"To unpathed waters, undreamed shores."
- William Shakepeare

Peach stood in the throne room of the castle, the palace, Toad Town, the Mushroom Kingdom in its entirety, finding her legs locked down upon the site of her nightmare. None of the typical regal chatter occupied the room, echoing and bouncing back from all surfaces, nor did the sizeable queue of retainers waiting to carry out the king's more strenuous commands or the gaggles of other faithful servants spread throughout the enormous chamber talking amongst themselves. There were sunbeams from the towering windows torching the room, a fat red carpet, and the hauntingly empty throne itself, at this point more worn than extravagant.

She finally tore her stare away from the floor, finding her stare solidifying upon a new uncomfortable location straight ahead. "...you're right. You're exactly right. It's something I never, ever wanted to have to tell myself, but... what I think of myself, where I want to see myself, it's a selfish desire. I am the next heir to the throne of the Mushroom Kingdom, just as you told me when I was young, when I reached adolescence, and as you continue to tell me now. Turning my back on my station would be a betrayal to all those that believe in the crown to protect them, to ensure that they are able to live peaceful, meaningful, productive lives. That I always wanted to be a pioneer, to explore and learn about those things that mystified me in my youth? I should be content that I have witnessed events that will continue to spurn those hopes in generations to come, possibly others in MY generation, and that I'll continue to play accomplice to those that dive those depths for the good of all of us. Troy, Auron... Sirius... I hope that you'll be able to police the multiverse competently, for all our sake. Mario, Luigi, selphie... you'll find your way home, I'm sure of it. We all have the drive to help each other."

Peach eyed the expensive chair for a moment, folding her arms, tilting her head, and otherwise examining every square inch of its polished wood and pillowy fabric. Finally she ascended the stairs, spun and plopped down in the seat of power. She slumped down in it and let herself sink in. Her fingers started to methodically drum the armrests as she gazed about the room, to the door, out the windows - at the same time patiently and desperately waiting for something to happen.

A wistful smirk grew on her face. A small pulse of power rose up within her as she realized what she'd just done. Peach had ascended the throne, and could seize power of the entire kingdom with as little as a statement. What everyone else eagerly waited for was, to her, a cruel usurp. She carried command of the entire retainerhood and could send them out to do her dirty work - not that she didn't previously from time to time, but she had kept mostly to herself and didn't wish to take too extreme advantage of the castle workforce that she grew up with as a friend. An image of Wooster fetching her drinks made her shudder.

All these concerns and more flooded her mind. She thought about breaking down again then and there, but she fought it back. Her mind refused to stop working however, and a migraine did begin to set in. It didn't particularly help that the seat itself was pretty uncomfortable and the cushion itself was awfully stiff.

...stiff?

Peach pushed herself out of the seat and knelt down to examine the cushion. There weren't any detectable flaws in the seat cushion - if there were her father would have picked them up much faster than her. He did spend a good portion of his days on top of it handling paperwork after all. Finally she clutched the top of the cushion itself. Making sure none of the retainers had entered the room, she quickly ripped it off its foundation, creating a laceration in it that vomited out a small cloud of feathers. Peach blinked in bewilderment as she peered into the springwork and boarding underneath. Reaching in with her other hand, she tore out a large manilla envelope kept together by a thick clay royal seal. Again checking over her shoulders, she eviscerated the paper container and pulled out a bundle of paper that unfolded down to the floor. Peach covered her mouth in shock as her eyes slowly scanned down it.

My dear...

It was, of course, in her father's handwriting. What was more concerning about it, however, was that while the paper was a little worn and the ink dry, the document itself was relatively new. Although her heart raced, she slowly digested the contents of the final message letter by letter. As it tapered off into nothingness, Peach found the paper slipping silently to the floor. She slowly rose back to her feet and nearly stepped backwards off the short stairs as she shook her moistening face.

"Oh, daddy..."

NSx: cOVeNAnt REpoRt

pRInCesS toaDsTOoL

"The stars."

Peach blinked, finding herself waking up again. She stretched up her arms, dragging them off the edge of the patio table. She could barely clamber over them at her age, but she managed to reach out enough to use the surface to draw with her crayons. Peach rubbed her eyes as she looked around. Her father loomed over her again, but with the glowing smile that infused energy into her any time she gazed upon it. The two were on one of the patios of the palace, the moon high in the sky and locked in a maze of brightly glowing stars above it and the town lights beneath.

"You're certainly fascinated by the stars." he added, chuckling to himself.

Peach coughed as she looked back down at the paper. It carried a crude drawing of a shooting star along with herself and her stick-figure parents, including grossly exaggerated smiles and clothing proportions (and in the case of the male, circumference). She huffed at her guardian as she rapidly rolled it up, storing it at her side as she folded her arms and turned her flushed face away.

The king stared into the sky. "I don't think any less of your maturity for admiring them. To be awestruck by anything, and to sit somewhere to stare at and think about it, if anything that's a SIGN of growth." he pulled another patio chair to peach, plopping down in it and throwing an arm around his daughter. "But you've always been that person, really. You're always sticking your little nose into kingly business you shouldn't, heh, but at the same time you're quite the little bookworm and your tutors tell me you're one of the highest-graded students they've ever had in the second grade. I'm very proud of you and will always love you."

Peach snuggled in closer.

"In a few days you turn seven. Have you put any thought into what you want?"

"I want the stars."

The monarch let out a guffaw. "We all do, dear. We all do. It's only natural."

"Really?" Peach whispered.

"Let me tell you an old story," the king adjusted himself in the chair, relaxing further. "Now this might sound funny to you, but it's an old legend passed down through my family. Somewhere up there is a city of stars, way waaaay far away. According to the mushroom people of this land, the ancestors of you and I fell down to the world in great green plumes of smoke, and were revered by their hosts as messengers from the heavens... the Star Road. As time went on, the mushroom people began to worship us. At the same time however, their visitors didn't have an inkling of who they were or where they came from, nothing beyond their identity as 'humans'. Eventually the fervor died down, and the religion diminished to merely an understanding that humans carried a divine right to leadership. That was the beginning of the various monarchies of the world; here, Sarasaland, and beyond."

Peach exhibited pouty lips.

"...is something wrong dear?"

"Are we better than the mushroom people, dad?"

"Hah," the lord slapped his knee. "I was expecting something like that. Telling it to a child, a human child especially. I'll tell you what though..." he stabbed a finger playfully into Peach's chest. "That might be what's considered the official story, but I don't believe in this inequality at all. The humans can't do everything all by themselves. A government only works as well as its bureaucracy, and even moreso its population. If it weren't for the rest of the palace backing me up, and the servants of the state, and the hardworking people that live in this city and country, then my position wouldn't help anyone. I'm sure you have mushroom friends, and you don't think any lower of them than you do yourself."

