Summary: "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.
Pairing: AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!
Warning: Uh... Kissing. Between two guys. LOL Yeah, in the second chapter already... I couldn't believe it either... Aaaand a bit of self-touching. Nothing too explicit though.
Disclaimer: I don't own shit! All the characters do belong to Disney in one way or another... Shocking news, I know...
Dedication: For my lovely muse, kotilo – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!
Axel ended up buying that hot chocolate. And to add to that he ended up talking to the blond until the café closed and Kairi kicked them out. And when he went home he couldn't stop grinning like a maniac, knowing he would see Roxas the next day again.
Family Bonds – Chapter 2
Said next day started with an unpleasant surprise. Axel immediately noticed it when he entered the campus.
Posters seemed to be attached to every available surface, bold letters announcing a concert. And not only a concert, but a gig of one of the newest singer sensations from Atlantica in Twilight Town. 'Ariel', the posters screamed at him, 'Live in concert'.
He stared at the name for a moment, then grabbed one of the posters and ripped it off. He was tempted to rip it to tiny pieces, but decided it would be enough just to throw it to the floor and stomp down on it. And another one was ripped off, and another, and another… Until he noticed some people were already giving him odd looks. He glared at them, silently daring them to give him an excuse to start a fight, but none of them dared to speak up. Clever.
He stormed off, seething as he noticed more posters inside the building itself. At least classes were free of them…
… but not free of the singer herself.
Axel bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from yelling at his fellow students when a few of them started to whisper behind his back. That singer was so gorgeous, had such an angelic voice, was so beautiful and fair, her new album so great, her music so wonderful, her talent so unbelievable… His hands cramped around his pencil, finally snapping it in half. The inside of his cheek was already bleeding. It tasted salty and metallic and very, very unpleasant.
He took in a deep breath, not even noticing that words accompanied it when he let it out again.
"She's a spoiled brat, that's what she is," he hissed hatefully, dropping the pieces of his pencil and balling his hands into tight fists. "And she's a fucking failure as a mom."
"What did you say?" a girl sitting next to him asked, but she flinched back when he turned to glare at her. Axel really considered simply hitting her, but decided against it. Instead he grabbed his book, his bag and his coat and rushed out of class without a word of explanation.
People kept avoiding him when he marched out of the building, and even on the street they seemed to dodge him. Not that he minded. He was too busy seething over that concert. Zexion accepted him starting to work earlier than planned without hesitation, but insisted that Axel would have to stay in the back. And somehow Axel managed to do just that and not to ruin every book he came across, leaving work early.
At home he flung his coat and bag in a corner, no longer bothering to keep his anger back. He screamed, threw things through the apartment, then screamed some more. He punched the walls until his hands hurt, screaming and raging until his voice was almost gone. And then his eyes fell on an unused piece of canvas on the easel in the corner next to the big window in the living room.
He grabbed some brushes from another table and stomped over to the easel, mindlessly opening cans of paint standing next to it. He didn't even look at the colors he used, just splattered them all over the canvas, his eyes not seeing what he was doing… It was like his mind had gone completely blank, but his hands were still moving, dipping various brushes into different cans and applying the paint, creating complex, confusing patterns.
Painting had always helped to calm him down. It was soothing, the smell of paint in the air, the rhythmic movements of his arms, the weight of the brush in his hand, cold paint covering his hands messily; so familiar, so calming…
He didn't look at the finished painting when he felt it was done, but calmly closed the cans and cleansed the brushes, scrubbed his hands and arms until all the paint was off. He realized there was a streak of dark blue smeared over his forehead, but he didn't care. Instead he cleaned the area surrounding the easel, slowly getting rid of scattered paint.
But he could no longer keep his eyes off the painting.
There were only three colors; dark blue, blood red, pure black. Patterns were nearly indistinguishable, but still visible, even though he had seemed to have covered the whole painting in a thin layer of black paint. But underneath it there were shadows, dark blue and blood red shapes crawling out of the darkness…
Doing his best to keep a straight face, Axel picked the picture up and carried it over to his front door. He carried it down the stairs, over to the big dumpsters behind the apartment complex. He shoved the picture into one of the containers and left it there, not even turning around as he ran up to his apartment again.
