All the usual disclaimers apply.

Big thanks to my most glorious beta, vjgm, who took pity on a punctuationally challenged aspiring writer and gave her hope! *MWAH*

Readers, you all are so awesome in your support! I know it's a leap of faith to take on reading an AU fic and I humbly thank each and every one of you for taking a chance and giving this little twisted fic a go! Big smooches to you all!!

*MMMMMMMMWAH*

Previously on Bizzaro Twilight…

~JPOV~

"Dad?"

"Hello son." He looked at us and smiled like I hadn't seen in years. Dad just didn't smile much anymore.

"You must be Alice," he said, standing up and extending a hand to her. "I've heard so much about you."

She ignored it and pulled him into an embrace, giggling.

"Can someone tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Have a seat son," dad said as he released Alice.

"No, I'm not having a seat!" I shouted.

"Jasper, you should listen to your father," a voice spoke from behind me. It was a voice I knew, but it sounded different, clearer, purer, more melodic and warm than it did that last time I'd heard it.

Dad's smile widened exponentially as his breath caught in his throat and tears spilled down his face.

All I could do was shake my head. This couldn't be happening.

Slowly I turned and felt all of the air whoosh out of my body as my eyes landed on the woman standing in the doorway.

"Mom?" I croaked before the room closed in on me and everything went black.

~CHPOV~

~twelve years earlier

It was getting worse. The new doc that came in didn't have any better news than the last one.

My beautiful wife was going to die and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

So here I sat, in the living room of the old house that sat back away from the highway, alone.

How many kids had I shooed off of the very chair that I now wished would just swallow me whole?

The only thing that pushed me through the next day was my boys. The only thing that kept me from breaking down in the middle of the hospital this afternoon was their faces looking up at me, wondering if this new doctor was the one that would save their mom.

This was the only place I could let go, in this room, alone. Here I felt safe to let it all out before the grief and fear consumed me and it was getting harder and harder to be strong and act normal.

Normal.

I couldn't even remember what that felt like anymore.

For the last two years I watched Renee wither away to a skeleton of what she once was, a shell of the vibrant soul that still flickered somewhere in her ashen eyes.

Doctor after doctor tried to fix her only to be beaten back by what was eating away at her and this last doctor, this supposed highly revered Dr. Cullen was the last of the last.

When he told us that there wasn't anything he could do for her, Renee smiled like she always did.

"Thank you for trying," she said, her voice so frail and weak, before she looked at me. "Take me home now Charlie."

I tried to argue with her, but her mind was made up. She was tired of fighting and tired of putting on a brave face for everyone around us, even though I told her it wasn't necessary, she did it anyway.

It was just how she was wired.

A chill passed through my body and I realized that I was no longer alone.

I lazily lolled my head around and my hazy vision made out what could be two people in the corner of the room, standing stone still, watching me.

"You're on private property," I slurred, my hand searching for my gun.

"I could say the same to you," a soft melodic voice floated across the room. "You're sitting in the middle of my living room."

Whoever she was, she didn't sound angry or upset.

"Bullshit," I muttered. "No one has lived here for as long as I can remember."

"We've been…out of town," the other voice spoke. This one I recognized, but where had I heard it?

While my muddy brain tried to register the source of the sound, the two stepped into the soft moonlight and I knew where I'd heard it.

"Well, if it isn't the good doctor." My voice dripped of drunken sarcasm. "Come to twist the knife in my gut a little harder doc? Was telling me that my wife is going to die in the next few days not enough that you had to hunt me down and kill my buzz too?"

"No," he sighed, shaking his head before turning to the woman standing next to him. "My wife and I come to you with an option, one we could not offer you at the hospital. One that is highly illegal."

I snorted a laugh and tapped the silver badge on my shirt.

The woman shook her head and chuckled. "Have no fear, Officer Swan; your human laws don't cover what we are going to offer you."

"Human laws?" I asked as I tried to wrap my inebriated brain around whatever it was these people were saying. "Look, I don't know what kind of Kevorkian operation you have going on, but..."

I stopped talking and started to think about Renee, the pain she was in and was that really something I wanted to prolong any longer than necessary.

My throat felt like it was closing up on itself because I knew she couldn't take this anymore. It was time to push away my selfish need to keep her with me as long as I could and let her go. She'd probably held on longer than she should have because of me as it was, I owed her this.

"What's the option?" I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut and letting my tears spill out.

The woman was beside me in a flash; her hand was so impossibly cold, resting on mine, that it made me gasp. How did she get over here so fast?

