"Fuck it!" Adam's voice, low and irritated, rang throughout the room.
"Adam?" Kris asked, striding in then, confused.
Adam was sitting up, slightly on the edge of his bed, with his legs dangling over the side. He was now dressed in a pair of dark denim jeans which completely covered his ankle injury, but he didn't have a shirt on. His eyes were tired and frustrated, and he slowly ran a hand over his flushed cheeks. "I—I can't do it, Kris," he whispered, sounding almost disgusted with himself. "I—can... barely even stand up."
Kris shook his head softly and came over to his side of the bed. "You can't expect your strength to come back all at once, Adam. And your ankle's sprained, so standing will be more difficult," he told him gently. "It will take time, you're not Superman."
He stared up at his friend, face still pale and slightly bruised but full of determination. "I'm not?," he ground out, chuckling wearily. Then he continued, more quietly. "How am I supposed to... to f-fucking get up on stage and blow people's minds with my... fierceness, when I can hardly walk?" He looked down, gritting his teeth.
"Adam," Kris said seriously, bending down a bit to look into his eyes. "Who said anything about getting up on stage now? Don't rush yourself, all right?"
Adam's eyes were huge and pleading, full of desperate fortitude. "I want to," he murmured. "I have to get better, need to p-perform. I'm supposed to." He swallowed hard, and Kris smiled sympathetically as he continued. "People are counting on me," he said, and his voice shook. "I need to be better. And I-I don't want you to... to have to p-practically babysit me until I am."
Kris sat beside him on the bed and put an arm over his freshly bandaged shoulders. The muscles there were taut and knotted, and the feverish, exhausted heat of Adam's body radiated through the fabric of Kris' sleeve. "No one expects you to do anything, and no one's feeling burdened by you," He told him. "I'm all too happy to make sure you're okay... and right now all I want from you is for you to regain your strength and to be the Adam I know again — then you can be the Adam that sings people's faces off. That's all there is to it."
He sagged against Kris a little, slumping in seemed relief and fatigue. "Thank you," he whispered. "And now..." he trailed off.
Kris looked into his eyes, prompting quietly. "And now?" he asked.
"And now—" He took a breath and braced himself, then shaking Kris' arm off, he pointedly scooted his legs over, preparing to get up. "Let's go," he said, but his voice was dull, and he sounded sad.
"The bus is here." Kris stated. "That's why I came in here. Everyone's ready."
He sighed. "I—I'm free to go," he said. "Stephanie said so — I'm ready. She got a crutch..." He looked at the floor, but pointed to where it was leaning against the wall.
"I'll help you," Kris whispered consolingly.
"I hate this—" Adam muttered, glaring at the floor tile. "I hate it. I just want to be me again." He swallowed hard. "Thank you, Kris," he said quietly, his hands clenching into irritated fists, but his smile sincere. "I appreciate it."
Kris carefully put a hand under his jaw and turned his head until he had to look at him. His eyes were unfocused, far away, and sparkling, and his skin was warm, too warm. "It's nothing, Adam. I'm happy to help," He told him firmly. "And Allison will help you, too, I'm sure. She cares a lot about you. We'll all help you out, and you'll be back to your normal, high-energy, crazy self soon anyway. I promise."
The lost, glazed look left his eyes in a flash. "Yeah..." he whispered. "Y-Yes. You're right. I'm going to be fine."
Kris sighed internally, relieved at his acceptance. "Now, let's get moving. You wearing a shirt out of this place?" he asked, teasingly.
But Adam ducked his head again, eyes sad. "I—I would, but I can't—" he gave an ashamed-sounding sigh. "I can't pull it over my head," he said. "My back's too stiff from the bandages... and sore—and I can't bend my fingers too well on t-this hand." He held up the arm that was only partially singed, which was covered in a lightweight, flesh-colored gauze strip. "Plus... I keep shaking." He sounded defeated and slightly humiliated, which made Kris' heart turn over into a knot.
But at the same time, he unleashed a big, bright smile. He was grateful for the simple, uncomplicated service he could do Adam in this instance. "That's totally understandable," He told him gently, picking up the shirt that was lying beside him on the bed. The fabric was loose and light, to keep pressure off his injuries.
Kris gestured for Adam to lift his arms, and he did so obediently, allowing him to pull the shirt over his head gently and smooth it over his back gently. He stared fixedly down at the floor, as Kris ensured that both of his arms were comfortably in the sleeves.
"This is rather embarrassing," he said finally. "T-The great Adam Lambert can't even get dressed."
"Quiet," Kris scolded him tenderly. "There's no shame in this, Adam. Don't be ridiculous and let me help."
