A/n: this chapter has probs the most changes to it. My major essay for my summer sub is due tomorrow but instead I am re-editing this.
Soundtrack – oxford comma – vampire weekend, night windows- the weakerthans, lisztomania- phoenix
Enjoy.
Chapter six. "Ooh La."
Once I had calmed myself enough I grabbed my raspberry lemonade and returned to Jake. A groupie had her arm dangling around Jake. She had long blonde hair, clinging clothes and she smirked at me as I walked up.
We were acquainted. Her name was Tanya.
She made me feel inferior. Tanya was the first girl Rose had punched. It took three satisfying days for the mild black eye to fade. One of Rose' ex's had been caught with her. Rose had been upset for a few days.
I felt sick because I wasn't jealous of how she interacted with Jake, but rather knowing she most likely had slept with Edward. She was on the groupie circuit and she was familiar with Rose that meant at the very least she had met Edward. I assumed, based on the minor details Rose had told me, his title as the lead singer of "the Cullen's" and the constant circle of fans around him. Yes, Edward Masen of 'The Cullen's' was more than likely to have had a few groupies in his time. A knife puncture in the gut probably would have hurt less. I slurped through my straw and gestured with a primary school hand wave.
Jake apparently thought it meant I was jealous. Of her and him. As soon as he saw me, he pushed her away from him. I rolled my eyes and pretended to smile. I pretended I cared about her and him. Quil bought me into the conversation. It itched around me. I couldn't hear anything. All I could see was the way Edward had looked at me as he'd left the bar. Jake mumbled something to me. He gestured towards Tanya. I didn't answer. He tugged on my arm. I turned robotically towards him.
My voice was distant. Cold. "I have to go to the bathroom." My eyes strayed from his. The room became a tad blurry, from tears or the effects of the tequila I didn't know. I glanced around the room. I saw Emmett. I saw Rose. I bit my lip to stop from crying. My emotions were fucking all over the place.
I was brought back from my inspections by Claire. "Are you going be alright Bella?" She had that look on her face, the one that said she knew I wasn't myself tonight. But Claire reminded me so much of Esme, and I knew she would go out of her way to help me. Even when, like now, I didn't deserve help.
"I'm fine Claire." She tugged on my arm. Her eyes darting around the room; finally she glanced back and forth between me and Jake.
"Something is wrong isn't it?" she was far more perceptive than I was at 15. I nodded but shrugging off her question I gestured towards the bathroom.
Jake's face looked troubled. He too, held onto my arm. "Will you be alright? I can come with you." I tried to keep my face neutral. I didn't want him to see how upset I was. I shook my head though. He didn't seem convinced but he dropped the subject. "Well Bells, by the time you get back, I'll be backstage…I'll catch up with you later ok?"
I acted on auto pilot. "Sure Jake. Good luck." He lent in to kiss me and as usual he deepened it.
I walked away. The pain slowly fading. The self hatred growing. Technically, all that had happened was Edward and I had done shots. And a few nights ago, he'd almost kissed me. I hadn't pushed him back. Technically that was it. But I knew it was different. I couldn't stop thinking about what he was doing. I couldn't stop wondering what he was thinking about. I shouldn't even be thinking about him. My skin itched to touch his. My emotions savagely rampaged. I knew, deep down that if Edward asked me to, id lie to Rose. I'd do anything he asked and it scared me. At the same time, I knew he'd never hurt me. It was irresponsible for me to think this way. Especially with Jake giving me conspired looks. Especially when Emmett and Rose were creating the situation for Edward to take revenge. All I had to remember was he is my best friend's boyfriend. He is dating Rose. She may be acting like a bitch at the moment but still, she doesn't deserve her best friend to lie, cheat, or hurt her. What I needed to do was put some space between me and Edward. I needed Rose and him to work it out. I knew the reality of that was minimal. It was past the point of space. It physically hurt me to see them together; it hurt me to stay away from him. Fuck I was screwed.
"Bella." I turned towards his voice. I knew it was him; it came naturally, my body's reaction to him. Even amidst the noise from the crowds, even over the in-between band music. I looked up. Edward was close. My heart rate jumped as he walked closer and closer to me. So much for the fucking space. I had forgotten what being this close to Edward felt like. He caused everything I was feeling to bubble to the surface, the anger, the betrayal, the jealousy, lust. Butterflies flew around my stomach, my heart continued to thump. It's beat speaking more than I could in Edwards's presence.
I felt safe. His hands found my face so quickly. They tingled along my jaw line, tracing over my bottom lip. He didn't speak. I didn't speak. His eyes were not wavering from mine. One hand dropped, it clicked on my wrists, our skin on skin touch causing my heart to spasm. My skin was on fire, the connection I had with him was racing around me, icing my veins. "Bella" It was no longer a plea. It was a question. I tried my best to show what I was feeling, I entwined our hands. His fingers easily dominating mine. He grinned the cocky smile I loved to hate.
But before I could even acknowledge him with words, his lips met mine. They crushed into mine, silencing me. They seemed to refuel my drained body, I launched at him, my hands climbing his head until finally they met with his hair. He didn't pull back. He didn't complain my dress was coated in tequila. He didn't ask me not to drink anymore. He didn't tell me, not to touch his precious hair. His lips conveyed lust; I stifled a groan remembering I was still standing in the middle of the floor. I felt him try to push me back but because of my clumsiness and the alcohol I'd drunk we both tripped. He pulled back to balance us and we both laughed. With his forehead resting on mine, he kissed my lips quickly, sweetly and unlike anything Jake had ever done. Tears fell down my face now. I didn't understand why. I didn't want to think why. I filed Rose's name away. I didn't want to think of her. Just of us. Edward wiped them away with his hands. His eyes bore into mine questioning why they were there.