Peach counted on her hands at the second-last statement, losing focus on her patriarch as he rose back to his feet. He limply lumbered over to the patio's edge, staring aimlessly up into the sky. "To be totally honest, while it's my royal duty to protect the strength of the Kingdom, and to ensure that empathetic and intelligent leadership takes the reins when my time is past, I'd like to give more power to the population... at some point, maybe the title of monarch will be passed back to the indigenous people of this land, rather than kept in the sanctum of humanity. Perhaps the government of the future won't be a monarchy at all."

"...the Star Road."

"I'd like to go on, but I think it's far past my little princess's bedtime. Rest assured knowing that you'll get more time to yourself and the night sky as you get a little older."

His offspring's body would eventually be drug back inside, but her eyes remained glued on the twinkling gems in the sky.

"She's doing quite well I'd say," the retainer adjusted his glasses as he cycled the papers in his hands. "She's certainly above average in her history, mathematics, physics and common language training. Her biology and chemistry are starting to slip a bit though. She still maintains an extremely high reading level for her age however."

The king chuckled to himself. He sat perched upon his throne, resting a limp head in a palm. "You had to confiscate her history texts in those classes I assume?"

"How did you know?"

"I have to do it once in a while myself. Ever since I sat down and started telling her some of the old family stories and traditions, she's been doing more heavy reading in the castle library. Some days I can't get her out of there, others I have to stop her from charging out the front door trying to validate what she sees."

"Ah yes... we've recently had a change of head retainer, he was wondering why your daughter would have an escort and curfew at the age of 11."

The ruler inhaled and slowly exhaled a sigh. His head shifted from side to side as he turned his focus to the window. Peach could be seen sitting underneath a tree off in the distance - or, rather, the gigantic telltale stack of hardcover books. "...I'm growing concerned."

"Why is that, your highness?"

"Just how she's developing, that's all. It's great that she's gotten into the books and is self-educating, but... she's taking it to excessive levels. She doesn't maintain much contact with her school friends anymore and she completely eschews particular subjects of conversation in favor of others, similar to what you've just mentioned."

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the legend of Star Road, would it?"

The liege shifted uncomfortably. "It's my belief that it is. Why do you ask?"

"Just her foci of interest, that's all," the tutor bowed to the lord. "I see this behavior a lot in students that... well, I think a better way of explaining it is that every child becomes enamored with something in their early years, and that's what they're convinced on pursuing in their short-term life. You know, the 'I want to be X when I grow up' spiel, whether that happens to be a doctor or a cowboy. I'm certain she'll pass through this phase eventually. She does have much to learn after all, she is to be your heir correct?"

An uneasy silence strangled everyone in the room.

"I-I apologize," the teacher suddenly crumpled to his knees, dropping his head to the ground. "What I said was none of my concern, to question the royal family like that, I-"

"No," the king responded solemnly. "...I would like nothing more than that. To be questioned. There are times that what I choose to do, or what I do... may have undesired consequences. I wish I could consult with the people more. I wonder if she can truly take up the mantle..."

"What are you implying? Pardon my ignorance sire, but who else could you possibly have in mind? She is your only next of kin, and if I'm not mistaken the last census stated that no other humans took up residence in these districts. Were you intending to send out an expedition to se-"

"Please stop."

The servant stumbled back at the sudden sternness exuded by the typically cheerful leader. "...anyways, I will have my students' report cards completed and ready to issue within the next few days, I assure you your daughters will be at the top of the list both in grade and order of delivery."

"That will be all." the king interjected before his subject could get anything off. Realizing that the usually cheery ruler was displaying a rare case of rapidly-rising irritation, the room was soon vacated. The king sat uncomfortably in the eerily-silent hall, reaching up to try to rub away the worried contortions in his face.

"So do you like it, dear?"

The 14-year-old Peach slouched in front of the gigantic polished mirror in her room. She chewed her lip in protest as the retainers shifted about the crowded room, threatening to sweep both her and her father away. The flaring, regal dress she decorated herself with was a vibrant, deep pink, with darker shades trimming it and comprising the sash around her waist. Bulbous balls of cloth topped the shoulders which her arms stuck out of, themselves wrapped in long, tight silk gloves. A bright, fist-sized sapphire was locked into the front of the chest, with smaller blue gems alternating with marble-like rubies in the otherwise simple gold crown that sat on her head.

"I can barely move in it." Peach grumbled.

"I'm sure you can," her father commented reassuringly. "You seemed to be just fine at the luncheon today."

"I can't run, I can't bend over, I can't..." Peach sighed. "It's really uncomfortable. Can I change back yet?"

The king eyed a nearby chair. A simple pair of jeans and white shirt sat neatly folded on it.

"I'm at your mercy here..." Peach tried to kneel but found herself stumbling over the dress. She quickly righted herself but kept her hands clasped together in desperate prayer. "You know how you invited my class to my birthday party last week?"

The king shrugged. "Did I let someone in you didn't like? I don't know who your friends are precisely, you never have anyone over. Anyways, yes, what of it?"

Peach folded her arms and turned her embarassed face away, pouting. "They alllll got a good look at this dress. There was no, 'Princess Toadstool is pretty', or 'your father must be sooooo proud of you', or anything like that. They were all sitting away from me keeping their laughs quiet. They all looked at me, they did, they did. They said I just looked like a big, fat, ripe peach!"

The monarch knelt down, slapping a meaty hand on her shoulder. "Don't let them get you down. The retainers and I think you look absolutely adorable. Do you know who made this dress? The new head retainer watched over its creation, he's quite the handyman. Can one of you folks fetch Wooster?"

A taller mushroom, himself carrying a much more humanoid appearance than the others around him, separated himself from the crowd. He elegantly extended an arm and bowed to his superior. "You need not. I am present, sire."

"Hah!" the king bellowed, wrapping Peach up in one hand and hugging against her. "You see? Wooster and the finest tailors of the Town came together to create this brilliant gown! why don't you tell Wooster how you like it?"

"...I hate it." Peach finally blurted.

Everyone in the room looked like they'd been punched in the gut, or at the very least slapped across the face. Many of the retainers grumbled to each other, some in humiliation, others in shock. Wooster seemed relatively unaffected. The bulk of the damage, however, was dealt to her father. He slumped back, trying desperately to wrap his dismay in another jolly chortle. "...w-well, I suppose beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder yes? Go on, tell Wooster what you've found wrong with it, I'm sure we can remedy any faults in the dress easily enough."

