o

o

o

o

o

Two.Keeping Up Appearances

o

o

o

o

o

In a town like Manchester, there were only two things that mattered: money and beauty. Since money was never in shortage, it was beauty that was everyone's obsession.

For the female students of Manchester High, it was unthinkable to be anything but flawless like the girls in the fashion magazines they worshipped. They were equipped with designer labels, high end cosmetics, and expensive accessories. Everyone needed to be beautiful and thin, because anything less was intolerable to them—because beauty was everything. So the girls experimented with dangerous diet pills and bizarre diets in order to maintain their size 4 figures. Half the student body had an eating disorder and the other half was depressed; no one cared as long as you were beautiful.

It was the morning after Homecoming and everyone was trying to hide their hangovers, bloodshot eyes, and fatigued complexions. They felt like shit a hundred times over, but it was more important to look their best even when it was their worst. The rule was simple: feel like shit, just don't look it.

It was about half past noon, Sakura and her friends had finally slept off enough alcohol to have stopped gagging. They stood in a line in Tomoyo's boudoir. Tomoyo's boudoir was at the envy of everyone; on Tomoyo's fourteenth birthday, Tomoyo's mother had the room adjacent to her bedroom converted to her own personal boudoir—complete with a wall of mirrors, and not to mention, endless closet space. The girls were in front of a wall of mirrors—preening, of course. First came the blue bottles of Clinque makeup remover and handfuls of cotton balls. Then the five of them passed around eye drops to take care of redness.

Emma was applying Lancôme concealer on her forehead. "You totally should have been like, fuck you asshole," she said decidedly and looked at Sakura through the mirror. Sakura had just recounted her date's intolerable behavior last night or at least as much of it as she could remember.

"I mean like, that's messed up. Julie's not even pretty," Alex added as she brushed on Mac powder foundation.

"She's a slut," KT said with a cool disdain. "Don't even waste time on him, Sakura. You can do so much better. Fuck him." She brushed her dirty blonde hair, carefully smoothing the wavy curls.

Tomoyo was leaning close to the mirror, expertly lining her eyes with Chanel midnight black pencil eyeliner. "Christian's a fuck face, we all know that. The only reason he gets around is because he captains the soccer team," she said dryly.

Emma nodded, now dabbing on Alex's foundation. "Julie's not even a natural redhead. She goes to a fucking salon in Boston to have her hair dyed every month for three hundred dollars."

In the light of day, Sakura had to admit, everything was not as insignificant as it was at night when she had been completely wasted. Everything had been blurred and pushed into the background. She liked it that way, because, although she didn't want to give a shit about Christian or Julie or whatever they had done together last night, she did. She shook off the feeling. Fuck him, fuck Julie, fuck everything.

"You guys are right and I don't give a shit," Sakura replied coolly, acting as though she really didn't care. She deftly applied a light shade of Dior silver eye shadow. She smiled into the mirror—it was her trademark smile.

Her reflection was of a green eyed young girl she didn't even recognize. There were no traces of a hangover, no traces of anger or resentment. Everyone was so fake that it made her sick, yet she continued to smile. Her friends were nasty and dissed everyone else any chance they had, but the entire school was this way so everyone kept doing it. The girls were especially vicious to each other. They were still like a group of kindergarten children throwing mud and pulling each other's hair, only now they threw insults and stole each other's boyfriends.

"Of course we're right, darling," KT smiled back trimly. She was adjusting her Lacoste polo, straightening the popped collar. She was wearing a strand of white pearls with matching pearl studs. She looked like she had just walked out of a country club luncheon.

Emma leaned closer to the mirror, carefully putting in red stoned earrings. "Tomoyo, I saw you with Mike last night," she smiled. Emma was always the one for gossip. "You gotta spill."

"Nothing happened really, just had some fun. We made out a little. It's nothing serious." This was the typical Tomoyo reply. It was no secret that every straight guy at Manchester had the hots for Tomoyo. She never took any of her myriad of boyfriends seriously. Most of them lasted only a few weeks but that only made her more appealing to the male population.

"I heard like he's been trying to get with you ever since the sophomore semi," Emma pressed on. "He even dumped Cindy last weekend, just before Homecoming."

"No!" Alex suddenly exclaimed. "Cindy Sullivan? Mike's been with her since seventh grade! How did it happen?"

Sakura frowned. Gossip was the only viable currency amongst the students of Manchester.

"Apparently, Mike just like cancelled their movie date last Saturday night and told her he like never wanted to see a movie with her, like ever again. Cindy like cried for days," Emma explained, intently narrating every detail of the tragedy. "That's why she wasn't in school half of last week. She's like so heartbroken. No one knew about the break up until like Cindy's best friend told everyone at Homecoming."

"It was bound to happen, you know," KT said. "It's unnatural to date someone you've known since like the seventh grade. Like come on, there's someone better out there."

Emma shrugged. "Mike's like cheated on her several times before. It wasn't like some big secret."

Sakura gave a dry laugh despite herself. Emma was right. There was no such thing as secrets at Manchester High. If anything happened to anyone, everyone was bound to know.