He sighed, nodding. "Think of what the tabloids would say if they got a hold of this," he said, with a tiny laugh. "There'd be an awful l-lot of... scandalous rumors floating around."
"Yeah," Kris returned lightly. "Does that hurt?"
He shook his head. "No. Thank you."
Kris smiled and lifted the first of his shoes, moving to kneel on the floor before him. "Lift your foot," He told him.
"Kris..." Adam said slowly, smirking. "You don't n-need to put my shoes on for me too..."
"Don't be foolish," Kris told him. "It's no trouble." Adam quirked an eyebrow, so Kris carefully picked up his uninjured leg and gently stuffed it into the shoe. He didn't protest, merely suppressed a dry laugh.
He set one hand down against the bed to keep his balance as Kris made sure it was on snugly. "Kris..." he said. "You really don't have to. I can get them on."
"Can you really?" Kris' tone was noncommittal. "Oh, well, I don't mind, I'm already half-done. If it'll save you the effort and the energy, I'm happy to do it." He carefully slid his other leg into the shoe, then lifted it up and tilted it until it was on.
Adam sighed. "I give up, you win," he muttered.
"Again? I already won once," Kris said, and a real laugh burst forth from Adam's lips.
"True," He replied, grinning.
Kris, proud of himself for managing to get the shoe on without hurting Adam despite the trickier, wrapped ankle, then got his feet and offered him his hand.
He accepted it in gratitude, and Kris put his other hand under Adam's elbow, carefully pulling him to his feet and reaching a steady arm out to support him. "Lean on me, okay?" He coaxed, easing him up. "You're still shaking."
"Am I?" he murmured tiredly, and, much to Kris' surprise, he obeyed without complaining, draping his arms around him in a loose, weak hug. "I'm sorry," he said.
"No, no... it's fine," Kris assured him, reaching down to the bed and picking up his jacket, also brought to him by his mother. He rested it gently on his shoulders, and pulled it around him, trying not to apply any pressure to any of the weak areas on his friend's body. The coat was intended to hide the arm bandage from any curious eyes when they loaded onto the bus, just in case. He carefully helped Adam's arms find the sleeves. "You have been through a lot, your body's really overwhelmed... it's trying to recover, that's all."
"In other words, I'm pretty much pathetic," Adam answered.
"No," Kris said resolutely, slipping the metal padded crutch under his arm. "You are not pathetic. You're tired, and hurt."
He didn't reply, but clasped his fingers around the crutch, his slightly damp but silky hair brushing Kris' face when he leaned down. "I just wish I was... well, stronger t-than this," he finally muttered.
Kris squeezed him in a gentle hug. "It'll get better, be patient. Now come on, let's get out of here."
He sighed and Kris withdrew one arm, giving him a little space, though he still kept one arm firmly around his friend's waist. Adam wavered, unsteadily, and his body shook as he took a step. He grimaced, eyes closing.
"Adam," Kris said encouragingly, and he raised his head wearily. "You're stronger than you think. Don't be afraid to lean against me," He instructed.
He looked slightly blanched as he took a few more steps, eyes wide and sparkling with exertion. "S-Sorry..." he stammered, after he wobbled a bit and Kris nearly stumbled.
"You're fine... keep going."
His throat tightened visibly, he pressed on, and Kris winced at the shaking muscles beneath his hand. "Kris," he whispered. "I don't want you to fall."
"I won't." Kris assured him, touched that he was concerned for him in the situation when Adam himself was clearly the one to worry about. "I won't." He repeated.
Adam looked at him, and there was a hint of doubt there. "Just be careful," he whispered. He reached up and squeezed Kris' shoulder with one hand. "I appreciate it—I truly do. I am so—so grateful that you're helping—that you've done all this..."
Kris cast his eyes over his friend's tired face. It had been restored mostly of color, though still paled slightly, and there were tiny fleck-marks of angry blue and red, and the skin around one of his eyes was slightly puffy from Sarver. He sighed. "I love you, Adam," he said softly.
"I know." He nodded, smiling. "Now," he whispered. "C-can I grab your arm?" he asked after a moment, his voice unsure. "So that I can— can keep... steady as w-we go down the hall?"
Kris felt like asking him if he'd rather be wheeled out in a wheelchair, but he knew what the answer would be, so he merely nodded vigorously. "Go ahead."
He was heavy.
Kris could tell he was struggling to support his own weight, and his fingers were digging deep into the arm he was clenching as he walked.
Every few limps, he would stumble a bit, and he would quickly grasp onto Kris to catch himself. He was still trembling, and Kris knew that if he hadn't been helping him, he'd have probably lost his balance completely at least once by now. The expression on his face was grim but determined, his jaw locked, mouth tight, and brow wrinkled in extreme concentration.
