She is not your daughter

Finding Claire had been easy; the hard part was talking to her. After all, Castiel was the creature who had taken away her father.

And "I'm not your father," had certainly not been a nice sentence. Now he could say something less traumatic.

What? Well…something like: "Go home, dad will come back soon." But all that was managed to tell had been that he was not her father.

Pity he was her father only outwardly. Jimmy was, so to speak, possessed by an angel. Hard to explain of course, but he should have been a little more sensitive. Many months had passed and Castiel was different: now he could be sweeter.

He stood there in front of a middle school in Illinois, waiting for Claire Novak. His daughter.

No, he meant Jimmy's daughter. But he had the great idea to go and since the body that had generated this girl now belonged to Castiel, it was a bit like if she were his daughter too. Cas wondered what the hell he was thinking about.

"I wish I have a switch to turn off my brain," he said to himself, staring at the school gates.

He took the mobile from the pocket of his trench coat and looked at the time: according to this information, a few minutes and the lessons would be finished.

Well, objectively, an angel with a mobile was funny. That was why Dean and Sam teased him every time, making him stupid telephone jokes from which he was not able to defend himself. They managed to tease him like an idiot. He had to learn to make jokes.

Cas was thinking of that nonsense because he felt uncomfortable. He did not know how Claire would react; maybe she would run away or she would sent him to hell. He sighed thoughtfully, straightened his tie and his trench coat. Claire's schoolmates certainly knew him "i.e. they knew Jimmy" so he hoped he didn't appear too shabby: he did not want to ruin her good name with the image of a shabby father.

Cas, she's not your daughter. You've taken her father's body, but she's not your daughter. Stop it or you'll be really ridiculous.

Was it really ridiculous to feel himself a little responsible for his vessel's daughter? Was it ridiculous to feel guilty for having ruined the life to an innocent girl, the daughter of his vessel? No, not at all ridiculous.

Finally the sound of a bell resounded in the air, the gates were opened and groups of screaming kids began to leave the school building.

Castiel looked at them carefully, but he could not see Claire.

Finally saw her, among a group of girls of her age, but she was the most beautiful. She was smiling and seemed serene.

"When she will see me, she will stop smiling," he said gravely. Maybe he'd better disappear.

He had no time to consider the "disappear before she sees you" option, because Claire saw Castiel and recognized him from afar.

The girl stopped and paled. Her friends looked at her and asked what was wrong.

"Nothing, I have to go. See you tomorrow," And she walked away to reach....her father?

"Hello, Claire," he said when she stopped in front of him.

"Who are you? My father or the other guy?" she asked him point blank with an angry expression on her face.

"I'm afraid ... I am the other guy. But he is here with me," Cas answered, knowing to lie. Jimmy was not there.

"Obviously, I had no doubts. My father doesn't have that weird gaze." she remarked.

Castiel frowns. "Weird? Do I have a weird expression?"

Claire smiled, but immediately tried to suppress it.

"Yes, like someone who doesn't understand what's happening around him but tolerates and ignores everything," was her direct answer and ... it was true.

Castiel nodded.

"Indeed, you are right ... I don't understand a lot of things but I...."

"What do you want?" Claire stopped him.

"To talk to you," he said looking into her eyes.

But Claire was not keen to talk to the being who was occupying her father's body; she hated him. Maybe.

"Sorry, but I do not want to talk to you," Claire said, but she did not move.

"Please Claire, your father asked me to come here. He wants you know..." Cas started, but she interrupted him again.

"Yes ...I understand: how much he loves me, how he misses me, and so on," the girl cut it short.

"It's true, baby, and he wants to be sure you really know it . He loved you so much and still loves you…and he regrets not being able to be here with you," the angel tried to explain, but she seemed to darken even more.

"I cannot believe I'm talking with my father, who is not really my father but an angel who's using him like a suitcase. Do you realize that the situation is really ridiculous?" Claire's voice broke with tears. Castiel was mortified.

"I'm not using your father like a suitcase, Claire. I..."

"Yes, he's your vessel, he's special, he has agreed to let you enter into his head...I know!" the girl exclaimed.

"What I meant is that for me your father is ...a friend. And if I'm here, it is because he asked to me and also because...I am sincerely sorry for everything that you and your parents have suffered for my fault. Believe me, I'm so sorry."

Claire seemed surprised: he spoke more like a human this time.

"Are you also sorry that you entered into my head?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes, baby, but believe me, it was necessary. That man would have killed you if I had not intervened ..."

She had never considered the matter from this angle: if she had not been his vessel for those few minutes, perhaps she would now be dead and perhaps even her mother and father. Oh, well ... after all it was as if he were dead anyway.

"He was not a man. He was a demon, I know," she said.

"Yes, he was. So you understand that it was really necessary for me intervene. And you are...special. Like your father."

