Ice Mirrors

By Christine Lennoire

Series: Yu Yu Hakusho

Genre: Romance

Pairing: Kurama/Hiei

The image frosts and fades to gray


I don't have to realize the monster that I am

Because I pretend to be blind

I never have to see the truth beyond the fog

A few days had passed since Kurama had come to the hard realization of Kuronue's death and a few more days since the fight with the Netherworld ended. Sitting on his bed, he was finishing a report in painful silence. He was finding it really hard to concentrate for some reason. Even though he thought he resolved the issue concerning Kuronue, he didn't feel any better. Shiori and his step-dad went out for their anniversary and left him on his own for a little. But it was too quiet, and he just couldn't take it. Slamming the book shut, he sighed. "I should feel better, but I don't…"

Hiei heard the slamming and stirred from his spot on the windowsill. 'Hn. Kurama's been acting weird lately…' Kurama sensed his Ki and quickly turned to face him. His large red eyes peered at him curiously, stepping gently into the room. "You're jumpy." Hiei stated plainly, looking at him oddly. 'He was always the calm one, though… how unusual.' Kurama laughed nervously and began scratching the back of his head innocently.

"What ever could you mean?" he asked, acting more obvious than anything else. Hiei sighed. Just watching Kurama was making him feel weird too. "There's nothing wrong!" Kurama sighed inwardly. 'Why am I acting so strange all of a sudden? I've never been like this, no matter how I've felt.' Kurama thought to himself. "I'm a terrible liar. I've always known that, so I guess I must look pretty stupid from where you're standing." He smiled sheepishly. "But since you asked, I might as well be honest. I don't know what's wrong with me."

Now, Hiei didn't expect him to tell the truth, and his shock and curiosity shone through. Kurama loved these expressions most of all. Hiei was normally so stoic, but when he was confused or shocked, his eyes would widen into the cutest stare. This didn't happen often, but when it did, Kurama always found himself cursing mentally for not having a camera on hand. Hiei didn't seem to notice how vulnerable he looked, but he did notice the smile on his friend's face. "What is that look for?" he asked bluntly.

Kurama smiled. "It's nothing, Hiei. You make me smile, that's all." Hiei didn't like it when Kurama said sentimental things like that, but he didn't say anything this time. Kurama took that as a good sign and sat down next to Hiei. "Actually, I've been thinking about what happened a couple days ago. And that made me think about the times I spent in Demon World, all those years ago. My reunion with Kuronue's image must have bothered me more than I was willing to share, to be completely honest. But to be even more blunt, I didn't think you would notice. And even if you did, I never dreamed you'd ask."

"Why would some stupid copy demon have you worried?" Hiei growled. "You're not that weak. Even when he pulled at emotional conflicts, you were able to pull ahead and see past that to become stronger." Suddenly, the demon realized that there was something missing. Kurama had been troubled by the image before him, so it had to be something emotionally scaring. But Hiei had no idea what it was or what connection this person had to him. So why did it bother him so much. Internally he would admit that Kurama was his friend, but that shouldn't affect him this strongly…

Lazily kicking his legs back and forth, Kurama sighed. "Kuronue was a friend of mine. Much like Yomi, I made some bad decisions back then. The decisions I made almost cost Yomi his life. But unlike Yomi, Kuronue wasn't so lucky. Because of me, Kuronue died that day. Unlike me, he died, unable to bond to a human soul. I feel regret for that every day of my life. I should have done something to save him. He protected me. Kuronue died for me and I just sat back and watched because back then, I wasn't like I am now…"

I was ruthless and uncaring…

Hiei blinked at him slowly. "And you feel regret even now? You should be over it by now. So why is something so insignificant bothering you now?" Hiei wanted to take it back. Even he could tell that his words were too harsh and cruel. He knew that he should hold his tongue, but it was too late to do that now that he already spit it out. Kurama just smiled sadly at his demon friend.

"You know… I don't think that's what's bothering me as much as I am bothered. Sure, I feel regret. But it has passed now. Yet, something else bothers me. Kuronue was my dearest and best friend of them all back then. No one meant as much to me as he did. Still, I let him die. So I guess what bothers me now is the fact that I might not be able to protect… others… that are just as important… if not more important… to me, when the time comes." He added nervously. Kurama wondered if Hiei would catch on. Hiei was pretty sharp. No doubt he would…

For a split second, Hiei felt a sharp pain in his chest area.

'If not more important…'

What's more important than a best friend…

Kurama…

"Hn." Hiei snorted. "If there is one thing I know, it's that you are no Youko Kurama." And with that, he jumped out the window. Kurama watched after him and smiled warmly at his retreating figure.

I think I understand…

That's your way of consoling me…

It means you don't believe I am the same…

Thank you, Hiei…

I needed that.

Kurama closed the window, knowing that Hiei wouldn't be coming back since he let something so emotional and personal slip out. It wasn't his style, and he was probably regretting it about now. But Kurama was really glad that he did decide to say it. He hadn't felt this happy in a long time and went downstairs to start cooking supper for his mom. He decided that homework could wait until later just this once. For now, he was done thinking. For such a long time, he had done nothing but think. And look where that got him – nowhere. Breaks were good, once in a while…

Hiding in the shadows, Hiei watched to make sure he was gone, and then laid down to rest in his favorite sleeping spot. He didn't want to be found right away, but right now, this was where he felt most at home: never too far, and never too near the fox. Hiei was just close enough to help him if he ever really needed it. And always distant enough that he didn't feel obligated to be tied down to an eternity of anything.

Right now… he was happy. But undecided…

In the sun, the ice cracks

And through the cracks I see the outline of a brighter future

Though I cannot touch it now

It is never too far from the image the mirror makes

Yes I continued it! NOW WHAT?! Now you review! Thanks and until later… REVIEW!

Christine Lennoire