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Chapter playlist: Day Old Hate by City and Colour, Broken by Lifehouse, Broken by Seether, and Eyesore by Janus.
Chapter 4
EPOV
I don't know how long I remained like that, encased in darkness, with my eyes squeezed shut so tightly in a weak attempt to block out what I'd just done, where I was, and the utter bleakness of my current state. If the tasers, chains, and forced eating weren't enough, the fact that I just had to piss myself allowed reality to hit home… and I'll be damned if it didn't hit me hard.
I'd stopped crying by now, but only because I sincerely think that I ran out of tears. That's what it felt like anyway. It definitely wasn't because I was feeling better, although I guess I had reached some level of acceptance. Plus, I'm not gonna lie, it was kinda comforting having Bella here with me. I couldn't imagine going through this experience alone. I'm pretty confident that I would not have made it through the first night if I hadn't had her across from me, humming me to sleep.
Speaking of humming, I didn't hear her anymore. I don't even remember when she'd stopped. I'd been too caught up in my own inner anguish apparently. I was also worried what would happen when the assholes discovered that I'd wet myself. What would they do? Would they do anything? They'd removed Bella's pants. Would they take mine? Oh shit, what boxers did I have on?! Hopefully nothing embarrassing, like my SpongeBob or Batman ones, or those silky black Valentine's ones with the red lips all over that say "Loverboy" across the ass. Ugh, remind me to kill Jasper and Emmett for buying those as a joke. Damnit, I couldn't remember what boxers I'd put on that morning I was taken and brought to this hell hole. Think think think.
"You're concentrating awful hard over there." I could hear the smile in her voice. I decided to tease her a bit too.
"I don't remember telling you that you could open your eyes and look at me."
She immediately squeezed her eyes shut again. "OH! I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't see anything. Can I open them now?"
I laughed. She thought I was serious. Emmett always told me that I had a weird sense of humor, that he could never tell whether I was playing or not. I'd always thought it was just him, but I guess I was wrong.
"Bella, I'm just teasing. You can open your eyes." If anyone should have to close their eyes, it should be me. She was much more exposed than I was at the moment.
"Ahh you jerk! I actually felt bad there for a second," she said through her laughter. "So, what were you thinking so hard about? Your eyebrows were all pulled together and your forehead was all wrinkly."
Busted. "Ummm… I was trying to remember what boxers I was wearing." She looked completely confused. "Just in case they take my jeans off I mean."
She chuckled a bit as understanding set in. I liked hearing her laugh. "And? Were you able to remember?"
"Nope. I guess it will be a surprise. I was just hoping they wouldn't, ya know, be embarrassing."
She looked down at herself, apparently assessing the embarrassment level of her own underwear. "Oh, I'm not saying your panties are embarrassing! I actually like your panties a lot. I mean, shit… I haven't really looked at them, but from what I have seen, ya know, from over here… they are very nice." Wow, real smooth there, Edward. Way to make her think you're a perv.
Her harmonious laughter filled the small room we were in. That's surprising. I thought she might be pissed. Not that I have tons of experience with girls… Ok, more like practically zero experience, but I just assumed. "Edward," she squeaked out through laughs, "it's OK… the last thing I'm worried about is whether you like or dislike my panties, or the fact that you've noticed them. We have much bigger problems than that." I joined in with her laughter; it was hard not to, it was infectious.
"Gah, you were so mortified! That was probably one of the funniest things I've seen in a looooong time."
"Well, I'm glad my lack of smoothness can make you laugh, Bella." I really was. Her laugh was one of the best sounds I'd ever heard.
She smiled at me, finally having regained her composure. Our eyes locked on each other, and though her brown eyes still seemed immensely desolate and empty, there was a residual twinkle in them. Maybe it was from the fit of laughter she'd just had. Whatever it was from, I like to think maybe I had something to do with it.
Keeping her gaze connected to mine, she asked, "So Edward, how long have you played the piano?"
