Maly listened to the quiet crackling of the flames in the hearth. If she strained her ears, she could almost hear the laughing of her old companions. How she missed them all. She had not thought that she would end up so alone or so lonely. Maly's lips twisted into a semblance of a smile, though tinged with pain. It had been her choice to be the last one, but only after she had been given no other.
Oh, but why had those children come to her door? Why had they opened a heart purposefully left closed? She honestly did not know why she had begun regaling them with her tales. Could it be the loneliness that she had lived with for so long? Was it because of the nightmares that were beginning once again?
"Well, deal with it, old woman," she snarled at herself, "You are too old to rage like you once did. And besides, Wynne isn't here to stop you."
With a groan, she pushed herself out of the chair and made her way slowly to her bed. She was weary but did not want to face what would be waiting for her in sleep. And yet, the heaviness of her eyes left her little choice. It seemed that her choices had been taken away ever since that moment on top of Fort Drakon. Even now, she could feel the anger, the hate, the betrayal of that moment.
Maly slid beneath her sheets and lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Love had vanished in a single moment that still stood out starkly in her mind. How could he have done something so stupid? So selfish? Fool man! Oh, how she had raged once she was well enough to get out of bed. Only Wynne's magic had kept her from burning the room down in a fit of pique.
It was so long ago and she could still feel the fire of her anger. That fire had propelled her forward. She had recruited new Wardens and rebuilt as though her very life depended on it. She drove them hard, striving to make certain each learned the lore and the duties involved. There would be no secrets left to be discovered in times of need. She pushed them at their training so that they would face Darkspawn and not flinch or falter. Day in and day out, she had recruited and pushed those recruits until they would have made even Duncan proud. She pushed them hard, but not as hard as she pushed herself.
"You're gonna burn out, Warden," Oghren had cautioned her. They had paused from a sparing match, both covered with bruises and sweat. Maly had sagged down next to him, leaning against the wall. The nug-lover had gotten past her magic's reach and landed a goodly number of blows before she could retreat. Damn, but he was fast.
"What do you mean? Should I switch to ice spells then," she laughed carelessly, taking a drink of water from the dipper in the pail between them
"I mean, I seen this before, you sodding fool," Oghren glared at her, "In fact, I believe you yanked me outta somethin' just like this," he gestured with a steel-covered fist, "You're pushin' yourself til there's nothin' left. Don't be a fool. The Wardens need you."
"And they have me, of course," Maly replied, refusing to meet his stare, "Am I not the first up each morning and the last to rest each night? Am I not out every few weeks seeking out new recruits? Do I not lead parties to hunt down remaining Darkspawn? Am I not in Denerim dealing with that bitch of a queen to keep us safe from politics?"
"They have your body but not your soul, girl," Oghren sighed and shook his head, "I don't like this, Maly. I don't like it one bit."
"Then feel free to return to Denerim or Orzamarr," Maly spat out, standing quickly, "Because I do not care to listen to yet another person whine at me that I am not acting how they desire me to act. I am doing my damnable duty, so everyone should bloody well be pleased."
Oghren's brows all but hit his hairline. He had seen the tiny mage angry before but never like this. On the one hand, it was rather funny. She all but quivered with rage and her cheeks were blood red. On the other, well, this was not the Maly he had grown fond of. Such anger lurking so close to the surface… It worried him. He drew in a breath to comment but she rushed on.
"As far as I am concerned, Ferelden got their precious hero, got saved from the Blight, and is safe from civil war. Their Wardens are flourishing and everyone can just kiss my arse and leave me alone."
She had stalked away, leaving her friend staring at her back in shock. Never had she seen Oghren speechless. Sadly though, that was the last time she had seen him. He had left that afternoon, without a good-bye. It had been her own fault. She had made such a mess of things, pushing everyone away. It had been too late to use Wynne's advice on Alistair, but on the rest of her companions… Each had been pushed away, some more gently than others. The better to guard their hearts, or so she kept telling herself. And now, she lay in bed, alone but for the dreams waiting for her in the Fade.