Title: Resolution
Genre: Angst/Drama
Rating: PG-13
Summary: (part 3) Katy arrives at the hospital, and she and Kris have some meaningful conversations about their marriage and about Adam. He is allowed to visit both of his friends in their respective rooms and stuff happens. Oh, and a nurse embarrasses him. Couldn't forget that!
Notes: ANGSTY ANGSTY ANGST. :) Thank you for your reviews so far!!
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"I'm fine," Kris commanded distractedly, for the third time. The ache in his head had formed into a solid, throbbing mass of pain, and he was having considerable trouble focusing. It was already well into the next day and he hadn't slept a wink...
"But, Kris, surely you need some medical attention too—" Danny started, indicating that some of the others were getting minor injuries treated in a treatment room nearby. Kris, teetering dangerously on the edge of true physical and emotional collapse, simply couldn't deal with the endless, pointless blathering about his decidedly not serious condition.
"I. Am. Fine." He bit the words out one by one and turned away from Gokey without bothering to see how he'd react. He heard the slight shuffling as his concerned companion made his way back up the hallway, and gave a sigh of relief, realizing that he'd been left alone after all. He stood in an exhausted sort of haze, staring into the inner bowels of the medical clinic.
Adam and Allison had already been rushed in there, as soon they'd arrived. Obviously, the news had spread quickly, and TVs in the hospital waiting rooms even flashed with the news of the crash. He was not allowed to visit either of them yet, for their families (who had flown in as quickly as possible) had just finished their own visits, and he assumed that the doctors needed proper time to examine each of them.
He'd caught Mrs. Lambert and Mrs. Iraheta hugging and crying in the hall, and Eber Lambert's somber gaze had been enough to make him turn around and wait outside the area instead. After what seemed like hours, he blankly watched them depart, and a nurse told him he'd soon be allowed to see them with any luck. He wondered what would happen if—when— he was; and that slow, dull pain from his heart spread all through him again at the thought. Its fortunate the medical center's waiting area has such comfortable chairs, he thought, as he sunk hopelessly into one. He doubted that he would have made it much longer on his feet, and the last thing we need is to have me lying here, passed out. He was excruciatingly tired.
The hospital wing was blur of activity to Kris' unfocused eyes as he'd made his way through it. The day had been the most utterly exhausting of his life, and he'd felt as though he could barely put one foot in front of the other. But, he thought with a small sigh as he stood up again after several long minutes of sitting, I can't just sit here. I have to do something.
He nearly ran into a small, brown-haired nurse in the hall because he hadn't seen her behind the cart of supplies she was pushing, and his reflexes and senses were dulled enough by weariness to slow his reaction time down by quite a bit. "I'm sorry," He breathed as he caught himself.
"That's all right." She looked and sounded almost as deadened and exhausted as he felt, and Kris guessed that she'd worked the late shift and cared for them all through the night. She then looked at him with eyes that were blank with tiredness. "Kris Allen," she said in a tone of dull recognition, then heaved a deep sigh, launching into the obligatory part of her job. "Well, Miss Iraheta's doing all right now. We decided to move her into a general room after her parents left because she's stabilized enough not to warrant intensive care."
Kris closed his eyes, nearly staggering as a wave of unadulterated relief washed over him, leaving him weak and shaking in its wake. Thank God. A small hand on his arm brought him back to himself. The nurse's tired eyes were looking at him with quite a bit more life than they had shown earlier, shining with worry. "Mr. Allen," she said, her voice much firmer now, "Are you sure, you don't need medical care? I can arrange for one of the doctors to just look you over..."
He shook her off. "It's nothing; I'm just tired, it's been a rough night... day, you know. Can I see Allison?"
Her small mouth set into an unhappy, disapproving line. "I suppose. Just... get some rest, all right? Exhausting yourself into collapse isn't going to do anyone here any good, least of all Miss Iraheta and Mr. Lambert."
"I know," Kris muttered, feeling as if a heavy, crushing weight was sitting on his chest, making it hard to breathe. "I know."
She gave him a sad smile and turned away, wheeling the cart along with her. He watched her go, then slowly opened the door and slipped into Allison's room as unobtrusively as he could manage. He didn't know when she had become so much like a sister to him, that had always seemed like her and Adam's thing, but now that she had he couldn't seem to go back to thinking of her in any other way.
She appeared to be sleeping; one hand rested on her stomach, but as Kris entered, her eyes blinked open and focused on him. He moved to sit by her bed and reached out to take her fragile hand in both of his own as she turned toward him. Allison opened her mouth as if to speak, but Kris shook my head to prevent her from doing so.
"How are you feeling? You know that everyone's going to want to come in here after me." He told her, trying to sound steady and strong. "All right," she replied. "Don't worry, Kris. I'm gonna be okay... got a concussion, cut my cheek... some bruised ribs..." She took a deep breath. "H-how's . . . A-Adam?"