"I told you, I can't even move properly without getting sore..." Peach's hands hovered around her waist. "It feels like I'm losing circulation to my gut... and why does the bottom have to poof out all over the place, it makes me look really fat and sometimes I trip over the cloth."

"That's a crinoline, dear," her father quickly shot back, trying to avoid offended interruptions from the retainers. "It's designed to elaborate the female figure, it's all the craze in the ballroom."

"I don't care about looking pretty in the first place if I have to limp along to do it!"

"Please understand... you don't have to wear this all the time, you just need to slip into it for castle events and when we have entrepreneurs and diplomats from Sarasaland over. For Kingdom business, you know? We can make adjustments to the gown so it's more comfortable for you, but we can't change the basic design-"

"Just stop." Peach shook her head.

Wooster leant over to the king, shielding his ear with a hand as he whispered. "Your highness, if you ask my opinion, we should carry on the remainder of this... 'sizing' in private, some of the retainers are getting a little agitated by your daughter's behavior. I remain neutral on the matter, that is my role as head retainer after all, but you must understand what lengths were gone through to obtain the materials for such regal wear."

"Everyone, please calm down," the king suddenly took command of the room once again. "I and Wooster would like some time with her in private, you are to all return to your general duties at once. Thank you for your diligence in this matter." The door creaked open again and the swarm of mushroom folk all bumped about each other as they shuffled out of the single exit. The grumbling continued, rising to a cacophony in the ruler's mind as the last few workers left the room.

"Selfish little brat." one coughed.

"And this is the heir to the throne..." another wheezed.

"GET OUT!!" the king suddenly exploded, forcefully shoving the last few retainers out. One was knocked to the ground, quickly clambering to his feet in bewilderment of the complete flip in personality. With him, Wooster and Peach remaining in the room, he slowly shut the door and pressed his back to it. Wooster remained stoic; Peach stared at him in genuine anguish. Gazing upon the horrified face of his daughter was enough to make him fall along the door and onto his bottom. "...I... I-I'm sorry..."

Another three years passed and the king found himself standing in the same room, sighing as he gazed at the dress as it hung limply in the Princess's wardrobe. As she entered puberty a new, reproportioned dress of the same style had to be created to accommodate the growing woman. At the same time however, it seemed to be gathering dust at an accelerating rate, even when stored out of direct contact with the air. Beyond a set of similarly-constructed 'emergency' gowns, which were slowly meeting the same fate, T-shirts and various styles of jeans and casual pants were freshly washed and neatly folded. If they hadn't been there the closet's air likely wouldn't be breathable.

Behind that however, was the crown jewel of her private assets. An 8-foot tall and slim white cardboard box was neatly taped shut, carrying both the lose components of, and considerably less often, an expensive telescope.

Grunting to himself he gradually navigated out of the room, out of the royal quarters, and soon out of the fortress itself. He carried himself through the castle gardens and up to the pinnacle of a hill that separated the neatly-trimmed lawns of the fort from the twinkling Toad Town suburbs. The sun had gone down long ago, but a set of lanterns kept the peak lit as children and relatives of the retainers played simple physical and party games. Nearly tripping over one of the smaller mushroom folk as they stormed laughing by his feet, he finally set sight at the very top of the hill, where Peach slouched as she tinkered with various dials and swinging lenses on the monstrous telescope.

"Princess..." he mumbled, quickly advancing on her. "The retainers and I have been looking for you all over! Didn't you get the schedule? The estate representatives are all gathered in the hall, we're beginning talks in the next ten minutes! Now, let's hurry back-"

"Gotcha," Peach sighed. "I'm just wrapping up here, I got some good magnified photographs of the Big Bucket. I'll get one of the retainers to watch this thing and I'll be down in five minutes."

"You don't understand, I need you to get changed into your dress immediately if we're going to make it on ti-"

Peach grunted and glanced over her shoulder. "I'll be more than happy to stand in as another representative of the regality while you do your negotiations, sure, but you're not getting me back into that thing. I swear, every iteration of it you show to me comes with a smaller and smaller waist, one of these days I'm not going to be able to walk for more than 5 minutes before I get a blood imbalance in my body."

"Please understand, I'm just trying to make you presentable for the other human nobles..."

He quickly realized his poor choice of words as Peach finally rose from the telescope and stomped over to her father. She thrust a finger into his pudgy chest and lowered her face intimidatingly-close to his, spitting her agitated breath over him as she spoke. "Listen. As in, actually listen, like you never seem to do. You can court me to the other rich guys as much as you like but it's not going to change the fact that I'm not interested in any of them. I don't care how grubby you think I look right now, this is all I need to wear to pursue my real passions. I understand your desire to teach me about how the castle works and all that, and I compromise and compromise and compromise because of it. I take on the tasks you give me, I'm at the head of the class and will probably always be, and I have my branch of the retainerhood working night and day for the good of the Kingdom, but you won't stop pestering me to keep up an image that I simply can't."

"What are you implying?"

Peach shook her head. "I won't take the throne. I'll continue to serve the Kingdom but I have to do it in a way that I'm handy with, comfortable with."

The king looked visibly grief-stricken. "...how could you say such a thing?"

"You've taught me so much about being a responsible human being, but in the end I owe at least some responsibility for my own well-being. Disown me if you like, I understand your stance in any regard. I've already taken up membership with an astronomers' sect in Toad Town, and someday I... we, hope to find something that is heresy to those that stand firmly by the legend of Star Road."

"...you certainly have the regal language down pat, at the very least." the king wiped an eye.

"Wasn't it you that said someday you wished that rule of the Kingdom would be passed back to its own people? Why not start now?"

She got no answer. Instead the king began to slump away weakly, and fell down onto his bottom as if he'd taken a shot to the kidneys. He let out a wounded groan, shaking his head as he stared up into the sky alongside his daughter. "...I don't know what to say, really. Whether I'm disappointed, or heartbroken... I should have seen this coming. You were always different from your peers, always either off in a world of your own or dissecting ours. You're an incredibly intelligent young woman. I was sincerely hoping that you would be able to use that intuition to lead your people."

Peach returned to tinkering with the scope. "Don't try to guilt-trip me, you know I'll still be around for whatever chores you assign to me."

"But I-"

"YOUR HIGHNESS! Your... highness..." a retainer hobbled up the hill as fast as his stubby legs could take him. He stumbled to a stop between the two, wheezing uncontrollably as he slumped over. "W-we-we have an emergency at the castle! We need you both to report back, NOW!"

