Summary: "Can't you just be there for the family for once?" Alternative Universe, College setting. Oh, and it's slash. Don't like? I suggest you don't read it. Kthx.
Pairing: AkuRoku, because that's what was wished for!
Warning: Three-year-old Reno. :shrugs: Nuff said.
Disclaimer: Believe me, I'd tell you if I owned SquareEnix and Disney. :eyeroll: I probably would never stop bragging about it.
Dedication: For my lovely muse, kotilo – This was supposed to be a birthday present, but of course it wasn't even nearly finished for her birthday. Knowing me, it might not even be finished until the next one… I hope you still enjoy it, love!
It took him hours of restless turning and tossing around before he fell asleep. But at least his sleep wasn't disturbed by dreams; only blissful darkness engulfed him wholly.
Family Bonds – Chapter 3
Axel didn't feel refreshed at all when he woke up the next morning. Even worse, he didn't wake up out of his own volition, but to the… door bell ringing? Who the heck rang at his door at – he squinted at the alarm clock on his night stand and cursed – half past seven in the morning? Was that some kind of sick joke?
He wanted to ignore the persistent person at his door, but they didn't seem to intend to ever give up. He tried to stuff his head under his pillow, but gave up when he ran out of air. Swearing under his breath, he rolled out of bed and grabbed random pajama bottoms lying on the ground, slipping them on without bothering about underwear. He would have to take a shower later anyway.
"I'm coming, stop it already!" he yelled at the door, rolling his eyes when the annoying person rang again. "Fuck, leave the bell alone, you idiot!"
He groggily strolled through the living room, absently picking up his clothes and throwing them into the bathroom as he passed it in the hallway. Then he opened the door.
"Axey," a high-pitched, over-enthusiastic voice instantly greeted him, and something attached itself to his left leg. Axel quickly grabbed his pants to keep them from coming off as small hands pulled at the cottony fabric. He blinked down at a small face, surrounded by a shock of hair as red as his own. Big blue eyes and an impossibly wide smile were directed at him as the small boy beamed up to him.
Axel looked up slowly, glaring at the other person standing in his hallway. A middle-aged man with reddish-brown hair and brown eyes nodded at him in greeting, seeming awfully out of place in the simple apartment complex Axel was living in. He was wearing an expensive suit, a small briefcase made out of leather in one hand and a small, colorful duffle bag in the other. He looked at his watch.
"Sebastian?" Axel growled, trying his best not to start screaming in front of the small child still clinging to him. Sebastian Kani; former employee of Axel's father, good friend of the family, now manager of one of the newest singer sensations from Atlantica: gorgeous, wonderful, talented Ariel herself.
"Good morning, Axel," Sebastian greeted him, again taking a nervous look at his watch. "I hope I didn't wake you?"
"Geez, what gives you that idea?" Axel grunted irritated, again pulling at his pajama pants. "Reno, could you let go of me?"
The red-headed boy pouted, but nodded sadly and stepped back, looking down and shuffling his feet. Axel sighed and petted the boy's head gently, causing the smaller redhead to giggle.
"Look, I know this comes quite on short notice," Sebastian said, for the first time directly looking at Axel. "But could you take Reno for today? I'm sure you heard about…"
"What makes you think I care about anything she does?" Axel asked coldly. Sebastian sighed.
"I just don't have the time to look after him, there's still so much to organize," the manager explained annoyed. "It would only be for a day. Ariel would get him tomorrow morning. What do you say?"
"What do I say?" Axel spat hatefully, biting his lip when Reno looked up to him wide-eyed, jutting out a trembling lower lip. "I say how in God's name did you get my address?" he hissed, narrowing his eyes at the older man.
"Reno gave it to me," Sebastian explained coolly, and Axel threw the smaller redhead a surprised look. Reno looked down again, his lip trembling even more than before.
"I'm sowwee," the child sniffed and wiped his nose. "But… But I didn't wanna stay with my new daddy. He dun like me…" He looked up to Axel with tears in his big blue eyes. "He says I'm a… a… nu-… nusi-… nui-…"
"It's okay," Axel mumbled. What a jerk. A nuisance? Reno? Granted, the boy was a bit strenuous sometimes, but way too cute to be called a nuisance.