"Um, practically my entire life. I liked to bang on the keys and make, what I thought at the time, was beautiful music before I even knew anything about music. When I was 5 or 6 my mother started really teaching me and I caught on pretty quick and enjoyed it instantly. When my fingers touch those smooth ivory keys, I'm able to escape and become completely absorbed in the music. It's like… the notes, the melodies, the harmonies, the vibrations… they just flow through me and make me feel so alive. I know that probably sounds corny…"
"No," she stated instantly. "It's not corny at all. I think I kinda know what you mean actually. I feel that way about books. They are my way of escaping reality and I just become entranced in the characters and their stories. It's my way to forget, even for just a little bit, about my fucked up life." She looked thoughtful for a moment, but before I could comment, she asked, "So do you play any other instruments?"
"Yes, I play the guitar also, but I don't play it as well as I do the piano. Um, and I also can sing a bit." I was definitely shy when it came to singing in front of people, and it wasn't something I did very often. I don't know why I even told her that. I can feel myself blushing just at mentioning it. I needed to deflect.
"So Bella, what is your favorite book?"
"Wuthering Heights. Hands down. It's been my favorite for years, and I've lost count of how many times I've read it. I actually know quite a few lines by heart," she stated proudly. "What's your favorite song to play?"
I thought for a moment. "Probably Clair de Lune. It was one of the first ones I learned to play, and it's one of my mother's favorites to hear." Fuck I missed her.
"Debussy. I know that song. My mom listened to it all the time when I was little." She looked so forlorn at the mention of her mom. I needed to take her mind of whatever was making her sad.
"Say a few lines for me… from Wuthering Heights. Please?"
She looked at me hesitantly, obviously trying to come to a decision. "I'll tell you a few lines if you sing part of a song for me. Deal?"
I felt the blood and heat rush to my cheeks. I don't know if I can do this. What if I suck? What if my voice cracks or something else equally horrifying?
"Please, Edward? I'd really love to hear you sing." How could I deny her? I couldn't.
"Ok, Bella. You say your lines first though." We smiled at each other. Then she looked away, lost in thought. I, too, was trying to decide what song to sing to her.
Then she began, and I was painstakingly absorbed in her words and beautiful voice as she spoke…
"'I don't know if it be a peculiarity in me, but I am seldom otherwise than happy while watching in the chamber of death, should no frenzied or despairing mourner share the duty with me. I see a repose that neither earth nor hell can break; and I feel an assurance of the endless and shadowless hereafter - the Eternity they have entered - where life is boundless in its duration, and love in its sympathy, and joy in its fullness.'"
Once she was done, all I could do was stare at her. Her small chuckle brought me out of my reverie. "Wow. I think I need to read that book when we get out of here."
"I agree," She stated matter-of-factly. "I'll even let you borrow my copy. But you have to give it back!"
"Of course I would give it back! I would never steal your most favorite book," I said with a smirk.
"Ok now, Edward. It's your turn." Ughhh I was hoping maybe she'd forget. Damnit.
"Let me think a minute, ok?"
"Sure, take your time. I'm not going anywhere."
Hmmmm. What to sing? It can't be just any random song. Ah! A couple of weeks ago Jasper let me listen to a new song he'd heard and wanted to learn to play on the guitar. I'd really liked the song too, so we learned it together, and the lyrics were fresh enough from all the times we'd repeatedly played trying to get it just right. Jasper and I played together a lot. He was pretty talented on the guitar. Sometimes I'd play my guitar with him, or I'd play the piano while he played the guitar. Sometimes he sang, sometimes I did, and sometimes we'd sing together. He and my mother, Esme, were the only two people who'd ever heard me sing before as far as I knew. Well, let's make that three people who have heard me sing. I closed my eyes and began the song I knew by heart…..
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I chanced opening my eyes and looking at Bella. I was scared what I would see, but my fear was unfounded. She was smiling brightly at me, happiness etched in her features. She had never looked more beautiful. I needed to continue this moment for as long as possible so I held her gaze and continued on with the chorus…..
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
She kept her brown eyes locked on me, every once in a while, I'd notice her gaze flicker to my mouth, but then her eyes would return. She was still smiling at me, urging me silently to continue. I was feeling more confident, and I didn't want her to stop looking at me the way she was……
The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing…
I was silenced and cut off by the ominous clanking of metal against metal. Fuck. One or more of those god forsaken mutts would be appearing any moment. I glanced toward the stairway, then back to Bella. Her face was void of emotion, but her eyes showed the fear she was trying so hard to hide.