"I haven't seen him yet," He told her. "He was . . . hurt . . . fairly badly—" Kris took a deep breath, ashamed of how his voice shook, thick with emotion. He knew that he sounded like he was about to cry.
She shook her head quickly and knowingly, red hair tossing on the pillow. "No. Don't blame yourself. It's was just some freak thing..." Allie smiled tiredly then. "Not your fault..."
Kris managed a weak smile in return. Allie sighed and turned her head away. In the sound were echoes of sorrow, pain, weariness, and a measure of worry that made his heart ache. He closed his eyes and sat there with her, her hand small and fragile in his. She fell slowly asleep again and he got up as quietly as he could. He closed his eyes for one more moment, and then straightened up, turning away.
The world blurred in front of him as he forced his eyelids upward again, and Kris quickly steadied himself with a hand on the wall beside him. The floor seemed to shift and quake beneath his feet. He took a deep breath and focused on merely clearing his vision for one long moment.
A dull, throbbing ache seemed to have settled directly behind his eyes. He rubbed at his sore temples, wincing at the pain shooting through his skull. All Kris really wanted for one moment was to find some dark, quiet place where I could lie down and rest for a while, let my aching, exhausted body recover, and forget the events of the past few days, pretend that none of this had happened at all.
But he knew that couldn't happen. He had to check on Adam first, and he knew Katy would arrive any minute. "Mr. Allen?" The semi-familiar voice in front of him brought his head up with a snap that sent another stabbing pain through his mind. Light and colors reeled in front of him until his sight came back into focus and he realized the female nurse from earlier was standing there, her hands resting firmly on her slender hips.
"You are not all right," she stated with conviction as he focused his eyes wearily on her. "You should definitely be in bed. When your wife gets here, she's going to kill me... either that or sue the hospital. Do you want me to have to sedate you? I will, you know."
"I'm fine," Kris reiterated wearily. "Just tired." And he didn't have time to waste with a pushy, stubborn doctor. He took a step past her.
She grabbed his arm just above the elbow and spun him back around to face her. "When are you planning on at least sitting down and closing your eyes?" she demanded. "Look, I know you're trying to be strong, these are two of your best friends," she continued. "But you need rest, and you need it before you pass out at my feet!"
"I'll get some rest soon enough," Kris told her, allowing himself to be a little amused at her motherly tone. "I just have to do something first. Does that satisfy you?"
She looked at him and then sighed. "Mr. Lambert," she said, and it wasn't a question.
"Yes," He said, losing patience as he tried again to maneuver past her and she again blocked him, this time stopping him by planting one hand on his chest.
"Promise me you'll get some rest soon and I'll take you to him," she said.
"I promise, all right?" Kris said; his tone short and clipped with mild annoyance. "Now may I see him?"
She released him and shrugged. "I suppose that's the best I'm going to get." She hesitated, cocking her head to one side, and then grinned. It lit up her face and she suddenly seemed much younger, around Allison's age, but that hardly seemed possible. That thought was another twinge of pain. "You're really something, you know that?" she asked him.
"Huh?"
She just shook her head at me, laughing slightly to herself. "So stubborn and thick-headed," she said. "Cute little accent—Arkansas, isn't it?— selfless attitude... you know, I didn't think you could possibly really be like what you seemed on TV, but you are."
He blinked, not certain whether he should be flattered or not, and she seemed to find that even more amusing.
"I'll show you to his room," she said. "Just be careful, he's —" She paused, as if trying to figure out a way to describe his condition. "... unstable. In a considerable amount of pain... he's a little delirious; it's a combination of the pain and drugs that did that..."
Kris nodded his understanding, and mentally prepared himself. But even after doing that, the instant he walked into the room, heavy-laden with the scent of antiseptic, and saw him, he knew it wasn't enough.
The sight still hit him like a bullet to the chest, not that he'd ever taken one of those. A hoarse, desperate cycle of inhaling and exhaling split the air around him and he gasped.
The door to the trauma center closed silently behind him and he took a step forward. Adam no longer lay still; facedown on the stretcher they had loaded him onto in passive, compliant unconsciousness from the ambulance. Instead, his body, turned on its side (good arm pressed into the mattress) jerked and convulsed as if run through with some kind of small electric shock each time he breathed in or out, and a respiratory aid plugged his nasal passages and dangled beside the stretcher by a few cords.
"Adam... " Kris whispered over the harsh, grating sound of his breathing. He closed the gap between them, numbly staring. After a moment, he looked down; gazing upon him too long was hard. "Please, Adam... you have to stop this. You're scaring me." He shook his head at the uselessness of this plea.
Adam tossed his head back a bit and moaned quietly. The sound was full of an anguished, tormented helplessness that he had never heard in anyone's voice before. It seemed to waver on for a moment as his hoarse, broken voice faded in and out.