"I dunno what that means, but he's angwy when he says it," the child explained sadly, small hands playing with his green shirt. "And Nanny Ursula is cweepy. I dun like her. I wanna stay wiv you."
"He gave me the address so I could bring him here," Sebastian added. "We were surprised he had it, to tell the truth; not even your father has your address after all. But Ariel thought it was a fabulous idea to bring Reno here."
"I bet," Axel replied dryly.
"Aw you mad at me?" Reno piped up meekly, his small voice trembling slightly. "I'm sowwee…"
"I'm not mad at you, Reno," Axel calmed the boy down and nodded at his apartment. "Here, come in."
"Thank you," Sebastian exclaimed as the boy rushed past Axel, but he didn't really sound thankful. He sounded as if he had expected Axel to give in anyway. Axel calmly took the duffel bag from him. "It's really important for us to place him somewhere safe as long as we all are busy with preparations for…"
Axel slammed the door in his face, cutting off the older man's speech. He wasn't interested in explanations as to why the boy's mother couldn't have him around once again. He had heard them so often already. He was sick of it.
He turned around, putting the duffel bag down and leaning against the door as he watched the small redhead sitting on the step in the hallway, who was pulling at the laces of his bright red shoes. The black jacket was already discarded and formed a heap next to the toddler. The three-year-old was still a bit short for his age, and pretty thin, Axel noted. Probably because of his mother's 'healthy food'-fetish. But at least the boy was dressed nicely, and it seemed like his mother had allowed him to let his hair grow. It was just long enough to tie it up behind his neck. The goggles Axel had bought him during a shopping trip they had done half a year ago rested on his tousled red hair. Axel knew the boy almost never took them off.
He sat down in front of the toddler who still struggled with the laces.
"Here, let me help you, Squirt," he said and outstretched a hand, but pulled back when Reno cried out and slapped his hand away.
"No, I can do that myself," the boy cried and pulled at his shoes. They finally came off, and Reno jumped from the step, grinning proudly. "See?"
"Awesome," Axel laughed and spread his arms. "Come here, Squirt."
Reno laughed loudly and jumped into his arms, hugging him as tight as he could. Axel smiled and placed a small kiss on Reno's cheek, which was followed by a loud 'EWWWWW!' by the small boy. Reno wiped his cheek furiously, but almost doubled over when Axel tickled him instead. Both redheads laughed and struggled for some time, then Axel picked the boy up and stood, walking over to the living room with a giggling, struggling bundle in his arms.
"Lemme down, lemme down, lemme down," Reno squeaked and shrieked loudly when Axel flopped down on the couch. Axel let go of him, and Reno climbed off the couch, running through the room and examining everything closely. Axel watched him, a happy smile grazing his lips.
"Wow," Reno exclaimed and looked around awestruck, then went down to all fours and crawled under the coffee table, looking up to Axel from there. "It's so great!"
"Thanks," Axel replied and chuckled when Reno crawled forward and once again hugged his leg. "You still remember the rules, don't you?"
Reno nodded quickly, raising a hand and scrunching up his little face. "No running," he started and raised a finger. "No bweaking stuff. No touchey the TV. No touchey Axey's pictures. No touchey paint. Paint is bad. And it tastes funny." He grimaced a little. "No… no…" He stared at his small hand, then looked up to Axel helplessly. "Aw, I fowgot!"
"No correcting Axel's pictures," Axel helped him out and chuckled when Reno pouted adorably.
"But it was so pwetty with the chocobos!" the boy protested, and Axel reached down to tousle his hair a little.
"Of course, but I wasn't allowed to use chocobo stickers on my painting, you know?" he teased and laughed again when Reno bit his hand playfully. "Hey, cut it out, Squirt!"
"Can I have ice cweam?" Reno pleaded, giving Axel an unbearably cute, pleading look. "Pwease? Pwetty pwease?"
"Maybe later," Axel denied and picked the boy up again. "Did you have breakfast already?"
"Yo, but I didn't want it," Reno explained, throwing his arms around Axel's neck. "It was gween and stwange and gooey and bleh! Ew!"
"How about hot cocoa for you, hot coffee for me, and peanut butter sandwiches for both of us?" Axel suggested and chuckled when he was hugged by the smaller redhead fiercely.
"I wuv you, Axey!" Reno cried enthusiastically, starting to fidget and struggle against Axel's tight hold on him while still hugging the older redhead at the same time. "I missed you soooooooooo much!"
