Summary: What if Bella didn't fall in love with Edward right away? What if she instinctively shied away like normal humans do, like she was supposed to?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything, sadly...

A/N: So sorry everyone! I was sick, and instead of taking the wonderful opportunity(being out of school) to write this chapter, I got distracted and read other stories all weekend long. But, it is finally done and up, hope you all enjoy. And I would like to thank my Beta for helping me correct my errors. :)

Chapter 5: Visions and Decisions

EPOV

As soon as the bell rang, I was flying out the door. A small voice in the back of my head warned me that I should slow down, that the humans would notice me. This warning, however, was lost in the raging inferno of thirst. I needed to get out of this room, away from the one human who threatened to break me. I wouldn't risk disappointing Carlisle.

I walked as quickly as possible to my Volvo, throwing open the driver door. There was no way I could go to my other classes after my devastating 4th period. I launched myself into the seat and slammed the door shut, trying to get as far away from her scent as possible. I knew it couldn't reach me all the way into the parking lot, but I wasn't thinking rationally yet.

I sat in the seat for a few minutes, breathing hard. The fire was almost gone, but I still remembered the scent. I cut off that line of thought quickly as venom began pooling in my mouth. Instead, I began to ponder the sudden promise I made to myself. I didn't know what instigated it. I was rather surprised at myself for doing something that sudden, and without stopping to think about it. I still didn't even know why I did it. I was obviously engrossed with why I couldn't hear Bella's thoughts, but the fact that I would make such a promise was unexpected.

What was even more unexpected was that I was going to keep that promise, that vow to control the beast. I wasn't going to take it back after thinking about it rationally. I began contemplating how I would do this.

I obviously couldn't breathe when I was around Bella. I would have to hold my breath every time she was near. Also, I thought, I'm going to have to be around her more, to get used to her scent.

No! I couldn't do that. I wouldn't be around the appetizing human more than necessary. I began to backtrack, reconsidering my promise for the first time. I knew that the more I was around Bella, the harder it would be to contain this thirst. I would be more likely to kill her the more time I spent around her.

So that option was out. I now began thinking about what to do. If I couldn't be around her more than necessary, how would I control the thirst? I will just have to control it when I'm around her. Only when I need to be around her.

I suddenly thought of Alice. It was completely out of the blue, I didn't know why she came into my head in the first place. Why hadn't she come? She should have seen me killing Bella, she should have rushed to my Biology class and pulled me out. I extended my mind to her English class in building two. It wouldn't be hard to hear her. I heard my family the best; I had become attuned to them the most.

She had her every thought on Jasper, scanning the future for him. He had been struggling during lunch, having trouble controlling his own thirst. I laughed darkly to myself as I thought of the irony of that. I had been judging him for being so weak, yet here I had almost murdered an innocent girl because her blood was exceptionally sweet.

I knew it wasn't the same though. Jasper struggled most with his thirst. He had a much different lifestyle before us, becoming used to instant gratification. He wasn't to be blamed. It wasn't just that he had poor self-control.

And it also wasn't just that Bella's blood was exceptionally sweet. She was a siren to me. I knew I wouldn't have been able to stand much longer in that small classroom with the scent of her blood all around me.

I had to stop thinking about it. I had to stop letting thoughts of her blood creep into my mind. They were a poison, seeping into my mind and threatening to kill me. I knew I was being slightly melodramatic, but I also wasn't. Killing Bella would hurt Carlisle, even though I knew he would forgive me. But I wouldn't forgive myself. I wouldn't be able to accept that I had killed an innocent person, when I knew I had the self-control to prevent it, had I just tried a bit harder.

I shoved all thoughts of Bella away with substantial force. I focused all my thoughts on Alice, as she was doing with Jasper. I ran through every vision of hers, seeing if Jasper would do something. I also hunted Jasper's mind down, seeing how much he was struggling. He was in History, and doing pretty well, all things considered. However, I knew we would have to go hunting tonight. He would not be able to come to school tomorrow without it. We were already pushing his strength to the limit going two weeks in between hunting. I also knew I would have to go as well. There was no point in dismissing my own weakness. It would be easier resisting Bella's blood if I were full on animals' blood.