He didn't get much sleep that night. Midnight blue and blood red figures kept watching him out of the dark.
When he arrived at college the next day, the posters didn't irk him that much anymore. He could overlook them, no problem. Banning his feelings on canvas always seemed to have this effect on him.
He didn't know if it was because of his outburst the day before, but he realized some people stopped talking when they noticed him. He didn't think much of it.
That day he didn't read the whole day, but actually listened to his lectures, trying to ban her name from his mind. She wasn't here because of him. She didn't know he was here. No one from his old life knew.
At work he apologized to Zexion for being so rude the day before, but Zexion just shrugged it off and told him to forget about it. He also added that he would fire Axel if it happened again, but for now it was okay.
After work Axel walked past the café, looking at the door longingly. He really wanted to be alone now, but he could use some caffeine; there was this project he wanted to finish before the weekend…
He stopped in front of the café, debating whether or not to go inside. He could always get a coffee to go, couldn't he? He needed to start on his project anyway, no time to waste…
But as soon as he entered he regretted it as his eyes met cerulean blue.
Roxas nodded in his direction, smiling slightly. And only a moment later Axel found himself sitting across from the blond, stunned by his own actions. Hadn't he wanted to just get his coffee and go home?
"Hi," Roxas greeted him, playing with his earrings.
"Hi," Axel said, surprised at how meek his voice sounded.
"I missed you yesterday," Roxas mused, lightly tapping his fingers on the table. His full lips formed an adorable pout. "I waited for hours, but you never showed up."
"I never said I'd be here," Axel replied defensively, crossing his arms in front of his chest and glancing at the door. He shouldn't have come here…
"No," Roxas agreed, his face falling. "But I… had hoped you would be." He looked down at the table, his slender fingers drawing odd patterns onto the surface. "I… liked our talk two days ago." He glanced up and smiled at Axel shyly, his cheeks taking on a rosy hue. "You're so unlike anybody I know…"
Axel didn't reply to that, and Roxas looked down again, the soft smile vanishing from his face. He brushed his golden bangs out of his eyes, then started to look around nervously, avoiding looking at the redhead in front of him. But when he attempted to rise from his seat, Axel reached over the table and grabbed the blond's wrist.
"I'm sorry," he said gently, and now it was his turn to avoid the younger man's eyes. "But you knew I'm a stuck-up jerk when you started talking to me, didn't you?"
Roxas grinned and sat down again, and he nodded. "I guess I did," he agreed cheerfully, winking at Axel when he noticed the older man was blushing, obviously feeling ashamed. "But is it wrong if I try to see the good in people's hearts?"
Axel didn't reply to that, but signaled Kairi to come over to their table. In a low voice he ordered green tea for himself and a hot chocolate for the blond sitting across the table. He blinked surprised when Kairi giggled at his order gleefully.
"My, Roxy, it's like you have a date," she said, and she only laughed louder when the blond glared at her annoyed.
"Don't call me that," he growled. "And it's not."
"Sure it isn't," Kairi teased him, grinning even wider if it was possible. "Do you guys plan on going anywhere else today? It's Friday, you know…"
"Just bring the drinks," Roxas sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "And don't you dare tell Sora about this…"
"Why not? It's not like this is a date after all," Kairi asked innocently, batting her long lashes. "I could tell him I saw you in the café with this dashing young man…"
"I'm right here, you know?" Axel interrupted them, waving when they both turned to stare at him. "And correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you tell me I was too thin when I first came here?"
"Oh, but that doesn't make you less handsome," Kairi explained cheerily. "You have such a gorgeous face. I like my men more buff, personally, but Roxy here is all into that 'lean and sensual' type…"
"Would you shut up, woman?" Roxas hissed when Axel chuckled at her explanation. "Do your goddamned job, will you?"