The heavy door creaked open and I heard what sounded like two sets of feet stomp down the stairs. I was correct in my assumption. Two of the men I'd met on my first day here now stood before me, but I didn't remember their names. Jacob and Sam seemed to be the leaders, so these two must be their little subordinates.
"Hey, why is it so quiet down here now? Eddie, my man, please don't stop singing on account of us," he sneered in my direction. The other one snickered as his stare bore into me. Then he licked his lips. Creepy. Really creepy. He was looking at me like he wanted to devour me. Then he spoke.
"Mmm Mmm Mmmmmmmm. Such a beautiful boy with a beautiful voice to match. What I wouldn't give to be alone with…."
"Jared, dude, please stop spewing all your gayness and keep your dick in your pants. Jesus Christ, I don't wanna hear your dirty thoughts, man!"
"Sorry, dude. I just find it a little hard to control myself around Richie Rich here." He smirked, making him look even more creepy. Fucking wonderful. Not that I had a problem with homosexuality, but the last thing I needed was one of these douchebags getting all hot and bothered over me. This just keeps getting better and better.
Up until now, Jared's stare had remained on my face, well mostly my lips, but now his gaze roamed down my body and stopped right at my crotch.
"Paul, dude, looks like Eddie here wet his pants!" Paul abruptly looked at the wet spot on my jeans, and then they were both cackling like damn hyenas.
I'd expected this. I knew they would make a scene over it and make me feel like shit, but that didn't make it any easier. I looked over at Bella, who was telling me with her eyes that it was OK. Then she looked over to Jared and Paul, utter hatred and disgust ghosted across her face as she stared at them. They were practically on the floor laughing at me now.
"Hahahahahaha! I guess being a spoiled brat won't get you a toilet when you need one. Huh, Eddie?" Paul asked. "Oh if Daddy Carlisle could only see his pride and joy right here, right now, in his moment of glory!" That erupted another bout of laughter.
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hide from their ridicule. I couldn't block out their howls though, and all the sudden tears threatened to fall down my cheeks. I could not let them see me cry.
"Hahaha! He tinkled on himself!" Jared teased in a high-pitched voice. "Repeat after me, Eddie. I… tinkled… on… myself." I just stood there, staring disbelievingly at him. Did he really want me to say that? He can't be serious.
He took two big steps and was almost nose-to-nose with me. He grinned maliciously and grabbed my jaw with his hand, squeezing as he spoke. "Say it."
I looked across the room at Bella. She'd stepped forward, pulling on her chains like she was trying to lunge at Jared. I tried telling her with my eyes to keep quiet, but my attention was instantly snapped back to the prick in front of me.
"Don't look at her, Richie. She can't help you. Look at me and say it." His grip on my jaw tightened.
"I… tinkled… on myself! There, I said it!" Paul was laughing maniacally in the background. Jared chuckled then loosened his grip on my jaw. His onyx eyes were spearing into me. "That's a good boy, Eddie. See, things are much more fun when you play nice." He lightly slapped my right cheek twice before stepping away.
How fucking humiliating. I hung my head drearily and tried to get my breathing evened out. I could NOT cry.
"Well Jared, we have three options here. One, we leave him in his piss-soaked jeans. Two, we take off his jeans. Or, I think you'll really like this third option Jared… We take his jeans and boxers off. What do you think?"
"Oooh oooh oooh! Option three! Option three! And I get to be the one to take 'em off! I'd looooove to see up close and personal what Eddie here is packing." He was as excited as a kid in a candy store. Fuck, this cannot be happening.
"No, no! Please don't do that, sir. I'll be good. I won't do it again, I promise. Just… please! Don't take my clothes! I'm begging you!" The tears I'd been holding back slowly began to trickle down my face. There was no stopping them.
"Mmmmm, I like it when they beg," Jared sneered as he sauntered back towards me. He kneeled in front of me, eye-level with my crotch. I couldn't do this. I couldn't watch. So I looked up at the ceiling and just let my tears fall. He began undoing my belt, when I suddenly heard Bella shout from across the darkened space.
"Leave him alone you stupid, good-for-nothing sonofabitch!!!"
