A/N: I just wrote the ending. It's so cliché perfect. Jesus, vain much? There is another 2 chapters. No epilogue at this stage. FOR THIS CHAPTER - I AM TOTALLY JEALOUS OF RED HEADS SO THERE IS NO OFFENCE INTENDED. Seriously, I dyed my hair red once. I loved it. Everyone around me seemed to think it was far too amusing. Alas back to boring brown.
Disclaimer: im most def. Not Smeyer.
I was at work when Edward dropped by. He brought my manager a coffee and asked politely when my break was. Within ten minutes, he had Lorinna eating out of the palm of his hand. I went to dinner with him; he bought me a veggie burger. He told me about the bands next gig. It was going to be bigger than the guys had done in a while. He was nervous. The label wanted them to hurry up and record the EP. The label was nervous. The gig was going to be local. He said he wanted me to come. I went back to work with a skip in my step. Edward had 'quiet words' with Eric. I was so in my 'zone,' I almost fell off the ladder when I was getting stock down. But it didn't matter.
Edward specifically asked me to the Cullen's performance AND he told Eric to back off.
It kind of made it official. His invite. Edward called me the night before. He gushed on the phone like a little boy because he was "really nervous," his words not mine. The trio had some new songs to play. He wanted me to come earlier but I could hear Emmett whining in the background about how it was boring enough for him let alone dragging me along while they set up all their stuff. I agreed. Plus Alice would have killed me if I didn't at least pretend to get ready with her. I spent the rest of the day walking around in a daze, to the extent that even Charlie asked me if I was alright. I kissed him on the cheek and said everything was perfect. I think he was living in delusional land, because he asked me if Jake and I were 'fixed.'
I told him no. And explained how I was with Edward now.
He grunted at me. It wasn't a happy grunt. It was disapproval.
I told him Edward had learnt a lesson and he was who I wanted.
I think that appeased him for all of twenty seconds until he remembered Edward was 21.
Alice got me ready. I wore a pretty dress and too much eye makeup. We giggled like juniors on our first dates. Jasper had not stopped calling Alice. The two of them were together in a more official capacity. I was redeemed in her eyes. Alice was practically planning a wedding. She was one of those girls though, the 'all in or nothing' ones. I was more of the apprehensive nerdie one that stood back and waited. Charlie pretended to not notice when Alice and I toasted him with cheap wine after he offered to drop us off at the venue. He extended my curfew and I think I thanked him maybe eight times. Thank god he didn't know the club was over 18's.
We met up with the gang. Rose's antics and molesting Emmett in front of the general public continued. Rose was wearing another tight dress. She waved her hands like she was the queen dismissing her subjects, when any single girls approached Emmett. If any managed to slip by, she would of course openly stick her tongue down Emmett's throat until they backed off. I was used to it by now and Edward merely rolled his eyes. We grinned at each other. He swung my hand back and forth.
"Thanks for coming Bella."
"No problem Edward." But I couldn't quite shake the feeling. Something seemed off in the look he gave me. I told myself I was seeing things. And then Alice asked what was wrong with him. I shrugged. I had to remind myself he had asked me tonight. He wanted me here. It just didn't look like it. He talked to all the girls fawning over him as though nothing was different. He let go of my hand so they could paw at him in photos that were likely to be posted on some fan website. I was thankful Tanya hadn't been spotted. He had asked me to come yet he was acting like we were just good friends. I kind of wanted him to thrust me against some stage door, do the 'bad things' to me that he'd promised at the last gig we were at together. Do something. Show everyone, that we were together. Embarrass even Rose and Emmett in their displays. But I realised Edward wasn't like that. With me anyway. He had been with Rose. I remembered the first time I'd seen him on stage. The seed of doubt crept back in. Technically, we still weren't anything. I guess the days of jealous fuelled actions were long gone. Instead Edward kissed me behind the stage curtain before trampling up to the microphone.
I joined the plebs at the bar. Strangely enough Claire came. She was with her older sister, Emily. I think they were there to check out The Wolves competition. She stayed clear of me at first but then I waved and she ran over to me. Alice and Jasper still stood next to me. I think Alice was staying close in case Claire clawed me or something.