A hand of pure emotion caught his heart, and he dropped to his knees, tears filling his eyes. Adam drew in raggedly for breath, his browline creasing slightly as he tensed and relaxed, sighing as if he simply couldn't get enough air and was resigned to the fact. Kris looked at him, huddled over on the bed, and pain shot through him. Clutching his hand to his forehead, his body rocked a bit, unsteady.
"Adam." He tried again and he stood suddenly after realizing he'd stumbled haphazardly to his knees. But he broke off in a tiny gasp as pain shot through him from his ribs. He passed a hand over them and thought he felt nothing broken, so he ignored the pain and concentrated on the other man. "Adam..." He repeated, touching his hand. "You have to be okay. There's more that needs to be said... I-I... have to fix this mess." He brushed Adam's hair from his eyes, sadly noting the bruises that had joined the small welt on his chin, marring his freckled face.
Then, blue eyes snapped up and focused on him, and Adam's features contorted into a frustrated, pained expression. "Why a-are... you here?" he spat. Kris saw the fire he'd rescued Adam from rage in those eyes, stark against his death-pale skin.
"Adam...! " Kris exclaimed desperately. "No— it's not like that..."
When Adam looked at him, the incredible force of the pain in his face shoved him backward and it was as if a tight, crushing grip settled over his windpipe, cutting off all air supply. He gasped noiselessly, raising a hand to claw desperately at Adam's hand even though he knew it wouldn't do any good. Through the dark spots beginning to dance in front of his eyes, he saw Adam wince suddenly, black fingernails tearing small rents in the thin sheets he clenched. "Stay away from me," he ground out. "Go away— go to— ... to Katy."
Kris, horror-stricken and exhausted, thought he was going to black out completely, his vision blurring into darkness, but he could still see one silvery droplet slip slowly down Adams battered cheek. That single tear shocked him into focus.
"Adam—" He croaked sullenly. "Adam—please— settle down, you're delirious. You need to stay calm."
Abruptly, Adam turned into his pillow and sobbed quietly. "Kris..." The choking pressure lifted from Kris' throat, and he could breathe again. He laughed nervously with the relief of it, his chuckle drowned of any real mirth by his friend's tears.
Adam's hand that he'd been holding fell helplessly to the bed, and his whole body commenced shuddering with slow, painful whimpers. Kris felt for a moment as if he could actually see the pain and heat swirling through his body.
A familiar presence suddenly joined them, like the wash of cool rain on a hot day in Conway, and he felt new strength flow into me, new energy. He didn't turn around at first, seeing Adam sag against the surface of the stretcher, quiet again now.
Then, he slumped down to the floor. A pair of heels clicked over to him and Katy was there. His wife, his beautiful Katy - her eyes, her lips, her smell. She was kneeling in front of him and reached out and steadied him with a hand on each shoulder as he wavered and almost fell. "Easy there, Kris," she said softly.
He stared blankly at her, simply unable to process her words or presence for a moment.
"Kris," she said again, eyes dancing with concern, and laid her hand against Kris' face, shaking him gently with the other. "You all right?"
Finally, it filtered into his mind that she was asking how he was. "I'm fine," Kris said dazedly, his voice rasping painfully in his throat, then, eventually, "Katy."
She grinned a little at that, then climbed to her feet and offered him her hand. Kris pulled himself up with her aid and looked past her to Adam. His breath rattled hoarsely in his throat as he lay there, but at least he was still now, quiet. She followed his gaze and he was shocked to silence when she made her way to his side, lifting a shaky hand and touching his face. He fought weakly as she touched him, probably guessing it was Kris again, but she caught him in her arms, holding him awkwardly around his injuries - stroking his hair, his face, the back of his neck, until he quieted and let her settle him tenderly back to the bed without struggling.
Kris' questioning gaze made her smile sheepishly. "I've taken care of you when you're sick before... and I-I thought I could help. It's the least I can do, really." And he saw the guilt in her eyes then, tiny sparkles of sadness that made him ache.
He braced himself on the wall and raised a hand to massage his head. The movement must have caught her attention, for she raised her head and glanced over at him. "Are you sure you're all right?" she asked, and she stepped over to him, touching his arm. There was still a tense, strange air around them - leftover from weeks of fighting and lack of real conversations.
"I'm okay," He replied softly. "It's just a little . . . sore." She pursed her lips. "Nothing feels permanently damaged?"
He cast a long look at Adam, and saw her cringe, realizing what he was thinking. Feeling bad, Kris answered, "No, nothing." he took a deep breath. "I'm perfectly fine."
She shrugged a bit and turned back to Adam's prone figure, eyes dimmed in thought. "I feel awful about this, Kris." She admitted. "He's a good person, I never meant to hurt him, and I ended up hurting you in the process... I just... I was so scared. And so stupid. And now this..." She laid her hand against Kris' chest, and he hid a wince of pain at the contact. She sighed, overcome. "His condition is serious, isn't it?"