Alex was applying Talika mascara to her eyelashes. "Seems like Mike's like ready to move on to bigger and better things, Tomoyo," Alex said and gave Tomoyo a significant look.

"Yeah," Sakura agreed wryly. "Along with every other guy in our grade."

Tomoyo shook her head and started to put away all her makeup in her Ralph Lauren bag. "Mike's a jerk and he's a player—totally, not interested," she said coolly. She checked her appearance in the mirror. Her makeup was flawless and understated. She was dressed in a casual BCBG dress yet still managed to look classy and elegant. Under the bright lights of the boudoir, Tomoyo looked every bit of the multi-million heiress she was; she was forever upon that pedestal.

Not interested, that was Tomoyo's catchphrase. KT crooked a perfectly waxed eyebrow. A moment of awkward silence passed between the four girls.

"Whatever," Alex finally said, quickly changing the subject. "You guys wanna like grab some food?" By food, of course, she meant coffee and half a bagel—no cream cheese.

The girls nodded in agreement. "I'll drive," KT offered. She picked up her keys to her Lexus SUV, jingling on a silver Tiffany's keychain, and J. Crew tote and headed for the door.

Sakura leaned into the mirror and quickly applied her favorite shade of Dior Addict lip gloss. Suddenly, she was alone in Tomoyo's expansive boudoir. The room was brightly lit and there were shelves upon shelves of clothe and shoes and accessories behind her. Yet Sakura could not feel but the tinge of hollowness beneath the glamour.

She peered closely at her reflection. There was a stranger staring back at her. A stranger dressed in a stunning outfit from Anthropologie with expertly applied makeup. But no amount of eye makeup could hide the glassiness in her eyes. Sakura suddenly wondered how they got here; how her best friend in the world changed into this disdainful, cold, distant shell of a girl; how she has come to be a stranger to herself? Who was this beautiful, sad girl in the mirror?

Sakura had never considered herself to be beautiful. She didn't possess a timeless, classic beauty like Tomoyo. She wasn't stunningly gorgeous like Alex. She didn't exude sex appeal like Emma. She wasn't effortlessly elegant like KT. In ninth grade, several boys had asked her out and she didn't know why. She always told Tomoyo half-jokingly, "I don't know what they could possibly see in me." Over time, she came to accept that she was, indeed, beautiful like all her friends, although it took a lot of persuasion.

Sakura was average height. She had always had trouble with maintaining her weight because of her fondness for sweets. She has dark straight auburn hair that was a little longer than shoulder length. Her eyes are a clear green, which her father had always told her that she had gotten from her mother. Her mother, oh her mother. Sakura had never truly met her mother. She had died soon after giving birth. The only memories of her were from stories her father and brother told and old photographs. Nadeshiko Kinomoto had been a model, Sakura was told, and she had beautiful flowing wavy hair and green eyes. She often wondered what it must have felt like to see her mother in person. When she talked into a room, would everyone be taken in awe by her beauty?

Sakura looked into the reflection of the stranger in front of her, into the blood-shot green eyes that should have been familiar but would never be. How did she get here?

"Hey, Sakura," KT was calling from the outside hallway. "You coming or what?"

She quickly shook off the feeling of numbness that settled under her skin. "Um, yeah," she called back. "Hold on a sec." Sakura grabbed her Coach Hamptons handbag from the counter and dashed out.

When she saw KT, she was smiling again. It was her trademark smile, a smile that told everyone that everything was wonderful—everyone that is, except herself.

o

o

o

o

o

Author's Note: I have to admit, writing this story has been sort of a relief for me. Now that I am in college, I look back on these years spent at my high school and I want to laugh at it. It had been so ridiculous. The unwritten "rules," the mind games, the drama.

After reading this chapter over, I noticed that I had subconsciously based Tomoyo's character on one of my best friends from high school. Her history pretty much mirrors my friend's, as it will be made clear in the next chapter. Being the avid ExT shipper I am, I couldn't help but plan an ExT subplot along with SxS. I think it would be fun.

Eating disorders are a very, very common thing at high schools. It is not an exaggeration. I could probably count on two hands how many insane diets some of my friends had gone on. A lot of the people I know are bulimic or anorexic or both. It's really not a joke and it is so common. A lot of girls also abuse diet pills and more regularly, laxatives. Personally, I never really had a problem with weight because, luckily (or maybe unfortunately), my family have always been on the underweight side. In high school, because all my friends complained and worried about their weight all the time, it rubbed off on me. I need to have a flat stomach; my thighs were disgusting; etc. My normal weight was at around 100 pounds and I wanted to weigh in at 90; so I wake up in the morning and weight myself, if I was over 100, I wouldn't eat lunch. It was a vicious cycle that never ended. It was really stupid because I wasn't fat—it took me a long time to believe this.

Anyways, the point is: weight is not a big deal. It took me a long time to understand that it was really unhealthy and it was totally, totally pointless. I feel like I'm preaching so I'll stop here.

Please review before you leave.

Final edit: Jan. 01. 07.