"It's really good to see you Bella." She pulled me in for a hug. A fairly unlike Claire move but hey, what the hell.
"You to Claire, how are you?" she gave me a cheesy grin though I watched as her eyes lingered a little too long on Alice. She too, was preparing to fight if she needed it.
"I'm good. Quil's good...the rest of the band is good." I knew she was subtly telling me Jake was fine.
"Oh...yeah...that's good." The word was fast becoming my nemesis. Along with 'fixed.'
"Yeah... they have been recording some new stuff, it's totally different to anything they've done before...not necessarily in a bad way but you know." I couldn't tell if she was trying to prove that the band was still good or if she was making sure I knew they hadn't been affected by Jake and I, breaking up whatever we were.
"Are they performing anytime soon? It would be good to see them again." I guess it was the wrong thing to say because her bottom jaw dropped open.
"Are you allowed to now..." she trailed off. Was I allowed to? Why wouldn't I be? Had Jake said something to her about seeing me at gigs? I didn't think he was a very petty guy but then again he had been a dick when we broke up. Yes Bella, he was a dick after you cheated on him. I sighed.
"Huh?"
She leant forward; glaring at Jasper she covered her mouth and whispered. "Aren't you here with Edward?"
I nodded. Confused by her question. Yes, Edward and I were still in our limbo stage but I didn't want to go around telling people we were together or we weren't when we hadn't really discussed it. I mean, sure we had both said we wanted to try to have an 'us,' but officially? There was nothing...yet. "I guess so...but how does that stop me from seeing the boys play?"
"I thought the two of you were together." She said it like that meant everything.
"Well....we kind of are." My hand did this weird jerking movement, it was a gesture of, 'and...'
"Why would you watch Jake play then? He's you ex." she seemed nervous. She was looking around us, as though making sure no one could see her talking to me. She looked like a spy. I wanted to joke around with her and tell her to stop acting weird. But things were different now. There was a definite tension in our friendship.
"Why and I are not together anymore, but it doesn't mean I don't like their music."
"I thought you and Edward were serious. Listen ummm, I have to go...I'll see ya later Bella." She waltzed off then. Her arm wrapped over Emily's, the two of them talking quietly into the others ear. I was obviously the topic of that conversation.
Why would she think Edward and I weren't being serious if I watched the Wolves play? Was there some giant social faux paux I was unaware of?
I felt ashamed of how transparent I was. Alice asked me if I was alright. She said, it looked like the conversation with Claire had put me on edge. I nodded and said it had, but "no I don't want to talk about it."
Esme appeared. She stood with her arm wrapped around me. She and Carlisle had been drinking all afternoon. I asked her how he was expected to play if he was drunk. She giggled and said, "Who knows?" She was hilarious, cracking jokes every two seconds that put Emmett to shame and then commenting on how pretty everyone was. Her favourite question was asking all my friends from school, who had decided to clump around us, how they were getting home. When they asked her, she would giggle and point at the stage. "Bella and I are with the band." Alice flittered by. Jasper trailing close behind. Alice got me on the dance floor. We bopped away to the Cullen's music. They did a cover of "I Like you So Much Better When You're Naked." I felt Edward's gaze on me the whole time. Esme joined us, then Rose. The band followed with some originals before another amazing cover of VLA's "When I Am Through With You." We laughed like drunken idiots, high on being happy with free booze. Rose and I did shots before I yet again lost her to Emmett's antics. She was twirling around on stage, gyrating on the drum kit. I couldn't help but smile.
Esme and I went to stand near the stairs. I couldn't help but smile. I couldn't help but we inspired by them on stage. The crowd was hushed, swaying to the beats of their music. I felt energised. Edward wasn't just performing to the crowd, he was performing with it. To him, this was all the rush he needed.
Rose appeared and Esme was distracted. Rose took a deep breath, she looked at me and gave me a tight smile and I realised, she wasn't over it. I hugged her. She whispered in my ear, just as the guys called for a break, "I've almost forgotten." I hugged her tight. The boys on stage distracted us again.
