Chapter Six: Much Ado about the Chef

Last Night

7:00 p.m.

"Oh yeah baby! Steak, potatoes and a little lovin...Breakfast of Champions!" Tyler declared happily. As he stuck a piece of steak in his mouth his eyes rolled skyward. "Sooo…Good…" The jock moaned in delight.

On his right side Lindsay giggled in amusement while on his left Noah scowled. "Uncouth." Noah muttered under his breath before proceeding to take a more refined mouthful of the evening's entrée.

Across the table the goth hid a smile at the jock's antics and then a second one as she watched Izzy once again being held back from once again attacking the little Courtney fan girl by the ever watchful Ezekiel.

Though the random seating was a chance to get to know some of the other passengers aboard the ship, the Total Drama crew preferred to stick together during dinner time. Also the tables they usually chose meant that no one else could sit with them ensuring a relatively autograph and picture free dinner.

But like anything there were exceptions…and long lists of hopefuls vying for the chance to sit around or at the Stars table. And tonight that number was 7. A single father with three overly delighted older kids and little Devi with her parents.

Izzy naturally had been less then pleased with that arrangement. "You forgot the L!" Izzy yelled out as she once again tried to attack the little "angel" decked in a frilly purple dress. Her best friend and Bridgette quickly intervened.

"Izzy you said you wanted to dress up. And you wanted a nice formal professional stuffy picture of the whole TDW cruise crew for your scrapbook remember?" Bridgette reminded the red head as she gestured around the table.

With the exception of most of their passenger tablemates, each of the 8 cast members and Chef were dressed to the nines, the boys in elegant tuxedos and the girls and Chef in dresses all in different shades of the rainbow.

"In addition our current attire was rented at the start of our voyage or have you forgotten about the hours spent searching for an outfit that matched Lindsay's new hair ornament or one that looked decent enough on our show guardian that wouldn't scar us for the rest of our natural born lives?" Noah drawled raising an eyebrow.

In response, Chef glared darkly at the infamous know it all. "Is it a crime for a man to want to look pretty?!" The show assistant demanded gazing at the other table occupants as if silently daring them to disagree.

Fortunately no one did. Izzy bared her teeth threatening at Devi, but reluctantly sat back down with Ezekiel's prodding. Gwen shook her head again. "Any luck that camera guy will be coming around soon, but somehow I doubt it."

"Speaking of luck…who's up for taking Lucky Louie's jeep tour on our last full day?" Harold interjected cheerfully only to cower slightly at the sight of a massive finger in his face. "It...Is… NOT… the…LAST day…unless I say it is."

"Chef commented firmly. While Harold gulped and nodded quickly in hopes of the dangerous digit being removed, Noah scoffed. "Someone's in denial." The bookworm deadpanned as he took another bite of his dinner.

Girls' Cabin

6:00 a.m.

Present

"The last day on the last island…seems like it was only yesterday." Bridgette sighed as she dressed for the day. Gwen nodded in agreement. "I know. It hardly feels like 6 glorious Total Drama FREE days went by, but the signs are there.

The goth girl commented gesturing to their cabin. Most of the interior of the cabin suite was filled with bags and bags of purchases. "Speaking of which…Lindsay how are you going to get all of THIS back home? Federal Express?"

"Don't be silly Greta. That's what Daddy's plane is for!" The buxom blonde answered back cheerfully her voice echoing from inside the bathroom. Both surfer and goth exchanged a look. Before they could comment there was a loud pound on their cabin door.

Ship Hallway

5 minutes prior

"I can't believe I'm saying this but I miss Izzy's wakeup calls." Noah said in his usual monotone as he and the rest of the boys followed their show guardian out their door and down one of the many hallways.

In response Chef spun around. "YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY SOLDIER?!" The camp cook yelled out making the know-it-all jump, Ezekiel shake and the other boys wince in sympathy.

"No Master Chief sir!"

"Good! Now march double time! Hup Two! Hup Two!" Chef yelled out forcing his current charges to quickly descend the stairs to the next level, walk briskly to the right and down another long hallway.

Ezekiel mentally thanked Izzy for the forced endurance tests he endured practically every single day since he had befriended the unpredictable redhead. For some reason Chef was in a very volatile mood and unlike Noah he was terrified of making it worse.

