CHAPTER 12: BREAKING THE RULES

The next day I met Sam's fiancé, Emily and later Sam took me aside and explained what had happened. Sam had lost control of his temper and attacked Emily. I gulped as I realized they could've been me. Bella continued to call the house, looking for me. I told my Dad to not answer and say something that would prevent her from coming to the house.

One night we were out making rounds and I stopped in my tracks.

"What's wrong Jake?" Sam asked me.

"Bella's in her truck." I said, pointing to the red truck parked out front of my house.

"This is the real test. You must push her away for good, for her own good. Do you understand Jake?" Sam asked.

"Yeah." I sighed.

I went down first and forced myself to look mad.

"What are you doing here Bella?" I growled, appearing beside the truck.

"Jacob?" she whispered.

"What do you want?" I snapped.

"I want to talk to you," she responded weakly.

"Go ahead." I hissed.

"Alone!" she hissed back.

I looked up at Sam and he nodded.

"Finish this, to protect her." Sam said in Quielette.

"Okay." I said, more calm without having the others hovering.

"You know what I want to know." Bella said seriously.

I starred at her bitterly, trying to hold in my tears. I had to do this to protect her, I kept telling myself.

"Can we walk?" she asked me.

She climbed out of her car and I followed regretfully behind her. We went deeper into the forest, I guess she didn't want any of the boys or my dad hearing.

"Let's get this over with." I said.

"It's not what you think." I said wearily. "It's not what I thought----I was way off."

"So what is it, then?"

I looked at her wanting to scream out the truth. I wanted to tell her I'm a werewolf, but I felt Sam's presence in my mind, preventing me.

"I can't tell you." I said finally.

"I thought we were friends." Bella said through her teeth.

"We were." I said, emphasizing "were".

"But you don't need friends anymore," she said sourly. "You have Sam. Isn't that nice----you've always looked up to him so much."

"I didn't understand him before."

"And now you've seen the light. Hallelujah."

"It wasn't like I thought it was. This isn't Sam's fault. He's helping me as much as he can."

"He's helping you." Bella repeated. "Naturally."

I was trying to calm myself down, I was upset but not being able to tell Bella made me angry as well.

"Jacob, please," she whispered. "Won't you tell me what happened? Maybe I can help."

"No one can help me now." I said, my voice cracking.

"What did he do to you?" she demanded, tears running down her face.

She moved forward to hug me, but I thought better of it.

"Don't touch me." I whispered, putting up my hands.

"Is Sam catching?" she mumbled.

"Stop blaming Sam!" I yelled.

"Then who should I blame?" she retorted.

"You don't want to hear that."

"The hell I don't!" she snapped. "I want to know, and I want to know now."

"You're wrong." I snapped back.

"Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong------I'm not the one who got brainwashed! Tell me now whose fault this all is, if it's not your precious Sam!"

"You asked for it." I growled. "If you want to blame someone, why don't' you point your finger at those filthy, reeking, bloodsuckers that you love so much?"

Her mouth fell open and I could see she was in serious pain.

"I told you that you didn't want to hear it." I said.

"I don't understand what you mean," she whispered.

"I think you understand exactly who I mean. You're not going to make me say it, are you? I don't like hurting you."

"I don't understand what you mean," she repeated.

"The Cullens," I said slowly. "I saw that---I can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say their name."

"Don't tell me you're listening to Billy's superstitious nonsense now." Bella said, feebly attempting mockery.

"He knows more then I gave him credit for."
"Be serious Jacob."

I glared intensely in her eyes.

"Superstitions aside," she said quickly. "I still don't see what your accussing the…….Cullens of. They left more than half a year ago. How can you blame them for what Sam is doing now?"

"Sam isn't doing anything, Bella. And I know they're gone. But sometimes…..things are set in motion, and then it's too late."

"What's set in motion? What's too late? What are you blaming them for?"

I got up right in her face and hissed, "For existing."

I was furious at this whole situation, I hated Edward and the situation. I tried to calm myself down.

"You're both being ridiculous." Bella said, out of nowhere.

"Fine." I spat. "I won't argue it with you. It doesn't matter anyway, the damage is done."

"What damage?"

"Let's head back . There's nothing more to say."

"There's everything more to say! You haven't said anything yet!" Bella yelled.

I walked ahead of her double time, trying to ignore her.

"I ran into Quil today!" she yelled after me.

I stopped in sadness, I really missed Quil.

"You remember your friend, Quil? Yeah, he's terrified."

"Quil." I said, turning to face her.

"He's worried about you, too. He's freaked out."

"He's frightened that he's next," she continued.

"He won't be next." I muttered to myself grabbing a tree for support. "He can't be. It's over now. This shouldn't still be happening. Why? Why?"