"Touchy, touchy," Kairi said and whistled, scurrying off.
Roxas growled something under his breath, leaning back and avoiding looking directly at Axel again. Axel just smiled, but didn't say anything until Kairi placed their drinks on their table. Roxas was still sulking and sent the waitress another glare when she opened her mouth to say something. She kept whatever she had wanted to say to herself and left in a hurry.
"Touchy," Axel repeated instead, raising his hands defensively when cerulean eyes narrowed at him. But when Roxas muttered an apology and tried to stand up again, he caught the other's wrist once more. "Hey! I bought your damn hot chocolate, now sit down and drink it like a good boy."
Roxas flopped down onto his seat again, staring at Axel dumbfounded.
"But… she… I mean," Roxas stuttered, but Axel just tilted his head to the side a bit, smiling questioningly. "Don't you mind?" Roxas finally blurted out, blushing when he realized what he had just said.
"Mind?" Axel echoed, acting dumb to tease the blond.
"What she said," Roxas clarified, frowning at the still smiling redhead. It looked more like a pout on him.
"What did she say?" Axel asked innocently, curling his long fingers around his cup of tea. It was still almost scalding hot, just like he liked it.
"She…" Roxas stopped himself, crossing his arms in front of his chest and trying to glare again. Too cute for his twenty years, really. "Are you fucking with me?"
It took Axel a lot of self control to keep a straight face.
"Nope," he muttered, hiding a smile by taking a small sip of his hot drink. "Drink your chocolate, kid."
"Kid," Roxas repeated monotonously. Axel snorted, desperately trying not to choke on his mouthful of tea and hold back maniac giggles bubbling up in his stomach.
"Babyface?" he offered, fluttering his lashes at Roxas much like Kairi had done before.
"It's a shame," Roxas huffed, but finally raised his own cup to his lips.
"What is?" Axel asked curiously.
"That you will tragically die in your sleep and the only way to identify you will be the color of your hair, because the skin will be ripped off your face and your guts will be splattered all over the walls of your room," Roxas answered and smiled sweetly. "And no one will ever know what you did to deserve such a gruesome death."
"Charming," was all Axel had to add to that. He didn't dare to object when Roxas suggested they change their location and have something other than tea and hot chocolate. But he refused to drink anything alcoholic at the bar Roxas brought him to. He had had enough problems with alcohol in the past. Roxas still ordered two drinks, but ended up drinking both of them himself. To his surprise Axel also learned that Roxas smoked.
"Just every once in a while," Roxas explained, completely unfazed by Axel's unbelieving stare. "But not at Kairi's café. She would kill me."
"Are you and Kairi close?" Axel asked, watching tendrils of semi-translucent smoke curl out of Roxas' mouth when the blond exhaled. He felt his hand twitch and quickly busied it by playing with the straw in his drink. God, what would he give for a smoke…
"I guess," Roxas answered lightly. "She's my cousin's friend…"
"The friend from Destiny Islands?" Axel guessed.
"Yep. She and Sora came here a few years ago when his mom married my uncle…"
"Huh?" Axel frowned a little. "What? Didn't you say you were cousins?"
"Well, it's more complicated than that," Roxas said and sighed, stubbing out his cigarette. "We're not really related. Which is funny, because people keep telling us we look very alike." Roxas rubbed his cheek thoughtfully. "I think you saw him. He was with me in the café once." He grinned. "When I noticed you examining me."
Axel could distinctly remember spiky brown hair… and the same blue eyes as Roxas'. Well. He had thought they looked kinda alike…
"My father's older brother met Sora's mother during a business trip to Destiny Islands and they married a year later. Sora came here with his mom, and Kairi followed him. So… we're not really related. Cousins by marriage. But he's a really great guy. A good friend. And him and Kairi are pretty close. That makes Kairi my friend as well." Roxas smiled again. "Confused so far?"
"Nah. Cousins by marriage, alright." Axel nodded. His eyes were involuntarily drawn to the ashtray on the table.