"I missed you too, Shorty," Axel replied fondly, then put Reno on the floor again, taking the boy's hand. "Now, don't you want to tell me what happened lately?"
It turned out the little boy had a lot to tell Axel about. Axel learned Reno had been to three different day cares last month, but that his mother had insisted they tried others as well, even though Reno had made friends with a bunch of kids in the last one. He learned Reno's 'new daddy' was a jerk. Axel hadn't had the pleasure to meet that guy yet, but he made a mental note to give him a black eye the very first time he saw him for treating Reno like shit. Reno's mom was constantly out and left the kid either with a nanny, her new lover, or Sebastian, all three of which Reno didn't seem to like very much.
When he saw how sad Reno looked as he talked about his mom, Axel changed the topic and made Reno talk about a new game he had gotten for his birthday.
He watched Reno closely while the boy chattered on cheerily, smiling and nodding at the right parts of his stories. The boy really was adorable. How he could stay so cheerful and sweet while living with those… 'parents', Axel would never know. Reno even attempted to help him clean the kitchen, of course promptly breaking a cup. Axel calmed him down when the boy started to cry over it, talking to him calmly and hugging the child until the tears were gone.
After he had taken a quick shower while Reno watched TV, Axel joined the boy in the living room. Reno continued to talk, his high, childish voice filling the apartment with laughter. The whole day was spent playing and drawing, and not once did Reno shut up. And for once Axel didn't mind. He could never get tired of hearing Reno laugh.
Reno even talked while they were eating lunch, and while Axel gave him a bubble bath to get rid of the paint Reno had all over his hands and face after the painting they did together after lunch. The boy still chattered happily when Axel helped him change into his chocobo pajamas, and even when Axel tucked him into his bed, a strange cactuar plushie tucked safely under the boy's arm.
"And, and, Mommy says they have all that good food I have to eat at home in the new day care place, but I dun wanna eat it. I dun think it's good. It tastes all funny and I neva get chocolate anymore, because Eric says it's not, not healthy." Reno crossed his arms and pouted, but then shot up again and threw his short arms around Axel's waist.
"What's with the hug?" Axel asked and tousled Reno's fire red hair, gently pulling the goggles from the boy's head and laying them aside.
"I wanna be like you when I'm grown up, Axey," Reno shouted excitedly, struggling out of the blanket and sitting on Axel's lap. "Can I be like you? I wanna have a cool home, and I wanna make pwetty pictures and Mommy can't tell me what I have to do, and…"
"Well, you'd have to grow up first," Axel laughed. "But you'd have to sleep for that."
"I'm not tired," Reno protested and pouted again.
"You almost fell asleep on me in the bath, and you didn't even stop talking," Axel replied and picked Reno up to lie him down again. Reno tried to struggle free again, but stopped when Axel frowned.
"Okaaaaaaaay," Reno agreed and sighed. But then he grabbed Axel's arm again, mimicking the older redhead's serious expression. "But you have to stay!"
"I'm a grown-up, I don't have to sleep yet," Axel countered and tried to pry Reno's small hands from his arm. "And you get the bed. I'm sleeping on the couch."
"No, you stay here!" Reno screamed and pulled at Axel's arm. "I can't sleep alone! Mommy always sings for me so I can sleep! The Hawtless only go away when she sings, you know that!"
Axel would never know who told the boy about those 'Heartless'-things that only came out at night and tried to steal children's hearts. But someone had told Reno about them, and now the toddler had even more reasons to have nightmares…
"Yeah, but I can't sing, and you know that!" Axel replied as calmly as possible. Inwardly he died of laughter at the boy's cute attempts to glare at him.
"Then you have to stay wiv me!" Reno simply declared. "They don't come out when there's a grown-up in the room."
Axel couldn't win. Nothing could defeat a child's logic, and Reno was pretty stubborn, to add to that. So he sighed and nodded, getting another blanket from his storage and lying down next to Reno, who almost immediately fell asleep as soon as he had huddled up against Axel. Of course the boy had to be tired…
Axel stayed awake for hours, just watching the small redhead in his arms sleep. Reno was breathing softly, not once moving or uttering a sound in his sleep.