"I don't know." A worried grin flickered over his face. He knew like I did. His face came closer to mine, my eyes focusing on his soft lips, I lent in again, my top lip trailing over his bottom, and I sucked on it until its swollen sight caused me to chuckle. His face creased in annoyance and with a quick glance around us. He lent in to quickly kiss me again. Our tongues fought for a battle of dominance. My moment of weakness was forgotten. Edward's body was pressed into mine. God it felt right. When we did pause to breathe, we were both panting, his eyes ablaze. His forehead rested on mine. His arms were wrapped around my waist. His eyes locked with mine.
"I'm sorry about before." My voice was quiet. I didn't know if I was referring to the tears or the incident at the bar.
"It's my fault. I shouldn't keep doing this." The alcohol clouded my brain. I couldn't digest his tone. I couldn't work it out. This? What was 'this?' Rose and him? Or me and him?
"What?" I needed him to say what I wanted. I needed him to say he was going to dump Rose. I needed him to comfort me. I needed him to tell me I wasn't just another conquest.
"Date Rose….I can't even breathe when that dog uses you as a possession." Clever; Dog, Wolf, Jake.
"You mean Jake?" the anger returned. I didn't like him insinuating Jake was toying with me. I didn't like yet another person attempting to understand what Jake and I had.
Edward realised I was serious. His hands lost grip on my waist. I frantically looked away from his face. I needed space from reality not from him. I put my hands over his; pulling the lapel of his jacket into me. I tried to pull myself closer to him.
His face increased in frustration. His hands gripped mine. "Jesus Bella. Look at us. I can't kiss my own girlfriend without thinking about you and I know you don't even care if a hundred groupies sleep with him." Guilt and anger overwhelmed me. Groupies. Fucking Tanya.
"Please don't Edward."
"Don't?"
"Remind me that I'm forcing you to cheat on Rose. Don't remind me that Tanya is trying to claw her way into yet another bands inner circle."
"Bells, trust me…there is no forcing…" he sighed. His body became a bit tenser and I sensed he saw someone he knew. "I have to go."
With one final quick kiss he departed. He left me standing outside the toilets. My hair a mess. My dress crumpled. My head and heart thumping. Shit. Fuck. Oh my god. My hand flew to my mouth as I rushed into the bathroom. One hand covering my mouth, the other stretched out in front, keeping everyone away from me.
I throw up in the toilet block. Classy I know. A mix of guilt and alcohol. Someone shouted 'Taxi' before a group of people giggled. I purged away all my feelings. Exiting the toilet I rinsed my mouth out and downed about eight mints.
And then it all set in.
I had kissed Edward. I had kissed Edward. Rose's Edward. She was going to kill me. Alice was going to kill me. Jake was going to kill me. I couldn't breathe all I could feel was this pressure. I felt like all the people standing around the toilets were glaring at me. I felt like their thoughts were screaming, "cheater." And I felt the anxiety. The self-hatred return ten times worse. More than the feelings of guilt were the feelings that caused me to bite my swollen lip so that I didn't smile. Edward had just kissed me. My heart felt light.
***
In a daze, I walked around for a bit. Deciding what I was going to do. Should I try and try to find Edward again? What if he was with Rose? Should I give up and go home? How the fuck was I supposed to react around everyone?
"Hey…. Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?" I flinched until I found the face. Emmett solved all my problems. He was holding a beer watching the stage. Roadies were flittering around tuning the instruments. From the swell of the crowd. It looked like Jake would be playing soon.
"Hello Em." My voice was all high and squeaky; I was still on a high from Edward. No matter how wrong it was. I couldn't help but smile like crazy.
"Do you come here often?" I rolled my eyes. Great. My guess was a pick up like contest. It seemed very Emmett and I vaguely remembered Rose messaging me for the corniest lines I knew to play with him...
"You invited me remember?"
"Damn squirt….you have more curves than a race track." I ignored him. His eyes narrowed. I blushed and bit my lip. Amused he took a sip and looked around us before answering seriously, his face closer to mine though he avoided all eye contact. "You seem a little too happy for someone who has spent the night as Jacob Blacks arm candy." A brief burst of giggles fell from my mouth. My grin just got bigger. Emmett rolled his eyes and let out a loud laugh. I heard him mutter figures. I noticed lipstick on his cheek then. Reaching up to wipe it away I became aware of how genuinely excited I was.
"Seems like I wasn't the only one. Red really isn't your colour." He smirked at me.
"Cliché much Squirt?"He passed me his beer and I took a sip as he hurriedly rubbed his jaw incase I'd missed any of Rose's lipstick. "Thanks…I have to say though, I knew something was up..." he chuckled and I shot him a glare. "Ok ok, I walked right into that….but in all honestly Bella, you gotta be tired coz you been running through his mind all day…" I ignored the pickup line but actually listened to his words. His mind. His.
"Whose?"
"Squirt." He shook his head back and forth. "Half the night Eddie boy has been shooting death glares at Jake in the corner…we had to watch from afar."
"Stalker! Why didn't you come say hello?"
Emmett almost spat his beer out on me. "You're joking right?" he chuckled.
"No." I rolled my eyes.
"Bella, I almost had to hold Edward back when Jake kissed you. Thank god, Rose was off getting our drinks or he might not have controlled himself…anyway about half an hour ago…he came back smelling like tequila with a worried expression on his face and then BAM, he leaves me and Rose alone…together…I mean is he blind? Clearly we have already had the best mate discussion about my Rose…but can you imagine if really was blind? Our band would suck…" I rolled my eyes. Even Emmett's juvenile jokes couldn't keep me from my good mood. "And when he comes back I expect to see him in a worse mood but no. he is acting all stunned. I tried to have a conversation with him and all he mumbled was, 'Bella.' What the fuck did you do to him squirt?"
A grin overcame me. At least I knew I had caused a similar effect. "Nothing Em."
"Ooh La! I don't believe you… I'm guessing something happened near the toilets right?" he winked at me and I blushed. His loud laugh echoed around me. Suddenly it felt like Em was the only person I could trust asking. He was safe.
"Do you think it's right?" he sensed by seriousness.
"What they're doing to each other? Or what we're doing?"