"Who are you?" I wondered.

"My name is Esme Cullen, and I'm here to offer your wife a new life," she said with a smile.

I sat, nearly motionless as Esme explained that her family was 'different' then everyone I'd ever known. She explained her family the best she could and I was pretty sure I grasped a good portion of what I'd heard.

The more sober I became, the more real this all started to sound. At first I wasn't sure if I'd just been having a bad experience with my old friend Jack Daniels. But when the morning light started to pour in through the back windows of the old house and Esme and Dr. Cullen's skin illuminated I started climbing backward out of the chair, falling to the floor and scrambling to my feet, my heart racing in my chest.

"Jesus Christ, you're serious!" I shouted, my entire body starting to shake all over as the weight of what they offered me hit me like an anvil. "About the future, about my boys, about everything, you were completely serious!"

"Always," Esme smiled.

After I'd calmed down I went straight to Renee because I couldn't make this decision for her. As much as I would love to have her forever, this had to be something she wanted. I sat on the edge of the hospital bed we had set up in the living room and explained what I knew.

True to her nature she had a million and one questions and Dr. and Mrs. Cullen happily answered every one of them, patiently.

The decision was made, palms of shady crematory workers were greased and Dr. Cullen signed the official death certificate.

For all intents and purposes, my wife would be dead and I would grieve for her.

Twelve years I would have to wait to see her again.

Twelve years of not knowing whether she made it through the transformation or not and I didn't want to know. We agreed that if things didn't work out and she didn't make it through the transition I would be none the wiser.

I would live my life as if she were never coming back.

And I did.

I grieved with my sons and we made it through the next twelve years the best we could.

I kept the Cullen home in order, replacing what needed to be replaced when things got damaged by over zealous trespassers.

When the boys started acting strange a few weeks back, I knew that it was happening. I started making arrangements within the department, secretly filling out the necessary paperwork that I would need to for my boys and myself.

I was about to come out of my skin. Soon I would see my Renee again and I felt so torn by that.

Would she even still want me? I'd aged a lot in the past twelve years and I knew she wouldn't have aged a day. Maybe she'd found someone else in this time.

Then the call came, reporting a 'disturbance' at the old Cullen house, I could hardly contain my excitement.

Twelve years I secretly waited for this call and I knew what I had to do.

I sent Emmett, Jasper and Edward out on the call and hoped that everything would work out like it was supposed to.

Esme called two days later, saying that there had been a snag in the plans and I felt my world start to crumble around me.

She assured me that all was going to be fine, but I needed to come to the house. Alice, the clairvoyant one, predicted that there would be issue with one of the boys agreeing to be turned, worried about leaving me alone.

I knew immediately it was going to be Jasper, it was just his nature. He was always the one making sure that Emmett didn't tease Edward too much and the things ran smoothly in the house.

I waited another two day, like I was told before heading out to the house.

I couldn't help but smile when Jasper walked through the back door with this little pixie of a girl. This could only be Alice.

Jasper was freaking out, naturally, I would too if I found out that my dad secretly knew about my vampire girlfriend and her family all along.

I tried to get him to sit down so I could explain, but he wasn't having any of it.

Before I could get him to calm down and be rational, there she was.

My breath stilled and my heart hammered in my chest. She looked even more beautiful than I remembered. Of course I'm sure it didn't help that my last memory of her was a weak resemblance to her true self.

This was the woman she was before she got sick.

My Renee.

When she spoke it was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. She said something to Jasper, I think, but to be honest I couldn't tell you who she was talking to or what she said.

She was here and that was all that mattered.

I wanted to call to her, I wanted to shout her name from the rooftop but I couldn't find my voice inside my body.

Hell, I couldn't even make my feet move a fraction of an inch.

Renee stepped to Jasper and admired the man he'd become. She ran her hand through his hair and held his sobbing face in her hands. "Look at you, you're a man," she whispered.

Finally, her eyes met mine, the green they once were gave way to soft butterscotch but I couldn't look anywhere else, even if I wanted to.

"Charlie," she said quietly and the sound of my name falling from her lips made my knees weak.

She started to take a step in my direction but froze and glanced at Alice.

"It's okay," Alice smiled and nodded in my direction.

Renee took slow, measured steps in my direction and my entire body vibrated with anticipation. I couldn't count the number of times I'd envisioned this moment over the past dozen years.