He would never understand why the boy's mother couldn't love the child like he deserved. Of course it had been hard on her – getting pregnant at age sixteen, the father leaving her and the child soon after Reno had been born, the fight she and her father had had about how irresponsible she had been… her mother dying without once seeing her grandson. Yes, of course it had been hard, but it wasn't like no one had been there for her.
Of course Triton had provided her with all the money she had needed to raise the child, had let her live in his house even though it had been her who had left her home with one of her lovers. Her older sisters had given her all the stuff their own children had grown out of, had taken the boy in when she had needed time and had given her tips. Axel himself had played babysitter for her more often than he could count, partly because he had wanted the boy to have at least one male person he could relate to. Mommy's frequently changing lovers weren't able to provide the stability a child needed. Sometimes Axel thought he was the closest thing the boy had that resembled a father figure. And when he thought that he felt terrible for leaving Atlantica…
He had promised Reno to visit as often as possible, and he had given the boy his new address, and still he felt horrible. He had not done enough. And the longer he watched the boy sleep, the stronger the feeling he had betrayed Reno got.
The feeling didn't leave when he woke up the next morning, nor while he collected Reno's stuff in the living room; not when he woke up Reno and the small boy immediately smiled at him, not even when Reno sleepily assured him he loved him once more.
And yet he whispered, "I love you too, Squirt," and gently kissed Reno's forehead when he picked the toddler up.
"Can I stay here, Axey?" Reno asked and snuggled up to the man holding him, looking up to him with wide blue eyes.
"Your mom is going to pick you up soon," Axel muttered and smiled while carrying him into his kitchen.
"But she won't have time for me," Reno cried and pouted, grabbing the collar of Axel's faded black shirt. "She will talk all about her show with that stupid Eric daddy guy, and then they will make me go to the park with Nanny Ursula…"
"I know," Axel sighed and ruffled Reno's bright red hair before sitting him down at the table in the small and relatively clean kitchen. "But she's your mom, and she knows what's best for…"
"No she doesn't," Reno suddenly screamed, tears welling up in his eyes. "I wanna stay here!" He started to cry, his tiny fists banging against the table as he let out loud wails and sobs and shrieks.
"Reno," Axel said as calmly as possible, kneeling next to Reno's chair and reaching out to the boy, pulling back when Reno started to hit him. "Reno, stop it," he demanded a bit louder, quickly catching the boy's thin wrists and holding them, frowning when Reno tried to struggle against his hold weakly.
"Why did you go away?" Reno screamed shrilly, tears running down his face as he glared at Axel furiously. "You said you wouldn't go away! You lied!"
"Reno…" Axel sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily, letting go of one of Reno's hands, only flinching slightly when a tiny fist started to hit his shoulder. "Reno, we talked about it. Reno, stop hitting me!"
Reno stopped, but tears still clung to his lashes and his lower lip started to tremble before he slumped down and continued to sob.
"I'm sorry," Axel said and spread his arms. "Come here, Squirt."
Reno sniffed, but slowly slid from his seat to stand in front of Axel, never looking at the older redhead. Axel embraced him slowly, rubbing his back when he felt the boy sob silently again. Reno threw his thin arms around Axel's neck, burying his face in Axel's shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Reno," Axel repeated quietly, petting Reno's bright red hair. "You know I didn't want to leave you. You were the only reason I stayed in Atlantica so long… No, don't cry." He softly kissed Reno's temple, running a hand through his hair again in a soothing manner. "You don't have to be sad…"
"But I'll neva see you anymore…" Reno sniffled meekly. "Can't you come back? I miss you…"
"I miss you too…" Axel said and tried to ignore the tears burning in his own eyes. He hugged Reno tighter. "I know you don't understand it, but I can't. And your mom wouldn't want me there anyway…"
"But she said it would be gweat if I could stay here over the weekend," Reno protested.
"But she doesn't want me around you all the time," Axel explained. He could still remember the fight he and his sister had had over the boy. He was glad Reno didn't know about it. Nasty things had been said during that fight.
"But I want you awound all the time!" Reno stated, leaning back a bit to stare Axel straight in the eyes. "Nobody can play like you." His big blue eyes were reddened and puffy, but at least Axel could see no more tears in them. Reno sniffled again and wiped his nose with the back of his hand. Axel absently pulled his hand away and reached up to fumble for a box of tissues standing on the counter he was leaning against, still sitting on the floor. He wiped the snot from Reno's hand and let the boy blow his nose.