"Both."
"Any normal person would say fuck it's wrong. They should dump each other and get over it. Date us. But they don't have much of a relationship anymore. They rarely kiss unless it's to piss someone off and I know for a fact little Eddie is struggling..." confusion filled my face. Emmett imitated me, he rolled his eyes.
"Huh?"
"They haven't had sex since Edward met you."
"What?" Emmett pretended to put on a solemn face. Mimicking Claire earlier, I attempted to keep the beer in my mouth, though this was me, so I sprayed it out onto the floor. Emmett snorted loudly; a few people around us stepped away. I blushed.
"Bella. It's true…and usually Edward would be going somewhere else…but you've distracted him... all he does know is bitch and moan before writing a few things. It's good for the band I guess." Emmett sighed.
It didn't seem right, it didn't make sense. I knew my best friend. She wasn't likely to let this go. "And what Rose doesn't care?"
"Rose is…I don't know. I guess she doesn't care? She doesn't really say much about it. But of course she knows he is no longer interested….I know I've been keeping her busy…besides she and Edward have always strayed in their relationship….Rose cheated on him after a week; he got back at her with a groupie, I forget her name, though Rose said she bitch slapped her once."
I groaned. "Tanya."
"Yes. Hell it would have been amazing to see the two of them fight." He sighed.
"Just what I wanted to hear, how girls fighting turns you on.…"
"Sorry, but Edward and Rose? It's the most fucked up union I've ever seen. They don't like each other. But they stay together because it's safe. It's easy for him to tell groupies to piss off when he was a girlfriend. Not just groupies but any girl. And now that he feels something towards you, he needs a security blanket before he jumps off the deep end…And with Rose, you know how she is…she always needs to have some guy protecting her. So they were just that to each other. I don't think they realise how much they are screwing with us though. Especially you Squirt. I mean I'm getting some… It's got to be hard." I tried to smile at Em. But the tears over powered my sight. He pulled me into his side. It wasn't the sex and he knew it. It was the constant need I had for Edward.
"Jeez Bella, every time I look up, some guy is wrapped around you." My body froze. I looked up, shock evident across my face. Carlisle stood there, Esme was next to him, she had a strange look on her face. She was smiling but something about the look in her eyes was off. They, of course were followed by Edward and Rose. Edward unconsciously licked his lip. My nails dug into my hand, forcing me to look anywhere but at him. At least now that I knew they weren't sleeping together I could keep the jealous animal at bay. But it didn't stop my lips tingling with anticipation. I finally registered what Carlisle had said. And I looked back at him. What was he talking about? Had he seen me kiss Edward? Did he know?
"What?" my throat was dry. Rose was glaring at me. Did she think Carlisle had seen something happen with Emmett? With Edward?
"I saw you earlier with…is it Jake?" relief caused me to let out my breath. I nodded.
"Yea, Jakes my friend." Edward smirked as though he was more than that. God I hated that cocky smirk. It was the one thing that infuriated me about him. No, not the only thing. But one of. I don't know what possessed me to say it; I wanted him to hurt. Hurt like I was at seeing them together. "Rose calls him my lover but whatever."
Rose laughed and knocked back her drink. Edward became a little paler. I almost felt sorry for him. But then he lent in and kissed Rose. He was doing it on purpose; he didn't just kiss her but bent her body into his, passionately. I felt betrayed. I knew it was to make me jealous but I couldn't see reason. Those lips were for me. They were not for her. I felt Emmett tighten his grip on me. I heard Carlisle cough.
"Bands about to play." I took a step forward and Emmett followed. Neither of us made eye contact as we left Edward and Rose behind us. I hoped he felt juvenile.
"G'day. I hope you're all having a good night." The crowd screamed at Jake. I couldn't help but feel desire, on stage with all those people screaming, Jake had never looked so attractive. The way his guitar was casually slung across his front. The way he gripped the microphone. I thought back to the last time we'd had sex; maybe it was because I was so pissed off with Edward, but suddenly all I wanted was Jacob and I felt very hot. I let out a few girlish screams that caused Emmett to laugh next to me. Perhaps I was a groupie and I'd never known.
"I'm Jake and we're the wolves. On the drums we have Embry... don't worry girls he's single." Again the crowd roared. I got caught up in it and tried to push myself to the front while I cheered. I felt Em and the others move forward with me. The crowd sweltered around me, keeping me locked in. "On the bass, you have my good friend Quil… he's taken." The crowd sighed. I glanced behind me; Rose was tucked under Edward's arm. Esme stood next to Carlisle. And Em was next to me. I felt like we were coupling up. The feelings of jealousy returned. "And I'm Jake…and well… where's Bells?" I blushed. I felt Edward's eyes drill into my back. I put my hand up quietly. Yep, this was the Jake I knew, the one making a claim without actually doing anything. Without actually saying anything. A few girls muttered insults but mostly the crowd cheered for the band. The Wolves were good. Not the Cullen's good. But good enough to get the crowd moving. I knew all their songs so despite the awkward tension in the room; I was still able to enjoy myself. I'd almost lost my voice by the end, even Rose and Esme had joined in with me, the three of us dancing around in our little clump. The band called for a break. The alcohol was pumping around my body, making me dizzy so I didn't even hear the reason for the band taking a break half way through a song...something to do with Quil sulking. I laughed too loudly as random playing music came on. The lights stayed out but by now I was used to it.
Em said he was disappearing to get a drink. It didn't escape my attention that Rose said she'd follow. Feeling confident and pissed that Rose demanded so much of my loyalty tonight, I screamed at Emmett as he walked away.
"Hey EM! It's not my fault I fell in love…" he laughed loudly. Rose stopped walking. She unleashed her questioning death glare on me. Edward followed suit, jeez Jake's comments must have really pissed him off.
"Sorry squirt, I didn't mean to trip you." I laughed back. The tension around me dimmed. Esme and Carlisle went and sat down in the booths. Leaving me with Edward.