Her eyes flicked over to Kris in one last flash, and the expression in them was almost the exact same one Adam used to send his way when the judges had given him any less than excellent comments in their performance reviews. "I hope he's okay, Kris. I know he means a lot to you, and you're upset with me for what I did... how I messed things up. I want a chance to make things right... with you and him. I just hope it's not too late. "
With that, she turned away, tears filling her eyes. After taking in one small breath, she cast him a quick glance and walked out, the awkward sadness she'd treated him with not leaving the room and hanging in the air, stagnant. She departed, walking purposefully down the hallway, leaving Kris standing there with a half-formed reply on his lips and no real idea what had just happened or what he should do next.
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His smile is bright as ever, even early in the morning. Blue, green, and red sparkles dance on his shirt, forming the word 'WICKED' in curvy letters— 'Oh, sunshine? It's time to wake up now' he says teasingly, and knocks his arm against the bed with a mischievous giggle— 'Hurry up, Krissy-Poo, rehearsal starts in an hour...'— He ducks the pillow Kris throws—
A different scene, back home in Arkansas, blue eyes meet blue and he kisses her— Katy's honey-yellow hair brushes his shoulder when she leans in—he's still crazy about that flowery scent from her shampoo, and it is ever- present, especially as they lay blissfully within each other's arms, waiting for the sunrise —
"Kris?"
"Kris?" Adam's voice is a mixture of mischievous, teasing amusement and impressed respect as he looks into Kris' exhausted face. "So... you're THE American Idol, huh?"
He shrugs . . . "America seems to think so."
Adam grins at the long-suffering note in my voice. "Don't even think it, man. Even I think you're a fair singer . . . ."
"Fair?" He raises his eyebrows, a laugh building in his throat.
"Teasing, teasing!" He waves a hand in surrender, before clapping it on his shoulder, pulling him in for a hug. "You deserve this, Kris. I'm so happy for you."
"Kris?" Something—someone—was shaking him.
Haunting blue light is falling upon the stage and casting shadows around Adam's face as he sings, the lyrics of the tune captivating the audience as well as Kris from backstage. He whistles, low, in awe, as Adam's voice swells gently and beautifully with the piano. He really is a vocal acrobat, and Kris is seized by pride in his friend.
"Kris, can you wake up?" The gentle hand was so warm on his shoulder.
But he wanted to sleep.
"Kris, you need to wake up."
That hardened, rough voice got through to Kris, and curiosity forced his head up even as he blinked the combination of sleep and memories out of his eyes. Several figures swam slowly into focus - Danny, Matt, Michael, Lil, and Megan - along with the hazy, blue-gray walls of the hospital corridor.
"Sorry to wake you, sugar," Lil said in a gentle tone, one that meant she really was sorry to wake him. The female nurse from earlier, several yards away, glowered at them, before bustling away. Megan giggled tiredly and gave him a hand to help him pull himself into a sitting position on the low bench he'd collapsed onto, but she didn't say anything.
Kris shook his head, awareness already filtering back through his sleep-hazed mind as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "No," He said. "No, Lil, it's fine." He could feel a slight flush of shame color his cheeks. "I didn't mean to—"
"Fall asleep? It's really ok, man. We've all been doing it, at random intervals throughout the day." Matt joked. "One of the janitorial staff just had to pull Gokey out of the hallway to the maternity ward, because he almost tripped a man rushing to the bedside of his pregnant wife!"
His gaze rose at the sound of Matt's voice, and he managed a dry chuckle.
Megan laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Ease up, guys," she said. "It's been a ridiculous day... especially for Kris."
Kris shook his head as he got to my feet, letting his breath out in a hiss as his exhausted muscles stiffened and complained. "No, it's all right. What do you need from me?" I felt like saying something more along the lines of, "Why in the world did you wake me up?" but he managed to refrain.
"Well," Danny began uneasily. "The media's starting to catch on that at least one of us is, for now, under twenty-four hour care because of the accident... and well, they are speculating that it's you, and we thought you should be aware of that. They have footage of Katy entering the hospital, and I don't know... I guess they're going off of that. We're concerned that there will be an investigation into what happened... and well, uh... we were thinking about this when we realized, we really don't know what happened and why or how... we were hoping to see what you knew?" He smiled sheepishly and they all shuffled slightly, as if suddenly considering this a stupid reason to wake someone up. But Kris nodded slowly, because they had a right to know - he'd want to know anything about what the hell had even happened before the press did. Problem was, what did Kris know?
"You were up there... sort of," Matt said, serious. "And you must have seen something. You helped Allie . . . and Adam — is he okay?" The question was interjected as an afterthought, and the others bristled.
Kris hesitated, uncertain how to respond, feeling another uneasy swell of guilt rise up inside him. "He's... I don't know," He answered finally, honest but solemn. "In the room behind us. I—"
Matt shook his head, looking sad. "Explain later, Kris. Can you take us inside? Just to see him?" Lil inquired, that concerned mother tone invading her voice. Kris cast a sidelong glance at the door to Adam's room, unsure.