"Oh. How rude of me." Roxas pushed his pack of cigarettes over the table. "You want one?"
"Nope," Axel denied and shook his head lightly. He shoved his hands under his thighs to keep himself from taking one of the white sticks. "Stopped two years ago."
"Good for you," Roxas said and nodded. "Would you walk me home?"
"What?" Talk about an abrupt change of topic. Axel shook his head again.
"Would you walk me home?" Roxas repeated calmly. "It's too hot in here. And stuffy. And all the smoke must be pure torture for you if you just stopped smoking those." He stuffed the cigarette pack into his pocket. "And I'm tired. You need more reasons?"
"Uhm… no?" Axel smiled. "And 'just stopped' is a bit exaggerated, don't you think?"
"Whatever." Roxas stood and shrugged his jacket on, throwing Axel an expectant glance. "You coming? Or do I have to wander around all alone in the dark?" A teasing smirk accompanied his words, but oddly enough Axel really felt bad when he thought about Roxas all alone out there.
Which was ridiculous, of course; Twilight Town was about the last place where anything would happen to anybody who was out late. But still…
He rose from his seat as well and grabbed his coat, following Roxas outside. The cool night air smelled fresh and clean and felt soothing on his skin.
They walked in silence for a while, and Axel caught himself stealing glances at Roxas more than once. The blond almost seemed to glow in the dim light of the street lamps. He wasn't nearly as pale as Axel himself, but his skin and hair seemed to reflect the light a hundred times better. But he kept his gaze on the ground, not once looking up to the redhead walking next to him.
Axel just wanted to reach out and tousle that spiky shock of hair to dispel the glum look etched onto Roxas' delicate features. His breath caught in his throat when a gentle breeze ruffled Roxas' golden spikes.
He would have never thought watching a person he had known for barely a week could be so fascinating…
"Do you really not mind?" Roxas suddenly asked, his voice very soft and oddly timid, just like the look on his face.
"Mind what?" Axel asked, noticing his own voice sounded oddly gentle as well.
"What Kairi said earlier," Roxas sighed, and now he dared to look at Axel, if only from the corner of his eye. "That I… like guys."
"You do?" Axel couldn't help but ask, and even in the dim light here he could see Roxas' cheeks darken.
"Well, not exclusively so," Roxas admitted, but didn't dare to look at Axel anymore.
"So, you swing both ways?" Axel inquired and smirked when Roxas just shrugged and nodded. "Fine with me. Why should I mind?"
"Many people do," Roxas replied softly. "Many guys feel strange around me."
"I want you to know two of my sisters are in a lesbian relationship," Axel explained and raised two fingers, raising a brow when Roxas stopped abruptly, his blue eyes wide. At first Axel didn't understand, but then he started to laugh. "Relationships! With different women! God no, they're not… they don't… they're not doing anything incestuous!"
"Sorry," Roxas cried and hid his face in his hands with a soft groan. "Sorry, I'm such an idiot…"
"What I wanted to say is: I don't care that you're gay… or bi, or whatever," Axel clarified, still laughing.
"Sorry," Roxas mumbled again, and again Axel had to think how adorable the blond was when he blushed. Again a part of him was scared shitless about him thinking about Roxas like that. But the bigger part of him just enjoyed watching Roxas, for whatever reason. It didn't feel wrong to watch him. He knew it should have; after everything Roxas had told him, he probably should have felt uncomfortable, like the blond had said. But he didn't, and the longer he looked at Roxas, the quieter the nagging voice in the back of his head grew.
"It's fine," Axel assured him.
"And what about you?" Roxas asked quickly, and now it was Axel's turn to stare at him wide-eyed. But Roxas didn't look at him, rather seemed to search his pockets for something, but his expression seemed determined.
"You're rather bold, aren't you?" the redhead finally muttered, following when Roxas pointed at a certain apartment complex, pulling a set of keys out of one pocket.
"That's not my most likable trait, I know," Roxas answered stiffly.
