "For richer or poorer, in health and in sickness, until death do us part. I've promised you that, right?"

"Yeah…" Suzaku said, capturing those blameworthy fingers and brought them to his lips. "I'm sorry that I somewhat estranged you from this whole family mess, thinking that I could protect you by doing so when in reality I only made it harder for you."

"And I'm sorry for losing my temper back then," Lelouch said as he traced Suzaku's lips with his fingers. "I love you."

He replaced his fingers with his own pair of lips soon afterward. The kiss they shared was innocent, was sweet, was brief, but it was heartfelt and by the time their lips disengaged from each other, Lelouch realized that his inner turmoil had been pacified, that his emotions had all calmed down, that he was so glad and thankful that he could love someone named Kururugi Suzaku.

He chuckled a little when Suzaku dropped a chaste kiss to the tip of his nose. And he outwardly laughed when His Lordship Lieutenant Colonel Kururugi Suzaku ran his fingers amidst his hair and whispered with a playful voice into his ear.

"Now that the making up has been taken well care of, how about if we move to the making out session?"

He did not give any verbal answer to that, but Lelouch thought that Suzaku could assume for himself what his answer to his question might be, if his kiss afterward could be of any indication.

- end -

(A/N: you'd have thought we already forgot this little piece of story, right? Sadly, we haven't :D sorry for taking so long to update due to one and other things. Thank you for reading this story. We hope you had a good reading time and as always, should you give us your review on this story, we would be very grateful. We hope to see you again in the next installment. Yes, there would be more installment… think perhaps we should get punished for spreading this much pathetic-sugary-hopeless-sap?)