The nurse broke in at that point, suddenly sidling up to them and resting her hands on her hips. "Hold on just a minute. Lambert's doing better than he was earlier—a bit better, anyway—but he's still fragile. I can't let you all just walk in there and disturb him without so much as a by-your-leave."
Megan turned to her, unabashed. "We understand your concern, but we're his friends. It's a delicate situation, yes, which makes us all the more worried. Plus..." She paused, pointing down the hall to the waiting room, which was humming with the news on several TV screens. "This is all over the news... it's big, and we still have only a slight idea of what even happened. I think we have a right to know..."
"He's very fragile," she repeated stubbornly, her chin taking on a determined thrust and her mouth settling into an obstinate, disapproving line. "And I cannot just write off the welfare of one of my patients, best friends or not. He's already proven himself to be — well, rather weak and unstable."
Kris winced at that, and the others' eyes swung toward him before he could cover the involuntary reaction entirely. "Kris?" Lil asked softly.
He shook his head, Lil had always been perceptive. "It's nothing. Maybe we shouldn't go in. I wouldn't want to . . . disturb him."
"We were allowed to see Allison," Matt replied coaxingly. "And I know Adam was hurt pretty bad, but if we cause him any distress, we'll leave... we're only worried, that's all."
"All right," she sighed. "You can see him... briefly. Just um, keep it down, okay? He's drugged out of his mind, but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel anything or won't react to you, and if he does, he'll probably just be even more confused."
Danny started after her first, and Kris hung back, afraid to enter Adam's room for a moment. Megan noticed his hesitance and stopped as well. "Krissy?" She asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You all right?"
"It's my fault." He admitted abruptly, the words pouring out of him, and confusion filled her eyes.
"No, it's not," she said. "How could you think that? It was an accident, Kris. You had nothing to do with it."
"But—" Kris stopped in mid-sentence. "Adam and I—" He realized he had no idea what he was going to say, so he stopped again. "What if he's not okay?" He finally asked, the question burning him as it spilled from his lips.
She sighed, worry creasing around her eyes. "You saved him, Kris. He wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you. Everything happens for a reason - I bet he'll be fine."
He swallowed hard, the thought of Allison, and of Adam's family, coming to mind. What would happen to her, to them, to him, in a world without Adam? "Thanks, Megan—" he started.
"Don't mention it," She said, almost in her normal, bubbly voice. "We'll discuss everything later. Right now, I want to see Adam."
Kris sighed, accepting her words, and followed her into the medical room.
The sight of Adam lying there, unconscious on the bed, made his heart contract in pain and worry. He had seen people in hospitals before - hell, even he'd been put in one after a bad bicycling accident as a kid - but this was different. This hurt more.
This time, he felt almost like he had a hand in putting the patient there.
Adam lay on his side still, his back and shoulders swathed in the gauzy, translucent bandages used on burns. The nurse had been right about him being drugged—his entire body had the slack, near-lifeless relaxation that only sedatives seemed to produce. It was the most quiescent Kris had seen him in a long time. The entire room echoed with the hoarse sound as he struggled to take in air and the slow, heavy exhalation as he blew it out again. This was unnaturally amplified thanks to the mask now fitted over his mouth and nose to help him breathe as his lungs recovered from the smoke inhalation. This coupled with the silence from everyone else in the room sent an instinctive frisson of disquiet crawling up Kris' spine, and Megan shivered involuntarily beside him, even though the room was not particularly cold.
A medical intern hovered around him, taking readings and adjusting the tubes of medication running into his good arm, and he hurried to complete his work when he saw Adam had visitors. They had cut away the remainder of the ruined fabric, and the pale hospital gown he wore and new bandage wrapped around his moderately singed arm made him look even more vulnerable. They could see the outline of his left leg beneath the light blanket that had been drawn up to his waist, and it was wrapped tight in a thin, stretchy bandage at the ankle. Damn those boots, I told him he'd be up Shit Creek without a paddle wearing them in an emergency, Kris remembered, grateful for the seemingly minor ankle injury.
The intern adjusted a few knobs on the console the IVs were hooked up to before exiting. Adam turned his head slightly into the pillow as if, even in unconsciousness, he didn't want to face the cold impersonality of the hospital, or his helplessness. He always hated that, more preferring being the needed than the needy. He would hate to see himself like this, so helpless and weak. Kris thought.
The door swooshed shut behind them as Katy suddenly entered. She looked surprised to see so many in the room and he blushed, staring awkwardly at Kris. "I'm sorry... I didn't know you all were-" She began, but she stopped, then stepping over to Kris. With a tiny, sad grin, she asked, "Are you okay?"
"What?" Kris asked, starting a little. "Oh, yes. I—I'm fine." He swallowed hard, realizing he'd been crying.
