CD Two, Track Four: Total Eclipse
Sarah: Sometimes at night
I feel lonely and sad
But I don't know what's wrong
Sometimes at night
I have fantastic dreams
But when I wake up
I'm full of fear
Sometimes at night
I lie in bed and wait
But for what I wait
Isn't clear to me
Sometimes at night
I feel the irresistible temptation
Of a dark danger.
"Well done, Leon!"
The blonde grinned, winked at his leading lady and jumped off the stage. "Yeah, well, did my best," he replied. The conductor patted him on the shoulder.
"You're called the golden boy for a reason, that I knew, but at the moment, you're getting even better each day," he praised. "Go take your break, and then we're going to do the last act. Shouldn't take long, you'll be at home in time. Would be a shame to let your princess wait," he added with a wink and Leon blushed. Sure, at the moment D was at home quite early. He only had rehearsals for his next play, and they stopped at four because the leading lady was in another production still. So the Chinese took the chance to turn their apartment into a home. Every evening he surprised Leon with something new, whether it was a new cheongsam, or a perfectly cooked meal, or a new picture by Leon's favourite painter.
Sometimes it was downright scary how much D tried to please Leon. It caused a bad conscience. He surely didn't repay any of it. He'd not even mustered the courage yet to tell his lover that he actually loved him. Every time he wanted to say the words, he suddenly doubted that now was the right time or place to say them. He wanted the moment to be perfect, however sissy that might be. He wanted to tell D when he really felt the words. Not when he thought he should say them.
He'd never felt anything remotely like what he felt for the Chinese. Never ever. It was scary, it was huge, it was both what he'd always hoped for and what he'd feared most. They said it was better to have loved once than to never know love, but Leon wasn't so sure about that. Life had taught him that usually the people you cared most about also hurt you the most. And if that would come true in D's case, well, then Leon would not have much other choice than jump off the Empire State Building. So much did he love the guy.
Which reminded him that he'd promised D to call him and tell him when he'd be done. So Leon went into his cloak room and took out his cell phone.
Sarah: Sometimes at night
I feel the power of an enchantment
That touches me invisibly
Sometimes at night
I feel so helpless and I wish
Someone to come around to guide
And protect me
Sometimes at night
I just can't wait
To be a woman and finally free
Sometimes at night
I want to do forbidden things
And the consequences don't matter.
D was just trying on a new cheongsam when his cell phone rang. He had it open before it even had time to ring a second time. "Hello Leon!" he said breathlessly.
"Hi D. Where're you?" Leon's voice drifted to him through the receiver, causing a warm feeling in his body and butterflies to do somersaults in his stomach.
"I'm just doing some shopping," the Chinese answered, unable to help the dreamy smile on his face. Leon chuckled. "I always catch you shopping, don't I? Well, just wanted to tell you I'll be home on time, that's all."
The smile grew. "That's wonderful. What do you want to eat?"
Another chuckle, warm and caressing. "I don't care. Anything you cook for me. See ya later, lovely."
"I love you, Leon."
The blonde gulped and ended the connection.
Von Krolock: To lose oneself means to set oneself free
You will see yourself in me
What you've been dreaming of will be true
Nothing and nobody can tear us apart
Follow me into the darkness
Between abyss and light
We'll burn all doubts and forget the time
I'll cover you with my shadow
And carry you wide
You're the wonder that's becoming reality
Sarah: My heart's dynamite
That's waiting for a spark
Von Krolock and Sarah: Now I'm finally alive
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight.
Leon was on his way back to the stage when he noticed two men standing there and talking. He almost growled. If he hated someone, it was them. Thomas and Andrew, better known as Broadway's broadsheet. They knew each and everyone, and worse, they knew what each and everyone was doing when he believed no one was looking. If one wanted to hear the latest gossip, he just had to give them a call and was sure to be told everything going on on and behind the scenes.
Oh no, they were coming his way!