Jared's hands stilled on my belt and he slowly rose from his kneeling position. Paul had already stalked toward Bella and was now right up in her face.
Fuck! Why couldn't I just keep my shit together so she wouldn't feel the need to protect me?! Now, once again, I'd gotten her into trouble. God, I bet she wished I'd never shown up in here with her. I'm sure I'm causing her far more trouble and hurt than when she was alone.
"You just can't keep that pretty little mouth of yours closed, can you? You stupid bitch!" Paul fumed at her. This was not good. He was going to hurt her. I knew it. It would be all my fault too.
"Looks like we are going to go with option four: Bella here will lose all her clothes. Maybe that'll teach you to open that fuckin' mouth of yours. One of these days, I'm gonna shove something in it that will really shut you up. You won't like it, but I definitely will."
With that, Paul effortlessly ripped off her flimsy tank top, effectively exposing her bare chest and torso. He then bent down a little and ripped off her blue and white stripped panties, which fell silently to the floor. Paul stood towering over her naked form, glaring down at her. Bella just stared right back up at him. I'd never seen anyone with as much strength as she possessed.
I needed to do something! I needed to help her. No, I stopped that train of thought as soon as it started. I was the reason she was now naked. If I did anything else, it would probably just make it worse for her. Maybe the best thing for me to do was to just stand here silently, and hope that they left us alone soon. I'd never felt so utterly helpless.
Paul was standing in front of her, blocking my view entirely. He was clenching and unclenching his fists repeatedly, like he was struggling to control himself.
"Paul, c'mon dude. We gotta get going. And you know what Jake said."
Paul stood there, absolutely still for another few moments. "I'm not finished with you, Bella." Then he turned away quickly and headed for the stairs, Jared following on his heels. Jared stopped before he was out of view, looked at me and said, "To be continued." Then he smiled wickedly and climbed the stairs. Seconds later we heard the door slam signaling that they'd finally left.
My eyes shot to Bella, whose naked form was twisted so that she was almost fully facing the concrete wall instead of me. I could tell she was breathing heavily, but other than that she was quiet. My eyes trailed down the ivory skin of her back to her ass, and fuck… she had a really nice ass, perfectly round and full and I just wanted to put a hand on each cheek and squeeze… STOP!!! I could NOT think like this! Bella was in this predicament because of me! This punishment wasn't for my pleasure. I could not objectify her like that. Hell, I was the one that should be standing here naked from the waist down.
"Bella, I am sooo sorry! It should be me, not you. I was trying so hard, but then…"
"Edward, stop. You have nothing to be sorry for. I did this to myself. I can never keep my mouth shut, like they said. It's not your fault." She was still facing away from me. Don't look at her ass. Don't look at her ass. Don't look at her ass.
"Bella, you were trying to help me! So I am at fault. I'm so so sorry. I hope you can forgive me for not being as strong as you, for being weak…"
Bella turned to face me. "Edward, you are not weak! You are strong. Think of everything you've gotten through so far. A weaker person would have given up a long time ago, but not you. So please, don't blame yourself. OK?"
Do not look below her neck. Keep your eyes on her face, Edward! "Bella, the only reason I've made it up until this point… is because of you. I couldn't do this without you. But… I'm only making things worse for you."
"No you're not, Edward. It's much better having you here. Talking to you, well… it kinda takes my mind off things."
It seemed as if, in this moment, she remembered she was naked and completely exposed to me. Her eyes looked down at herself, then up at me. Her brown orbs were wide and filled with humiliation, but there was nowhere for her to hide. I closed my eyes.
"It's OK, Bella. I'll keep my eyes closed. I won't look. I promise." Fuuuuck, I really really wanted to look though.
She laughed a bit nervously. "Edward, you can't keep your eyes shut 24/7. You might as well open them now, and maybe we can both get a little more comfortable with the situation sooner rather than later. So go ahead, open your eyes."
I kept them closed. I couldn't do this to her. It just wasn't right. Plus, I didn't trust where my eyes would wander. "Bella, I really don't mind keeping them closed. I don't want to make you any more uncomfortable than you already are."