"Argh!!" I shouted at myself. I needed to stop thinking about her! It would destroy me. With more force than necessary, I reached over into the glove compartment and snatched one of my favorite CDs. Debussy's Greatest. I shoved the disk into the slot and turned the volume on high. I reclined my seat back and closed my eyes, submerging myself in the complicated notes and melodies. I began humming to myself, and before I knew it, 5th period had passed by.

I heard Alice's thoughts before I heard her footsteps. I sat back up and opened my eyes. As I reached for the volume dial, the passenger door flew open. A small head covered with spiky black hair popped in, and was soon followed by a small body.

"Edward… What happened 4th period?" She began, staring intently at my face. I was sure she could see the dread in my eyes as I realized she had seen me killing Bella. She was just keeping the vision blocked out by focusing on Jasper.

"So it's true. You were going to kill her?" As the words left her mouth, I saw the vision. It flashed before my eyes in a blur, a mixture of blood and screaming. She quickly hid her thoughts before I saw more.

"No! I stopped myself, I wasn't going to do it!" I said desperately, looking into Alice's eyes. "I wasn't going to do it, was I?"

She closed her eyes, and scanned the future. "I…" I saw countless visions flashing in our heads, some picturing Bella dead, some showed her living. "I don't know." She finally said, opening her eyes. "It depended on your self-control, your strength. I saw you killing her for about half the class, and something changed. I saw flickers of her alive. I was about to get out of class and pull you out, but the last one I saw was her alive, and you running out to the car. I figured could spare having this conversation with you for another hour." She looked at me pointedly, expecting an explanation.

"Okay, well thanks for the information."

"No, Edward! You are going to tell me what happened right now! I have never seen you lose control, least of all like that. What. Happened?" I saw a slight glint anger in her eyes as she blew off my attempts to sidestep her questioning.

I looked at her face and realized I could not get out of this conversation. I hung my head in shame as I reluctantly told her about my weakest moment.

"I'm not sure what happened. I was going to talk to her, and try to read her thoughts, but when she walked by me… She has the sweetest smelling blood I have ever smelled. Worse than Emmett's two times. I almost couldn't stop myself. You can't even imagine, Alice, what it's like." I was consumed in waves of self-loathing, and never wanted to resurface. I had almost taken the life of an innocent human.

Her eyes softened, and she grabbed my face. "Edward. Look at me. Please. Edward!" I finally looked at her face, with pain and hatred still etched on mine. "It wasn't your fault. You didn't know. But the fact is, that you didn't kill her. You did have the strength to control yourself. I'm proud of you for that. You didn't know she would smell like that, but you controlled yourself. If it was worse than Emmett's two times, then I'm sure that anyone else wouldn't have been able to do what you did. Be proud of yourself."

I couldn't. There was no way in the world that I would be able to be proud of myself for almost killing someone. She saw my thoughts and disagreement in my eyes. "I can't, Alice. I almost killed her. How can I be proud of myself for that?"

"You. Didn't. Kill. Her. That's why you should, and will, be proud. Judging by what Emmett told us, if that were anything close to what he experienced, she would have been dead the moment she stepped into the room. You are saying that it was worse, and I believe you. You could feel how much those other women's blood called to Em through the medium of his thoughts, so I'm not refuting your statement. Now get your head out of your butt, and listen to what I'm telling you. Okay?" Her words cut into me. I knew she was right, in some sense. I just wasn't ready to accept that just yet.

"Fine, Alice. I understand what you're saying, but you'll have to give me some time to come to terms with that. I'll be fine later, just le-"

My words cut off. Alice was having a vision, and it involved Bella. I watched as Bella walked out of one of her classes, and Alice skipped up to her. They began talking and linked arms. Bella was smiling and the walked off to lunch together, talking animatedly. They were acting like best friends. They were best friends.