We stood awkwardly next to each other for a moment. I swung my arms back and forth in an exaggerated manner. It was always the same when he stood next to me; all I could think about was him. All I wanted to do was hold his hand. Because clearly I was lame and hadn't realized I'd betrayed one of my best friends. He starred at me and I looked away. Finally he caved. He coughed and I looked up at him through my eyelids. "Dance?"
I smirked.
"I can't dance Edward." I tried to give him a sexy look. I wanted him to know how much I thought he was a tease. I wanted him to cave and dump Rose right now. I wanted him to need me. I felt ridiculous but then his adams apple indicated he was having difficulty swallowing. God I loved tequila, had I been sober I would never have acted this way. I would have been tied down with my insecurities. "But maybe you can show me?"
Edward just nodded. Again I watched his adams apple. The music was nothing like what the Wolves were playing; it had a hip hop undercurrent; the type of music that expected you to dance close. A few people were dancing around us. Edward's hands found my hips quickly and I tried to focus on the beat. The song was slow and sexy making it easier for me to not look like such a spaz and to try and tempt Edward. Edward danced right up behind me; he moved my hips to the right rhythm when I lost it. I tried to look over my shoulder to watch Edward but I couldn't clearly see him. I could feel him though. Every single muscle in my body was on high alert. Every part of him was pressed into me. The bond we had was in overdrive. The air was thick with sexual tension. I couldn't breathe properly. The closeness was driving me crazy. I wanted his skin on mine. His hands left my hips for a second and unconsciously I bucked back towards him. Sensually he moved the hair from the back of my neck, leaning down and causing goose bumps to appear over my shoulder, I heard his voice, low with lust plead into my ear.
"Isabella, please stop arching back." I spun around to face him.
My hands effortlessly winding around his neck, pulling him closer to me. "This better?"
He smiled. My hands stayed playing with his hair. We kept up the movement .My body dragged itself forward, filling the gap between us. His hands pulled me closer. His fingers were on me, triggering Goosebumps up and down my skin. I closed my eyes trying to memorise being pressed up so close to Edward. I started dancing better than I had before. He was grinding us together. My heart was thumping so painfully in my chest. I couldn't hear the music anymore. I could only hear the thumping of my heart and Edward's erratic breathing. The energy we were creating was palpable. "Bella, I want to do bad things to you." Edwards's voice was lower than normal. It was dripping with lust. I wanted to leave with him. I wanted him to press me into the wall back stage. I wanted us to have skin on skin contact. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me.
"And we're back." Jakes voice snapped me back to the present. I glanced at the stage and he was shifting around awkwardly. His eyes flashed down and connected with mine. I felt the ever present guilt return. Fuck. Did I have to hurt everyone tonight? I pushed away from Edward, he was smirking at Jake. That cocky fuck. The air was cool and I shivered.
I felt the anger scare me. It was quickly replaced by fear. The arrogance in his face scaring me. He was going to stay with Rose. He was never going to leave her. God I sounded like the mistress of some married man who had deluded himself into thinking he would leave the wife and kids. Rose was Edward's security. I snapped. The tears came. "Hey Edward." he looked at me then. The arrogance wiped from his face. I raised a finger and jabbed his chest. I waited until the song ended. Tears were spilling from my eyes. I waited until he could hear every single word I was saying.
"Stay the fuck away from me until you're single ok? You got that? I can't fucking deal with your games. I am not that girl." I stormed off. I knew Edward and Jake were both watching me.
I was shaking by the time I reached the toilets. They were empty. Everyone was out in the crowd listening to the band. I heard the door swing open behind me. I locked the door afraid Edward was going to burst in.
She called out, quiet but sure of herself. Secure. Worried for me. "Bella are you ok?" Fuck. Kill… me… now.
My voice wobbled. I wiped tears off my cheeks. "I'm fine thanks, Rose."
"Are you sure? You looked a bit upset when you came in here." I could only imagine the look on my face as I stormed through, pushing everyone out of the way.
"I'm fine." I took a deep breath. I needed an excuse. I couldn't tell her, not like this. "I just have some issues with Jake at the moment."
"Oh Bella… I'm sorry about our ridiculous fights at the moment. I'm sorry I'm dumping all this Emmett shit on you…you know how self obsessed I become… is there anything I can do?" yes Rose. You can either dump your boyfriend or leave me alone. The sincerity in her voice, it was choking me, it was clogging my Edward tears, sprouting new ones.
"I just need a few minutes ok?"
"Yeah that's fine… I'll tell Edward to piss off for the moment, he's standing right outside the toilets, and I think he's worried about you...did Jake say something on stage?"
"No." I squeaked it out. My heart thumped painfully. Edward was waiting for me. I stuffed my fist in my mouth to stop Rose hearing yet another sob.
"Bella, I'll come back ok? I'll get rid of the boys…We can have a bit of girly fun… maybe do some more shots?"
"Sounds good Rose. Thank you." I took a few deep breathes. It didn't help. I wasn't this girl. I had said that nights ago. But I wasn't. I wasn't the girl who lied to Rose. I didn't cheat. I had never deliberately hurt Jake. Until tonight.
I spent the majority of the night in the crowd with Rose. We danced like we were the only two in the room. I don't know what she had said to Edward but he stayed away. I saw him once, downing his sorrows at the bar. He looked up and saw me but I turned around and went back to Rose. She was trying to make me have a good time; she was pulling out some ridiculous moves. Ones that made me cackle despite how bad I felt for being her friend. We didn't do any more shots; I didn't want alcohol causing me to reveal anything. At once stage I was so overwhelmed with guilt that I grabbed onto her. "Rose. I am so sorry." She smiled like she knew exactly what I was referring to. She pulled me into a hug like she forgave me. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend she knew.
At 1.30 I realized I would have to take a cab home. Tonight though Charlie's curfew didn't irritate me. Rose offered to come with me seeing as she didn't want me traveling on my own. It was the old Rose. The friendly one who wasn't a bitch. Who didn't see me as a threat. I didn't want her to come. But I said yes anyway, scared of being alone.
