A/N: Okay there are like 10000 MxM fan fictions by the name of "memories"… I need a new title and could use suggestions, ty! 8D

Matt

The hallway was dark as usual as I hurried down it, adjusting my goggles over my eyes. I had snuck out of the room as soon as I was sure Mello was asleep. There was no way I was going to fall back to sleep a second time after the whole crying incident, so decided to walk. I wasn't really in the mood for video games, strangely. Maybe I would pick up some chocolate for Mello from the kitchen on my way back?

I found myself in the library. I had never been in here, but Mello liked it in here. On the few evenings that I was left alone in the room, I always knew that this was where he was. He loved to read, I knew, but no where as much as he liked to eat chocolate. I could see why he liked the library though - it was nice and quiet. Perfect place to think.

That's what I was pretty much out past curfew to do, so I sat down on one of the beanbag chairs and leaned back, letting out an exhausted sigh. I still couldn't believe how hard Mello had been crying before. It was really weird - he was usually so strong… but I knew better than anyone that the cold exterior he carried around when he went out was hiding a more emotional side that Mello tended to hide most of the time.

I found myself picturing Mello again, his big blue eyes full of tears. I remembered him nuzzling against me, crying into my shirt. It made me wish. So badly as I laid there I wanted to take him up in my arms and hold him more securely, to kiss the tears from his cheeks, make all the pain go away, kiss away his pain, hold him as close as I wanted. For him to let me take care of him for once.

But I knew that wouldn't happen, somehow. Too much to hope for, to much to ask. I was hoping for something that wasn't going to happen - for Mello to love me back. It was a torturous feeling - I knew that love was usually a facade at this age, but with me it wasn't. Mello was everything that kept me alive. He was the one that took me in when I was alone, the one who I wanted to follow, the one who I'd do anything for, the one I'd truly die for. If that wasn't love then I was attracted to Heather.

And I was not attracted to Heather. Flaming homosexuals tend to be attracted to guys, you know? And as much as that would be extremely romantic I wasn't just gay for Mello, either, though he's the only one in the world I'd want to ever, you know, loose my virginity to. Not that I wanted to loose my virginity at this age to anyone, lord I was only 13. But I was attracted to other guys - note: Johnny depp = sexiness - but it was Mello I loved.

I found myself smiling for some reason, remembering when I first arrived at Wammys. This really was turning out to be an overdramatic spy movie. A really, really gay spy movie, but a spy movie none the less. Or rather, a detective movie. Like Sherlock Holmes or something. Mello could be Sherlock and I would be Watson and we would be the ultimate pair. Or he could be Batman and I could be Robin. Or I could be Link and he could be Zelda. I laughed at the thought of Mello in a Zelda dress. He'd probably kill me for thinking that, though.

I sighed, laying my head back on the plush chair, letting out a long sigh before pulling the little leather out from where I had sat it behind me. I had discreetly picked it up from it's place hidden under the bed before, and I was somehow pleased that I had time to write in it.

Call me girly or whatever, but it was my diary. I would be all macho and call it a journal (macho? Uh, not realy but better than diary) but it SAID diary on the front so…

I had bought it because it reminded me of Mello about a year ago, because of the leather, and had started writing in it every once and a while, usually about once a week. It had started out with me just rambling about random activities that happened throughout the day, but before I could stop it, the notebook became full of nothing but ramblings of Mello. My blonde angel filled almost all the pages, ramblings about how I was realizing how I felt about him, about the midnight chocolate-runs, about sneaking out at midnight to have adventures, about going out on the town, about our first anniversary. Maybe that would cure my anxious heart, I thought, and started frantically scribbling down what happened that day, knowing how cheesy I sounded but not caring. I had to get it out, I had to-

"Um…. Matt?"

I froze, instantly shoving the notebook underneath the beanbag chair, at first thinking the voice was Mello's, but it wasn't. The person that was in the doorway was a girl. What was her name? Laura? Lizzy?

The girl smiled, brushing her brunette hair behind her ear. "Um, are you alone?" she asked, twiddling her fingers. She looked nervous, and she was blushing. I had a bad feeling, but I nodded anyway - she didn't look like a bully or anything.

I knew she looked familiar though. Libby? Lori? Something with an L…

The girl hurried forward, smiling now, looking relieved as she planted herself beside me in the next chair, startling me a little bit. I hadn't expected her to actually try and talk to me, I had assumed she was just avoiding Mello. What WAS her name?

"Um, Matt, right?" she asked, though her eyes told me she already definitely knew my name. I nodded, still trying to place her name. Libby? Was it Libby? Liddy maybe? Something like that. She obviously saw some confusion on my face and s he pointed to herself, smiling. "Linda. Remember? Linda? I sit beside you in first period."

Ah, yes. Linda. I remembered Mello's rants about her, and suddenly felt like I shouldn't be talking to her, but I didn't remember why. Something important… but I shrugged it off - the girl didn't seem to be doing anything bad, unless you count being out past curfew.