"So one day one of your friends will come to ask me to give him a seat among my neurons?"

Castiel laughed. It was the first time he did it in front of someone. Claire stared at him, puzzled.

Give him a seat among my neurons. It was an impossible sentence but he had to admit that it was funny.

"Sorry ... it is that I had never heard a sentence like that. Anyway ...yes, you are a potential vessel, and ...no, you don't need to allow anyone to sit among your neurons."

"No? How could I say no to an angel who asks me to be his vessel?" she demanded.

"He cannot force you to do so. I have not forced your father to accept me and if he had not made it by his will...I could not get inside his head. Do you understand me, baby?"

"Do not call me baby because I'm not one. I almost thirteen," she said resentfully.

"I see.... but I did not mean to offend. It's just that I am thousands of years old, so even if you were nine hundred years old...you'd always be a baby for me..." he explained kindly. Claire gave him a smile.

"Thousands? It does not seem like you are...you seem to be thirty-five..."

"I try to keep myself fit ..." the angel replied, hoping to make her smile.

Instead Claire laughed and his face finally relaxed.

"You are a strange angel, you know? You have the sensibility of a fossil but if you commit yourself, you can be fun."

"I'm sorry to have told you I was not your father that night. I did not mean to be cruel; it was the first time I interacted with a human. Especially with a baby human, if you grant me the term," Castiel apologized, sincerely sorry.

The girl shrugged. "Never mind. After all, I also asked you who you were...even though looking at you, you seemed to just be my father. Did you never talk to a human before me? And my father, then?" she asked, curious. The ice was broken now.

"If you want, I can tell you about him walking back home..." he proposed cautiously.

Claire nodded with a smile. "Yes, I would be pleased. When will I get the chance to talk to an angel again?"

They began to walk side by side. Castiel looked at her curiously: Claire did not look like Jimmy, apart from the eyes maybe.

"You see, your father and I did not talk like we're doing now, you and me. It was a sort of…a telepathic connection. When I am out of this body, I don't have a human voice and the first time that your father heard my voice, well...he had convulsions..."

"Really? And what kind of voice do you have?" she demanded, amazed. Castiel shrugged: how could he explain it?

Unexpectedly, a shrill whistle crossed the air and hurt both of their ears. A little further away, a guy was repairing a big sound box and to test the efficiency, he produced that terrific sound.

"Here, Claire; I actually speak more or less like this," Castiel explained.

"Dad's voice is definitely better," Claire asserted, still amazed.

"I dare not imagine what your appearance is. If the voice is really that shrill and deafening, who knows what your face is like."

Castiel smiled. "We don't have faces. Not like you, I mean. We are ... a blinding light."

Yes, just blinding. That poor woman, Pamela, knew it well. He still felt guilty about her.

"So, you're beautiful. I mean, I was thinking of something…monstrous. Instead, you are made of light and that is a beautiful thing, isn't it?"

"Well...I don't know. For us it is normal to be made of light and so... it's beautiful. As for you, it is good to be made of flesh and bones."

Claire nodded seriously. "I cannot imagine myself without my body. Are you accustomed to my father's body?"

Good question: are you accustomed, Cas?

"Mh...I think so. It's just a little…small for something like me. But it is interesting."

"Small? Do you mean he should be taller?" she asked innocently.

Castiel smiled. "No darling, but any human would ask. We are....giants," he explained.

"Oh, I see. My father is quite tall. And he's also good looking; you have been lucky. You have a charming vessel," Claire said with pride.

Castiel looked at her, puzzled.

"If you say so...I'm not expert in matters of beauty ...." he admitted candidly.

Claire chuckled with amusement. "Trust me, my father is handsome. My mother and I were a little jealous when we realized that some woman looked at him in a strange manner...so now they look at you in this strange manner."

"I don't know. Honestly I never noticed," Castiel replied, lying shamelessly.

The ring of a cell phone interrupted their conversation. With Claire's amazement, Castiel took a mobile from his pocket.

"I could tell this as a joke! An angel with a mobile phone!"

Perfect, now Claire also teases me, Cas thought dejected.

It was Dean.

"I'm sorry Claire, it's one of those guys. Do you remember?" She nodded and moved a few steps. But she could still listen the to conversation.

"Yes, Dean?"

"Hey Cas, where the hell are you?"

"Illinois."

"Illinois? Why?"

"I am with my ...with Jimmy's daughter. We're talking."

"With whom? You're out of mind, man."

"No, I am inside Jimmy's mind and I had to talk to his daughter for him."

"Well, now give her the goodnight kiss and bring your winged ass over here, we need you."

"My what? Anyway you must have some patience. It's my duty, Dean. So I'm sorry but my winged ass will not move from here, for the moment."

"Okay, but hurry up with your family reunion. The end of the world is knocking at the door and it's not going to be convenient."

"Just because it is knocking, I must keep my promise. See you later, Dean."

