Matt

I would like to tell you that I raced into that bedroom and slammed the door open. I'd like to tell you that when I saw Mello curled on the bed, staring at the ceiling, I snapped and hugged him. I'd like to tell you that he fell into my arms and cried, and that I confessed right then and there. To tell you that he told me he loved me back, and that we'd never leave each other. I'd like to tell you we found happily ever after on that bed, that we confessed our love for each other and that I took him up in my arms, stroked that golden hair, that we kissed and hugged and found our happy ending, never to part.

I could tell you that.

But it would be a lie.

I walked in our bedroom, the door swinging open with its usual creaking sound as I slowly came in, nervousness still boiling inside me. But Mello was just laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. Not crying or being angry or looking upset in the slightest. He just stared at the wall. And I stared at him.

Just sort of stood there.

I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to drop to my knees and start spewing apologies like there was no tomorrow, to hug him and bed him to understand that he misunderstood everything, but I couldn't. I just stood there, unable to move from the shock of just.. Seeing him.

He was just staring at the wall, looking slacked and unmoving. I almost would have believed he'd dropped dead, but he was breathing. Was he asleep with his eyes open?Then Mello seemed to suddenly notice me, looking over at me. He looked surprised - which was weird because he usually always noticed when I came in - and smiled at me. Just smiled a slacked, crooked little smile. "Hey."

Just like that. That one "hey" and suddenly we weren't fighting anymore. I admit I was shocked. But I was also relieved. I knew I should just tell him. But that smile just told me he didn't want to talk about it. Didn't want to talk about Linda, or my homosexuality, or my feelings, or anything serious. He just smiled and looked back at the ceiling.

"Hi." I replied shakily, sitting on the bed beside him. Still half way wanting to as something, I opened my mouth to speak, "Um-""It's not white, you know," he suddenly interrupted. I flinched, realizing he was talking about the ceiling. On instinct I lied down beside him, looking at the ceiling that I knew somehow that he had been staring at for a while.

"Looks white to me," I told him, frowning.

Mello shook his head. "It's off-white. Kind of gray. Not completely white."

"…is anything really completely white?" I asked, frowning. I didn't want to question him, but something just seemed important about staring at that ceiling because Mello was making it important. And it kept the topic off of that Linda thing, which was a plus.

Mello paused for a long second, as if considering this, then he nodded. "Snow's pure white. Clouds are, usually."

I frown, considering this. We hadn't had snow in a while, so it was kind of hard to consider. "I guess angels clothes are suppose to be white, too," Mello continued, staring at the ceiling still. I wasn't looking at the ceiling anymore, I was looking at Mello in my peripheral vision. He didn't seem to notice, just staring at the ceiling with an intense stare, as if it held the meaning to the universe.

"Angels?" I asked. I knew Mello was religious, or at least he had to be a little bit, considering the rosary, but I hadn't really thought about it. The only reason I ever thought about angels was because of Mello - and my angel certainly didn't usually wear white, he usually wore black - though the outfit Mello was wearing now was a white t-shirt and black pants, which I suddenly wondered where he got. Wasn't that my shirt?

I didn't have time to ask about it because he was talking again. "Yeah. I mean, I guess they could really wear whatever they wanted.." he said, his voice trailing off. I noticed his fingers were absently playing with the hem of his shirt, still staring at the ceiling. I tried to avoid looking at him, but it was hard. His face was so concentrated, it was next to impossible not to stare.

Suddenly Mello was turned and looking at me, only tilting his head very, very slightly, his eyes moving to look at me, those big blue orbs staring into my green ones. I found that I couldn't look away as he whispered an extremely awkward question. "Do you believe in god, Matty?"I frown. Where had that come from? "I guess," I replied, shrugging. "I'm not the religious type."

Mello stared at me, as if considering this for a few moments, then looked back at the ceiling again. I wondered if Mello cared that I wasn't religious - because I wasn't, I didn't think about things like God or the afterlife very often. I tended to live for today, that was just simply how I was.

"So.." he continued suddenly, his face twisting into a frown. "Even if your not religious or whatever… do you think it's… a sin?"I frown. "Is what a sin, Mells?"

The other boy paused for a really long moment, and a sudden wave of uncomfortable feelings surged through me. His face was conflicting between looking sad and awkward. I frowned. "You can ask me anything," I tell him very quietly, then blink. I hadn't meant to say that out loud, but there it was, and I meant it. I guess it didn't really matter what Mello told me. The blonde flinched and looked at me with big, confused eyes.

Then the topic suddenly swerved, Mello turning fully onto his side to look at me. "Do you like Linda?"Whoa. Okay, I had a feeling that had very little to do with the previous question, so I redirected my brain from sins to the peppy little brunette. The answer was no, but the question for me was why he cared. I mean, he was my friend, but… I mean, he couldn't possibly be jealous or anything.

….unless he liked Linda.