"I was working on that." the king grumbled, glaring at Peach.

"Nononono, not that, we've evacuated the ball room and the visitor wing, we have a fire raging out of control between the two... we're fighting it at the moment and we've managed to at least isolate it from the rest of the castle, but I'm not sure if we can save that side of the structure."

"Take us there immediately." the king commanded, feeling his heart jump into his throat.

"Teddy, watch the scope for now, I have to go." Peach shouted as she leapt down the hill, leading ahead of the other two.

The heat in the garden was already sweltering when the regality and retainer arrived at the scene, and the night sky glowed blindingly as flames and smoke continued to pour out of the second floor and roof of the castle's visitor wing. A pair of retainers struggled to hold up an emergency hose, blasting water into windows that suddenly lashed out with fire. Peach jumped to the front, latching onto the hose and pointing it firmly inwards. "How the hell did this happen?!"

One of the surprised retainers loosened his grip slightly and let Peach take over. "Started from the third chamber on the second floor, all that I could gather was that the family staying there for the ball brought their own space heater... and we have old outlets, and that's what happens. We warned them, but-"

"Is anyone still in there?"

"Speak of... the... devil..." another mushroom wheezed. He sat slumped against one of the hedges, clutching a half-used fire extinguisher the size of him. "I just got out, I was trying to make a path. One of the estate families' sons is still stuck in there. They'd left him home while they toured Toad Town and we haven't heard anything from him since-" he jerked in response as the shriek of a child came from within the building. "Oh, no!"

Peach leapt away from the hose, causing the two retainers on it to fall down as they tried to right the stream of water. "Hose me down."

The king coughed. "What?"

"What good is that going to do?..." the escapee mumbled.

"I'll head in and look myself. If you coat me with that crap it should give me a couple of minutes at least. I can get him out of there."

"A-a-are you INSANE?!" the king sputtered.

"I'm not going to stand here and watch some kid get turned to ash! I told you time and again, I'll serve the kingdom, and I'll serve any that deserve it! I don't have to be a king or a queen or a princess to do any of that! Now," Peach roared as she turned to the fire extinguisher, spreading her arms and closing her eyes. "LET ME GO!!"

The mushroom behind the extinguisher winced and shut an eye as he blasted Peach with the contents of the extinguisher. Peach wiped as much of the sticky foam away from her eyes as she could and snatched the empty canister from its holder's hands. With all her strength she hurled it at the entrance to the dormitory with a thunderous crash, and clambered through the remains of the aged wooden door into the inferno. She shielded her face as the roars and stings of the flames and smoke leapt up around her, and began to trudge through the chaos. She slapped the bedroom doors with her free fist, scrambling to find the one that would give her a panicked response. Finding herself at the stairs, she grumbled to herself and began to force herself up them. She let out a cry as her foot fell through one of the weakened steps, but pried herself free and continued her ascent.

"Are you here?! Say something!" Peach snarled as she repeated the process. She'd escaped the settled smoke but the heat was now tenfold as she advanced closer to the source of the fire. She jumped as she heard a weakened cry up ahead. From behind the fifth door on the left came the whimper she needed. Daring not to touch the handle she jumped up and slammed both of her feet into the door, smashing it off its hinges. The same impact, however, was enough to cave in the roof near her and block reentry to the hallway. Cursing to herself she stumbled inside and found the smaller mushroom child hiding under the wooden desk in the corner. "C'mon, we gotta get out of h..." she stopped herself as she realized he was unconscious, likely from earlier smoke inhalation. Lifting him up in her arms, she surveyed her surroundings again. The hallway was now totally immolated and barricaded by the debris she had just helped to incur. All that was left was a small stationary patio-style window... and a two-storey drop. But she had no time to jimmy it open and request something to break her fall either. All that was left to do was... hope for a hedge.

"This is going to suck." Peach said flatly, backing up and starting a mad charge at the window. She turned as she leapt, shattering through the window with her shoulder as she spun herself the best she could to land on her back and protect her cargo from harm. The fall was one thing, but she hadn't stopped to consider where the rest of the glass shards would be going.

All of Peach's plans were ultimately assumptions.

She slammed down hard against the grass. Any wind she had left in her was expelled in a weak cry of agony as the fall both broke plenty of bones and drove multiple fragments of glass through her limbs and side. She eagerly awaited unconsciousness, but the prospect of it drifted away as dozens of panicked retainers and nobles crowded around her and the inert body in her arms.

I was like many parents, and did not know what to make of having an offspring that I would have to pass all my traditions and snippets of knowledge along to. It was a great responsibility for myself, due both to having a potential heir to the throne for my inevitable absence and the abandonment of your mother due to my... physical condition. You may or may not know this, but I should mention it before moving into any other notifications: I myself am not a full-blooded human. My father was handsome among the mushroom folk and was wed to my human mother in a move that angered a great deal of the current human nobility because of, as you can probably assume at this point, the Star Road legend. This was largely a secret known to few and once your mother caught wind of it, she abandoned us shortly after you were born. I purposely had a rumor spread that she had left because of my, well, weight gain. I would discourage you from seeking her out, and hope that you take my word for it as to what kind of person she was.

I was so proud of you in your earlier years. You'd spend day in and day out in the library, soaking up whatever fact and fiction you could, stories and legends, statistics and estimates. That wasn't enough for you however, you proved and disproved, and wanted to learn and explore further. You may have flunked your common-language classes at the upper level, but you could still outwit myself and much of the retainers and royalty without as much as breaking a sweat. At the same time however, some of my closest contacts in the retainerhood disliked you greatly, and felt that I had treated you TOO well. You were influential and intelligent, but at the same time rebellious, and they had their doubts about what kind of future leader you would make. At a time, I myself feared that I spoiled you too much, let you have too much freedom. With your final confirmation that you wished not to take the throne, I assumed all was lost.

But I didn't understand you fully, much to my dismay. You constantly took charge in scenarios that demanded your attention and dealt swift instructions and closed all concerns with justice and care. When you braved the deadly flames that night to save that child, I finally understood what you meant about serving those you care about... to be a citizen, a friend, a hero, one does not need silly honorifics to commit such deeds. You are the symbol of the kingdom, my daughter, not as a princess, but a motif. And now, as I watched you command the keypers into battle and manage the defenses of a kingdom that I once thought was mine, all I could do was sit here like an old fool and do paperwork and write crude effigies like these. You deserve better than to turn into someone like me, not with your ambition.