Walking down yet another corridor Chef finally stopped in front of one of the doors and proceeded to bang on it. "THE TIME IS SIX HUNDRED AND ONE LADIES! I EXPECT YOU ALL TO BE READY TO GO BY SIX HUNDRED AND-"

The door opened and Gwen and Bridgette stepped out. "Lindsay will be right out." Bridgette commented with a bright yet nervous smile. The dark glare that Chef gave the blonde caused Bridgette to quickly race back inside.

"But I haven't even dried my hair!"

"It can air dry!"

"Duh! That's why I need the hair dryer!"

"Lindsay for your own safety we need to be out of here now!"

The verbal battle inside the room went on followed by the slamming of drawers and a scream or two before the door was reopened and Bridgette raced back outside dragging a still protesting Lindsay behind her. Lindsay smiled sheepishly at the guardian.

"Oh hi Chief Hatcher!"

"WE'RE ONE SHORT! WHERE IS PSYCHO BARBIE?!"

"But we don't have a psychic! It's just me and Greta, and Brenna and Iris and-"

"WHERE DID IZZY GO?!"

"Ummmm…Oh! Hey maybe Ethan knows! He's her boyfriend right? But then again he's dating Brenna or was that Gerald? But didn't he make Brenna cry? Yeah! He totally did! And then Chief Hatcher glared at Gerald as Brenna cried in Hatcher's arms and then-"

Chef's bad mood had continued through the tour through the latest island, through the shops and by mid afternoon the cast explorers were beyond exhausted. No one dared to speak having learned early on it was best to struggle and stay silent.

When Chef Hatchet finally took a short break to use the john, the teens took the opportunity to collapse on a nearby bench. "I can't move!" Lindsay whined sprawled on her front. Ezekiel nodded in agreement. "I doon't loike Corpooral Chef eh."

Harold sighed. "I don't get it. This whole trip was meant to be a vacation from all the stress, backstabbing and the Craziness of Total Drama and now all of a sudden we're back to square one. It doesn't add up."

Gwen's eyes widened. Ignoring her exhaustion the goth sat back up. "You're right! I don't know how it happened, but somehow something or someone upset him. And now we have to deal with the mood swings."

"So that shouldn't be too hard to figure out…right Lindsay?" Lindsay blinked. "What shouldn't I figure out Brenna?" The surfer's eyes shot open in disbelief. "You're kidding right?"

Lindsay shook her head while Bridgette sighed. "You're the one who solved the WHO "killed" Chris mystery on the train back on Season 2 so if there's anyone on this ship next to Noah and Harold who can solve this it's you."

"Is that the one where Beth tied with Derek and they were going to split the money, but then Cora said no way and brought her big lawyer guy in to declare Derek the winner but the lawyer guy he messed up and declared Cora the winner instead, though she didn't even make it to Season 2 AND she was KICKED OFF! Which of course resulted in show legal action that tied the money up in court until the guy in the black robes and wig decides who gets the money? Or was it Season 3 where Sally won and wanted to share it with Kally, but Chris said no resulting in another court battle thingy?"

"You had it right the first time." Harold said with a frown before putting a finger to his chin in thought. Speaking of mysteries why do you think Noah and Tyler backed out of the tour? And what do you think there doing now anyway?"

With a confident smile Noah held up the colored marker in his hand, but his smile faded as his rival across the way held up his own and in a mocking tone quoted a higher number. The bookworm let out a sigh and placed the marker back down in defeat.

Going once…Going twice…The gentleman in red has raised the bid to-

Noah blinked his calm eyes as large as dollar plates as he glanced over at Tyler who proudly waved the marker in the air like he was cheering for his favorite sports team. "Tyler what are you doing?!" Noah hissed out.

"Making sure you get the painting with the lines all over it!" Tyler replied back as he once again waved the marker and then again as Noah's rival clenched his own fist and shook it. Noah frowned.

"And what good will that do if you don't have the money to do so?!" Tyler waved the marker dismissively. "My dad's a sportscaster. Now are you going to hush up with the nerd pride for one moment and let the jock handle it?"

Another wave of the marker caused Noah's rival to let out a loud curse as he waved his own sign. Tyler frowned at him. Deliberately he raised his number sign only for the other guy to do the same. The jock scowled.