I felt a queasy, uneasy feeling inside of me, at the expectant look in Mello's eyes. I had to tell him the truth, I didn't have the option to lie to him in my mind. "No." I say bluntly, staring at the ceiling. I almost added 'Do you?' but I didn't. I didn't want to look like I cared. I couldn't let myself care.

Mello stared at me for a long moment, a tiny flicker of relief in his eyes that I could tell he was trying to hide. I squirmed a little bit mentally, but I didn't let myself show any awkwardness.

Then Mello just nodded and flipped back onto his back, going back to staring at the ceiling. I thought he whispered something, but I didn't hear and I didn't ask. If he had wanted me to hear he'd have said it louder.

I started hoping that he would stop talking about Linda, or about any of this romantic stuff. I wished we could just go back to laughing and watching Johnny Depp movies and playing pranks on girls and making fun of Near and Chad and Heather and not care what anyone thought.

I wish I could go back o thinking I was straight.

Back to lying to myself?

"So…" Mello started talking again, and I tensed. He squirmed a little bit, and then he looked at me again. "it's not just because I hate her, right? I mean, I don't want to…. Keep you from dating girls because I'm scary and whatever."

I frown, stopping myself from breaking into a fit of laughter for several reasons. One, I had not been expecting that at all - obviously mello didn't like Linda, thank god - and two I most definitely did NOT want to date Linda. But mello WAS keeping me from dating, but not even close to the reason he thought.

I can't keep back a tiny chuckle as I roll my eyes at him. "Of course not, Mells," I say, patting his head, "Why would I want to go to that stupid dance with Linda? The girls crazy." I almost felt bad for saying that - she had been alright for a couple moments there - but I had to reassure Mello. It seemed to work, because Mello smiled a tiny bit, relief on his face.

"Well, good," Mello replied, reaching around my shoulders without getting up and ruffling my hair. I smiled, warm and happy, knowing we were done fighting. I was his again.

Yeah, I know. He's got me around his finger. Shut up.

"But you can't let me stop you from dating hot chicks if you, you know, want to," Mello told me, pointing at me with the hand that wasn't resting on my head. He had a teasing look on his face, and I stuck out my tongue at him, stopping myself from automatically replying 'what about hot guys?'

God I was so gay.

Mello smiled happily and yawned, moving his hand away from my head and sitting upright. "Good. Now, who's up for some Secret Window?"I grinned, sitting up too. I didn't have to reply - he knew I always was.

Mello

One awkward conversation later, I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed, at a very precise and careful distance from Matt, watching Johnny Depp go from super hot, concerned author to insane-but-sexy cowboy killer, Shooter. God, I loved Johnny Depp, he could play any part ever.

The problem was I was having trouble focusing on the movie. Matt kept shooting me glances and smiling at me all adorably, making me feel sick to my stomach. I knew he was simply overjoyed that we weren't having a bad moment anymore, but had he really forgotten what I almost said? Or had he conveniently allowed himself to let it slip by?I sighed, still feeling awkward as I watched blondie ex-wife run away. Don't bother running, he'll only catch you. Idiot. I grimace, the urge to scoot closer to Matt almost unbearable. Trying to distract myself I look at Johnny Depp, waiting for the part where he eats the corn.

That part was hot damn sexy.

I found myself wondering - since he was Shooter, then did that mean… he killed the dog? The thought made me uncomfortable - didn't he realize even through his craziness how much that dog must care about him? The thought was stupid, I knew, but it came into my head anyway. I shifted and focused on the movie, or tried to, still wanting to sit closer to Matty. Usually when we watched movies we'd sit right beside each other, but this time I'd placed myself a good distance away.

Matt glanced at me again, right as I was trying to get the uncomfortable look off my face, and seemed to automatically know what I was feeling because he scooted closer, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me close. I hadn't been expecting it and I flinched, feeling a blush try and fight it's way to my face, but I dipped my head low and hid it in the shadow of my bangs, accepting the position without argument. How could I not? Matt was giving me that friendly smile, and I smiled a little back before going back to watching the movie, immediately relieved.

We were still best friends.

Nothing had changed.

And for now, as long as he was still willing to hold me like this, even if we were nothing further than best friends, I would be okay just curled up in his arms, just as his best friend. As long as we could just stay like this for a little while sometimes… I would be okay.

We could be best friends.

I would survive, just like this, hiding what I wanted to say for as long as I was allowed to be beside him. Just like this, fitting just perfectly in this boys arms, without a worry in the world.

A/N: aww, disappointed? I'm evil, aren't I? ;-) Hey, not every fight ends in a confession, now does it? ^_^ if it did, I would fight with hot guys more often! Anyways, I'll keep writing as much as I can, but don't expect these super fast updates to come all the time, because once school starts on Monday it's gonna get slowwww again with all the makeup work imma have. Ug.

:D SO YEAH! REVIEW IF U DON'T CARE 8D … this chpaters too short orz but theres a time lapse after this, so…. XD'