"You can visit me whenever your mother allows it," he said quietly, combing back Reno's disheveled hair with his hands and retying the boy's ponytail properly. "And you still have my number, right? You can call me anytime you want. And if you can't reach me right away I'll call back as soon as possible, I promise." He grabbed Reno's shoulders and looked at the boy sternly. "You are the only one who has my number, okay? I only gave it to you, because you are special. Do you understand that?"
"So you still like me?" Reno asked sheepishly, and Axel quickly pulled him back in an even fiercer embrace than before.
"Of course I still like you, Reno," he whispered. "I didn't leave because of you, never ever think that. Nothing could ever make me not like you, okay?"
"Okay…" Reno sighed unhappily. "But I'll miss you." He sniffed again, his eyes once more glistening wetly. "I wuv you, Uncle Axel," he muttered.
"I know," Axel replied gently. "I love you too, Reno. Just call me when you miss me too much. Or tell Sebastian or Ursula to bring you here. And don't be sad." He smiled and pinched Reno's cheek lightly, making the small boy giggle. "That's it. I like it better when you smile."
Reno rubbed his cheek, still giggling softly, and obediently followed Axel to the bathroom. He completely seemed to have forgotten about the whole scene by the time they had finished their morning routine and had changed. By then the toddler was already chatting cheerfully again. And just when Axel wanted to prepare breakfast, the door bell rang.
Reno instantly shut up, and Axel frowned. The boy was still smiling, but it didn't seem as cheerful as before anymore.
"Is that Mommy?" Reno asked surprisingly calm.
"I think so," Axel replied. Reno just nodded and slid from his seat, running to the living room. Axel followed him and watched the boy try to pick up his duffel bag. Reno dragged the bag across the room to the hall, where he sat on the step and reached for his shoes.
"Should I help you?" Axel asked while grabbing the tiny black jacket on the rack and sitting across from Reno, watching as Reno slipped his shoes on all alone. Then Reno stretched out his feet.
"Axey, I can't tie the laces alone," he wailed and started to dangle his legs while Axel helped him into his jacket.
"If you want me to help you, you have to sit still, Squirt," Axel said and grabbed Reno's feet. Reno grinned and did as he was told. He watched intently as Axel tied his shoes, then hopped from the step and tried to grab his duffel bag again. The door bell rang once more.
"Just a second, dammit!" Axel growled, then he picked Reno up and hugged him again. Reno giggled when Axel nuzzled his cheek with his nose, and batted at Axel's long hair.
"That tickles!" Reno shrieked cheerfully, squeaking and holding tight onto Axel when the older redhead bent down to pick up the duffel bag. Then Axel opened the door, and automatically his expression grew cold and distant. He couldn't help it. It was an automatic reaction to seeing the person standing outside his door.
There were two persons, to be exact. He didn't know the raven-haired guy; he had to be the 'Eric-Daddy-Guy' Reno had talked about. He was tall and dark and handsome, and Axel immediately disliked him and his faked-seeming smile. But he knew the woman, even though he could barely see her face. She was wearing ridiculously huge sunglasses, and her hair was hidden under the hood of her jacket. She was glancing from side to side nervously, but quickly beamed at Axel and Reno when she noticed them.
"There you are, Sweetie," she cooed and quickly took Reno from Axel's grasp, hugging the boy fiercely. She seemed sincerely happy to see the child.
"Hello Mommy," Reno greeted her, though way less enthusiastic than he had greeted Axel the day before. But when the woman presented him her cheek, he smacked a loud kiss onto her pale skin, snuggling up to her smiling.
"Have you been a good boy, Reno?" she asked and smiled again when the boy nodded vigorously. "Did you have fun with Uncle Axel?"
"Yo," Reno answered beaming. "He played wiv me aaaaaaaaaaall day!"
"Don't say 'yo', Reno," the raven-haired guy chastised the boy. Axel glared at him, but held himself back. This guy had called Reno a nuisance. This guy dared to talk to the boy like he was his father, even though he was no more than one of the boy's mom's lovers. This guy deserved to be beaten to bloody pulp, but Axel had to hold back as long as Reno was nearby…
"Yo," Reno repeated defiantly and pouted, holding tighter onto his mother.