Kris' heart turned over with concern and sympathy every time Adam's grip tightened, or his steps faltered a bit. Even the sight of Adam, usually walking with an identifiable, confident swagger, now reduced to leaning heavily on a crutch because of his ankle and on Kris because of weakness, was difficult to comprehend.
It hurt to see him bereft of his normal grace and brightness, wincing in pain every once in a while, and breaths unsteady and fluttering before they were even halfway to the outside where the new tour bus waited, the rest of the boys plus Allison waiting inside. It was like harsh, brutal clarity to Kris.
Adam sighed after catching himself from another near-misstep, and then stopped suddenly. He sagged into Kris and laid his warm forehead upon his shoulder. "Sorry," he said, voice muffled and ragged by his breath.
"Whatever for?" Kris asked, taking the opportunity to catch his own breath, patiently standing there with his friend.
"I'm too heavy for you," He said, looking sideways at him, eyes sad. "You're already tired."
It was the truth, Kris' muscles were burning from the effort of supporting his taller, broader form, but that didn't matter to him in the least.
"No, you're fine. Not too heavy at all, Adam." Kris assured him quietly.
He lifted his head a bit and murmured softly, "Thank you, really... but you don't have to lie, I am." His voice was a mixture of teasing affection, bitter weariness, and apologetic shame. "I-I can tell," he said, and his mouth stretched into a crooked grin.
His perceptiveness always was quite uncanny, Kris thought. With a tiny sigh, he nodded. "You are heavy, Adam, but not too heavy for me to help you. Okay? If I was even shorter, and tinier compared to you... well, I'd still help."
He laughed noiselessly. "You mean shorter and tinier than you already are, oh pocket-size friend of mine?"
Kris sent him a look, but was secretly pleased that Adam was again teasing him like old times. "I'm just fun sized." He shifted an arm to better support Adam's back. "Now stop feeling bad... keep going, you're doing fine."
He straightened, easing some of his weight onto the crutch. "Okay... but if you feel like you're going to... topple over, say something, Kris," he commanded, only half-joking.
It seemed like Adam had to channel every ounce of strength he had merely to stand upright and take each step. When they reached the exit door to the private parking area, he rested his head on Kris' shoulder for a moment again and closed his eyes, letting Kris edge the door open.
Once it slid open, his eyes flickered with determination once more, and he pulled himself up in Kris' arms, trying not to show how much effort it took, but exhaustion was shining on his cheeks and Kris was glad they'd almost made it to the bus.
To his disdain, Danny was waiting outside, leaning against the curving, shiny metal of the bus' exterior, and he tensed and straightened when they approached. Adam stiffened noticeably at the sight of him, and Kris laid a hand in between his shoulder blades gently, reassuring.
"Finally," Gokey said awkwardly when they neared, jerking his head toward the door. "We're all ready, just waiting on you two..."
Adam's eyes flashed, and Kris gave him a pointed look that said, Let me handle this, ignore him.
Too tired to argue, he nodded gently.
"We came as soon as we could," Kris responded as mildly as he could manage to, understanding that they were indeed later than they had originally intended to be, but thinking it was unfair to make Adam feel any guilt about it. "Sorry."
Danny shot a strange glance at Adam, who set his jaw and stared icily back, but the other man didn't speak again. Kris was distantly relieved.
"Well, shall we get going?" He tried in a fake-pleasant tone. "We do not want to delay any longer than we have already... let's go."
"Of course," Gokey replied tightly, though he didn't move to enter the bus. Adam shot an unreadable look to Kris, then loosened his grasp on his shirt and took a step.
He wavered a bit as he moved toward the folding door to the vehicle, but before Kris could catch him; Danny had leaned forward and taken hold of Adam's arm above his elbow.
Adam flinched and glared, and his arm whipped out surprisingly fast considering his current state, knocking Danny's hand away and then clasping a sizable chunk of the fabric from his shirt front.
"Touch me again... and I'll tear your arm off," he growled; his voice dangerous, trembling with fury. His eyes were twinkling with a tangled mixture of fear, pain, and rage.
"Adam," Kris said, and his voice was sterner than he'd wanted. Adam flinched again at the hardness of it, and Kris softened, stepping forward. "Easy, he's not trying to hurt you..."
Adam's fingers released Gokey's shirt, and he drew back and weakly shoved him away, shaking violently now. His eyes, now desperate, swung to stare at Kris, and he winced heavily, looking ready to collapse in a tired heap.
Kris moved to his side, steadying him before he thought his friend's knees would buckle.