"Look dude…my opposite bud has a crush on a girl who has been eyeing that painting EVERY SINGLE TIME she's passed it like 400 times since this cruise started and my bud here has been waiting for this auction and for her NOT to be around and I blew off time to spend with my Lindsay Bear to help him out and I don't care how high your jack the price I'm gonna beat it cause that line painting is going to this guy right here! And I'm going to pay for it! So what do you think about that huh?!"

"I think I don't know you." Noah muttered burying his head in his arms.

"Hey! It's that Globe Hollywood building! Now Izzy can use her ticket!" Izzy cheered out pulling out a faded and worn ticket out of the cutout in her top with her free hand. The other was firmly wrapped around her best friend.

She had just received the rainbow colored treat when she noticed her fellow vacationers were not far away performing jumping jacks and push ups on the beach. Grinning, the red head changed her order.

"Hey guys! I got snow cones!" Izzy commented cheerfully holding out the tray to her exhausted comrades. With the other she held a much larger yet pink version to a very stunned Chef who finally smiled for the first time that day.

When Izzy eagerly pointed out the restaurant wildly perched once again on Ezekiel's shoulders, they feared a relapse. To their surprise and relief for whatever reason Chef agreed to Izzy's request to eat at Globe Hollywood.

"I don't know what was in that snow cone you gave Chef, but I don't care. I'll take Vacation Chef over Camp Cook Chef and definitely Crazy General Chef any day." Gwen said leaning back in the booth with a sigh.

The others nodded in agreement. "Well now that military maneuvers and drills are done we can go back to figuring out this mystery." Harold announced before suddenly pulling out a magnifying glass. "So…time to find out whodunit!"

"But how can we do that? We don't even know why Chef went all military psycho in the first place!"

"Or why he didn't eat his slice of Ethan's late birthday cake last night. I mean even I had to have a piece even though I knew I totally had to be in the gym the next day, but with this army workout…*gasp* It's like I never had those yummy two pieces in the first place!"

"Wait! Lindsay back up…Chef didn't eat his cake? What else did you notice?" Bridgette prodded earning a smile from the bubbly girl. "Well Ethan was trying to keep Iris away from Evil and you were looking at Ethan and-"

Last Night

"Izzy! Look there's the camera guy eh!" Ezekiel said relieved while the red head in his arms quickly turned her head. "Great! Okay everybody who's dressed in stuffy fancy clothing and on TDI get ready…we are hijacking the camera guy!"

Not surprisingly with all nine members of the Total Drama cast posing against the wall with a photographer snapping multiple pictures, it hadn't taken long for word to get around the ship.

Five pictures had turned to fifty as fan after fan had taken advantage of the photo opportunity. Begrudgingly and happily the stars complied, though a strict 10 minute session was put in place and firmly enforced. They did want to finish eating dinner after all.

It had scarcely been a minute after the plates were pushed away that it happened. The lights in the restaurant went out. Before anyone could become truly alarmed, there was the familiar glow of flickering candles followed by singing.

Ezekiel's eyes widened in shock as the waiters and waitresses surrounded their table and proceeded to put a larger then normal cake in front of him while the lights came back on enabling him to look at the cake.

His eyes widened even more as he took in the blue and green icing artistically swirled together reminding him very much of the ocean water though he doubted ever finding candy bears swimming in the real ocean.

"Go ahead and make a wish." Bridgette said with a smile. Grinning Ezekiel did just that completely unaware of the cameras flashing constantly from the other tables. Taking the knife, he carefully cut the first slice.

With a broad smile on his face Ezekiel passed the slice over to Bridgette and proceeded to cut pieces for Izzy, Chef and the rest of the cast. "You guys can have a piece too eh!" He said cheerfully to their table guests.

Izzy growled as Devi received a piece, but something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Racing from the room, she quickly reappeared holding a large group of balloons. Grinning happily she announced the game.

"Izzy doesn't condone Birthday spankings so she's come up with something even better! Birthday Kisses!"

"Birthday woMURPH!" Ezekiel's eyes went wide as his best friend kissed him enthusiastically on the mouth before letting go. Removing a green balloon from the bundle she carried, Izzy proceeded to tie it to Ezekiel's wrist.

"My Zeke is 18! Which means…17 more kisses! Kiss my Zeke and then give him a balloon! Just so we don't go over 18…that's bad luck on a B-Day party you know!" The wild girl explained grinning broadly at the others.