"Eric!" the woman said and shook her head, frowning at the man. But then she smiled at Reno again. "That sounds nice, Sweetie." She looked at Axel now, and even though she wore those sunglasses to hide her face Axel could see she was nervous. "Axel, how are you? Thank you so much for keeping an eye on Reno for me, it really means a lot to…"
"Bye, Reno," Axel interrupted her and smiled at the boy. He noticed the crestfallen look on the woman's face but simply ignored it. He waved and grinned when Reno waved back. "See you, Squirt."
"Bye-bye, Axey," Reno cried happily.
"Axel, I…" the woman tried again, but Axel simply shut the door on her. He could hear the guy say something behind the closed door, then a tentative knock. He didn't react to it, just leaned against the closed door and stared up to the ceiling, listening to muffled voices. A small smile stretched his thin lips when he heard a thin, childish voice declare they wanted breakfast. Finally he could hear footsteps departing.
He trotted back to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee, then walked back to the living room and fell down onto the couch, staring straight ahead. He didn't dare to actually think about what had happened; that his sister had once more taken advantage of him and had dumped Reno on him without asking, as if the boy was a pet someone had to look after as long as its owner was out of town. That Reno felt so uncomfortable around her new lover he had given away Axel's secret new address. That she didn't even seem to notice how unhappy her changing lovers made the boy. If he thought about those things, he was sure his head would explode.
He swirled the dark liquid in his cup, then cautiously placed it on the coffee table. He slowly rose from the couch and walked over to the secluded little area where he had stored all his stuff for painting. Unlike the last time he had painted, he took his time choosing the right materials. He grabbed three different brushes and placed them in a glass next to the easel, then chose the brightest colors he could find in his assortment of acrylic paint. He took his time arranging the tubes next to the brushes where he could reach them easily. Then he just stared at the empty canvas for what seemed like an eternity.
He started with red, pink and blue. At first he didn't even mean to create anything recognizable, but with every streak of the brush he added, the forms changed into human-seeming figures. Too bright, too colorful and still somewhat abstract, faceless, but they were there. He changed the colors, squirted some more paint onto his palette, added more defined lines to the painting. His movements were slow and deliberate this time, and he often stopped to look at the painting, added more details, until his eyes started to water. And yet he didn't stop. It all flowed out of his arm, his anger and frustration was banned on canvas by the slow movements of his arm. But he didn't feel better. It was too much color, it was too bright. It didn't feel right. Even when he knew it was finished, it still didn't feel right. It hurt his eyes just to look at it.
The painting seemed like a drug-induced hallucination. Fairies were dancing around human silhouettes, surrounded by a bright, dazzling flower field. Two of them, a male and a female one, seemed to be flirting, the woman's red hair full of those strange fairy creatures and fluttering in the wind. On this side of the picture they seemed friendly. They were brightly orange colored. And then there was a third human form; smaller than the others, a child, curled up near the edge of the picture. The fairies were flocking around it, but they didn't seem friendly. They were glaring yellow, and they seemed like intruders in the child's part of the painting.
Axel stared at it for a long time, sitting on the floor in front of it for a while. He was still angry. The feeling was dulled, barely more than a whispering voice in the back of his mind, but the longer he stared at the painting, the louder the voice got. He didn't know why it hadn't worked this time. Painting always worked… But now he couldn't stop thinking…
The sky was already darkening outside when he stood again and opened the window. He grabbed the still slightly damp painting… and unceremoniously threw it out of the window, not even watching as it landed on the pavement below. He went to clean up his drawing area instead, and then, without bothering to clean up himself, left the apartment after grabbing his keys and some money. He hadn't eaten all day; he would just get himself a pizza or something.
He ignored an old lady screeching at him to watch out when he stepped on the painting on his way down the street. He also tried to ignore the nagging voices in his head, but found himself unable to. They continued to bug him until he went to sleep hours later, and for the first time in years he cried himself to sleep. He didn't even know why he cried, and yet the tears didn't stop flowing until blissful darkness engulfed his thoughts.
Quick Note: Uh. Really dunno what to say. Other than a big, fat thank you to my lovelylovely betas (who always have to suffer the full extent of my moooodiness), reviewers, and fanartists. You guys are amazing!