"Keep him... a-away from me," Adam whispered, his voice torn and pleading.
"He was trying to help you," Kris had to point out gently. "Don't worry, he may be too much of a pussy to apologize, but he won't try anything... trust me, he can't, he'll lose everything." His own disgust bled slightly into Kris' voice and Danny ducked his head a bit.
"Come on, Adam." Kris eased.
He nodded, his eyes fixed on the ground. "Okay," he said, still sounding quite angry. "Sorry."
"It is all right. Stop apologizing." You're right not to trust that asshole.
Danny's eyes raked slowly over Adam as they moved to pass him, tinges of scorn there. "You don't scare me. I mean... look at you."
Adam took a tiny breath. "You'd better hope.... that I f-fucking scare you, Gokey" His eyes narrowed. "After all... I'm dangerous. I put your life in danger, right? Nearly k-killed everyone on that bus, including you." His voice shook, and Kris made a face.
Danny's eyes narrowed. "Watch it, you—"
"Stop," Kris said cut him off. Adam's eyes were dull and sad, and he couldn't bear to stare in them for too long, missing the light he'd just managed to put there. "Just stop it. Enough, Danny. Leave him alone —might I remind you that you're already on thin ice as it is? We don't have time for this shit anyway."
Gokey's mouth snapped shut as the bus door slid open with a whoosh in front of them, but he spoke up again. "I'm not just letting this go..." He told them strangely. "I know I'm onto something." Kris felt Adam tense, and he steadied him with one hand, his other one balling into a frustrated fist. Damn it, Danny, stop it... shut your fucking mouth, all right?
"Adam," He said suddenly, "Go on inside, Allie will help you."
"No," came the instant reply. "I'm not leaving you out here, Kris. Come on—"
"Just go."
"No, I can't—" he said again. "Kris..."
Kris was staring at Gokey with a frustrated look and a sudden hot wave of emotions surging in his eyes. "Adam," he growled warningly.
"Kris..." he replied, wavering on his feet, his face noticeably whiter now. His eyes were hollow as they bored into Kris knowingly. "He's not worth it."
Danny's eyes flashed in anger, and Kris came closer to him, unafraid. He was taller too, with a square-jawed, tense air of strength about him. He smiled wickedly, and the oily expression made Kris' rage boil. "Allen," he said. "You'd best back away from me."
Kris felt the uncontrollable desire to punch him in the face. It was not in his character, but he wanted to feel his knuckles crack against his jawbone, wipe that unthreatened, cocky look from his face. "Leave Adam alone," he warned, "I'm serious, Gokey. We're not doing this the rest of the tour. Stop it now."
Suddenly a hand was on his shoulder, gentle. Adam was beside him, smiling softly. "Kris," he said, grateful for Kris' statements, but shaking his head. He had a look of impossible calm in his eyes now, and he told his friend steadily, "I'll handle this."
Kris stared in shock as he limped forward, more square-shouldered than he'd been in a long time and tall, something like pride easing into his careful stride toward Danny. He wanted to lunge forward and stop him, it was reckless, but, bewildered and baffled, and he was frozen to the spot.
Adam raised his head and glared at Danny, hard and unaffected. "Gokey." he said, his voice imposing. "I hope you understand who you're dealing with here."
"Adam Lambert, the star of the season—poster boy for embracing homosexuality—" His mocking words trailed off into nothingness as Adam continued to stare relentlessly at him, eyes dark.
"Wrong," Adam stated harshly. "Adam Lambert, the star of the season- who might be gay but wouldn't hesitate to beat the shit out of you at any given moment... and would do so with ease." His fingers tightened slightly around his crutch, and Danny, slack-jawed, stared at him. "I didn't cause that accident. I was up in the front with Christian, yes... but I didn't cause it. And it happened, Kris saved me, and you chose to act stupidly on baseless accusations. You've already endangered your future in the music industry through your endless fucktardery.... don't give me reason to mess up your face, too. You don't have to be my friend, just leave me alone, and we'll be fine until the tour ends."
Gokey was speechless, and Adam tilted his head in dark amusement.
"Do we understand each other?" Adam asked softly, voice slightly weaker.
Danny gave an offended look. "Fuck you—" he said in an angry, deep voice. "You dare threaten me, Lambert—?"
"I do dare," Adam said. His voice turned deadly again. "Gokey, do you have a problem with my presence on the bus? Because if you do, you might as well go home. No one else seems to share your sentiments. And I'm not willing to put up with your shit for the rest of the time we're together, quite honestly."
He sputtered and shook his head, overcome. "No, I... - how... you little..." After a small resigned look, he glared hard at Adam and merely brushed past Kris, climbing onto the bus.