By the name of the royal family and the sovereignty of my crown, I am forbidding you from service as Queen. Instead, as of writing, I am granting you a far more prestigious title, one that will let you pursue your dreams along with those of the Mushroom Kingdom:

I, HERBERT TREVOR TOADSTOOL OF THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM APPOINT

PRINCESS MATHILDA AVERN TOADSTOOL GRAND AMBASSADOR AND INTERWORLD EMISSARY OF THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM

This, of course, leads one to assume who will take my place. I have included other documentation with this letter that will take care of those matters. I have another potential leader in mind, but if you simply turn this into the retainerhood and let them deal with it I won't blame you. They will receive all the proper training from the estate royalty and take my place whether they like it or not, for this is my final command. And if they don't... well, you'll just have to come back and beat sense into them won't you?

Wear a coat wherever you decide to go, I don't want you catching a cold.

Peach found enough feeling left in her fingers to flip through the remainder of the sheets. Her eyes tore them apart and took in the information - down to the name, which made her chuckle. "...oh I totally bet they're going to like to hear this news." she stood back to her feet, drawing her keyblade. "You can stop hiding now, I know you've been here the whole time."

Bob floated down through the air to the center of the throne room. "I did not expect you to be able to detect me so easily in this state. You are not afraid of my presence anymore?"

"It's hard to be afraid of anything at this point, really." Peach sat down on the steps of the throne, still wiping her eyes as she tried to stare the blob of Vast down. "So what's your story? Why'd you creep into my room and plant all those subliminal messages into my head about my dad? You're not MORE Vast here to attack me are you?"

"That was not me, in fact... that resonance is what brought me to this location in space-time actually. You were very grief-stricken about the loss of your family member indeed, enough to question your own future and doubt your past. I was expecting you to be in much more pain, but that your father had left you a message enabling you to carry on... that was ingenious of him indeed. I am satisfied to see you in a stable state."

"Oh, I'm happy that's all cleared up... I think I can manage, both for his sake and mine. But what he said there is cute, 'Interworld Emissary'. It's going to take more than that to propel me off this turd hurtling through space. Me and my friends, we've been trying to hunt down some way to build a spacecraft... we've been going at that for months with little to no success. I was told I tame some Vast and use that to travel, but nope. We can't find a usable quantity of it anywhere that doesn't try to eat my brains when I get close. In fact, I'm surprised you haven't."

"You are aware you are a Nobody, correct?"

"Yeah." Peach wheezed.

"I assure you that I will not 'eat your brains' as your kind puts it. I wish no harm to you. I simply wish to keep surveying you, and I believe with your last request we can come to a compromise."

"...'surveying'?"

"You are an exceptional person, Mathilda, for the reasons your father have stated and that I have witnessed... you went to the precipice of desperation and back again. You truly are a voice of reason, and for those reasons you are an incredibly power keyper and also stand to be one of many that will ascend your earthly limitations and that of the Nobody. For this reason I wish to accompany you on your journeys."

"Yeah, and what exactly do you intend to do?" Peach sighed. "And no one calls me Mathilda anymore, if we're going to have to continue this relationship I'd prefer to be cal-"

"Very well, Peach. I have an offer for you, but I cannot reveal my true form yet, as our meeting must be cut short."

"And why is that?"

"The one you call Troy is in danger."

Lantz continued to loom over Troy's disabled body, managing to finally recapture his breath and return to his arrogant feign. Spitting out another small amount of blood he gave a few kicks to the Koopa's body before realizing that he was still, in fact, kicking a turtle shell. His eyes turned to the Chronicle that laid bare on the ground a short distance away, the bond weakened enough for it to physically exist outside of Troy's grasp. "And where's them other keypers you spoke so highly of? I was hoping for at least some souvenir keychains for the others."

Peach's sneaker knocked it away. Lantz froze and stared up at her with a dull haze over his face as the Chronicle continued to grind against the ground and spin to a gradual stop.

"I'm one of them."

"The hell is this supposed to be?" Lantz cackled. "What kind of operation do these people run, sending women and children first? Whatever makes it easier for me to pry them from your cold, dead ha-"

"By my right of succession and the sovereignty of the crown, I'm telling you to leave this place now or I'm going to shove this thing up your ass so far it's going to give you a root canal."

"A pretty face, and an authority figure, too! I imagine some guys would like that, but frankly you should just take it face down ass up!"

Peach's keyblade flashed out, gleaming gold as it shifted form rapidly. Its keychain token suddenly ruptured outwards, creating an eyed five-pronged star. The weapon's teeth radiated yellow light as they suddenly bent 90 degrees and jutted out in front of the horizontally-held weapon. She held it up even to her eyes, lunging forth with surprising speed at Lantz. Lantz's waist buckled backwards as he avoided the attack, suddenly finding himself unable to find footing as Peach jaunted at him once more. Unable to break the frontal assault, he somersaulted backwards and braced himself on one knee, firing another blast of pressure from his good hand at his rapidly-approaching opponent. Peach stumbled back as she was slammed by the wall of force, hidden globules of Vast suddenly exploding backwards as they absorbed the bulk of the impact.

"Vast?!" Lantz growled.

"You alright?" Peach mumbled.

Bob's voice crept out of the air from all around. "It will take more than that to deter me, Peach. Continue your commands."

Lantz and Peach circled about each other as Bob's remains disappeared to the naked eye again. "...hah.. interesting fighting style you have... but it's far too formal to take care of me with. And I'm afraid you're not too good with concealing your dirty tricks."

"I am a princess, you know," Peach mumbled. "What kind of royalty doesn't have at least some fencing under their belt? How do you think I live carrying around a keyblade? As far as self-defense, well, I'm a scholar of more than just arts, you pissed me off at a really bad time and for once I'm really going to defend someone into the dirt."

"This is old." Lantz sighed, discharging another blast into Peach. He grimaced as she ate the brunt of it, launching backwards across the chamber and bouncing painfully to a stop. "...wow, really? You can't even defend yourself again?"

Peach was already up on her feet, cracking her neck. "Actually, you really can't defend that great either."

"What are you-" Lantz suddenly looked back at the ground. The Chronicle was gone. "...what?! You, what did you-" Lantz was interrupted as a whistle cut through the air. The Chronicle flew straight at him of its own accord, lancing through straight to Lantz's chest. He leapt out of the way, shocking it out of midair with another pulse of energy from his fist. It clashed the to ground, but quickly slid across the floor to Peach. "This is friggin' stupid! How can you just command Vast around like-"

"Who said I was commanding it?"

"If it's dicking around with the Chronicle, then that means you're open!!" Lantz clasped both his free and injured hand together, firing a massive blast of force at Peach that tore up the air in the room as it barrelled at her. With a cry Peach thrust her key-rapier forward, seeming to completely annul the attack. Moments later two separate sections of wall on both sides behind her imploded.