I screamed and punched the tree, eventually knocking it over, roots and all.

"I have to get back." I said and turned back around.

"Back to Sam!"

"That's one way of looking at it." I mumbled.

"Wait!" she cried out to me.

I spun back around, I was shaking with fury.

"Go home, Bella. I can't hang out with you anymore."

"Are you……….breaking up with me?" she asked, tears running down her face.

"Hardly. If that were the case, I'd say 'Let's stay friends.' I can't even say that." I laughed bitterly.

"Jacob………..why? Sam won't let you have other friends? Please, Jake. You promised. I need you!" she cried.

"I'm sorry Bella." I said in a cold voice.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't……….before…………I wish I could change how I feel about you Jacob," she pleaded desperately. "Maybe……….maybe I would change," she whispered. "Maybe, if you gave me sometime…………….just don't quit on me now, Jake, I can't take it."

I began to show my agony on my face and I realized I had to get away. I felt my heart sinking, she really needed me from the bottom of her heart and I couldn't be there. I reached out my one hand, shaking vigorously.

"No. Don't think like that, Bella, please. Don't blame yourself, don't think this is your fault. This one is all me. I swear, it's not about you."

"It's not you, it's me." Bella whispered. " There's a new one."

"I mean it, Bella. I'm not……………….."I struggled, feeling Sam preventing me from finishing my sentence.

"I'm not good enough to be your friend anymore, or anything else. I'm not what I was before, I'm not good." I said, pain in my eyes.

"What?" she asked in confusion. "What are you saying? You're so much better than I am, Jake. You are good! Who told you that you aren't? Sam? It's a vicious lie, Jacob! Don't let him tell you that!" she yelled.

"No one had to tell me anything. I know what I am."

"You're my friend, that's what you are! Jake------------don't!"

"I'm sorry Bella." I said and hurried into my house.

After Bella left and the guys had left, Sam said I could have the night off. I thanked him and laid in my bed, starring out the window. Suddenly I realized, I don't care what Sam said, I was going to see Bella.

I quietly eased open my window and wrapped my pants around my leg. Then I changed and took off in a run toward Forks. I made good time getting to Bella's house.

This is going against everything I support Jake, just promise me you'll be careful.

I promise Sam.

I got to Bella's house, changed back and climbed the tree next to Bella's room. I got to the top of the tree and it leaned toward the house and began to scrape against the side of the house. I heard Bella get up and I was thinking, thank God. I kept colliding with the house.

"Bella! I hissed. "Ouch! Damn it, open the window! OUCH!"

I heard her run to the window and push it open.

"What are you doing?" she gasped.

"I'm trying to keep"---------I said between breathes, swinging back and forth.--------"my promise!"

"When did you promise to kill yourself falling out of Charlie's tree?"

"Get out of the way." I ordered her.

"What?"

I started going back and forth faster to make it safely into the bedroom.

"No, Jake!" Bella cried.

I was scarred but here went nothing. I landed agilely in the room on the balls of m feet with a thud, making both of us make sure Charlie wasn't up. I smiled, I was so happy with myself, I couldn't wait to tell Embry.

"Get out!" she hissed, venomously.

"No." I protested. "I came to apologize."

"I don't accept !"

She tried to push me out the window, but she didn't have the strength for it and she almost collapsed.

"Bella?" I whispered.

"Hey are you okay?" I asked her.

"Why in the world would I be okay Jacob?"

"Right," I sighed. "Crap. Well…….I-----I'm so sorry, Bella."

"Why did you come here? I don't want apologies from you, Jake."

"I know." I whispered. "But I couldn't leave things the way I did this afternoon. That was horrible. I'm sorry."

"I don't understand anything," she said, refusing to accept my apology.

"I know. I want to explain………" I broke, as I heard Sam screaming in my head.

"But I can't explain." I said, full of anger. "I wish I could."

"Why?"

I heard Sam continue to tell me not to do it, I couldn't concentrate. My body wouldn't let me say it.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I can't do it." I muttered in frustration.

"Do what?"

"Look, Bella, haven't you ever had a secret that you couldn't tell anyone?"

"Something you felt like you had to keep from Charlie, from your mom…….?" I continued to say, picking my words carefully. "Something you won't talk about with me? Not even now?"

"Can you understand that I might have the same kind of ………………situation?" I continued to search for the right words. "Sometimes, loyalty gets in the way of what you want to do. Sometimes, it's not your secret to tell."

"I don't know why you came here, Jacob, if you were just going to give me riddles instead of answers."

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "This is so frustrating."

"The part that kills me." I said abruptly. "is that you already know. I already told you everything!"