"Oh, I don't know. I think it's rather refreshing," Axel disagreed, leaning against the wall next to the door. "And I've never tried."
Why… Why had he just said that? He should have said something more like, "I'm straight, I'm not into guys at all and never will be, could we please change the topic because this is really awkward for me?"
He blinked, licked his suddenly very dry lips, tried to force his heart to stop hammering against his ribcage as if it wanted to jump out of his chest.
"What?" Roxas looked at him bewildered, the handle of the door still in his hand.
"I've never tried… well, guys," Axel explained oddly patient. Yes, 'What?' was the exact question his mind was screaming at him right now. And he should really clear things up… right… now!
"That doesn't quite sound like 'Leave me alone, fag'," Roxas said and frowned.
"Why should I say that? It's not like you're hitting on me," Axel said and smirked at the blond. Oh dear. It was like his mouth didn't belong to his body anymore. No… wait… it was more like his brain didn't belong to his body anymore, because his body indeed seemed to approve of what his traitorous mouth did.
Roxas looked down, avoiding Axel's gaze. "Or are you?" Axel added, and he was shocked how low and sultry his own voice sounded in his ears. Damn you, mouth! Damn you, vocal chords!
Clear things up. Right. NOW!
"And if I was?" the blond mumbled defiantly, and his voice suddenly sounded… hopeful. Nervous and guarded, maybe, but there was definitely a cautiously hopeful tone to it. Axel blinked surprised, then another smirk spread over his face.
"I guess I would be flattered," Axel replied shrugging. "I'm pretty open-minded when it comes to that." What? No, he wasn't! Well, he was when it happened to people other than him, but, but he had never before allowed a guy to hit on him! "There just hasn't been an opportunity for me to try guys yet." He smirked. "Or a guy for me to try with."
Wow. This whole situation just went so wrong. And yet…
He kept staring into Roxas' wide, azure eyes and knew he had meant every single word he had said. Well… he had never before met a man like Roxas. Maybe there really hadn't been the right guy to try for him before. Maybe he should… Maybe he should try…
He knew this was the wrong way to think. He knew those had been the wrong things to say. He knew, and yet he didn't regret having said them anymore. Not even when Roxas suddenly smiled and stepped closer to him, not even when Roxas' gentle hands reached up to grasp his shoulders, not when Roxas leaned forward. He should have known this would happen, and yet he was too stunned to move, to say anything. No, he didn't regret his words. But he regretted being unable to stop what happened now.
He was frozen in place when Roxas wrapped his arms around his neck fully, and his eyes closed when the blond captured his lips in a kiss. At first it was sweet and chaste, everything a first kiss should be. Axel marveled at how soft Roxas' lips were; satiny and delicate like flower petals. And then Roxas slowly deepened the kiss, tilted his head to the side to press harder against Axel's unresponsive lips, his warm tongue darting out to get a taste of the man he was kissing, and a sudden shiver ran down Axel's spine. A small gasp escaped him, and instantly Roxas pressed harder against him, his hands playing with Axel's hair, and suddenly his tongue was inside Axel's mouth and…
… it felt so good! There was nothing chaste about this kiss anymore. The way Roxas' lips moved on Axel's and their tongues slid against each other and soft moans escaped both of them every now and then was intoxicating, and Axel was shocked to find himself responding, and not only by kissing back fiercely. He felt Roxas smirk against his lips for a second when Axel finally decided to rest his trembling hands on the smaller man's hips. Axel could taste alcohol and cigarettes and something else, something addicting, and suddenly it was him who was kissing Roxas, not the other way around. Roxas didn't fight, but generously granted Axel's probing tongue access to his sweet and spicy tasting mouth, one of his hands slowly sliding down, over Axel's shoulder, his chest, his abdomen…
Axel gasped loudly and broke their kiss when two slender fingers hooked in the waistband of his pants, barely grazing the skin underneath.