She laid one hand on his shoulder in a wordless gesture of reassurance, unsettling him completely with the depth of her understanding. Then, Kris managed to turn to the others, who both looked at Adam with varying degrees of grimness and solemnity. "See what I meant?" he said, crossing to Adam's side and bending over some of the medical readouts. He looked back at them. "Are you satisfied now?"
"What happened to him?" Danny asked in an abrupt tone. "He got caught in the fire up front?"
Kris nodded unhappily, not thankful for Gokey's ignorance, but remembering distantly that he'd seemed pretty shaken, being familiar with death and tragedy, while they waited for the paramedics, and probably didn't know the extent of what had occurred.
"Well, what happened?" he demanded in a tone that left Kris no doubt that he was used to getting answers to his questions. "I mean Christian died in there..."
"Lucky . . . he was very lucky," Lil looked to be on the verge of tears. She turned to Kris, eyes warm and pooling with emotion. "Kris chose to go up there and pull him out. He risked his life."
Adam then stirred, almost as if he were aware the discussion was about him. His head rolled to the side as his fingers clenched into a fist, and he drew in a rough rattle of breath. Slowly, his fevered eyes fluttered open, lashes shielding them from the light of the room. The pace of his labored breathing quickened. "Can't . . . breathe," he gasped. The respiratory device distorted his words, muffling them so they were difficult to understand.
Kris, startled from everything, started toward him out of reflex, but stopped when Adam's eyes flickered. "You . . . still here," he whispered hoarsely, angrily.
"Adam, don't," Kris said, in worry and sorrow. "I don't want for you to hurt yourself even more..."
"Why didn't you... leave?" he half-snarled. The respiratory aid wheezed as he struggled for breath. "You . . . don't care about me! You hate me."
The words felt like a knife stabbing him through the heart, and Kris stopped, frozen where he stood by the venom in the way he'd hurled them at him. There was an odd silence as the rest of the people in the room stared, shocked. "I... I-I don't hate you," Kris murmured, feeling broken and utterly lost. "I love you."
He felt Katy's eyes turn on him and he looked to her, seeing understanding and acceptance written on her face. Behind her, Michael Sarver gasped sadly, blinking back tears at the sight of his friend on the bed.
The intern bustled back in, perhaps alerted to Adam awakening, and flipped a tiny switch on the console again, before departing, quick-glancing at each of the visitors quietly. Adam groaned near-noiselessly, his face twisting in pain behind the mask as his eyes slipped closed and his body went limp. Lil murmured something to Matt that Kris didn't catch. Belatedly, Kris realized that Danny was staring at him and at Adam with a very strange look on his face.
Kris didn't really care what Gokey was thinking, for he never much liked him anyway. Slowly, everyone cleared their throats, mumbled assorted goodbyes and "we'll talk soon" sentiments to Kris, and left, leaving him in the room with Adam and Katy.
Katy stepped forward. "Kris," she whispered. "I knew you loved him."
He turned to her. "Katy..." he started.
"We have a lot to talk about," Katy stated blankly, and for a moment, Kris thought she was angry again.
He replied stubbornly, "I care about Adam a lot, Katy... I do love him - and I don't care what you say, I can love both of you." He sighed and reiterated, "I do love him, Katy, he's the best friend I ever had."
"I doubt anything I say or do will ever change that, nor am I going to try to change that," she pointed out wearily. "Not anymore. Oh Kris, I've been... utterly ridiculous and unfair to you lately. I'm surprised you haven't begged me to go away and let you live your Idol dream yet."
She smiled sadly, and Kris felt a twinge in his heart. "Yet, Katy? I'd never do that. I love you so much... I..." He reached out, brushing his fingers against the back of her hand.
She sighed. "I know - which is why I can't believe I ever doubted you."
He shook his head. "It's been hard. But don't act like it was just you, okay? I'm partially to blame, you know. I just...w-want us to go back to how we used to be... I think we can."
"Do you?" she asked quietly. "Kris— I love you so much — but you must feel something has happened... to us. And I'm scared."
"And you don't know if we can ever be... like we were?" Kris fired back, for some reason not surprised by her statement. She nodded grimly, her eyes growing watery.
"I'd like to think we can," she said shortly, looking away. He caught a flash of the same old bitterness that had been in her voice earlier when she spoke about Adam's relationship with him earlier, and he briefly wondered how they'd fallen apart so much now that such a reaction from her could be warranted.
"Katy, I never stopped loving you," Kris said heavily.
Her eyes flicked to him, and he looked away, unable to look into their disconcertingly blue depths and not knowing if she would be looking at him with sadness, or with anger.
But she merely smiled then. "I know," she said. "I never stopped loving you, either. I don't know what happened to us... or how to start reversing it." She gave a slight shake of her head and turned back to Adam, her eyes sweeping tenderly over his still form. Then, she looked up at Kris wearily. "This is quite the situation we're in," she said. "This accident - the media's going insane over it, too, and you know once it starts to clear up, we'll have to confront that - and we're trying to repair a marriage at the same time..." She sighed.