Rose said we had to at least tell the boys goodbye and I nodded. I called Jake to find out where he was, I hadn't seen him since the end of his set. There was no response so I just texted saying I was leaving and I'd call him tomorrow. Rose pointed out Emmett to me. We were walking towards them when I heard my own name being spoken. Rose did too, because she elbowed me.
I looked at the group in front of us. Emmett, Edward, Carlisle and some guy with long blonde hair stood facing Jake, Sam and Quil. I couldn't see Claire. The way they were standing caused panic to erupt in my body. Fuck. They looked like they were ready for a fight and knowing these boys weren't friends just about gave me an anxiety attack.
Emmett raised his bottle to them; clearly the conversation had barely started. "I hear I know Bella better than anyone here, if you get my drift," Emmett being Emmett raised his eyebrows fleetingly. I tried to stifle a laugh. Had I been standing next to Em I would have laughed. But I wasn't. And from this angle I could see the dread fill Jake's face.
He snapped. "And what the fuck does that mean?"
Oblivious to his anger, Edward piped up now. "Whatever you want it to mean buddy." My mouth dropped open. Fuck. He had just made it ten times worse. Long haired blonde guy laughed. Rose sighed.
"I am not your fucking buddy. Now tell me what the fuck you mean." He gripped the edge of Emmett's shirts. I wondered if after this many drinks if Em could contain his anger. Especially since it was obvious what that gesture meant. Great now I had to step in. I tried to swallow my fear. It didn't really work. Rose held me back behind Emmett though. With her eyes I realized she was trying to protect me, she assumed fists were going to be thrown and didn't want me in the crossfire. I had to stop that.
Before I had a chance to say anything, I heard Edward pipe up. His voice instantly calmed me. "Jake, he meant nothing by it. It was my cousin's attempt at being funny." Jake dropped Em's shirt and turned to face Edward. The look he gave him, made me feel sick. It can't just be because of how he saw me dancing with him before; that much hatred.
"That would be right, related to you. Another Fucking Masen. Geez here they are…scum all over tonight." I swallowed the bile anger that rose in my throat.
Edward's fists clenched into a ball. The volume of Jake's voice had caused a few more people around us to stand and watch. Clearly I had spent too much time listening to Emmett because all I could think was how this truly was the battle of the bands. Edward couldn't help it. I could see the anger on his face. He turned away from Jake and his eyes immediately snapped to mine. A different emotion flickered across his face. I didn't recognise it. I tried to smile, tried to show him I was happy he'd walked away. Jake hadn't seen me, Emmett's body blocked that but I could see him. He shook his head, muttering he turned his back on all of us, he clearly said one word though, he fumbled, "weak." My eyes drilled into Edward's, I didn't miss how his face snapped.
"I came because I thought the band would be good." Edward's tone was loud and clear, he was mocking Jake. I saw the apology on his face. He was trying to let me know before he hit him. He wanted me to understand why. I didn't. I wanted to slap them both. They were both such egotistical jerks.
Jake coughed. He turned back in my direction, I cowered behind Emmett. "Excuse me?"
Edward's jaw locked. "You heard me. I thought the band was actually going to be good," He felt the need to sound out actually. It didn't help. "But I guess I was wrong."
"I am not simple. I know what you meant. But considering I know who you are, I believed I'd heard wrong…" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the crowd that had slowly formed. Great some small discussion was going to explode into a crazed fight. Rose gripped my elbow. Oh fuck. Edward glanced over his shoulder at me. I think he wanted me to leave now. I shook my head. His eyes narrowed at Emmett and then back at mine. Emmett slightly nodded. Fury over powered me. I could tell what his plan was but No Emmett was not going to grab me and Rose if anything went wrong. Because I could stop this. I could make them not fight.
I stepped away from Rose, from Emmett. "You guys don't have anything else to say to each other tonight…right?" My voice trembled over the words. Edward's hand reached out to steady mine but at the last minute he changed his mind.
Edward's voice was hard. Clear. Threatening Jake not me. "Yep. No worries Bella." Threatening him to stop what they had been about to do though. I gestured the crowd around them. I was aware my jaw was tightened in frustration. Jake still hadn't spoken. His eyes flickered between Edward and mine. We stood shoulder to shoulder like equals but I could sense the tenseness in Edward. He would jump in front of me without a second thought if Jake tried anything. I glanced back and saw Emmett was doing the same to Rose. Carlisle and Esme were no longer in sight; the rush of people had moved them out of the way. There was nothing more than I wanted to do than scream at Jake until he answered.
"See Edward that is where you are wrong. I have one more thing to say to you." I knew Edward would take the bait, knowing he would regret it as soon as it came from Jake's mouth. I looked at Edward; I needed to know he was calm. I needed to be able to trust him. With one look he calmed any anxieties I had. He wanted to get me away from Jake. He raised his eyebrows in his gesture of 'what.'
Jake smirked but anger filled his face. He lent in close to Edward's ear, whispering he stated each word with purpose. "Stay the fuck away from what's mine." He gestured towards me. Edwards's entire demeanor changed. His back became ridiculously straight. His eyes became slits. His hand twitched. The fists were back. I could almost hear the ironic laughing in my head. The first time Jake claims me as his girlfriend, is only to threaten another guy. I was not a bargaining term.
"She is not your fucking possession."
"She is mine."
"Jake please, just let it g-"I was interrupted though. I heard a loud question directed at everyone. "Whoa what is that guy's problem?" the blonde haired guy said.
Rose cut him off; she was talking in her no nonsense tone. This guy, I gathered was trouble. "Take it easy James, it's nothing personal, Jake tends to get a bit carried away regarding Bella…"
"Bella? That slut is Bella?" the insult didn't hurt me. But I turned around to give him a dirty look. The sight in front of my eyes scared me. Edward was closer to hitting this James than he had been to punching Jake. His face was full of fury.