Leon quickly slipped into the dark, narrow room beside him and hoped the two men hadn't seen him. Apparently they hadn't, but still, they stopped right in front of his hiding place and started to talk. The blonde barely refrained from rolling his eyes. Great, now he would get to hear one year's worth of Broadway gossip.
He just started to yawn at the two thousandth story about some actress betraying her husband with her leading man when suddenly a known name made him hark up.
"Well, but you can't doubt that Count D has the best knack when it comes to hooking up with the right person," Thomas drawled and Andrew chuckled.
"Won't say otherwise, not in his case. Never thought he'd manage to hold Alcott for so long. He's not exactly been known for long-lasting relationships."
Leon raised an eyebrow. In his opinion, his flirts were none of their business. And anyway, it was just a question of finding the right one for oneself. D was the right one for him. Why should he not stay with him then?
"Only wonder how long he's going to put up with Alcott," Thomas continued. "I mean, now he's known around here, he doesn't need the golden boy any longer to introduce him to the big guys. How long do you give them?"
"About another month? Then he's starting with Phantom of the Opera. He can't get much better than that." Andrew sounded quite convinced.
"Yeah, but Alcott's still ahead of him. I'll put my money on him to become this year's Tony Award winner. The Count simply hasn't been here for as long as he has."
Andrew laughed nastily. "Just wait until he's kicked the golden boy. Then he's sure to get any kind of attention he wants. The papers will go crazy."
"But that's not enough to become the best singer," Thomas protested.
"He already is the better singer. If you ask me, he just needed Alcott to get to know the right guys. Now that he knows them, what use does he have for him anymore? I mean, he can get himself much better guys. Or girls, if he wants to. Perhaps he isn't even homosexual. People have done more to get a good career boost. And I hear he's shown quite some interest in Juana Mendez. She's a pretty one, and she'll be singing with him in Phantom, too. Nice chance to hook up with her."
Thomas argued, but their voices drowned in the sound of Leon's blood rushing through his body. He swallowed hard and barely was aware that the men finally went away.
Sarah: I wanted to loose my heart
But now I'm almost losing my mind
Total Eclipse
A sea of feelings and no land
Once I thought love would break the spell
But now it's breaking my whole world
Total Eclipse
I'm falling with nothing to hold onto.
Leon slipped out of the dark room without being noticed. His heart was hammering in his chest, and his hands were sweating. It couldn't be. D wasn't like that, D would not do such a terrible thing…
But then, what did he really know about D? He'd fallen in love with him head over heels, had not listened to any kind of reason, just followed his heart. Had that been so wrong? Could it be that he had erred so much? All of D's shy glances, their first meetings, the album they'd recorded together…
The album. Of course. Why in all heavens had he not seen it earlier? They'd recorded the album when D had just arrived in America. True, he'd arrived with the engagement as Mary Poppins in his suitcase, but even before the show's termination date had been known. So of course D had needed something to make the Broadway realise he was there. Thus the recording. And thus Leon. Hooking up with Broadway's golden boy was a sure way to get everybody to talk about you, whether you were a good singer or not.
No, as much as he hated to think it, there could be no doubt that D had just used Leon to support his American career. And he, like a lamb being led to the shambles, had done everything to help him. He'd come with him to the audition for Phantom, he'd introduced him to his friends, just like he'd done with…
He'd sworn back then he'd never make that mistake again. Sworn on everything that was holy to him. But D with his naivety, his trust, he'd just seemed so helpless…
Well, he couldn't be all that naïve and helpless given the fact that he'd made it first in China and then on Broadway. Sure, his father was as great a manager as Jill was, but you didn't get to the top only with having a good manager. Stupid idiot that Leon was, he'd even helped him, not realising that again he was only being used. He should've listened to his feeling at the audition to Phantom. Jonathan had been right.
The numb pain in his heart turned into burning rage. Perhaps it had not been even D's idea, but his father's, but still, he'd played along. Well, he would teach him what happened to those who dared to betray him!
Sarah: Sometimes at night
I think I should flee from you
As long as I still can
But when you then call out for me
I want to follow you blind
I'd even go to hell with you
Sometimes at night
I'd give my life
For just one moment
That I really belong to you
Sometimes at night
I just want to be the way you want me to be
Even if that would destroy myself.