"Alice… What. Was. That?" Alice couldn't be friends with Bella. That would mean she would be closer to me, and that put Bella in more danger from me.

"I'm not sure. I think… I think that we're going to be friends, Edward." She was smiling now. I saw the vision harden and become more concrete with every word. "She's going to be my best friend. I can tell. But… How?"

"No! You can't do that Alice! I'll kill her! The closer she is to you, the more chances I have of killing her. You can't do this!" I knew she wouldn't listen. My protests were weak, already sounding defeated.

"Edward Cullen." I looked into her hard, black eyes. Alice was getting ticked, I could tell. "You will not tell me who and who are not my friends." She was growing more heated and assertive with each word, and it shocked me. Alice was almost never like this with me. "If I want to become friends with Bella, then I sure as heck will. You have no right to tell me what to do. If you think you don't have the control to be around her without being tempted to kill her, then stay away. She is going to be a good friend of mine, my best friend, as a matter of fact, and you will not stand in the way. You got that?"

I blanched at her tone. Alice surprised me with the force of her words. All I could do was numbly nod my head.

"Good. Class is almost out. If you need to go home, then so be it. But if you can, I would prefer you just waited in the car. I, as well as the rest of us, really don't feel like putting up with Rose complaining about getting her hair wet. It'll rain this afternoon." She smiled angelically, completely opposite of her mood a few moments ago. "See you after school."

I watched as she got out of the car, shutting the door in time with the bell. She smiled and walked up to Bella, introducing herself. As she walked away, I put my forehead on the steering wheel, our words in the car replaying over and over again in my mind.

BPOV

As soon as the bell rang, Edward darted out of the room. I barely had time to process the fact that the bell had even rung, and he was gone. He hates me. I repeated the phrase over and over again as I walked to my next class by myself. I didn't feel like walking with anyone.

I barely paid attention in my 5th period class. His expressions and tone when he had spoken kept distracting me. The hour flew by. I barely noticed when the bell rang, it was the students getting up that alerted me of the class change. I idly began wondering if all the Cullens were this way. If they all were rude, frightening, and had an aura that made you want to stay away.

I soon got my answer. Right when I stepped out of the classroom, a diminutive person with short, inky black hair that spiked up everywhere sprung up at my side. She was oddly pixie-like.

"Hi! My name is Alice Cullen. You're Bella, right?" Alice was almost bouncing with excitement. She reminded me of the Energizer Bunny on crack. A cliché, I know, but she was dressed in pink, so it really did fit the expression.

"Uh. Nice to meet you. Yeah, I'm Bella." Wait. Alice Cullen. Edward's sister?

"Nice to meet you too. Look, I've gotta run, but it was really nice meeting you! Maybe we can hang out sometime?" She looked hopeful. I kind of did like Alice, even though she was a little too energetic for me. Maybe Edward was the only one that was repellent.

"Uh, yeah, sure I guess. I'll see you later…" I said hesitantly. I barely knew Alice, but she seemed nice enough. And she had taken her time to introduce herself, so she must be friendly. Even though the introduction itself had already given away that aspect of her personality.

But there was a down side to this situation. If I became friends with Alice, then I would be around Edward more. I didn't want to be around him more. Sure, he was absolutely gorgeous, but he was rude. I didn't like him whatsoever. Oh well, I thought. You don't know if you and Alice are even going to be friends. Maybe she was just introducing herself.

The rest of the day passed very quickly, for which I was grateful. I had one other class with Eric, which I wasn't too thrilled about. After the day ended, I went to the front office again. Ms. Cope asked how my day was as she took my slip with the teachers' signatures. I tried not to get too angry and upset about Biology, so I just said that I met some people, and that I had a good day. I didn't like to lie, but in some cases, it's necessary.