Rose disappeared into the masses and Esme stuck to me like glue until Carlisle called her up on stage.
I felt so light.
I decided to find Rose. I'm sure I saw her heading in the direction of the bathroom.
I forgot about everything Claire had asked. The lights in the bathroom were flickering but I still took the time to stand in front of the mirror, trying to make myself more presentable. I'd only have the chance for a quick conversation with Edward before Jasper dropped Alice and I home at 3am. Charlie had graciously extended my curfew after Alice begged him to, that had taken place right after the toasting incident. I called out Rose's name but she didn't respond. Just as I was leaving she rushed in to the bathroom, she gave me a wink before practically sprinting into the cubicle. Oh dear she was smashed and any serious conversation was long gone. Her voice echoed off the tiles less than a minute later.
"Wait for me Swannie. You have some explaining to do!" I grinned at my reflection, you sure do Swannie. A red head tilted her head at me, embarrassed I blushed. How awkward, caught checking myself out in the mirror.
"You're with Masen huh?" I wondered how she knew his actual surname. He said most people called him Cullen and it was only those close to him that knew it wasn't really his last name.
She gave me the once over and I felt about five years old. The dress she was wearing was expensive and gorgeous. My little dress felt tacky and dowdy in comparison. Her eyes darkened over my face and it was like I had been caught wearing my big sisters make up. I cringed; Alice had put so much eye liner around my eyes tonight. It was meant to make them "pop," I think standing next to this girl; it was safe to say I'd failed.
"Edward?" she didn't bother to verbal answer. Just rolled her eyes and nodded.
Shit. I didn't know what we were. I didn't know what Edward wanted to refer to us as. I didn't know what Claire had meant before. I nervously bit my lip and fumbled with my clutch. "I have been talking to him lately…but we're not together together like that." I cringed, why the hell this girl reduced me to a blushing high school kid that says things like together, together. Next I'd be asking Rose to ask Emmett if he thought Edward really liked me. On second thoughts, probably not the worst idea I'd had tonight.
I snapped back to reality when I heard her snort. Yes actually snort.
She scoffed "Like I had to ask that darl." She re-applied her lipstick, not lip-gloss like I held in my hand, but big kids lipstick before she walked out. Her heels making a clacking on the tiles as she left the room.
Rose appeared a second later. Her eyes were wide and frantic.
"Rose, what the fuck does that mean?" I knew hysteria was in my voice. My drunken state adding to my crushed nerves.
"I don't know Bella."
I bit my lip and my voice took on an agitated tone. "What do you mean you don't know?"
Rose snapped back at me, clearly she wasn't impressed with how freaked out I was becoming. "I don't fucking know Bella! Did she have blonde hair; if it was Lauren I'll bitch slap her! I bet it was one of Tanya's many dominions."
"She had red hair. Rose, I just…she put on lipstick and I stood there my mouth opened. And she just rolled her eyes and she was…oh my god." I was stunned. There wasn't any other word for it. I was freaking pure and simple.
"Bella, take a breath. It will be alright." I couldn't listen to her when she tried to calm me down. My mind was in overdrive. Did Edward really just see me as another one of his 'friends?' It kind of made sense, we hadn't discussed the issue of exclusiveness, shit we hadn't discussed anything concrete at all. Plus he certainly had been acting like my appearance tonight was a nuisance.
"Rose, you don't know that! Maybe this is his MO. I mean, our histories with him aren't that clean…Maybe this is what he does. "I was starting to hyperventilate. Maybe Edward liked to string girls along. It explained why he didn't openly kiss me on stage. He didn't want anyone to know we were together.
"Forget that! Bella, forget her."
"Rosalie." I was scared now. Fuck. I had told him I was pretty much in love with him.
"No Bella, forget the ranga, she's just being bitchy and probably jealous." Rose didn't sound that convinced.
"But why does she think Edward…."
"Shut it! I have been watching this boy tonight. He has barely taken his eyes off you. He was never like that when we were together. Enjoy it girl. What he and I had was nothing like you two."