"I'm sorry, Katy," He said softly. I have to make this work. Katy and I, and then there's Adam... "But we can't just give up on us. I want to fix things with you and also with Adam—" He could feel his throat closing up and struggled for control, taking a deep breath to steady himself. "Just to try to forget this whole mess ever happened. He is like my brother, Katy. I tried to give up on him for you, and I couldn't do it."
Katy looked directly at him. "I think you made the right decision. I was wrong to ask you to give that up - selfish and wrong. And now we have bigger problems on our hands. The tour producers are very worried... I heard them talking in the hallway - they want Adam and Allison as well as possible soon so that they can be released and the media speculation will leave this hospital and things can go... well, as close as back to normal as possible."
"I know," He said. "But he's too fragile to be moved now, not sure about Allison... but he's definitely going to have to stay awhile longer." She didn't respond, merely stared at Adam's unconscious body. "What are we going to do?" He prompted.
"For now?" she asked. "For now, Kris, there's really nothing we can do but—hope." She laughed uneasily. "One thing at a time. You're right - the hospital can't just release them, they need to consider Allison's safety, his safety... first. I know you won't leave without them... and I'll be happy to stay here with you... to help you through this." She lowered her eyes. "If you want me to."
"Katy—" Kris hesitated when she put up a hand to silence him.
"Kris..." She continued haggardly, biting her lip. "Can you forgive me?"
There was a nervous quality to her voice, and he smiled softly at her. "Of course. You're not completely to blame, anyway... and I love you, so of course I forgive you." He replied instantly.
She took a deep breath. "One step at a time... that was the first step..." A gentle sigh. "Kristopher Allen, you are without doubt the most amazing man in the universe."
All air left him in a whoosh, and he felt a genuine smile twitch his lips upward for the first time in days. "You're lucky Adam's not awake, he'd take offense to that comment."
"Yes." She responded, laughing a bit. "But you won, didn't you?" Her eyes twinkled jokingly, and Kris realized he couldn't remember the last time he'd shared a good joke with her and chuckled by her side.
He looked down at the floor, processing this thought. "I did," he finally mused. After a tiny silence, he took her hand. "I'm glad you're here, Katy." He looked up at her, seeing relief alighting on her face.
She nodded, swallowing hard, but grinning widely, almost like old times. "Yeah... me too."
Then she turned toward the door, apparently not wanting to push it, even though the awkwardness had faded a bit between them. She disentangled her hand from Kris', and gave him a reassuring smile. "I'm going to go see Allison... stay with him," she told him knowingly, and he sighed then, looking at Adam. She nodded sympathetically, feeling that he didn't want to leave just yet. "Okay. I love you." He managed to smile again and watched as she left the room. Then he turned to Adam, the mix of conflicting emotions making him stagger toward the bed. He'd never felt so tired in his life.
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"Mr. Allen?" He looked up from Adam's unconscious form toward the door, seeing Adam and Allie's nurse standing there, looking surprised to see him. She then set her hands on her hips, and he winced as I felt another lecture coming on. "Do you realize that you're wavering on your feet even as you stand there? You're positively gray with exhaustion. Every time I look at you I'm surprised you haven't collapsed from it yet."
He shook his head, turning back to Adam. "It doesn't matter. I'm fine."
She glared at him, but softened at the look on his face. "Are all of the Allens this self-sacrificing, or is it just you, Kris?"
"There are more important things to worry about right now." He answered quietly, glancing back up at her, dully noting the name on the plastic tag pinned to her scrubs. Stephanie.
"You need rest!" She commanded firmly. "I don't care if there are more important things to worry about. I work for this hospital, and I'm concerned about the health of someone under my supervision. That's what I do. Do you think I want another patient on my hands? As if I didn't have enough to deal with already." She laughed tersely. "Remember, I'm willing to sedate you if need be."
"No need for such drastic measures," Kris assured her. "I'll get some rest soon enough."
"When? Once you collapse at my feet?"
"Hopefully before then," He replied, bracing himself against the wall again. She was right; he couldn't remember ever feeling so tired, and the desire to lean back and close his eyes—just for a moment—was almost unbearable.
"I'll keep an eye on him if you want to get some rest," she said, more gently. "It is my job, you know. I understand you're very worried, but there's no reason for you to stay—"
"Katy told me to stay with him," He interrupted, not entirely sure why he used that statement to justify himself.
"I can do that," she said. "Really. I am qualified to care for him, you know."
He took a deep, long breath and reminded himself that she was only trying to help him. "I need to stay," Kris said softly, looking down at Adam's limp form. I can't leave him, he thinks I don't care.