"He is more intelligent than he seems," Bob's voice radiated. "Do not relent."

Lantz threw both his arms behind him, dealing the same damage in the other direction as he blasted himself through the air. The room was buried in a shockwave as he both halted himself and attacked from closer, one arm in the front and the other behind, Peach grunted as she thrust herself through that one, her blood running cold as a series of midair explosions marked Lantz zigzagging through the air at nigh-invisible speed to her side and launching another blast. Vast splattered against the wall again as he spun around behind her, striking from the other side. The air shimmered and pushed her to the side slightly but otherwise had no effect. Growling, with another burst of air he leapt to her back, already halfway into delivering a haymaker to the back of Peach's head. Lantz cried out in shock as it splashed into another phasing field of Vast.

"Now!"

Peach thrust the Invincible under he shoulder with all of her might, managing to plunge it straight through Lantz's left bicep. Lantz tore himself away, spinning backwards and slamming into the inner sanctum door. "From every goddamn angle, what is that that keeps you covered-"

"To keep on standing up when I get knocked down, the strength to thrust forward with not a fear in mind, to go any way without a doubt in the world! That's what my keyblade represents, to be unbreakable! With my keyblade... I create forcefields, which both protect and provide quick application of other adhesive defenses..."

"Screwed up bad..." Lantz panted as he clutched the gigantic rupture in his arm. Blood continued to ooze from it and his mutilated hand. "This is un-fucking-believable. I'm going to have to get out of here..."

"I'm not done with you!!" Peach held her blade up with both hands, causing the air in front of her to distort again. A solid wall of force exploded out of it, pounding the full breadth of Lantz's body against the door with a painful crunch. Peach followed behind with renewed adrenalin as she rammed the keyblade through his chest, the combined force shattering the royal doors and forcing Lantz back off it. Lantz's face turned pale as his hand clamped down on the wound, beginning to feel his bodily fluids shift.

Lantz now lacked the vitality to create a coherent response. "Fuck. You." With one last burst of energy, his other index finger jetted through the air to trace a circular pattern in the air. Reeling forward, he slammed his shoulder back into the cutout, breaking a hole into a subspace. He flashed one last sadistic grimace at Peach before allowing his weakened body to fall through it. Peach leapt forward at the portal, but as quickly as it had appeared it sealed up with a twinkle of light. Feeling the weakness in her own body return, Peach collapsed to one knee, propping herself up with the Invincible. She wheezed as she gazed back over her shoulder as the still-languid Troy.

She tapped her forehead with two fingers, tipping them back to Troy. "You owe me. BIG."

Troy's eye slowly crept open, receding and rising again as he struggled with the sudden influx of light. Feeling was slowly returning to his muscles and limbs, and after sorely letting his head roll to the side, he gazed at his Vast-hand as he tried to raise his arm.

"Whoa man, settle down. You haven't moved for a while so you're gonna have to ease into things. How many fingers am I holding up?"

Troy flinched again, not bothering to try to discern the voice. "...12? I mean... what? Who are you? Where am I? What about-"

"He's been taken care of, don't worry. What we need to do now is get you... well, back to reality. It's me, Derek." As Troy's vision began to clear, he could begin to make out the scraggly-chestnut-haired man sitting next to him. Derek sat on a stool, dressed in as plain clothing as could be - a white T-shirt and blue jeans. He smiled and the light gleamed off his glasses. It was the dark of night outside the window. "You're in the castle infirmary. You got beat up pretty badly from what I hear, but it's nothing TOTALLY life-threatening. You took some damage to the scapula and your pelvic girdle got a little jarred, and lost some blood, but it's nothing that some splints, muscle relaxants, painkillers, transfusions... well, okay, it actually is somewhat complicated, but we've handled the serious stuff and from hereon you should be okay with a week or so off the job."

"Wait, Lantz, what happened to-" Troy quickly sat up, collapsing again as he felt something sharp jab into his shoulder muscles. "GAKK-"

"Okay, let me give you a more tangible prognosis..." Derek said flatly. "Lie down in your bed and shut up for a while. If you're talking about the invader, then yeah, I already got an earful about that. Auron dispatched me when he detected some fluctuations in your lifesigns from your Shambhala attunement. He figured I'd be able to sneak around easier because there's a good balance of humanoid Nobodies on this world. I imagine Fires would've been able to patch you up faster, but you know, diplomacy blah blah."

"Peach? Mario? Luigi? Sel-"

"From what I've gathered, it was Peach of all people that saved your ass. None of the others had any idea what was going on."

Troy slouched back in the bed. "Oh, no... is she alright?"

"She's been treated for minor injuries, but besides that she supposedly tore him a new one." Derek's eyes shifted as there was a light knock at the door. "Come in."

The door creaked open and Peach hobbled in, a crutch under one arm. She smiled at the two as she made her way across the room. "Mr. Stiles, thank you again. I'm doubly lucky to have both made it out of that in one piece AND had an active trauma surgeon in the castle at the same time."

Derek nodded at Peach. "You're very welcome. I merely happened to be in the right place at the right time."

"I know, right?" Troy said dully. Derek jabbed him in the shoulder. "OWWWWWWOWOWOWOWOW!"

"Anyways," Derek turned his attention back to Peach. "Are you alright?"

"Oh, don't mind this," Peach glanced at the crutch. "My legs are still a little shaky, that's all. It's not every day that I have to fight a person to the death. I have to thank you for the... loperamide! Yeah, that's what you called it. It's fixed my... other concerns since I had that bout of night terror a while ago..."

"Loperamide?" Troy mumbled.

"Diarrhea." Derek shot back.

"Wait, WHAT?" Troy looked back at Peach with a guffaw. Peach jabbed him in the shoulder. "AUGGHHGHGHG-"

"I need to go consult with some of the retainers about how we're going to handle security for the next while. There's no telling what could happen now that someone simply walked onto the grounds and started pummeling Troy. Well, and me I guess. I'll leave you with Troy so you can tend to some of his other wounds while I gather the castle staff in the banquet hall. There's also our monarch problem... but I think I've discovered a unique solution."

"Very well," Derek nodded to Peach, waiting until the door clicked shut behind her before turning back to Troy. "What the hell happened out there? You're not the kind to get the crap kicked out of you this badly."

"Well, you know that I stopped back on Plit to chill and catch up with the guys until Auron called on me next. I stayed in the palace here for a bit, and earlier this morning one of the guards said that there was a visitor for me. I went out to check on it and that's when Lantz got the drop on me. He had WEIRD powers, he could project raw force out of his body. He called himself the 'Pusher', and he was manipulating the light and sound in the room so that no one but me could see what was going on. I was his target."

