Jack was lucky and got a direct flight from Rapid City to Louisville. He was home within six hours. He left the keys in the rental with the engine running as he dashed through the house and into the backyard. Pausing to catch his breath, Jack looked around his mother's meditation garden and saw it for what it really was – what it had always been – a sacred circle. Moving to the the alter in the southern position, Jack recheck his mother's grimoire and seeing the sign for fire etched on the stone, pushed the capstone off the pillar. Reaching inside, he carefully pulled a small bundle wrapped in leather from a space within the stone.
Setting the journal down, Jack carefully unwrapped the bundle revealing a silver athame. Turning the athame towards the light, Jack could just make out the symbol of the soul catcher on the side of the blade. Truly smiling for the first time in weeks, Jack carefully rewrapped the dagger, placed it in his messenger bag with his mother's journal and headed back to the car. If he was lucky, he would be back to Bobby's before Dean.
Dean argued with himself all the way back to South Dakota. He had to admit, Sam made a persuasive argument. Dean rationalized with him self more than once that if he was going to become a demon one way or the other, he might as well do it with Sam. Dean would never admit it outloud but the aspect of hell that frightened him most was that he would be there alone – with no hope of ever seeing Sam, Bobby, Jack or anyone else he cared for ever again. Dean could endure many things – being alone was never one of them.
Even when he had hunted alone while Sam was in college, he had sought out those few hunters that had been involved in the Winchester's lives – Bobby, Caleb, Pastor Jim. When they were not available, Dean could always fall back on female companionship. On occasion it yeilded something worthwhile – like his relationship with Cassie. It didn't happen often but it happened. However, if worse came to worse, he knew he would be hooking back up with his Dad within a few days. That had been the driving force behind Dean seeking Sammy out at college in the first place. Yes, he had been worried about his dad being out of touch for more than a week but it was the lonliness – the fear that he would never be able to find his dad and he would always be alone that drove him to Stanford and Sam. Afterall, one night stands could only fill the void for so long.
Dean snorted. If he was completely honest and going to indulge some Dr. Phil style self reflection, lonliness was what drove him to New York. Ever since he had lost Sam, he felt like he was living with half his soul gone to hell already. Dean woke up every morning and in the wondeful time between deep sleep and wakefulness, Dean could pretend that his little brother, Sammy was sleeping beside him. Dean now lived for those few moments of delusion. At least when the nightmares allowed him enough sleep to experience them.
Dean smiled sadly. Yes, it would be easier to just let it go and maybe I would be happier to just give in – let Sam change me and if it weren't for Jack – I probably would. Ironically, Sam was the one that talked Dean out of giving in – although he didn't know it at the time. When Sam had let it slip that Jack couldn't join them, that he was too powerful, Dean knew that Sam was afraid of him. Dean reasoned that the only thing that would frighten the thing that Sam had become was someone who could either defeat him or change him back. Since Sam felt confident that he could defeat Lilith, who was way more powerful than Jack, Dean knew it had to be the other – the fear that Jack could find a way to separate the demon's soul from Sam's.
As long as there was a chance – no matter how small – that Jack could bring Sam back, could save him, Dean knew there was no way he would ever jepordize it. If Dean gave in to Sam, he knew Jack would be faced with saving two brothers – a united front with more skills, knowledge and determination than he could overcome. Jack would die and Sam would remain changed forever.
No, it was better this way. If Dean died, even if he went to hell, Jack would have a fighting chance of getting Sam back. Hell, maybe his death would even bring them together for a short while – long enough for Jack to figure out how to work the mojo to bring Sam back.
Dean had made the deal to bring Sam back, to have another chance to give Sam the life he deserved and he screwed it up. He let Sam get manipulated into accepting this demon. If him going to hell gave someone else a chance to correct his mistake, then he was happy to do it. – well, not happy but definitely willing.
Dean sighed again. "Jesus, when did I turn into such a deep, sensitive, new-age pansy?" he muttered to himself as he slammed a Metallica tape into the tape player, turning it up as far as it would go. Dean had made his decision.