"Edward." He lowered his arm as he looked at me. We were doing a lot of this silent communication tonight weren't we? I tried to take a few steps towards Edward but Jake grabbed my arm.
"Jake, let me go." The grip on my arm tightened. I tried loosening it with my other hand. He didn't budge.
"No fucking way. I am not letting you become dazzled by this arsehole."
Words tonight were going backwards and forwards between everyone. I knew it was coming before I heard it. Edward spat out his angry, jealous tone in Jake's direction. "Let her go."
"Fuck off Masen. This has nothing to do with you. Piss off before my pack fucks you over." I wanted to slap Jake. Why was he acting his way? He let go of my arm and I saw his demeanor slip, the pleading behind his eyes. He was scared I'd walk off with Edward. My eyes trailed away, and focused on Emmett's face, he was taking a sip of beer. His grip around the bottle tightened. Great. Now he was going to start something.
"Oh I get it, you're the wolves. A pack, how cute." Jealous sarcasm didn't suit Edward.
"Trust me. You don't want to mess with me." I'd never heard Jake sound so threatening.
"Oh I don't?" Edward smirked back. He was only adding to Jakes anxieties.
"Jake, let me tell him to go." I saw his jaw attempting to work out if I was serious. I saw him contemplating it. "And then you can drop me home ok?" I announced the last bit with an innocent flirting tone attached. I needed him to let me talk to Edward. I needed him to let me finish this. Finally he nodded.
I tugged on Edward's shirt bringing his attention back to me. Edward looked down, his eyes were wide. His face became clouded. It was like he was remembering where we were, like he remembered what he was not. My boyfriend. My protector. I let go of him as his voice pleaded.
"I'm sorry Bella."
"Go home with Rose." He shook his head, his eyes not leaving mine. The pain ached over my body. The jealousy caused tears. I didn't want him to get hurt. I didn't want Jake to hurt him. "Edward please…." My hands impulsively pushed themselves up Edward's chest.
Jake snapped in. "Bella, can you not?" it was said loudly, so the entire crowd knew what I was doing. He had said it on purpose. He had wanted me to choose. And I hated it. I hated the way he was acting. Without a look back at him, I nodded dumbly. I moved away from Edward and towards Jake. He had that look in his eyes. "Time to go Bells." My heart thumped painfully though.
"Edward, just take Rose home alright."
"Isabella." The way he said it meant everything. The way my body automatically took a step forward.
"Edward." He took a step towards me; I put my arms as a barrier. I didn't want Jake to react.
It was too late.
Jake's voice growled from behind me, he pushed me to the left and I stumbled to regain my balance. His voice shaking as he roared at Edward. "Get the fuck away from her."
Edward's arm sprung back and before I had a chance to stop him, his fist connected with Jake's chin and all hell broke loose. I don't know if it was Carlisle or Rose who dragged me away. I just know that after Edward punched Jake again and they were on the floor. Someone grabbed my arm. The James guy jumped in. I saw a flash of Quil's head before Emmett blocked my view. The anxious crowd around me was throwing fists at anyone next to them. The bar tender was shouting something. A few of the bouncers were in the fray. Jake rammed Edward into the bar just as I was tugged outside. There was a flurry of activity outside. People were rushing around. Calling out to each other. I knew it was only a matter of minutes before the boys in blue showed up. Carlisle was clutching Esme to his chest, his arm rubbing up and down her back. But I could tell, by the way his eyes were darting backwards to the door that he wanted to be in there, fighting. Rose was on the phone talking a mile a minute. I sat with my feet in the gutter waiting for a taxi to pull up. People were rushing around outside. It was loud. The bouncer's were trying to clear the entrance. Clearly it wasn't just Edward and Jake fighting anymore.
Eventually sirens were heard just as Edward and Emmett were tossed outside. The two of them were shoving each other back and forth giggling like little girls. I didn't pay much attention to Emmett. Rose immediately pounced on him and had it been any other day I would have screamed at her. Edward's shirt was ripped. He was sulking but then a cheeky smile would grace his face. Even coated in blood and torn up he took my breath away. Tentatively he put a cigarette in his mouth before taking it out quickly and spitting out some blood. He back of his hand wiped at his mouth. He slipped the smoke back into his pocket. A deep ache appeared in my chest. He was hurt. I wanted to rush and comfort him but I couldn't. My legs wouldn't work. My heart race increased. The bouncer shouted at Edward, "Move along Cullen, before the coppers get here." Edward gestured a thanks with a quick wave. Esme pulled me to my feet and suddenly we were all on the move, heading up the footpath. Carlisle and Edward were in the lead, Esme gripped my hand pulling me along. Rose and Emmett were behind us.
"Jesus Ed." Carlisle walked alongside him.
"Ahhhh I'm fine Carlisle." Esme dropped my hand and ran up to touch Edward's chin. He closed one eye and winced back in pain. We stopped walking.
Esme snapped at him, acting like a disapproving parent. "The label is going to be so pissed off at you Edward." I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was staring back at me, even when he responded to Esme.
"You know it was worth it Es….Though I must say Isabella, I'm not quite sure what you see in that arsehole." Finally breaking eye contact, he spat out some more blood before wiping at his face.
I walked towards him. My lips quivered with fear. Tears rippled my eyelids, my heart thumped. My arms opened and I reached up, putting my tiny hands on his chest, his arms gripped my waist he pulled me into him. I could hear his heart thumping in his chest. I tried to ignore the blood splattered on his collar. My arms grabbed at his back, pulling him as close into me as I could. He hissed as my arm tightened on his ribs. I pushed my head against his chest. I took deep breaths. He held me and I was safe. He was safe. He laughed "are you alright?"
"Am I alright?"
"Yes, you seem a bit…I don't know." He whispered the last bit. His head resting on mine.
"You're the one coated in blood and barely standing." My voice was muffled by his jacket. I realized everyone else had kept walking. I couldn't even see them on the street now; I guessed they would all go back to Rose's.
