Silence stretched between them for several minutes. Maly did not raise her eyes. Jaxon blew out a breath and dropped back into his chair. He studied the old mage for a moment before reaching out to cover her hands with his.

"Whatever it takes," he whispered, squeezing her frail hands gently, "You did what you had to do."

Maly raised her face to meet his gaze, her dark eyes filled with tears, "Jaxon," her voice caught and shook her head, unable to continue.

"What can I say," Jaxon managed a smile, "I'm a sucker for a woman with a past."

That surprised a soft laugh out of Malaya. Jaxon patted her hands, marveling once more at how frail she appeared on the outside. She slanted a glance up at him, "You said you thought that I could help you, young man. Care to explain?"

Jaxon looked away. She studied him, watching the firelight dance across his features. She could see the emotions warring there and placed her hand on his arm. He did not say a word as he covered her tiny hand with his. Once again, silence reigned, punctuated only by the quiet murmurs of the fire in the grate.

"I was a new Warden, barely a month from my Joining," his voice was low and Maly leaned closer to hear him. Jaxon squared his shoulders and continued, "Rylan sent me to Lothering to check on reports of a Darkspawn band that was roaming about. With me was another Warden, Keddric. He was supposed to put me through my paces, let me learn by leading," Jaxon frowned and looked down at their hands, "We were told about a farm that had been razed by the Darkspawn. It was my decision to set out right then, see if we could find any survivors or clues as to why they were suddenly attacking Lothering again."

"What happened to Keddric," Maly asked, gently prompting him as he lapsed into silence.

"Suffice to say, he didn't make it and I got to be the one to tell his wife and children that he wasn't coming home. He had undergone the Joining later than most, you see," Jaxon rubbed his sleeve over his eyes, "His wife was a good sort. She never minded when he would bring me home for supper. It was a welcome change from being under Rylan's eyes all the time."

"I never saw her smile after that. She got ill, seemed to fade away before our eyes. We buried her three months after Keddric."

Maly reached up to cup his cheek, "You know it was not your fault."

"I was the one that said we didn't need to wait for help," Jaxon pushed out of his chair and faced her, eyes flashing, "It was my choice and a good man died! The last thing Rebekah did was to beg me form her death bed to watch over their children!"

Jaxon spun away, raking his hands through his hair helplessly, "How can I do that when I've only got fifteen years left?"

His shoulders slumped, "It's my fault they are without their parents and I can't even be sure that I can take care of them like I promised."

"I'm sorry," Maly said, worrying the sheet in her hands, "I don't know what Avernus did to me, Jaxon, not the details. Even if I did, I don't think it would work."

"Because we don't have an archdemon for me to stand next to while someone kills the damned thing."

Jaxon looked over his shoulder at her, "You should get some rest, Maly. Rylan will expect to see you directly after breakfast."

The old mage said nothing as he left, shutting the door quietly behind him. The tattered book on her bedside table seemed to mock her as she reached for it. There was nothing to help Jaxon in its pages. She let it drop into the vacated chair and fell back against her pillows. Maker knew there was nothing in it to help her either.