"I'm going to be uncomfortable regardless. So, really… open your eyes. I'm giving you permission." I could hear the hint of a smile in her voice. God, this was going to be bad. If she didn't already think I was a total pervert, she really would when I opened my eyes and couldn't control them. I'd never seen a naked girl in real life before. Sure, Jasper and Emmett had bought me loads of dirty magazines, which I had definitely looked at, so I knew what a woman looked like, but I'm sure pictures wouldn't do the real thing justice. Damnit. This was going to be really bad.
I slowly opened one eye and caught her smiling softly at me. So then I opened my other eye. Wow. She is fucking gorgeous. I couldn't help myself. My eyes slowly began their descent from her pretty face to her long, slender neck. I paused for a moment to appreciate her pale shoulders and delicate collarbone. Fuck, I just wanted to bite the junction of her neck and shoulder. I allowed my eyes to lower a little more to her exquisite, perky breasts. Mmmm those would perfectly fit in the palms of my hands. Her rosy pink nipples were taut, either due to the constant chill in the room or perhaps from my gaze. I wanted to flick them with my tongue. I stole a quick peek back to her eyes, which had lost some of their humiliation it seemed and were now laced with a different emotion. Desire maybe? I noticed she was now biting her bottom lip, and I suddenly became aware that my jeans were feeling a little tight in the crotch region. I wanted to be the one biting her lip. Fuck, I need to stop or else I will have a full-blown boner in T-minus 5 seconds and counting. But I couldn't stop. I looked away from her face and back to her lean body. Her stomach was flat and I could sort of make out the definition of her ribs. Her waist curved in slightly before her hips curved back out. Her hipbones were protruding, probably from her lack of food as of late. My eyes continued their journey and fell upon her… Oh. My. God. Yep… major boner alert. Ughhh. Great!
I heard a soft chuckle across the room. "Maybe we're somewhat even now, Edward. I'm naked and you seem to have a little problem there. Well, not little by any means, but you know…" She smirked deviously.
Wait. Was she saying what I think she was saying? And that would mean she looked! I'm sure I was probably grinning like a damn idiot, but I couldn't help it. She said I wasn't little! I'd always thought I was blessed, but to have that confirmed, well… it felt pretty good.
"Don't go getting an even bigger head, Edward." Wow, this girl was pretty fucking funny when she wanted to be.
"I'm not! I still don't feel like we're even though, by the way."
"Hmmm. Well maybe you could tell me three embarrassing things about yourself. And then I'll call us even. Oh, and you can't use your… situation… as one of them."
"Hahaha, very funny! Three embarrassing things… let me think." I really think her breast would fit perfectly in my hand. I wish I could test this theory. Fuck, not helping my boner situation.
I heard her chuckle again, almost seductively. "Ummm, well one of my sisters dresses me every single day. They pick out my clothes I mean. They say I have no sense of style. I used to fight them on it, but now I just let it happen because it's easier for everyone. I'm kind of used to it now anyway.
"I still watch cartoons every Saturday morning with my brothers. We claim that it's just tradition because we've been doing it for so long, but secretly I think we all just really like cartoons.
"And… ummm… I've never had a girlfriend. There, three embarrassing things." I looked up to see her biting her bottom lip again. She really needed to stop doing that or my "problem" was never going to go away. God I wanted to touch her so bad.
"Ok, Edward. I'd say we're pretty much even."
BPOV
Red.
It was all I could see when I saw Jared kneel in front of Edward. I have known for quite some time about Jared's preference for men. In fact, I was actually proud of him when he came out to the members of our small town community. Living in a small town means there are a lot of old traditions and outdated ways of thinking. It also means there isn't much room for acceptance of more contemporary lifestyles, like homosexuality for example. However, Jared's friends and family seemed to accept the fact that he is gay and I'm happy that he doesn't experience any persecution.
Until now.
I will kill him if he touches Edward. I don't even remember shouting. One minute I was thinking of how to stop them and the next I saw Jared's gaze snap to me as he slowly rose off the ground. I would gladly take whatever punishment they wanted to give me as long as he would leave Edward alone.
I didn't see it coming when Paul decided to rip off my clothes. I figured they would prefer physical pain. I knew Paul like to be rough with me. He seemed to get off on my tears and cries of pain. Jacob is the mind fucker.