Gwen blinked before she slowly smirked. "Sure. Why not." Pulling a teal balloon from the bunch she just as quickly leaned in just as Ezekiel recovered from the shock of the first kiss. Now completely dazed he slumped in his chair.

Lindsay clapped her hands excitedly causing the pink balloon in her hands to almost float off. Jumping in the air she caught the string. "I got it! What was I supposed to do again?"

"Kiss the Birthday Zeke!"

"Hey wait a minute!"

Tyler protested before letting out a cry as his girlfriend leaned in to kiss the shorter brunet. Noah raised an eyebrow. "One its Izzy…Two she and Ezekiel are as strange as it seems best friends. Three…Romantically he still wants Bridgette and Four Judging from the amount of balloons he has now he has now been kissed by at least 10 girls. I doubt that he'll remember half of them."

"12…13…14!" Izzy cheered as the last girl gave her yellow balloon to her dazed best friend. Another of the fans reached for one of the light blue balloons in her hand only for Izzy to snatch them away.

"Sorry, but blue is Bridgette's!" Izzy insisted before handing the rest of the balloons over to the startled surfer girl. Amidst the entire craziness in the restaurant that only Izzy could create, only one person saw Chef walk off.

"And then the show afterwards that he wanted to see he sooo didn't even show up!" Lindsay finished throwing her hands up in the air.

"So…Ezekiel…how many kisses do you remember?" Noah drawled smirking as he shoot the homeschooler a pointed look. Ezekiel turned a brilliant shade of red as he muttered out the answer. "What was that? We couldn't quite hear you."

Ezekiel dropped his head downwards so his hat hid his face. "Izzy, Gwen, Lindsay and Bridgette's. Doon't kill me eh!"

Nodding in satisfaction, the cynic turned towards the jock. "See. Eighteen girls and he only remembered four of them."

"But he remembered kissing Lindsay Bear!"

"Ezekiel likes someone else."

"He kissed Lindsay!"

In the other booth Ezekiel sank lower and lower in embarrassment while Bridgette did the same, Tyler and Noah continued the verbal battle with Izzy watching eagerly, Lindsay looked on in confusion, Gwen shook her head and Harold…pulled out a mini keyboard.

The triumphant sounds of the device gained everyone's attention as the nerd opened his mouth. "I have successfully solved this mystery of MOO...TIVE!" The auburn haired male declared proudly before playing his keyboard again before proceeding to explain.

"Judging from the bits and pieces both vocalized and remembered, Chef didn't eat his cake last night. He also left Ezekiel's belated surprise party AND he didn't come to the show afterwards even though he wanted to see it."

"And this means what exactly?"

Harold grinned broadly at Gwen's disinterested question. "The person behind Chef Hatchet's bad mood is none other then…EZEKIEL!"

As the others gasped and Ezekiel turned white, Harold continued. "Ezekiel unbeknownst to him received a surprise Birthday party to make up for the one denied to him before on TDW. And at Courtney's party, Ezekiel was the only one who didn't wish her Happy Birthday."

Bridgette froze from the realization. "And he only did so when Duncan forced him…and the cake! Ezekiel only took one bite before shoving it away! I thought…it was because he was upset over the vote off…but now…"

"But knoo the same thing happened to Chef! Oor is gooing to happen…oor is happening…hey anyone knoo when his Birthday is eh?" Ezekiel commented scratching his head in confusion. The other castmates just shrugged.

Imagi's Ramblings: WHEW! Finished another chapter! I swear the hardest thing to do is to get started and inspiration works from there.

Anyway Globe Hollywood is a parody of Planet Hollywood…did I really need to explain that? Uh well. Also came up with the name for my little adorable angel/devil little girl who appears in more then one of my story...Devi. :D

And though I hate TDA with the passion of a thousand suns for not including Zeke and turning the DRAMA into Total Duncan and Courtney Action I couldn't resist the mystery jab.

So alright 3 Birthday's covered and 1 to go…this story is almost done! And Necro it was BEFORE YOUR next B-Day! I'm improving! :D

Again reminder…NOT UPDATING 23: The Road to Total Drama Retro without 10 reviews…

And still accepting Pen Pals for My Name is Ezekiel. No Stalker, Dark Dark, Killers…anything NOT impropriate for a TDI show I'm not accepting.

Thanks for the reviews! And Necro as always hope you enjoy! :)

Imagi