"Right, Linda. Sorry, I'm bad with names," I lied. Actually I was fine with names, I just hadn't ever bothered to learn anyone's except Mello's and other people's I couldn't help but learn, like Near, Heather, Chad, and Roger. But I didn't have to tell her that, pointless cruelty was never my style. Linda beamed at me, seeming pleased with my answer somehow.

She brushed her hair behind her ear again and scooted closer to me, knocking her knees against mine. I scooted away, crossing my legs on instinct, but she didn't seem to notice, her eyes still big and sparkly, still grinning.

"So anyway, you know, the Fall Ball is coming up," she informed me. I only stared at her. I knew what the Fall Ball was, one of those dumb festive things that Wammy's always has, but Mello and I never go, always choosing to have our own 'awesometastic' parties in the room, watching endless Johnny Depp movies. Trying to not be distracted by the image of Johnny Depp I tried to focus on what the girl was saying. "And well, I don't have a date yet," she continued, slowly. I stared at her, not really understanding. Did I have some secret friendship with this girl that I needed to know this information? Then suddenly Linda's hand was on my knee, and I had a sudden flash to the bar, but I shoved it away, but my face still warmed.

"O-oh. Really." I said, trying to sound interested, but really I was just tense, unable to move with that stupid hand on my knee. She smiled at me a kind of giddy giggle escaping her lips.

"You're always so shy, Matt," Linda purred, scooting closer to me. I felt frozen, unable to reject the smile on her face. Because I wasn't here, suddenly, I was in my own mind, imagining myself in her position, trying to flirt with Mello. Knowing I would fail, but trying anyway. Linda didn't know how I felt about Mello, but I felt pity for her, a little bit. She meant no harm. But I had to reject her, just like Mello would only reject me.

"So… will you go with me?" Linda whispered, moving her hand forward to sit on the midsection of my leg, and I saw the hope in her big brown eyes, and I knew I had to crush it. "Please?"

I gently took her hand and moved it away from my leg, apologetically giving her a half smile, forcing myself to be gentle. "Linda… I'm sorry, but I can't."

Linda's face fell, and I could tell she wanted to protest, but I put my hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. Her face went from crestfallen to confused, and I shook my head. "I can't lead you on, Linda. You're a nice girl, but I don't like you that way," I told her gently. She had a tear in her eye, and I almost brushed it away. I didn't want to crush this girl, but I didn't want her to keep trying, either.

Slowly, the girl moved away, understanding in her eyes. "O-oh. Um. Okay," she said, twiddling her thumbs. She looked awkward, out of place. Would that be me? No, I told myself, I would be let off much harsher, probably beaten up, probably still beg him to forgive me, to be friends with me, to love me, because I loved him. Whatever she felt for me was only a children's crush. Linda paused for a long time, then looked up at me with curious eyes. "C-can you tell me why? I mean, not why you don't like me, but… who DO you like, Matt? You must like someone, you rejected me so easily…"

I stared at her. Did she expect me to just come out and tell her who I liked? 'Oh, yes, Linda who I don't even know, I'm actually totally gay and fell in love with Mello.' Uh, how about no? I could only stare at her, and I felt my feet shuffling nervously on their own. Linda stared at me, then suddenly burst out, "Well, because Joanna says you like May, but May says you like…." her eyes darted around, as if searching for someone, and as fear flashed in her eyes I knew the name she was going to say before she said it. "Mello. B-but don't take that the wrong way, it was only a rumor," she immediately apologized, blushing and waving her hands. "I just really wanted to know, I was curious, since you don't like me, I mean, it's a waste if you don't go with anyone at all like you always do, especially now that we're teens and everything…."I know she was till talking, but I tuned her out automatically, thinking again to Mello. God, was it really so obvious that I liked him? Did Mello know I liked him? Who all believed the rumor? Who was this May person? I vaguely remembered her, but I brushed that aside, Mello taking up my entire thoughts. I did love him, and for a moment I almost considered just telling her. With her big blab it would spread fast enough anyway. Maybe it would make it easier for me to come out and say it if..

No. I had to tell him myself. He had to hear it from me.

I closed my eyes for a second, then looked back to Linda, who was staring at me now with an expectant look in her eyes, as if she truly expected me to answer. But I couldn't, so I sighed and patted her on the head, just on instinct, and stood up. "That's enough, Linda."

Linda bit her lip and stood up, suddenly throwing her arms around me. I wasn't sure what to do, suddenly wrapped up in an embrace. It wasn't a romantic embrace, but she was shaking as she did it. "Thank you for being so nice to me," she whispered, smiling into my chest. I smiled and gently pushed her away. She was still smiling, then her face fell, seeming to see something behind me, her face going pale with shock and fear.

I dropped her shoulders and spun to see my blonde angel standing in the doorway, the rage of hell emitting from his icy blue gaze.

A/N: Alright, there's the chapter. Sorry if this is being updated too fast (usually I'm a lazy ass and have the opposite problem) or if the storys developing too fast, but no worries it's far from over 8D plz review, nothing too long if ur busy or whatever, just let me know ur enjoying it! 8D