"Do you want to try now?" Roxas' breathy voice reached his ears, and Axel shuddered again, feeling Roxas taking his earlobe between his soft lips. This was too much, too fast, too… Oh, too good…
He was still too dazed to answer, but somehow he managed to open his eyes and stare at Roxas. The blond's cheeks were flushed, and he was panting, his eyes were darkened by lust. His whole appearance screamed at Axel to take him right then and there…
"Do you want to come in?" Roxas asked and smiled seductively, slowly reaching out to open the door. He had to lean against Axel again to do that, the hand still holding onto Axel's jeans trapped between their bodies. Roxas pecked Axel's suddenly very sensitive lips again. "Watch a movie? Have a drink? Have me?"
Axel's breath caught in his throat at the blond's last words, and he quickly grabbed Roxas' hand and ripped it away from his body, shoving the smaller man back with the other hand.
Too much. Too fast. This was wrong. He was straight. He didn't feel for Roxas like that.
"No," he hissed, letting go of Roxas quickly, as if he had been burnt. He only caught a glimpse of wide, surprised blue eyes before he squeezed past the blond, running away as fast as he could.
It didn't take long to get back to his own apartment, but he had troubles getting the key into the lock and opening the door because his hands were still trembling badly. Inside his apartment he didn't dare to turn the lights on, afraid of seeing his own reflection in one of the mirrors, afraid to see how flushed his face, how hazy his eyes would be. He hastily stepped out of his boots and shrugged his coat off his shoulders, leaving it on the floor as he made his way to the bedroom in the dark. One after another his clothes came off, until he fell onto his bed butt naked. And damn, even the cool silken sheets felt uncomfortable on his flushed skin…
His traitorous mind kept repeating the whole scene over and over and over again, filled his senses with the memory of previously experienced impressions. He could hear Roxas' voice whispering in his ear, he could smell the subtle scent of his blonde hair, he could see the lustful look in cerulean eyes, and he could still taste Roxas on his lips… He kept licking his lips, trying to get rid of that addictive taste, but the sensation only intensified. And he could feel, feel, feel…
Axel groaned, curling up on his cold bed and regretting the movement instantly when it only intensified the throbbing feeling between his legs. As hard as he tried to ignore it, he was turned on by thinking about a guy, a guy he had known for only a few days none the less…
He hissed through gritted teeth as his fingers wrapped around his erection, his free hand fisting in the sheets. He could still feel Roxas' lips moving on his own, could feel Roxas' tongue sliding against his own, could feel Roxas' hands brushing over his skin, Roxas' body pressed against his, Roxas, Roxas…
"God dammit," he hissed into the dark and let go of himself, shoving both hands under his pillow. He refused to do this. He would not jerk off to the memory of that kiss. He would not get off on thinking about a man, regardless how gorgeous that man was.
It took him hours of restless turning and tossing around before he fell asleep. But at least his sleep wasn't disturbed by dreams; only blissful darkness engulfed him wholly.
Quick Note: ... Such a tease!
Both of them!
Ah, yes. Well, there are two wonderful persons I'd like to thank here - my lovely, lovely beta-readers.
Kuraieshi, whom most of you probably know as Memorialfire over at DeviantArt, and who's been my muse and beta for the last 1 1/2 years. A wonderful friend, who didn't give up on me when I vanished for half a year, and an amazing artist. No, really, her artwork is stunning. And if you haven't seen it yet, I suggest you take a look at it. NOW! Thank you so much, my dear, I love you!
kurosora1984, whom I only recently managed to talk into being my second beta. XD She and all her fangirling over my stories are probably the main reasons I grew confident enough about my own writing again to post stuff after my six-months-break. And to add to that, she's one of the most talented writers on FFnet, IMHO (GO READ HER STUFFS). I feel honored that she's betaing for me now, and very, very unworthy of her adoration. Thank you too, sweetheart!
Without those two wonderful young women I wouldn't be able to write. Seriously.
Other than that, I'd also like to thank everyone who's reviewed, alerted or faved this story. Thank you very much. :bows:
And if you're a fan of Perfect Match too - watch out for an update there in a few days. ;)