The conversation was over; Cas turned off the phone and came close to Claire, who turned her back.

"Sorry ...work problems," he said. Claire turned around and Castiel noticed that she was laughing.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Well, I ...I have heard the "winged ass" story and I had to laugh ... I'm sorry. I did not want to disrespect you."

"Don't worry; I'm not that touchy. You can't guess what they say to me. They also make jokes on the phone."

"Really? What kind of jokes?"

"Well ....they speak with different voices; they make me listen to songs. They imitate the animals ..."

Claire smiled. "For these kinds of jokes, you have to give them satisfaction," she said.

"The problem is that I understand that it is a stupid joke when they have hung up," he admitted resignedly.

"They must love you; otherwise they would not waste their time like this."

Castiel thought for a while.

"Maybe I'm just a perfect target. As angel I was quite powerful. As human I'm a disaster."

The girl looked at him surprised. "Was? Are you not more an angel?"

I don't know

"Of course...I mean when I was just an angel. And now in this form...well, those guys always make fun of me. Sooner or later I'll learn to give them tit for tat," he answered, but Claire did not seem convinced.

"Mh... okay. Here we are. Now Mom and I live here," the girl said, pointing to the small white house surrounded by a small garden.

The door opened and came out Claire's mother, Amelia...Jimmy's wife. When she saw who she considered still her husband, her lips widened into a smile of happiness.

"No mom, this isn't dad. It's his tenant ..." Claire was quick to say, seeing the joy on her mother's face.

Amelia did not stop smiling: anyhow, it meant that her Jimmy was alive.

"I would... I would to talk to your mother…if that's okay," Castiel told Claire, watching her mother.

"Okay ... I'll leave you alone. See you later," she greeted him, looking into his eyes. Yes, she had eyes just like Jimmy's.

"You are Castiel…not Jimmy. Right?" Amelia started and came close to him.

Cas nodded slowly. "I'm... your husband's tenant. He asked me to come here... he wanted you to know ..."

He could not complete the sentence: how could he explain what happened?

"Know what...?" the woman encouraged him.

"To make sure you knew how much he loved you and that ... he will continue to love you from up there," he said it all in one breath.

Amelia was paralyzed; she paled and her eyes filled with tears.

"Up there? What do you mean up there? Jimmy is ... dead?" she asked him, crying.

Castiel lowered his gaze.

"He was gone before I could stop him. His soul has gone to Heaven; his conscience is no longer here with me. But before leaving he asked me to come here and talk to his family. Amelia, I'm sorry, I can still feel his love for you. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to…take him away from you," he apologized, sincerely sorry.

"Yes...Castiel the angel is sorry for the death of Jimmy Novak, a human. Very noble."

"It's true. Jimmy was a good man…is a good man, because he is not on this Earth, but he lives in the Heaven. Believe me."

Amelia nodded briefly. "Yes, but we need him here now. Instead there is only...his body occupied by a heavenly creature. I'm sorry, but your regret is not helpful to us."

Castiel felt increasingly guilty.

"I can understand ..."

"No, I think not. You don't have ... a family. The angels have no wives or husbands or children.... You cannot understand."

The angel felt hurt. He knew what it meant to have a family and ... lose it.

And he also knew what it meant to lose...a love.

"You're wrong. I understand very well, and if I could do something to bring him back for you, I would do it immediately. But I cannot."

"Why did you come here, if Jimmy is gone?" Amelia asked, tearful.

"Because... before he left, he asked me to come to his wife and his daughter ...and here I am."

Actually the situation was different: Jimmy told him if you see them, but Castiel felt guilty and he needed to do so.

"Claire knows?"

Cas shook his head. "No...I told her that her father is here. Do not tell her...she is too young ..."

Claire peered out the door, stepped out and came close her mother.

The angel looked at her. "Now, I have to go," he said.

Amelia nodded and walked away. Claire was still there in front of Castiel.

"May I ...may I ask you something?" she demanded.

"Sure."

"Could I talk to my father? Just for a minute."

Cas stared at her, unable to answer; what to say now?

"Baby, it's not possible. There is not a switch to turn off and on at my leisure. When I'm there, he can't be."

The girl was disappointed. "Could you go out for a moment and then come back?"

"I'd need another vessel. I really can't. I would, but I cannot," Castiel was mortified

"I see. Well, bye and thanks for visiting," Claire said and ran home, entered and slammed the door behind her.

Castiel looked at the door for a few moments, then sighed and walked away. How could she talk with her father if Jimmy was dead? There was only his outer casing, but his soul was gone. Perhaps Castiel was wrong to say her that her father was still there; maybe it was better to tell the truth.

No, absolutely not. How had he reacted when they told him that his father, God, was dead?

He got angry and did not believe it. Claire would do the same. Or maybe even more; she was human after all.