"Rose, you'd honestly tell me right? If I'd become that girl. The ugly one in the casual clothes that stands with the good looking guy and thinks their friendship is something else… I'm like ducky in pretty in pink…oh my god." Images of his cringe worthy cow lick filtered through.
"Isabella, you are not. I would tell you. "
I barely heard her. I certainly didn't take note. "Edward is like the James Spader character and I am more like the ugly, terribly dressed Molly Ringwood. Oh my god...WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ROSE?"
"Because you're not...as if Alice would let you be terribly dressed. And besides, spoiler alert, she got Spader in the end anyway." I tried to steady my breathing but it wasn't working.
"Hey Bitches!" my jaw dropped open as the black haired nymph stalked into the room. She sighed dramatically, well it was Alice. "Yeah, I know didn't sound right.... Why are we chilling in the bathroom? I know Rose isn't the most classy girl i know but Bella, toilets are above you." Alice rolled her eyes with enthusiasm to ensure we knew she was joking.
It didn't stop Rose though, she still managed to screech "HEY!" and Alice raised a finger to silence her.
Alice looked around the bathroom. I think I was about to be sick. "Then again, these days classy Bella has been far and few between….But I can't believe you would actually want to spend time in here."
Alice looked at me expectantly. I didn't say anything. Rose shrugged and glared in my direction. Alice fidgeted with her dress, "What's going on guys, I feel like I have stepped into some private club and no one wants to tell me the secret password."
Rose dramatically sighed. I didn't think I had it in me to explain what had happened. "Alice, about ten minutes ago; we have had a bit of a run in with a Ronald McDonald groupie."
"Ooooh, want me to take care of it…hang on what does that mean...I understand the two of you have some code word issues and I get all confused. I mean I understand you have the same taste in boys, usually at the same time right?" I got the joke. I just didn't know what to say. Alas neither of us responded. Alice switched modes.
Alice raised her eyebrows and her hand in a gesture of apology "Is it too soon?"
Finally i found my voice. I sounded self-conscious. "It's not that Al."
"Can one of you explain please. Rose your acting all bitchy and Bella looks like someone just stomped on her favourite book... Esme understands just because I am not dating a Cullen boy doesn't mean I have to be left out, Jasper is one of their best friends….it's not fair! Bella, Rose, tell meeeeeee." I was amazed at how quickly Alice could change her voice from protective gangster to whining bitch.
Rose rolled her eyes and ignored her, "By the way, I have class…I'm not the one that has been sexing up Jasper in the open"
Alice grinned at me, showing all her teeth in amusement. I tried to smirk back but the words of the red head lingered and I couldn't get distracted. "I'm not apologizing for that. Has either of you even seen him? And what do you mean Rose, you and Emmett just about fucked on stage, with the spotlight on you! But back to the other matter, what is with this pow wow, please don't say something equally lame like Edward fuckers only....tell meeeee."
Rose glanced at me. I'm sure she saw that I couldn't explain what had happened. She elbowed me out of the way of the mirror, fluffing up her heard she summarized it for Alice. "Some red head girl mocked the idea of Bella and Eddie boy."
Alice shrugged her shoulder. "Oh, is that all?" she too started fluffing her hair up in the mirror.
I felt the dread set in the pit of my stomach. If my best friend dismisses it so easy, what chance does any form of relationship I have with Edward, being taken seriously?
"Alice! Some stranger accosted me in the bathroom and snorted. Yes snorted at the very idea of Edward and me being together, together!" I cringed at what I said, yet again.
Rose smirked. "The saddest part is she used that exact phrase to tell red nut she didn't know."
I was starting to hyperventilate. Oh shit. "Shut up Rose! Imagine if someone questioned you and Emmett's relationship."
"I'd scoff right back. Bitch knows nothing."
"Rose, be serious." There was simply no way she could have that much confidence.
"Bella, I am! You think there isn't a day when I don't think that the idea Em loving me is some concoction that is a messed up revenge against Edward?"
"Rose, I didn't mean…"
"Jesus Bella, I am not mad at you. I am over the whole cheating thing. Edward and I weren't really anything… I just don't want you to get all self conscious and cut Edward out of your life. Who cares what some ginger spice says?"