"Let me guess..."

"He was a Nepenthe. He rambled on and on about how Sirius had tried earlier to get the Chronicle but failed. That's not what he called him, though... Lantz kept referring to him as Belphegger or something."

"Belphegor?" Derek mused. "It's a common folklore name, even on different worlds. Sometimes an evil spirit, other times a demon. It's usually used as a metaphor for sloth. I wonder what he could have meant by it..."

Troy let his hand slowly fall as he wiped his face. "That's not what bothers me, though... it's that he just marched straight to the castle door and challenged me there. The Nepenthes are still after the Chronicle and they probably assume that I'm just chilling here. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't want to put myself on a pedestal here, but I don't know what would have happened if I wasn't here..."

"No, I understand."

"What happens if he comes back? What happens if they send MORE super villains like him here to tear up the place?"

"Troy, the Covenant will protect you."

"I'm not TALKING about my survival here, now Plit's in even MORE danger because of me!" Troy buried his head in his hands.

"We should bring this up with Auron," Derek said sternly. "Maybe he has a course of action we can take. I'm sure at the very least he could pull some strings and get a garrison of better-experienced keypers here to keep watch. He could even position a Covenant member here. Who knows? Right now, we have to figure out as much about this Lantz as possible and get closer to shutting down the Nepenthes. I happened to find out something interesting while you were asleep."

"What?"

"When Peach managed to critically wound Lantz, he escaped with a summoned portal of his own, disturbingly similar to a Shambhala-warp from the way she described it. I'm not sure what this could mean, but I imagine we'll figure out more once we get this information to Auron. For now, however, we should probably figure out what Peach wants to make of all this chaos. I'm going to wheel this bed out to the banquet hall, please, stay still."

Both Derek and Troy winced as the patient bed clicked and clacked out of the infirmary hallway and onto the carpets that typically coated the floors of the castle's interior. They weren't even halfway to the banquet hall and already a cacophony of disputing retainers and royals echoed back and forth through the polished corridors. Slowly the double doors swung open and the long table had all its paperwork moved out of the limelight, off to a side underneath one of the tall windows. Instead, the seats were full of said arguing mushrooms, with at least another 20-30 chairs moved in from other rooms for posterity. Peach sat at the front, desperately trying to get the attention of those in the room. Her eyes quickly caught onto those of her new two debaters, and she slammed her fists down on the table, spilling a glass of water in the process.

"EVERYONE, order in this goddamn COURT, I didn't drag you all in here for an auction, so all developing migraines aside, SHUT UP and let me talk for a moment."

Silence quickly fell across the crowd, with the attention divided down the middle between Peach and Derek/Troy.

Peach rapidly drummed the table with one hand's fingers. "First of all, to sate all your curiosity, YES an unknown assailant managed to simply walk into the castle and beat the crap out of someone, and later, myself. We've returned some of the keyper garrison to the castle to help investigate and be on watch for further terrorist acts... but actually, that's NOT why I've summoned you all to the hall this late in the night. We have a solution to the power gap created by the unfortunate death of my father."

"Have you come to your senses?"

"The young lady grew a pair and will rise to the throne?"

"I was afraid of this..."

"BE THE HELL QUIET," Peach blared, causing some chairs to shift back. "And listen to me for a moment. Earlier today, I found this concealed message hidden underneath the throne cushion, bearing the royal seal... it was a last message from my father to myself."

"Horsewash!"

Peach gently tossed the original letter onto the table. Eager arms pulled it to one of the mushroom nobles, who began to feverishly examine it with a fine eyeglass. "...this is authentic, indeed!"

A gasp settled over the crowd.

He let the glass dangle back to his chest. "The royal seal is flawless by itself, and the handwriting matches your father's, but this ink... this is Lavender Epiphany! Extremely exotic, it's thousands of coins to the drop! Only royalty could have afforded to spray this around... with this I must stand by the legitimacy of your documents."

"My father talked about me in ways that I would have never expected him to perceive myself... but I'm not going to bore you with emotional details. What followed that was truly his final words. When I grew up with my father, he had high hopes for myself, but he also lived with a heavy heart knowing that the Mushroom Kingdom would choose its leadership and move into the future with human blood controlling its dynasty. For the longest time, he tried his hardest to condition me to take the throne one day, and as young as I was I still knew it. He was disappointed when to his face I refused to take up the crown, but as time went on, we ultimately remained friends and family. Along the way, we both realized something... leadership, heroism and bravery are ambiguous. I remained faithful to the Kingdom and aided it where I could, both physically and logistically. The boy that I saved that night is in this room. Show yourself."

Everyone looked around in confusion. Slowly, shakily, one of the teenage nobles rose from the crowd.

"It's selfish for me to slap those titles on myself, but it didn't have to be me that charged in there and rescued him. It could have been anyone, friends, family, other servants, a bystander, that came to his aid. But I couldn't sit by and watch what was happening. You are all family to me. I would not have it any other way. It doesn't matter if you're a beggar or an emperor, like I've said on multiple occasions, such honorifics are silly to measure servitude with. Mushroom or human, we're all capable of great things. That's what my father realized at the end, and that's how he wants to honor the people of this Kingdom - the promotion of heroes small and large."

Another of the estate owners climbed. "I never would have thought the Princess Mathilda, who was such an utter brat in her youth, could belt out a speech with such bravado. You have our undivided attention. What is that you wish us to do?"

Peach slammed her fist down again, a devious grin sprouting on her face. "Obey my father's final wish and put Wooster on the throne!"

The entirety of the room burst into a calamitous uproar. Wooster, already halfway through his glass, spewed out its contents.

"My father was friends with Wooster for a great deal of time, actually, since his youth," Peach said sternly, her arms folded. "It was with great happiness that he was able to appoint Wooster as head retainer, and as I grew up he greatly admired both his patience with me and the leadership he displayed in managing the whole retainerhood and its business all over the kingdom. My father wanted someone like him at the head of the state - someone with compassion, honor, knowledge, and, uh, business sense. I have further documentation that will outline all his duties and responsibilities for him, and also his honors and powers."

"This is an utter betrayal!" the earlier estateer bellowed. "What of us, all of those also close, in many cases even closer to the king? Are we thrown out like dirty bathwater?"