I didn't allow myself to think when they stripped me and walked out leaving me completly bare and exposed to Edward. I turned towards the wall and took a few deep breaths. I had mixed feelings. On one hand, I was glad that they didn't hurt me and I was definitely glad that they left Edward alone and let him keep his clothes, but I couldn't shake the feeling of humiliation that washed over me.
In theory, humans shouldn't feel such shame and despair over their naked bodies. It's the way we were all born and everybody has the same thing. I am not sure why it is such a taboo for people to be naked in front of one another. All I know is, in this moment, Paul won. He had succeeded in breaking me down. I was so ashamed I couldn't even look at myself. I just stared at the cracks in the concrete from the wall.
No. I wouldn't let him win. I may not be worth much, but I do have the power to not allow him to win this round. He can starve me and beat me. Hell, he can kill me, but he won't be able to make me feel ashamed of something I didn't have any control over.
From the little time I have known Edward, I knew he would be over there beating himself up. He would willingly accept all the blame upon his shoulders. I knew I needed to suck it up, so to speak, and face him. He needs to see that I am okay. And maybe I can fake it until I actually feel it. If I pretend I am comfortable being stark naked, maybe I will become more comfortable. Either way, there isn't anything I can do about it right now. It's not like I can wish some clothes to magically appear on my body. Before I could turn around, he started to spew his self-hate. I knew I was right. He blamed himself and I needed to make this okay.
Teasing him wasn't fair, but it was just so easy to do. He blushes so easily and his stammer is quite adorable and endearing. Even though we are in this fucked up situation, I can't help but feel a little smug about his growing problem. It makes me feel somewhat powerful knowing I am the cause of the tightening in his jeans.
He continues to touch my heart with his stories of embarrassment. Even the fact that his sisters dress him makes him attractive to me. I wonder what it would be like to be chained next to him. I just want to reach out and run my fingers through his hair. It looks so soft and the color is so unique. What I wouldn't give for just one touch…
A howling so loud my eardrums feel like they are bleeding interrupts my thoughts. I hear what seems to be loud cracking and popping coming from outside the door. Then I hear hurried footsteps running down the stairs. I don't have time to process any emotions or the fear I should be feeling because by the time the door is kicked opened, Jacob rushes in wearing only a pair of cut off jean shorts and he reaches me in what seems like two steps.
The look on his face will haunt me until the day I die. There is a look of animalistic rage in his eyes. He is not the little boy I knew growing up. He doesn't even look human. But behind the rage, I see a sea of sadness. Before I have time to take a breath, I see him swing his hand back. I hear a popping sound and screams. I wasn't sure where I got the air to scream but it is piercing and full of anguish.
It takes me a moment to realize he hit me in the ribs with his fist. My knees give out and I drop towards the ground, only to be snapped into place by the chains around my wrists. Before I can open my mouth, he lands a knee to my chest. My head snaps forward in a vain attempt to curl into a ball to protect myself. Leaving my back and neck exposed, Jacob takes this opportunity to allow his fists to pound my back while one knee repeatedly connects to my mid section. I can't catch my breath. Panic starts to set it and I feel my heart pounding in my chest and the rush of blood pulsing in my head. He yanks my hair, ripping some of it from the scalp, and forces my head up. He punches me in the jaw and lands a left hook to my eye. The blows continue.
I hear the screaming again, but suddenly I feel no more pain. I don't feel anything. Dissociation floods over my body. I feel like I am floating above, safe from Jacob's attack. I see a girl hanging by her wrists being beaten to death. This is it. I can feel it. I wasn't sure how I would die, but there is a sense of calm that washes over me, knowing I won't have to suffer any more. That's until the screams slice through my bubble of serenity. That little girl shouldn't be screaming. She should be happy that it is over, finally. Then it hits me in the face and I feel ice run though my veins. She is not screaming. It's Edward. He has been screaming since the beating began. He is afraid and hysterical and I know I can't leave him like this. The moment I decide to fight to stay alive, blackness consumes me, and for the first time since I have been here, it is not welcome.
The song Edward sings to Bella is Broken by Lifehouse. Thanks for reading, now just click the little button below and review!!! You know you wanna…