Edward chuckled to himself before laughing, "You should see the other guy."
I hit his chest lightly. "That's not funny, Jake is a nice gu-"
"Jesus Isabella, I defend your honour and you want to talk about Jacob Black?"
I stepped back from him. "It's not like I asked you to."
"That's what you have to say to me?" he sounded pissed off. Annoyed. His jaw was clenched in frustration; he put the bloody cigarette back in his mouth. The air was tainted with the smell of blood and cigarette smoke. He was waiting for me to speak.
"Right now, yes it is. I need to get home before Charlie realizes I am late."
"Of course, you don't want the police chief to think his daughter is hanging out with druggos…let me get a cab for you." I nodded. He held up his arm and a moment later the taxi appeared. He didn't say anything more to me. I felt my heart thump painfully in my chest.
***
I cried the whole way home.
Sometime during the night Rose messaged me, "How's your heart?" I rolled over.
***
On Sunday morning; Alice came by. She lay next to me in my bed. I spilled my guts. I told her everything. I cried. She cried and yelled at me. She said she knew. Emmett had told her already. I asked when they had become friends. She mumbled something about Rose needing her yesterday. I started crying again. She went down the street and bought me fairy floss. We sat on my bedroom floor stuffing ourselves and watching episodes of Weeds. I got a headache at about episode five. Alice laughed so much that she almost snorted coke out of her nose. We both decided we loved Conrad. My head hurt almost as much as my heart.
I didn't respond to Rose.
Edward didn't call.
Jake called me three times. I didn't answer a single one.
Alice left at four o'clock. She said something about work. But I knew she was going to see how Rose was. I went to bed early. Taking about three painkillers to knock myself out.
*
On Monday; I claimed I was sick. Charlie let me stay home from school. Rose messaged again. Saying she was alright and wanted me to respond. Jake called twice. I didn't respond to either of them. Alice called and I spoke to her in a quiet voice. I was broken and she knew. The embarrassment of Saturday night, mixed with the lack of Edward's concern was hurting me. I was trying to work out in my head how I was going to face Rose. I was trying to work out what I was going to say to Jake. I was trying not to think about Edward. It wasn't working.
*
By Tuesday, Charlie wanted me to go to the doctors. He said a virus had been going around the station and I should think about booking an appointment. I felt the guilt seep lower. Now I was lying to Charlie too. Alice called. I didn't answer. Rose messaged. She said she was going to drop by tomorrow night. I didn't reply. Jake called. He left me four different messages on my voice bank. They ranged from apologies to angry rants. I dialed his number for three rings and then hung up. He called the house and I pretended I was sleeping. I could hear Charlie mumbling on the phone downstairs, he said he'd let me know Jake called.
*
On Wednesday Charlie argued with me in the morning. He had finally clued in that I wasn't really sick. He wanted me to call Jake and fix this argument. He thought it could be fixed. I think he used the word seven times in the one rant.
Fix it.
It can be fixed.
You and Jake will sort it out and it will all be fixed.
All you need to do is talk and it can be fixed.
I know you think something's can't be fixed but this can.
Jake is sorry and he wants to fix it.
Bella, it's too important to give it up, fixing this won't take long.
I stayed silent. I couldn't just wave my arms and 'fix' this. I'd kissed my best friends boyfriend. I had feelings for him. Big feelings. I didn't for Jake. I knew at least two people were going to get hurt. Finally Edward called my mobile. I ignored him and didn't give him the chance to leave a voice message. I just hung up on them. I didn't want to hear Edwards voice. I didn't think I could deal with it now. He messaged me anyway. I threw my phone across the room after I read it.
Miss your touch.
It wasn't fair. He wasn't fair. How could I hate myself this much? It was all my doing.
*
Rose showed on Thursday morning. Not Wednesday night like she'd said. Id barely slept a wink the whole night waiting for her. Waiting to hear her wrath. But she marched in after Charlie had left on Thursday morning. I was still in bed. I hadn't showered or changed my clothes since Monday morning. Rose was dressed for school. Her face was tauter. Though she still smiled her Emmett smile. I wanted to grovel at her feet. I felt I should. I wanted t cry and beg for forgiveness. But I was also so angry that it hurt. Why couldn't she and Edward be normal? Why hadn't she told me she knew? Was she upset with me? I sat in my bed numb, tears dribbling down my face. God I was pathetic.
She played the part of my friend perfectly. "Get up lazy bones, you stink."
I couldn't deal with more lies, more fake smiles, more masks. "I'm sorry."
She sighed. "Don't be."
"I should be." The tears filled my eyes but I didn't let them fall down my face.
"Yeah you should… Bella what do you want me to say? Yes I think you're a shitty friend for kissing Edward. Yes I cried when I found out. Yes I'm angry that you kind of betrayed me. Yeah, I know how guilty you must be feeling."
"Rose, I am so sorry."
"I know. And I'm pissed off with you. And with Edward and with myself."
"You're mad at Edward?" she flinched when I said his name. "Sorry."
"Yeah I am a bit. He's a fucking, lying, manipulative, cheating, jerk…sorry." I felt a glimmer of hope that she had apologised to me, it was like she accepted my claim over him. But then I remembered how I wasn't talking to him. How cold he had been to me.
"I'm a fuck load pissed off with you, not just because he's my boyfriend but because you hid how you really felt, I mean I had some idea; but not as Alice says Jake-break-up-feelings and you actually thought I was dumb enough not to notice…give me credit Bella!"
"I'm sorry."
"You apologise too much."
"I know. I just don't know what else to say."
"Well you could say, you'll never do anything like that ever again. Not to me, not to Alice, not to anyone."
"I will never do anything like that ever again." She sighed.
"Mostly I'm mad at myself. Edward hasn't been mine for ages. We built a wall between us. I suppose it was my fault when I hooked up with that rich kid. But I kept it going. He cheated on me with that groupie. Me with Emmett. He with Tanya. Me with Emmett again. And then he met you and I knew from the first night…I just didn't want to believe it… I mean that taxi glare…what was that?"
