This is my first story so you best be liking it. I'll have more chapters but they'll all have just barely anything to do with each other. So… DEAL WITH IT!!!! Enjoy!
A while ago, there was this really bored guy named Bob. He was soo bored, that he decided to become one of them hero folk. So he went and found the remote for the television for the king of the land and became amazingly, fantastically, mind-bogglingly famous. After his five minuets of pure glory, he was cast out of the castle. Finding nothing else to do, Bob went home and called his best friend.
"Hey, Hercules! Whachadoin?" said Bob
"Nothing much. Just being the Gods little errand boy. They want me to get some stupid friggin' apple for them. Oh, one sec," Bob hears Hercules put the phone down and take out his sword. The next thing Bob knows he hears, what sounds like, a muffled intense battle. A few minuets later Hercules picks up the phone "OH YEAH WELL NEXT TIME, GET YOUR OWN #$& GOLDEN FRUIT PRODUCTS!!!! Hello, Bob? So…yeah. Oh, I heard that you became a hero.
"Yeah, some old fat king, the one with the hot daughter, he couldn't find his remote. So I found it, in his back pocket, and he gave me my hero license."
"Oh…that's cool. I had to kill my family to get mine….But really, good for you. "
"Ok, well bye Herc! "
"See ya"
Bob turned on the TV when Hercules broke through his wall with an enormous Axe.
"Hey! My best-friend-is-in-super-big-enormous-trouble senses were tingled and I thought you were in trouble or something"said Hercules.
"I don't want no saving"said Bob "All I want is bubble gum, Bazooka, zooka bubble gum!!
"Ummmmmmm……" said Hercules
"Let's have a PARTY!!!" yelled Bob
"Ok but first I have to pray to Carouse, the party god and Dainty, god of baked goods."
"Why pray to Dainty? I understand about Carouse but…"
"Dainty will make it rain PIE!!!!"
"OH YEAH!!!" exclaimed Bob
"Who, like, wants me? I was having a totally awesome party!" said Carouse.
"Hey! We wanna party! Bob and I need your help to throw a godly party!!"
"Ok, well, let's totally get to work!"
Meanwhile, the beautiful princess Marrisa is doing her nails in liquefied gold! She's the richest and hottest princess everywhere and everyone knows it!
"What will I do today? I already ate pie and played with the royal monkeys… what should I do?" Pondered Marisa.
"Why don't you get in the car to be kidnapped? "Asked her trustful servant Jeff.
"That sounds delightful!" replied the princess.
So with that, Jeff drove Marrisa to Kuzco's place and left her there with only 300 bags and a years worth of shoes. Then he got money, went to the royal doctor and got plastic surgery to look just like Marrisa! And it worked!!! He got all dressed up in her clothes and pretended to be Marrisa. Then all kinds of guys lined up to marry her\him.
Back to the party, Carouse helped them set up an awesome party while they waited for Dainty. Dainty came with a grand entrance of raining pastries. Bob and Hercules were expecting it so they covered the ground with a giant tarp to get all the goodies that rained from the heavens!!!
"It is I, Dainty, manly god of baked goods! "Said Dainty
"Hey Homes!" said the other guys.
"So what do you want? I was baking a manly soufflé of manliness!"
"Dude, we already know you're a man!!" said Carouse
"So we're having a party and we need you to cook for us" said Bob
"Sure "said Dainty
"Yes!!! "Exclaimed the guys.
So after a long, hard, grueling few seconds' work, the party was finished.
"Now let's boogie!!!!" screamed Hercules and Bob.
"Wait!! How are we gonna party with just three guys?!?!?!?!" asked Carouse
"Don't worry" said Bob "I also saw the instant super cool party commercial.
"Ohhh. Ok"
Back at Kuzco's palace, Marrisa isn't dealing with this idiot.
"Melina's a hottie hot hottie!" said Kuzco
"WHO'S MALENA?!?!" screamed Marrisa
"She's my hottie, and I'm way to awesome for you cuz your not a hottie hot hottie!"
"YOU ARE SOO ANNOYING!!!"
"Then leave my Kuzconian palace, not hottie!"
"FINE!!!!!" Screamed Marrisa as she left in a huff.
So Marrisa left Kuzco's palace and went to an awesome-looking house made of pure obsidian. The house actually had a cape flowing from it, it was soo awesome. That house was straight up awesome. There were all these Vikings, WW2 people, French revolution people, space marines, and Lord Voldios was sitting on his porch in the midst of this battle sipping liquid platinum. Marrisa thought this place looked safe so she walked to the porch where an awesome-looking guy was sitting.
"Hey person! Wanna let me stay at your place for a while, while I wait for my trustful servant who kidnapped me??" asked Marrisa
"Hmmm…" said Voldios "Have a hot royal princess stay at my 2 bedroom house (with which one of the rooms already occupied by someone who came earlier in the story but is unimportant to mention) in the middle of nowhere? I dunno…"
"Oh please!! I'll pay you quadruple what's reasonable!"
"Hmmm… hot princess and four times all the money this hot princess has? I guess I could agree."
"Yay!! Do you have any extra clothes? Kuzco took all my clothes and gave them to Melina."
"I have a few cloaks, a couple of floral print dresses, jeans maybe a few mini skirts."
"Ummmm…… ok"
"Yeah, well, I've had a few crazy nights…"
"Kay! Thanks!!"