He had already failed his friend on one count. He couldn't abandon him again. Kris laid his hand against the back of Adam's neck as gently as he could, not wanting to hurt him but feeling that he needed to reach out to him somehow. His neck was unscatched and not swathed in bandages, and so seemed relatively safe to touch. His normally bright presence was dull and fogged, distanced from him and the rest of the world by the drugs they had given him. Even the physical contact didn't strengthen their connection much, but Kris didn't want to take his hand away, anyway.
"What are you giving him?" He asked, trying to distract himself from the memory of his blank, pained eyes and his face twisted with hurt and pain that had never belonged there.
"A mixture of level-three general sedatives and one used for the pain associated with burns," she answered hesitantly. "I hate to drug him so much, but he's already proven he needs it, and it might help him heal faster if he's so far under he can barely feel the pain. That way he doesn't unknowingly hurt himself more. We've done it before with crash patients."
It seemed logical. Still, it made him ache inside to think of Adam cut off from the world like that. Even more than most people, Adam lived and breathed his connection to the world and the people he interacted with.
He brushed his fingers idly over the silky tendrils of hair curling against the back of Adam's neck and then took his hand away, intending to straighten up—
Suddenly, everything was fading out into gray, and the world was spinning all around him. Kris blinked several times and only then realized that Stephanie was supporting him with an arm around his waist. "Easy there, Kris," she said. "Don't push it."
"What—?" He started fuzzily.
She eased him down onto the side of Adam's bed. "That's what happens when you don't pay attention to your body telling you to rest, tough guy."
Kris stared up at her in confusion.
"How long have you been running on empty, anyway?" she asked, pressing her cool hand against his forehead. She made a strange face, then tugged slightly on his shirt. "No fever, but something's up. Take this off."
"H-huh... what?" He stammered.
She gave him a long-suffering look. "How am I supposed to examine you with a shirt on, Mr. Allen?"
He could feel the tell-tale flush heating up my cheeks again. Katy had used to tease him about his modesty, saying that there was absolutely no reason for him to be uncomfortable with such things.
But the fact remained that the last thing he wanted was to take off his shirt and sit in front of this young female nurse half-naked. It was . . . well, it was humiliating.
"That's . . . not necessary," He said quickly, voice short with panic.
Her eyes flashed. "Kris, you nearly just passed out from exhaustion. And I don't like the look of these tears and burn marks on the fabric, either. I'm going to examine you before you end up passing out at my feet. And I promise..." She said, half-giggling, "There's no secret camera to snap your picture and post it on the internet for fan-girls to lust over." He chuckled dryly, annoyed.
Then he opened his mouth to protest again, even though he knew she was right, but she interrupted him. "Mr. Allen." She said it firmly, and then without even blinking laid her hands on the top button of his shirt and started to unfasten it.
He shoved her hands away in what was not at all the dignified manner. "I'll do it," Kris muttered absolutely gracelessly. He could feel his cheeks burning.
She smiled and stepped back. "I knew you'd see it my way."
"Who am I to argue with you?" Kris said sarcastically, shrugging unhappily out of his button-up plaid tee-shirt. Then he was sitting on the edge of Adam's medical bed and shivering slightly in the air of the room.
She laid her hands on his ribs first, pushing lightly, and her eyes narrowed as he sucked in his breath at the pain that spiked through him. "These are cracked," she said disapprovingly. "You told me you were all right."
Kris shrugged, then regretted it. "Nothing—ouch—broken."
She rolled her eyes again. "Sure."
The rest of her examination passed quickly enough, though every minute he spent with her cool, professional touch skimming over his skin, his blush deepened until his face felt practically radioactive. Only his mother and Katy had ever seen him that way... and Adam, once, when he'd walked out of their shared bathroom shirtless, not knowing his roommate was in the room. Stephanie smiled a little when she pulled away, and Kris ducked his head, hating how embarrassed he was.
He was just modest, he supposed. Incurably and incredibly modest.
"Well, not too bad... nothing that won't heal soon enough, with proper rest." She said, putting emphasis on the final words. Then she giggled, looking at his cheeks. "You can stop blushing, Kris. And you can put that back on if you want." She nodded at only slightly singed and torn shirt in his lap, and Kris hastened to pull it back over his shoulders. "I have to file a report on the two of you," she told him, starting toward the door. "I'll be back to check on him soon enough."
Kris nodded. "I understand."
She grimaced. "When I come back, you're getting some rest, okay? Whether you want to or not." At the door, she turned back around as it whooshed open. "And Kris?," she added, and gave his now- covered chest a very deliberate once-over. "Believe me—you've got nothing to be modest about. I bet the fan-girls would be very jealous of me right now."
She was gone before Kris managed to snap his mouth closed, and he could feel his cheeks flaming again.
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Tee-hee at embarrassed, shirtless Krissifer.
:) So yeah, I needed something a little light-hearted to end that angst.
With each chapter, we get closer to Kradam acting like buds again... reviews?