Alice laughed. "Far out Rose, do you stock pile red head insults?"
"Alice, you try being blonde and then see how many I have. Plus I'm jealous of red heads, I could never pull it off."
The two of them stared at Rose in the mirror. Alice's eyes narrowing on Rose's jaw line. "You do have a point; I don't think your fringe would sit as well with your complexion…"
I struggled to regain their attention. How could they dismiss something so central to my freak out? Fuck. "Can you please focus on my freak out just this once? I know what you are saying Rose. But Em and you have told each other how you feel, you have to trust that he isn't lying…Edward is a natural flirt. He already has a reputation that preceded me meeting him."
"Bella, I don't thin-"Rose tried to interject but for once I wanted to have my say.
"No, let me finish. The more time I spend with him, the scarier it becomes because what if I am in deeper than him? Hell, if it turns out he doesn't like me, I may not recover. I know you think that is an epic statement but right now this second, I like him so much that I get nervous as all fuck when he talks to me. And then for some stranger to waltz in and reduce my feelings to an ambiguous snort…I just…I need you…to try and…understand." The tears were falling down my cheeks now.
Alice wrapped me in a bone crushing hug; I dropped my head to her shoulder. She patted my head. "Bella, honey, that boy loves you."
"Alice, please don't say shit like that. I'm kind of on the edge and after Jake…"
"Fuck Jake! He was a dick." Yes thanks for your insight Rose. I turned my back on her, focusing on the Pixie one who could actually understand how close I was to full on panic attack.
"Alice, Edward and I are yet to have a serious talk."
Alice's eyebrows reached her hairline. She looked so shocked. "You guys still haven't had that talk?"
"No, I made him swear he'd stop fucking around with drugs and that's as deep as we got. Fuck…is that a problem? Should we already have? Oh my god, its late isn't it? We…" I had stopped breathing. Fuck. I seriously needed to calm down.
Rose sounded outraged. "What the hell do you two do then? I know you aren't fuc-"
"Rose!" Glaring at Rose, Alice grabbed my arm and dragged me over to the sink. Wetting some paper towel she wiped my forehead. "Breath Bella! No. you just should talk so he understands that you feel this way."
The door opened. A young girl with black hair peeked around the corner. Rose barked a command at her and the door shut quickly. I allowed myself a few shallow breathes.
Rose focused on me; "He cheated on me with you, get the fuck over it Swan. He chose you. He wants you. He said so. Like an hour ago. When he was singing about being naked with you. Don't question it. Go with it."
Alice tried a more calming approach. "Bella, honey, Rose is right. Ignore the face you haven't had that chat. Esme will vouch for him; she'll tell you how he has been moping around. Ok?"
"I can't talk to him right now. Not after what the red head said."
"You can and you will." I nodded and followed. Butterflies filling my gut. I pretended I didn't notice the looks Alice and Rose were giving each other in the mirror.
**
Edward practically pounced on me as I left the toilets, my mission impossible moves scowled the room, and I was looking for the red head. His kisses distracting me. His lips tight, demanding, exhaustive and continuous.
"We need to have a talk Edward."
He sighed. For the briefest second his head fell onto my shoulder. "Famous last words…can this wait until tomorrow; I am high as, from stage rush….I need a smoke and then all I want to do is kiss you." his hands were roaming over my body. Kissing was not the only thing on his mind.
"Can we just do it now…please?"
He smirked, his fingers trailing up my arms. "Fine. What is it?" I took a step back; he whipped out a smoke in preparation for his getaway.
"What is 'this' to you?" I gestured between the two of us.
His eyes rolled back before opening wide. He smirked. I glared. "Jesus you're serious…you want to discuss this right now?" I nodded. He continued, sounding angry. "Bella, if you don't know by now, go and ask someone else!" he walked towards the smoking room.
"Edward." I shouted after him.
He looked back and gestured that he was acknowledging I'd spoken. I glared. He shook his head and turned back around. Without my permission, my foot stamped on the ground like one of those tantrum throwing spoilt brats. "Don't you dare walk away from me in fucking silence Edward Masen. Not after all of this."