Marrisa went inside to freshen up and Lord Voldios got a letter. It was an invite to an awesome party at Bob the hero's place. Dainty and Carouse were going to be there too! Then, at that moment, Lord Voldios decided to go.
"I wanna go too!!" squealed Marrisa.
"No. My evil horde will make sure you stay here. YOU BELONG TO ME NOW MARRISA!! MWA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!" yelled Voldios
"NOOOOOO!!! Wait, do I get to live here?"
"Yeah, it pretty much comes with the whole owning you package. You get to live here and you have access to all my junk. BUT YOU CAN'T TOUCH ANYTHING WHLE I'M OUT!!!"
"Well in that case, go ahead. I'll see you there any way. It's all in the writer's plot."
Back at Bob's place, the party's rocking the hood. Dainty made the rockingest pastries in the universe and Carouse had made the best decorations and all the right stuff for a hero party.
"Dude, this party is gonna rock!!!" said Carouse.
"You know!!" said Bob.
"We are the cooliest people" said Hercules.
"I am a man! Hear me roar!!" yelled Dainty.
All of a sudden everyone started to arrive, even Princess Marrisa/Jeff.
"Hey gorgeous!" called Bob to Jeff
"Huh? "Said Marrisa/ Jeff
"Yeah you, princess Marrisa. Wassup babe?"
"Um nuttin much"
"So… do you wanna party with me?"
"Sure"
They all partied hard. Lord Voldios was there and he partied harder than everyone else because he's cool like that. Bob fell in love with Marrisa/ Jeff. After the party Bob asked Marrisa/ Jeff a question.
"Marrisa, will you, Ummmm… God! I forgot what I was gonna say!! Umm…uh… oh yeah! Will you marry me? I really had fun partying with you. I want you to give me your finger to put my ring on." Said Bob.
"Yes!! Oh I will!!!" said Marrisa/Jeff. Then Bob and Marrisa ran away together and got married at 3 a.m thanks to the internet.
"Hey, where's Bob?" asked Hercules
"I dunno. I was looking for that Marrisa! She's some type of party animal! Quagmire would love her!!"Said Carouse
"Oh yeah! I remember. He said something about getting married to Marrisa. "
Back at Lord Voldios's place the real Marrisa was bored. She was soo bored, she decided to eat pie.
"Come to princess you delicious pie you!!" said Marrisa. Just as she was about to eat pie a delicious explosion interrupted her.
"HEY!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?!?! YOU HAVE TO PRAY TO DAINTY, GOD OF BAKED GOODS, BEFORE YOU EAT PIE!!!" said Dainty.
"I'm sorry, I forgot. I'll remember next time, so can I eat my pie now? "
"You better pray next time you decide to at a pie." And with that, Dainty disappeared back into the cloud of confectioner's sugar.
Then Lord Voldios came home in a huff. He was extremely angry about something.
"WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?!" yelled Voldios.
"What?" asked Marrisa
"YOU MARRIED BOB AT 3A.M. AT HIS PARTY?!?!?!?!"
"Who's Bob?"
"That hero guy."
"Ohhh. Him, no I ate some pie instead."
"Then who did he marry?"
"I dunno. My servant kidnapped me and said he was gonna pretend to be me but I can't think of anything."
"Yeah. I think Jeff has some serious identity crisis problems."
"So what're you gonna do about it?"
"I'll do something that I can't tell you. Since you know soo much, I'll have to wipe your already short memory." Then Voldios wiped Marisa's mind of everything that happened in the past few days.
Then he left and went to the Identity Crisis Hotel where Bob and Marrisa/ Jeff were honeymooning. Voldios got their hotel number and stuff and he went to their room. Lord Voldios opened the door and came up to Bob and smacked him upside the head. Hard.
"WHAT THE FREAK?!?!" screamed Bob
"That was for your own good and to smack any possible reason you could like something soo hideous." Said Voldios "That's not the real Marrisa. She's been at my house for the last 2 days. Doing things that I may not be able to mention to...ahem… mixed audiences…ahem... Marisa…ahem. That person is really her trusted servant, Jeff!"" Then Lord Voldios ripped off the hair and Jeff's whole outfit came off and he looked like a guy again.
"That damn surgeon! He said that wouldn't happen!" said Jeff.
"Dude, you lied!!!!"
"I'm sorry. I just love partying and I was on a sugar high at the moment."
"Ok then. I guess I'll get the divorce papers."
Then everything was back to normal. Carouse and Dainty went back to MT. Partyus. Voldios and Marrisa went out (then after the first date, Voldios got rid of her and went out with a really hot extra supremely way-better-than-regular super model) Bob and Jeff were best buds, and Hercules died sad and alone.
Lord Voldios was at home one day and he got bored. He decided to call all the dorks from before. They all came over, even Hercules because he got brought back to life, to have a party.
"Hey why don't you guys go jump into that hole of dark eternal loneliness?"
"Cool!!" they all said.
So they jumped in the hole and screamed really loud in terror. Voldios walked over to the hole in his crimson suit with a glass of liquid platinum in hand and he used his other hand to cast a spell. All of a sudden the people stopped screaming and disappeared. They appeared inside Reses's cup. Unfortunately for them, it was Halloween and Courtney was eating her first piece of candy. They all died and Voldios watched with a smile on his face and platinum in his stomach.
END