Her cool hand reached out and brushed though my hair and I was suddenly very aware that while she looked exquisite, I looked older. Her eyes washed over my face, I'm sure accessing every wrinkle and white hair they came across.

"Missed you," I managed to choke out.

"You did?" she asked, her eyes brightening up.

"Of course I did." I reached out and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "I missed you every minute of every day."

Renee's arms were around me, nearly crushing me in her embrace.

"Ease back, he's quite breakable you know," Alice laughed.

Immediately Renee backed off and I could breathe again. "I'm sorry."

"It's all good, I'm just glad you recognized me after all these years, I must look like an old man," I mumbled, as I absentmindedly pulled at the hair on my upper lip.

Her gentle hand caressed my face and it felt so glorious to feel her fingers against my skin again. "I would know you anywhere, even with the mustache," she smiled, stroking the coarse hair. "I thought you hated mustaches."

"You always said you liked them, so," I shrugged.

"I love you, Charles Swan," she whispered, stretching up onto her toes and pressing her cool lips to mine.

Tears spilled down my face as I kissed my beautiful wife. Her lips were cold and a little hard, but they still felt the same to me.

"Your mouth is so warm," she giggled against me and I had to laugh with her.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I registered that the back door had opened and closed and there were more people in the room with us, but I was so wrapped up in my wife's mouth that I didn't care who it was or what they wanted.

The gentle clearing of a few throats brought me back down to earth and I saw that Esme and Carlisle were standing next to Alice and Jasper; Esme wore the warmest smile I'd ever seen.

I wrapped my arm around Renee. "Thank you," I bowed my head in Esme's direction as steady stream of tears flowed down my cheeks. "I wish I had more words than that, but…"

"No need," Esme said, shaking her head. "Seeing the two of you together and knowing that we will all soon be one eternal family is all I need."

"Is that something you still want Charlie?" Renee asked. "I'll understand if you've changed your mind."

"Are you sure you want to spend the rest of forever with an old man like me?"

Her lips moved up my neck to ear. "You've never looked sexier than you do right now," she whispered and I could feel the blush rise in my cheeks immediately. "So good," she breathed, her hand tangling in my hair and gently tilting my head to the side.

"Renee, stop" Alice said, her voice was harsh, this was a warning.

Renee's hand released and she took three steps back.

"I'm sorry," Renee whispered. "Your blood smells too good to me," she explained before she turned to Esme. "I think I need to take a moment."

Esme nodded and they rushed out the door.

"Wait…" I cried, my voice strangling in my throat.

"It's okay, she just needs to hunt and be able to breathe some fresh air, but she will be back," Alice said.

I looked over at Jasper whose expression hadn't changed much since Renee appeared.

"I'm sorry son," I said quietly.

Alice rushed to his side as he crumpled to the floor. He curled his arms around her tiny body and held her so tight I was afraid he might break her as his shoulders shook with his sobs.

"Now do you see why you don't have to worry about your dad?" Alice said quietly as she smoothed his hair.

Jasper took a breath so deep it was like he was finally breathing for the first time after being held underwater. Worrying about me must have weighed so heavy on him.

"Thank you," he finally said, after he was able to compose himself, his red swollen eyes now so clear, as if every question he'd ever had was just answered for him.

He turned to Alice and cupped her face in his hands. "I'm ready."

~EPOV~

After Bella and I left the cottage we ran just until we figured we were out of earshot of the others.

She was fast, but I was faster. I jumped in front of her and cut her off. I licked my lips at her as I stalked toward her. "I'm not done claiming you," I growled as I cornered her against a tree.

Bella giggled as she wiggled her hips against me, teasing me.

I was about ready to shove her body up the tree until her gorgeous legs were wrapped around my neck when the wind blew a scent past me.

I froze.

This was a scent I knew and it started a barrage of memories flooding into my brain from my childhood.

I felt my body trembling as I stepped back away from Bella, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

"It's not possible," was all I could say.

Flashes of meadows and laughter and sunshine flooded my mind. Candy and Christmas and enormous birthday parties. Green eyes like mine and a warm embrace when I was scared.

Safety, comfort and joy mixed with fear, uncertainty and tears.

Bella started to growl protectively and I was snapped out of my trance.

A smile I'd only seen in memories that were fuzzy at best, stretched across the face of the woman that stepped out from the trees.

"It's okay," I said to Bella as I laid my hand on her shoulder. "That's my mother."

Chapter End Notes:

Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to read this little fic and, as always, reviews are GREATLY appreciated!!

Please, stay tuned!! *MWAH*