I shook my head, I was thinking back to when I first saw Edward. When I first became aware of his presence. "I should have stopped it."
"I was jealous Bella. Edward gave himself to you so quickly while I struggled to get him to actually see me outside my body…I still have to struggle with Emmett."
"No you don't. He told me he loves you." she smiled wider.
"He told me last night Bells and that's why I am not angry at you. He kept on and on about how it was the same with you and Edward." I didn't want to correct her. Edward and me, love? I hadn't thought of the possibility. I hadn't digested a chance between us let alone how I actually felt. He hadn't bothered to let me know what was really happening.
"Rose, I'm still sorry. It's meant to be sisters before misters and then I go ahead and che-"
"Yes it is. But Bells, I've been a terrible friend myself. I mean, remember my angry attacks. Remember how I thought you and Em… it's all consequential now." I didn't understand what she meant. "I was just as much a shitty friend, a fucked up girlfriend…I won't try and explain why…but I want to try and be your friend again. I think on some level I told you about Em to get Edward off my back…I know how much of a shitty liar you are…I just didn't expect…." I nodded beyond words. I had thought Rose was going to march in and slap me. I thought she was going to walk in and scream bloody murder. I thought she was going to be cruel.
"I've seen how you are with Edward and I understand, I do. But if for one second you touch Emmett, I will rip your bloody whoreness head off, you got that?" I smirked. That was the Rose I knew. She hugged me. I couldn't believe it.
*
And now it was Friday morning. I wasn't going to school today. A full week off. I hoped I was as smart as I thought I was, otherwise my grades would slip. But today, I had more important things to do. I had other conversations that needed to be spoken. I had other people I needed to see. I told Charlie I was off to see Jake. He nodded. Yes. I suppose he thought I was off to 'fix,' this. I wasn't. I was off to tell Jake I couldn't see him anymore. I was off to rip his heart out.
He had a bunch of flowers to give me. I felt sick. They were yellow daisies. It reminded me of the, 'he loves me, he loves me not' saga I had gone through when Jake and I had started our 'dating.' He'd given me a bunch right after he told me he loved me. Then he'd kissed a girl from his school. Alice and I had picked those little suckers to death. What was with all this cheating? Deep in my mind was the saying, once a cheater always a cheater. Had Edward type casted me as that now? Was any future we had doomed because it was founded on the backs of lies?
Jake didn't waste any time. He sat next to me on the chair outside his house. He didn't put his arm around me again. He'd already tried and I'd shrugged it off. My hands were tightly clasped in my lap.
"You haven't answered any of my calls… so I'll assume you're trying to tell me that you actually like that Jerk?" he had a slight bruise under his eye. I knew it was more than likely an Edward related injury.
"Jake, please…come on." I didn't want to go into what Edward meant to me now. God. Just last week I had stopped Edward from talking about Jake and now it was reversed. Everything was confused.
"What?"
"Don't make this about Edward…it's about us and you know it."
"He is kind of involved isn't he Bella? I mean you have feelings for him right? Have you kissed him? Let me guess, you've fucked him?" I didn't want to answer. When Jake spoke like that, it reminded me of how he thought I was his possession. I hated it.
"No Jacob I haven't slept with him."
"Thank god." He mocked me.
"You have no right asking me questions like that."
"I am your boyfriend." He was trying to act tough, but I could hear how he was crushed. I could hear it. I knew him. Yet I still did this to him. I was a horrible person.
The anger I had from his earlier question spurred my response. "Jake, according to you, we were never "technically" dating."
His face dropped. His hands grabbed mine, they were clammy. "Please Bella, don't do this…I can change. I can cut back on the hours I play in the band. I can make sure there are never any fans in the rooms when I perform. I can take you out on actual dates. Anything."
I untangled our hands. "Jake I c-"
"I'll call you my girlfriend. I'll introduce you to people as my girlfriend." I couldn't keep doing this. I needed to get out. Why had I thought this was going to be easy? How had I thought it wasn't going to hurt me either? I could feel tears building, this was Jacob Black, this was one of my best friends and I was crushing him. Hurting him. Ruining him.
"Jake, please."I can't take it. You can't beg me. Not after what you've said. Not after, how I feel."
"Fuck Bella."
"I think I love him." It spilled from my lips.
He pretended to not hear. But he rebutted all the same. "I love you, doesn't that count?" No Jake it doesn't. It hurts me more than you can know. It hurts me because I see my best friend. I don't see a lover.
"I'm sorry."
. "Don't fucking apologise, I know you're not sorry." He jumped to his fit and walked away from me
"I am." His retreat stopped. He turned around and glared.
Spiteful Jake was back. "Then why are you fucking around with Rose's boyfriend."
"I'm not!" it sounded weak, even to me.
He imitated me. "Jake, I think I love him." I wanted to slap him. I hated him. Why couldn't he let me go?
"That's not fair."
"Either is what you're saying. Bella you're not even trying to fix this."
Ahhh. There was the word. It made me want to vomit. It made me want to scream. It made me think of children's building blocks; now Bella all you have to do is put the triangle in the right hole and everything will be fixed. Come on Bella you can do it. Match the blue rectangle up with the blue outline. Well done Bella! I wanted to scream. No. Not everything can be fixed.
"There is nothing to fix Jake. It's over." The words spat out harder than I'd meant to. Jake looked stunned but only for a second. He lunged at me. I put my arms up defensively. I didn't know what he was going to do. His lips attacked mine and I tried to shove him off. It didn't work. He tried to kiss me like he we had when he first told me he liked me. I stood still I didn't move. He tried to show me how much he wanted me. His tongue edged along my lip. I clamped my mouth shut. My eyes were tightly closed. Jake's hand tried to soften my jaw. I stayed rigid. He sighed and pulled away.
"Don't even think about coming the fuck back Bells. It's over."
A/N: see mega, mega, mega chapter. I hope it was up to standard…oh and I love, love, love reviews.