I know it's been like forever since i updated this... and I'm really sorry..... I'm low on inspiration and i'm barely at a computer most of the time anyway........ Please don't expect a new chapter soon.... as i'm in exams and i have a VERY bad case of writers block as well as working with my mom.....

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Chapter 5

Of Blackouts and Brothers

I awoke to the sound of familiar voices. I let out a soft groan as I sat up. "Be quiet will ya?" I heard a voice command, "He's waking up again." "Again?" I thought. This was the first I remember waking since I was at the payphone. Unless... no I couldn't have.

My eyes shot open and I instantly had to squint. Wherever I was it was definitely bright, and indoors. As my vision slowly cleared I saw the faces of two of my brothers, Raph and Don. Their bodies' bore wounds and lacerations, that I assumed were results from my previous awakening. Raph's neck held bruises, meaning I probably tried to strangle him.

I turned away from them, looking to the wall to my right. "Two things bros," I sighed sullenly, "Where's the blue one? And ..." "You mean Leo?" I heard Don ask. "Yes," I hissed, "I mean him." "He's back at your apartment," Raph explained, "I kinda guessed you didn't want him to come." "Ok," I sighed. I knew it was better that Leo wasn't there.

The three of us were silent for a few minutes. During said time I had managed to turn my shell towards the others and huddled my legs nearer to my chest. "Mikey?" Donnie enquired from behind me. "Yea?" I grunted back. "You said there were two things you wanted to ask about," he replied in a somewhat quivering tone.

A floodgate of emotions opened up as I turned, swiftly, to my brothers and saw the fear on their faces. At first I felt smug that they would fear me, then I became a little uneasy and finally I was sorrowed. I turned back the way I had been facing and hid my face. "How can I instill such fear in my own brothers?" I wondered silently, "Why do they fear what I have become? What they're ignorance has made me! Can't they see that they are at fault for my current state?"

The latter of my thoughts angered me. I turn swiftly to them again and glared at their fearfulness. "Why do you guys insist on wanting me back?" I asked bitterly, "When you all know full well that I'm dangerous.... that if my black outs get out of control again..." "Then we'll just have to learn to deal with them and avoid you when you get like that," Don said in a forceful tone.

I sighed shaking my head; once more my brothers were not getting it. Not even the brainiest of us understood. "I only get like that when you guys are around," I explained softly, "Even if you ran I would still catch up to you. You both know that I have killed in that state and with the fact that Leo and I don't like each other very much..." My two brothers shifted uneasily, almost as if they had temporarily forgotten the fourth brother.

There was a long awkward silence between the three of us as we stared at one another. After roughly twenty minutes I cleared my throat and began to speak. "D-Do you guys remember when I had my first.... blackout?" I asked in a somewhat fearful tone of voice. They looked to me, Don had concern in his eyes and Raph with fear in his, and sighed.

"That was fifteen years ago Mikey," my purple banded brother attempted to consol, "It's in the past now bro." "No it's not Don!!!!" Raph and I yelled in complete unison. "If my blackouts are back... how can I be trusted not to go on a rampage?" I questioned, "How can I be trusted not to go after Leo? Guys.... if my blackouts are back they'll be worse than ever before." "Donnie maybe Mikey is right.... I mean we should let him choose," Raph hastily tried to convince, "It's not like he's gonna stop being our little brother... Maybe a little while away from Leo will do him some good."

Donnie looked at both of us and sigh half-heartedly. "Exactly how long were you planning on staying in Japan, Mikey?" he inquired. "Ask Splinter," I retorted, "He's the one that sent me here." "If he sent you here, why did he send us to find you?" asked Don. "He sent me for training... Leo's the one that told you Splinter said that isn't he?" I questioned. Both of my brothers nodded as a sense of realization swept of them.

Suddenly, it came to me again, another crystal clear memory. So long since the event happened that I thought I had forgotten it. But here it was as clear as day.

...

I was sitting on the floor of our original lair. I had a piece of paper in one hand and a box of crayons in the other. I set the crayons and paper on the floor and began to draw. I didn't notice my actions had caught a certain, annoying, hothead's attention.

"What ya drawin?" Raph chortled looking over my shoulder. "None of your buisnessness," I told him. However, he persisted in irritating me, asking every five seconds what I was drawing. I gave him quite a few warnings, and even threatened to get Master Splinter, but Raph continued to bug me. Finally, after four minutes, and no crayon to paper contact, I snapped.

The next thing I knew Leo and Splinter were pulling me off Raph. I looked down to my badly hurt brother. He wasn't moving, he was barely breathing. I instantly stood up and ran to my bed crying. "What kind of brother am I?" I thought to myself, "How could I hurt Raphie so bad?"

I wouldn't leave my bed for days. I just sat there. I barely moved. Whenever the others tried to talk to me I'd ignore them. I would only nibble at the food they brought me. Until the day when Raph woke-up, I did nothing.

When Sensei told me my brother was awake I was overjoyed. I ran to him as fast as I could. I had been planning how I was going to apologize to him. I ran into Raph's room smiling and out of breath. I looked to him with apologetic eyes. The moment his eyes met mine, however, he started to tremble and cry.

Raph cried out for Master Splinter to save him from me. Splinter came running to comfort Raph. He told my brother that it was ok and that I was sorry but Raph was crying, trembling and terrified. I didn't understand why he would be so scared or why Sensei would shoo me so readily. In fact I still don't.

...

I shook my head swiftly. "Man that one was intense," I mumbled quietly. "Mikey, you ok?" You were spacing out on us," Don said. "I was just reminiscing," I sighed. "Well please don't stare off like that for too long," suggested Donnie politely. "Yeah! We don't need you goin all psycho," grunted Raphael. "Whatever…" I mumbled.

"Listen guys, I can't come home with you," I sighed, "In fact you can't even tell him that you met with me." "Why don't you two just talk it out?" Don asked. I growled slightly and turned my attention to Raph. "So bro," I said to him in a tone that suggested I was irritated and wanted something. "What is Mikey?" he asked crossing his arms and uncrossing them twice, a mannerism he had picked up at the age of seven. "I need to get back to where I'm staying," I explained, "I don't know whether or not I'm lightheaded from blood loss. I need you to help me walk.... and maybe to a payphone."

Raph looked at me, concerned. "Well Mikey," he said with a sigh, "I know I ain't the one in trouble here. But, when I was in trouble last time you were too busy with those damn Orange Venoms of yours." "Look bro!" I pleaded, "I took one of The Dragons' hide outs that night. I did The Big Apple some good. How can you say I was being selfish?" "Easy!" he shouted bitterly, "You're a street smart kinda guy. Ya should know that family comes before everythin else!"

I growled and rose, slowly, to my feet. I knew my brother was right, that I had been selfish. I always hated when my brothers were right. "Fine!" I shouted, "I guess I'll go on my own!" I shot my brothers a cold glare warning them not to follow and in a flash I was gone.

T.M.N.T.

"You know where that is right?" I asked into the payphone, "Ok I'll be standing here." Man was it ever late, almost 9

am; I really needed to be in bed about four hours ago. "Bye," I said and hung up the phone. There I would wait for Vonica, for her and her van, for a ride to the only safe place I knew at the moment and for the freedom that came with not caring for my brothers for a while.

I'm So sorry for not updating...... Slave Trade will be updated soon too as well as me posting some fan fics for other series.

Thank you and Buh-bye