I left shortly after, and climbed into my rusty old truck. I turned the heater on, and fluffed my hair out. I tried very hard to ignore all the people looking over as I started my thunderously loud engine. Maybe this truck isn't so great after all. I thought, trying not me meet all the eyes trained on me and my vehicle.

The ride home was easy. Everything in this town was off the highway. I just had to find my street, which wasn't hard, and park in front of the old white house. Charlie had given me a key, and told me where the spare was, under the eave. As I unlocked the door, I began thinking about dinner. Last night we had gone to the diner, a couple miles down the highway, so I had no idea what he had along the lines of food. I dropped my backpack on the bottom step, and went to plunder the kitchen.

I didn't get much. A box of unopened noodles, a can of sliced potatoes, two cans of chicken noodle soup, lots of fish in the freezer, and eggs. I needed to go shopping. Luckily, in my digging, I came across a jar in the cupboard that said "Food Money". I called Charlie to ask if I could use it for shopping, and headed off to the store with an affirmative.

I spent about an hour getting used to the layout of the store, and grabbing the essentials, along with something for tonight's dinner. We are going to have steak and potatoes.

As soon as I got home, I marinated the steak, and put it in the fridge. I grabbed my backpack as I headed up the stairs to my room, groaning out loud. I so didn't want to do homework. As I sat down at my old desk, I remembered my promise to my mom. I had to email her regularly. Excited to have an excuse to put off homework, I bounced over to my computer and turned it on. After a minute or two, it started up and I logged onto my email. There was an email there from my mom asking how my first day of school was, and how I was settled. I spent fifteen minutes replying back about how Charlie was, and how my day at school was. I made sure to leave out Biology.

With a huff, I sent it, and turned back to my homework. Luckily, it was easy, but it still took an hour. After I was done, I carefully made my way down the stairs, and put the potatoes in the oven. As I began on the steak, my thoughts drifted back to school. I began comparing Mike and Edward. The difference was obvious. Mike was cute, but not near as stunning as Edward. He was nice, caring, and interested in what I had to say. Edward was rude, frightening, and didn't even really talk to me. Well, you know what? I wouldn't talk to him either. If he ever did talk to me. I would ignore him just as he did today.

Before I could get too mad, I heard Charlie pull into the driveway. Great timing. Dinner will be done in 4 minutes. I smiled. A moment later, I heard him walk through the front door.

"Bells? I'm home!" He shouted, not realizing I was in the kitchen. I smiled and walked into the front room, where he was hanging up his jacket and belt of police gear.

"Hey, Dad! You have perfect timing. Dinner just got done." I smiled warmly, walking back to the kitchen, serving up our meals on plates I found in a cabinet.

"Um, thanks. What did you, uh, make?" He asked a bit… hesitantly. That really was the only word to describe his tone.

"Steak and potatoes." I laughed. I used to love to experiment with cooking when I was younger. It didn't always come out edible. Charlie would be glad to know that my culinary skills were greatly improved.

We talked about my day during dinner, after which Charlie retired to the living room. I rinsed off the plates, and climbed up the stairs to get in the shower. The hot water relaxed me, which would definitely help when I tried to go to sleep.

After I changed into some sweats and an old tee shirt, I checked my email one last time before setting my alarm clock. I closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep in a matter of minutes. This day was exhausting, but little did I know, tomorrow would be worse.

So, hope you all liked it. Sorry again for it being late. But to help y'all forgive me, this is my longest chapter yet, by more than 1,000 words! So, review, even if your mad at me!! It means a lot. I'll be working on Chapter 6 soon and I'll try not to take as long as this. :) Everyone who reads this, you are awesome! Love you all!

Kate

P.S.- If you want to know how far along I am on the next chapter, and when it'll be up, check my profile! I have a designated area called "Status" that I update every time I make some progress on my story. It'll tell you how far I am, and anything else you might want to know. If you still have questions, feel free to PM me.