"Shut up, I'm getting to that part," Peach held up another folded sheet, letting it accordion down to the floor. "Wooster will act as a figurehead of the kingdom and verify all laws and acts of the government before passing them to action. All those last few words are probably pretty alien to you indeed. Herbert's other clause specifies that a coup is to be administered by either Wooster or Mathilda, and that the kingdom be converted into a democratic monarchy. In short... I hope you guys are ready to actually manage your own lands instead of riding my father's coattails."

A half-celebration, half-revolt could be heard in the halls of the castle for hours to come.

A week came and went, and eventually Troy managed to get back on his feet. It was an early morning when he and Derek started down the road from the castle on the hill to somewhere they could Shambhala-warp with (hopefully) no mushroom witnesses. Looking over his shoulder, he caught the excited waves from Mario, Luigi and Selphie through one of the great lobby windows. Troy grinned as he returned them.

"Are you going to make a habit of this?" Derek chuckled.

"What?"

"Getting your ass handed to you on Plit. That seems to happen a lot from what I hear."

"Hmm, maybe in a while," Troy sighed. "At the same time though, I kinda get the feeling I'm not going to see Peach and those three for a while. I have this knack that they're really close to getting off this rock."

"At the same time though, you sound worried."

"Well, we DID just watch a government upheaval take place," Troy glanced a rock at his feet, watching it bounce as he booted it along with him. "Hopefully Wooster makes out alright. He has plenty of people ready to help him of course, and Peach herself knows every trick of the king's even if she doesn't want to admit it. She'll point him in the right direction and if anyone disagrees, she'll tear them a new one."

"I should probably get back to Shambhala before Auron bitches me out," Derek nodded to Troy. "But what are you going to do now?"

"Oh, I still have a few visits to make before I get bored. All the stars in the sky are friends, this is simply one of them."

"You wish."

Derek jabbed Troy in the shoulder again, making him cry out. Troy grumbled as he watched Derek flipped out a medical scalpel, carving a hole in space-time and shoving his way through it. The Shambhala gate closed as quickly as it appeared, and Troy was again left alone. He sighed, and turned to continue down the path - stumbling to a stop as he found Peach in front of him.

"Peach? Is everything alright? I-"

Peach nodded. "Everything's okay. I just happened to hear what you said, about me not being around much longer. The truth is the matter is... well, that it's the truth. Bob insists he has a way of transporting us to other worlds as we please. The others will be coming with me... hopefully we can get them home, somehow... anything is better than just sitting around here, really. Especially since I'm needed more for slapping sense into nobles than anything else, and I can always drop by when THAT'S needed."

"You're okay with Bob though? I mean..." Troy rubbed his head. "I wasn't expecting you to make up with him so fast. I could still pull some strings, you know, at the very least get you limited membership in the Covenant, they co-"

Troy froze as he realized Peach's lips were on his cheek. Troy's eyes rolled up to meet hers as she disembarked.

Peach winked to him before departing. "You'd just cramp my style."

It would be after another few days of thought that Peach walked out of the hedge maze, nodding to the sun-baked retainers as they watered, trimmed or otherwise maintained it. She wasn't concerned about subtlety at the moment. This was something she had to know, something she wanted to for a very, very long time. Bob hovered over top of an elaborately-mushroom-shaped jumping fountain awaiting her arrival. Peach stood her ground, fists clenched as she looked up at him.

"If you can get us off this world, then you're free to come with," Peach shouted. "Now, tell me your plan."

"It is as your Auron said. It is possible for me to mold into a form that would allow me to act as a vehicle between worlds. Typically this is done by enslaving primal Vast, but this in itself is a dangerous act. I shall act as your vessel."

"Sorry for sounding a little skeptical here, but you're maybe the size of a basketball?" Peach shifted her weight to the side. "How exactly are you going to get us anywhere?"

Peach's eyes widened as Bob began to crackle with purple energy and emit a groan of concentration. A blast of wind knocked her onto her behind, and she scrambled back up in time to watch the orb of Vast contort wildly and explode outwards, seeming to self-replicate as it folded in dozens of directions. Bit by bit, Vast paneling began to rivet itself together in front of her eyes, and the high-pitched whine it made died down into a low reverb as the dust cleared. Peach choked as she stumbled back to her feet, gazing in awe at what was in front of her. What had been an undiscernable sphere of Vast mere seconds ago had now transformed into a translucent vehicle; a jet-like craft the size of a townhouse with two sets of jagged, back-flowing wings and multiple streaks of spike-like fins. Visible through the exterior were multiple compartments for both living and command. Bob was now a starship.

Panicking retainers were now fleeing the hedges for their lives, while Mario, Luigi and Selphie forced their way into the open field.

"What in the seven cheeses did you just pull out of Bob?" Mario spat.

"...looks like a ride." Luigi mumbled, dumbstruck.

"Whooooeeee!!" Selphie wailed.

"I hope it is to your satisfaction." Bob's subdued voice suddenly boomed.

"I... I'll take it." Peach gaped.

Hundreds of miles away, in the middle of Dark Land, the newly-renovated castle of Last Chance Ramparts had a swarming collection of palm trees growing atop it. In the middle of the grove, a gigantic hot tub was filled with bubbling brown sludge. Troy and Bowser both sat within with their arms draped over the edges, staring up into the simmering sun.

Bowser's snout fidgeted as he tried to balance his oversized sunglasses on them. "Wha, really? You mean everyone was expectin' her to become the king and she turned that all down? Is she frickin' crazy? Those Mushroom Kingdom nobles, I just can't figure out what the hell makes 'em tick."

"That's the deal," Troy wore even larger shades as he swirled around the umbrellaed mixed drink in his palm. "From what I heard, her dad made a lot of good points about the future of the kingdom... and about how everyone ultimately has to play their part in it as opposed to having a big conglomerate pointing all the fingers and feeling all guilty about not letting anyone else have any say in it."

"Bah, let 'em do that," Bowser grumbled. "Now around here, half the folk can't figure out a ballot from a rock on the ground, or a rock on the ground from another rock on the ground for that matter. We'll always have my ever-benevolent dictatorship, thanks muchly." Bowser took a long swig from the beer bottle in his hand, passing it off to one of the Koopa servants as they passed by. "Another Dark Land Dark, doubletime."

"Yeah, but I mean, even you yourself passed more duties off to the royal guard, eh?"

"That was a one time thing." Bowser sighed.

As Bowser's discussion turned to the latest football game between the Koopahari Carapaces and the Toad Town Terrors, Troy squinted and lowered his shades to make out an object in the sky. A bright sphere of purple energy rocketed upwards with its vapor trail cutting an arc across the empty wasteland airspace, very obviously having hit the stratosphere.

Troy raised his glass. "Happy trails."