Adam turned, not catching Kris' bewildered stare, and began to follow Gokey, stopping at the foot of the stairs to hand Kris his crutch.
Kris followed him, making sure he didn't stumble on the steps, fake-smiling along with him as the new driver expressed her excitement at their arrival, and then made his way toward the back of the bus.
He found Adam collapsed against the wall, his legs shaking beneath him, and he barely caught him before he fell unceremoniously to the floor. "I'm sorry, Kris," he moaned as Kris sank down, trying to pull him back up. His hands grabbed huge handfuls of Kris' shirt and he attempted to rise as well.
He buried his face in Kris' shoulder, shaking, when they were standing again, Adam leaning precariously on Kris. "I shouldn't have done t-that... but he n-needed to... to hear that."
"Stop apologizing," Kris told him again, squeezing one of his hands supportively. "That was very reckless of you... but yeah, he did need that."
"I wanted to hit him again," he murmured. "I just couldn't though. I—I didn't—couldn't..."
"I know." Kris sighed, sharing the feeling. "It's all right, Adam."
"I had to t-tell him—couldn't let him think that—"
"Adam," Kris interrupted. "Shut up. It's fine, okay? Just relax. You're trembling."
He took a deep breath. "I want to go back there..." He whispered, indicating the way toward the back room, the main area with couches, where some of the other guys would probably be waiting with Allison.
Kris took his arms and pulled him up tenderly, wincing slightly his muscles ached.
He nearly fell over again. Kris tightened his hold and slipped the crutch into his grasp. "Okay, Adam... but then you should sit down," he said. "Let's go..."
He nodded blearily, and Kris saw that the exhaustion was plain on his face now, the pain not hidden. He bolstered him as well as he could as he straightened.
He made it to the room with Kris supporting him gently. Allison squealed with delight at seeing him, but her eyes were seized with worry, and several of the others greeted them warmly when they entered. Kris led Adam toward the empty sofa and practically poured his tired body into it. "Take it easy," He instructed him, and sat beside him, feeling the bus' engines rumble beneath them as he allowed Adam to occupy the greater portion of the couch.
Adam obeyed, eyelids drooping. He lurched forward a little, wincing, as he shifted to make himself comfortable, but he settled into the cushions with a shiver, and Anoop approached quietly, tossing a light blanket over him.
His lashes were fluttering against his cheeks. Kris touched a concerned hand to his arm. "I'm tired," he whispered in explanation.
"I know," Kris replied, feeling the others' eyes as they gazed wordlessly at Adam. He was quite obviously drifting into sleep, the black waves of weariness engulfing him. "Rest, Adam. It's okay."
He cringed softly, eyes squeezing closed. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Kris shot back, voice husky with emotion. He brushed his fingers against Adam's cheek--he was a little warm, and his skin was crawling with chills.
"We're all here for you, Adam." Matt spoke up suddenly, hopefully. "Let us know if we can do anything for you, we all want to help." Except Gokey, Kris thought, bitterly noting that Danny had opted against coming back to the main area with everyone else.
Adam, eyes still closed, smiled at Matt's voice and the assorted murmurs of agreement that followed, his lips curving upward on his pale face. Kris nodded his approval at Matt, who waved it off, smiling. "Always... taking care of me - I l-love you guys," Adam proclaimed tiredly, and then he felt silent as sleep claimed him.
Kris wrapped an arm around him, supportive. He looked down at his now serene face.
"What happened back there?" Allie asked quietly, without taking her eyes off of Adam. "We realized Gokey was waiting outside, but we didn't want to get involved because once we realized... well we heard your voices and didn't want to interfere and make it worse."
"Complications," Kris answered shortly.
Michael looked over at him, then back at Adam. His mouth thinned. "I don't understand..." he stated softly, and his tone was warm as he eyed Adam's limp form. "I mean, Adam and I aren't the best of friends either, but I think... I'd never - how could you hit him? How could... he's being - well, Adam doesn't need that... especially now."
Kris grinned at him, overwhelmed by gratitude. "Yes," then he shook his head. "I don't know, but... Adam kind of... well, he didn't hesitate to tell him off."
Allison smiled in admiration. "Of course he didn't."
"He—?" Anoop prompted softly.
"Yeah." Kris confirmed. "Gokey was speechless. Well, so was I."
A few laughs echoed softly through the room
"Well," Allison whispered. "I'm ready... and kind of excited, actually… and I hope Adam gets completely better soon... so we can put all of this behind us. It's time to."
Kris could not have agreed more.
Hope everyone had peaceful and relaxing holidays and happy New Year!