Claire would never talk to her father, not on this Earth, but at least she believed that he was alive, somewhere there among the neurons.

How had he the idea to do such a thing? Cas seriously thought that he was crazy. Could the angels go crazy? Perhaps those like him, yes.

He took off his trench coat and tie, tried to settle his hair to seem different, to seem Jimmy.

He breathed deeply and rang the bell. Fortunately it was Claire to open the door.

Castiel looked at her and smiled. "Claire ... honey."

The girl's eyes lighted up. "Dad?"

The angel nodded and she threw herself in his arms. It was the first hug that Castiel received.

"But ... Castiel told me it was not possible ...he needed another vessel..."

"Indeed it is so; he's gone away .... For a little of time he will be inside another person," he explained.

"Oh Daddy ... I missed you so much!" and she burst into tears, hugging him again. The angel felt embarrassed; he was not accustomed to that kind of situation and tried in every way to appear natural and not a soulless bastard, like Dean called him sometimes.

"I missed you too, baby. I'm sorry for everything ..."

"I know Dad .... I understand. You couldn't have imagined that allowing Castiel to enter in your head would cause you to lose everything, otherwise you would not have done it, would you?" Claire asked, looking into his eyes.

"Of course not, darling. You and Mom are the most important people in my life. More than any angel...don't forget that."

Claire smiled happily. "Can you stay a little with us, Dad?"

"I cannot, Cas is waiting for me: he cannot stay too long out of his vessel...or else he might not be able to go back and…he would have some problems with his superiors ..." he confided.

Claire did not seem surprised.

"I told myself that there was something wrong with him. He's different now. He seems a bit more human."

Yeah… just what I wanted, Castiel thought alarmed.

"Oh yes ... that guy has something wrong. But I cannot abandon him, even if I would do it to get back to you ..."

"Will you come again? Even once a year is fine."

"Yes. I'll try to come...sometimes," but he did not believe that it was possible.

"I have to go, Claire....Give my greetings to your mom and take care of her," and, to his own surprise, kissed her forehead.

Claire looked into his eyes carefully, put her hand into the pocket of her skirt and pulled out a small metal cylinder.

She overturned it and what came out was a sort of hysterical laughter. Castiel looked at it, puzzled.

"What is that?" he asked with a doubtful smile.

"A gift for Castiel. He told me that Dean and Sam make jokes on the phone. This will return the favor, maybe."

She handed him the curious contraption, Castiel looked at it confused and then laughed.

"I think he will appreciate that very much, you know? He resents when those guys make fun of him."

"They will be surprised because certainly don't expect a joke from an angel!"

"You're right. Why…this gift?"

Yes, why a gift to him?

Claire shrugged. "Because he has brought you here and then he is not as insensitive as I thought, otherwise he would not have allowed you to talk with me."

Castiel felt guilty because he was lying, giving her the impression of speaking with his father. But she was happy and this was important.

"Yeah. I did not expect it. Now I have to go; it's late," and caressed her cheek.

She smiled, got up on her toes and hugged him.

"I know it's you, Cas. I wanted to pretend to believe it, but I prefer to tell you the truth." Castiel looked at her incredulous.

"How...? Forgive me...I did not want tease you," Castiel apologized.

"I know. You have tried to make me happy. Dad is gone, isn't it?" The angel did not answer, letting her know the truth.

The young girl held back her tears.

"I'm… sorry, Claire," he said.

"I know ... otherwise you would not be here. Thank you, and take care...of yourself," she said and lifting up herself, kissed him on the cheek.

Castiel was shocked; this affectionate sign was not for Jimmy, it was for him.

"You know Cas, with a little practice you'd be a good dad. A little clumsy and naive, but acceptable." And smiling, she turned around and walked away.

The angel stayed alone in the street, looked around bewildered and he cried....

What sweetness in that child and how much sweetness he felt inside himself. Was this the meaning of to feel? If so, it was wonderful.

He walked toward the bench where he put his trench coat, he put it on it and after another glance behind him, he walked away. Why was he walking? He could move himself anywhere in seconds. Yes, but for a while he wanted to walk like an ordinary man.

Finally, after the fourth ring, Dean picked up the phone.

"Yes?"

On the other hand, just a hysterical laugh.

"But ...who the hell is it?"

Nothing. Another hysterical laugh.

"Look man, if you want to play, I don't. If you have something to say do it quickly or fuck..."

And again, another nice hysterical laugh.

"Hey you son of a bitch, who the fuck are you" Dean yelled into the phone, purple.

Last hysterical laugh, then without waiting for an answer, Cas hang up the phone.

The angel laughed heartily. Finally, he was the winner.

It is not so funny when someone does it to you, uh Dean?

Castiel looked at Claire's gift and smiled.

"Thank you, baby." and disappeared in a puff of wind

a/n: Thanks to MissMe 113, as always *_*