D smiled at himself in the mirror and decided that he would buy this cheongsam. It enhanced his eyes. Leon would like it, he would look at him with admiration in his blue eyes, and D would know that the blonde loved him, although he never said so.
For a moment, a shudder crossed his slender frame. Sometimes he was almost afraid of where this would lead. Off lately, he tried so much to be the lover Leon wanted, tried to keep his attention, his heart with everything he had. Sometimes, when he was lying in bed beside the blonde, he wondered if that could really be called love. Would Leon still love him if he stopped dressing up and doing everything for him?
D shook his head and shushed the thoughts away. Of course Leon would stay. He could not doubt that the blonde loved him, if he told him so or not. It was just not Leon's way to talk about his feelings, he showed them instead. And there was no mistaking the way he placed his arm around D's waist every time fans came around, or the loving tenderness with which he made love to him, or the sudden light in his blue eyes whenever D stepped inside a room. Yes, he was being loved, and if he could show his affection in return with dressing up beautifully, that was surely not too high a price.
The young Chinese left the store and walked back to the apartment he and Leon shared, carefully watching the people around him. He still was fascinated by the Manhattan style of life. Sometimes Leon laughed at him when he stopped and watched something particular strange with wide eyes, but the laugh was soft and tender, almost as if the blonde was glad D was still able to wonder at the world. But how should he not be able to wonder at the world when the greatest wonder was right beside him?
The door was not locked. D's heart skipped a beat. That meant that Leon was already home. Oh, how could it be that even after nearly half a year of living together he still got breathless when he thought of his lover?
"Leon, where are you?" he called out once he'd entered. A thud told him that the blonde was in the bedroom. A bit confused, because he didn't answer, the young Chinese went inside and smiled at his lover. "I didn't expect you to be back so soon. Do you want something to eat?" he asked. Leon turned and looked at him with cold blue eyes.
"No, thanks," he replied.
"Oh, well, then…" D's voice trailed off as he noticed that an open bag was lying on the bed and Leon was packing his clothes. "Did you get an engagement out of New York?" he inquired, still not understanding. The blonde turned back to the wardrobe and continued packing.
"No. I'm leaving. That's all."
D felt as if frozen to the spot. "You're – leaving?!" he echoed unbelievingly. "But – why? Have I done something wrong? Leon, tell me what it is! I will change it, I swear I will!"
Leon whirled round so suddenly that the Chinese startled and backed away from the fury in his lover's face. "You know full well what you've done, and it's nothing you're gonna change. I'm gonna change it!" the blonde hissed and slammed the wardrobe shut. "And I'm gonna change it right now! I wont' be your career boost any longer. You know the right guys now, you don't need me anymore anyway. Have fun with them. Don't worry, I'll find the door alone!"
He could not even muster a reply. Leon stomped past him, not looking at him. He heard his steps wander through the apartment. Then the door was slammed shut and he was alone.
Sarah: I wanted to lose my heart
But now I'm almost losing my mind
Total Eclipse
A sea of feelings and no land
Once I thought love would break the spell
But now it's breaking my whole world
Total Eclipse
I'm falling with nothing to hold onto.
D shook himself, tried to come to his senses again. What in all heavens had just happened here? What had caused Leon's outburst? It could not be that he thought D was taking advantage of him in such a way. He was famous himself, he did not need his lover's support…
Only slowly realisation worked its way into his brain. But when it finally hit, D cried out in pain, screamed, threw his clock at the wall so it shattered into a thousand pieces. Tears started to stream down his face, and he hated himself for being so weak, hated Leon for believing him capable of such a heinous thing, hated the whole world, and himself most of all for being so damn stupid.
Sarah: I wanted to lose my heart
But now I'm almost losing my mind
Total Eclipse
A sea of feelings and no land
Once I thought love would break the spell
But now it's breaking my whole world
Total Eclipse
I'm falling with nothing to hold onto.