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"I think a see a way to make this work out---------because you know this, Bella! I can't tell you, but if you guessed it! That would let me right off the hook!
"You want me to guess? Guess what?"

"My secret! You can do it------you know the answer!"

"Hold on, let me see if I give you some help." I said and I began to pant like a dog.

"Help?" she asked.

"Yeah." I said. "Like clues."

I grabbed her face in my hands and put my face right in front of hers.

"Remember the day we went for a walk on the beach in La Push?"

"Of course I do."

"Tell me about it."

"You asked about my truck….."

I nodded, urging her to continue.

"We talked about the Rabbit……"

"Keep going."

"We went for a walk down the beach………"

"You told me scary stories………Quielette legends."

"Yes!" I cheered. "Do you remember what I said?"

"Think hard." I said.

"Yes, I remember."

"Do you remember all the stor………." I stopped, as Sam prevented me from the finishing the word.

"All the stories?" she asked and I nodded.

"You know this, you know this." I muttered.

"Jake? Jake, please, I'm exhausted I'm no good at this right now. Maybe in the morning…….."

"Maybe it will come back to you. I guess I understand why you only remember the one story." I added sarcastic with a bitter twist.

"Do you mind if I ask a question about that?" I asked sarcastically. "I've been dying to know."

"A question about what?"

"About the vampire story I told you."

"Did you honestly not know?" I asked her. "Was I the one who told you what he was?"

She wouldn't budge and I knew she didn't want to admit the truth to me.

"See what I mean about loyalty." I murmered. "It's the same for me, only worse. You can't imagine how tight I'm bound………."

"Isn't there any way for you to get free?" she whispered.

"No. I'm in this for life. A life sentence." I said clenching my fists. "Longer, maybe."

"No Jake," she moaned. "What if we ran away? Just you and me. What if we left home, and left Sam behind?"

"It's not something I can run from Bella." I whispered, wishing whole heartedly I could. "I would run with you, though, if I could."

"Look I've got to leave." I said.

"Why?"

"For one thing, you look like you're going to pass out any second. You need your sleep---I need you firing on all pistons. You're going to figure this out, you have to."

"And why else?" she asked.

"I had to sneak out-------I'm not supposed to see you. They've got to be wondering where I am." I grimaced. "I suppose I should go let them know."

"You don't have to tell them anything." Bella hissed.

"All the same, I will." I sighed.

"I hate them!" she yelled.

"No, Bella. Don't hate the guys. It's not Sam's or any of the others' faults. I told you before--------it's me. Sam is actually………..well incredibly cool. Jared and Paul are great too, though Paul is kind of……..And Embry's always been my friend. Nothing's changed there------the only thing that hasn't changed I feel really bad about the things I used to think about Sam……."

"Then why aren't you supposed to see me?" she demanded.

"It's not safe." I mumbled.

"If I thought it was too…….too risky." I whispered. "I wouldn't have come. But Bella." I said, looking into her eyes. "I made you a promise. I had no idea it would be so hard to keep, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try."

"After that stupid movie." I reminded her. "I promised you that I wouldn't ever hurt you………..So I really blew it this afternoon, didn't I?"

"I know you didn't want to do it, Jake. It's okay."

"Thanks, Bella." I smiled and took her hand. "I'm going to do what I can to be here for you, just like I promised.

"It would really help if you figure this out on your own, Bella. Put some honest effort into it."

"I'll try."

"And I'll try to see you soon." I sighed. "And they'll try to talk me out of that."

"Don't listen to them."

"I'll try." I said, shaking my head. "Come and tell me as soon as you figure it out."

I thought of why she may and may not want to be around me anymore, but it was a chance I had to take.

"If you ………..if you want to."

"Why wouldn't I want to see you?"

"Oh, I can think of a reason." I said harshly. "Look, I really have to go. Could you do something for me?"

She nodded at me, weary of what I'd say.

"At least call me----------if you don't want to see me again. Let me know if it's like that."

"That won't happen……"

"Just let me know." I said, cutting her off and I headed for the window.

"Don't be an idiot, Jake." Bella complained. "You'll break your leg. Use the door. Charlie's not going to catch you."

"I won't get hurt." I muttered.

I felt the others calling for me in my head. I felt like I was being stabbed by knives, they were pissed. I put out my hand pleading for Bella and she grabbed it. I pulled her into a bear hug.

"Just in case." I said, smelling the sweet perfume that was Bella.

"Can't breathe," she gasped.

I laid her back down in her bed and turned to her.

"Get some sleep, Bells. You've got to get your head working. I know you can do this, I need you to understand. I won't lose you, Bella. Not for this."

I got to her bedroom door in one stride and I bounded agilely down the steps and ran out the front door into the darkness of the night.