He turned back around. "Gee, I thought you were above quoting Ian Curtis, Isabella." His tone cut through the demeanour Alice and Rose had put me in.
Now I was furious that he was dismissing me. Treating me like one of his 'other' girls. "Don't be a pretentious prick Edward."
"Let me have my smoke Isabella." following close behind, I grabbed onto his arm. He turned back to me, willing to listen I guess. He rolled his eyes like he was the five year old. I tried to shrug away the dread that was setting in my stomach.
"That's the problem Edward, whenever I think everything is perfect, something happens. I get told to be careful because you have a lousy reputation. I get accosted in bathrooms by girls who heard we were 'hanging out' and want your number. Your band performs what three times a month and you have groupies lining the streets. I have my close friends begging you to be careful with me. Hell, you were dating Rose when we met."
"Stop being so melodramatic. I mean really...." my jaw dropped open. I was about two seconds away from tears. He took a long sigh, his eyes reading me like he was calculating something. "Fine. What do you want me to say Isabella?"
"I need you to say, fuck it. I am here. There is an 'us'… that is what I need you to say."
He ran his hand through his hair. He looked annoyed that this was happening. He snapped at me and I wanted to go home. "I thought it was pretty obvious." I hated how he reduced my thoughts to comments like that. How he dismissed this. I was clinging to the last bits of hope and he was rolling his eyes.
"I don't care if you think it's obvious! I just need you to say it. Sometimes it's all I need to hear ok? Even if I feel it deep in my gut. I need you to say the words because if you say them its final. I don't care that you have a stage personality but at the end of it all, I need to know you'd be willing to claim you're not single. You don't acknowledge me in public or anything...I need you to because then it means something, your words explain you're committed."
He sighed dramatically. "It's too soon for me to say anything of the sort."
My mouth felt dr. My heart ripped in two. Tears filled my eyes. I couldn't believe what he was telling me. First he cracked it because I had the audacity to question what he felt for me. And now he was saying he couldn't announce his feelings because 'it was too soon.'
"I can say it. I am here Edward. I want to be here with you."
His hand ran through his hair, tugging on the ends. He was frustrated. "Well I don't know Bella! It's a fuck load to live up to."
"What is?" I sounded so demanding but I didn't understand. It's not like either of us had any great relationship role models. I guess Carlisle and Esme were the closest thing we had. My parents were separated and Edward never spoke of his. He treated Rose like a possession he could carry around. She treated him just as bad.
"You are! The idea of an 'us' is, everyone will have a say; Emmett, Carlisle, Rose...even Alice and Jasper they will always comment on things that have nothing to do with them. Not to mention, I feel like I need to watch everything I do and say around you. It's like you place me on some fucking pedestal, I am most likely going to fuck up it's in my nature…."
I was gobsmacked. Was he so concerned what the boys thought? And had I really done that? "What are you saying? That you don't want to try?"
His answer was unsure, his eyes didn't meet mine. His hand ran through his stupid hair again. "No…it's just..." I hiccupped. I couldn't help it. The sobbing was sure to follow. I felt a heavy weight settle on my chest crushing my heart. "That's not what I meant. Jesus Christ…. I can't say it alright."
I was numb. "Ok then." I needed to get home. Away from this. I wanted the whole night to end.
I wish I'd left right after the band's set ended. I wished I had listened to Charlie. I wish Alice and Rose hadn't said anything to me.
"Great… Jesus, I am not the glorious Jake alright? I am Edward. I'm not that good at relationships etc. Generally, I fuck things up."
I was determined to protect myself now. My tone was chilly and clipped. "Well maybe I could have been something you were good at."
"Could have? What are you saying….Isabella, now I am confused, are we nothing then?"
I answered a little too quickly. I wiped the tears from my eyes as subtly as I could. "We were never anything."
"I just can't declare myself like some fairy tale romance ok? I can't calm you fucking insecurities that are not something I have any inclination to calm. I am in a band. The adrenaline from the stage makes you do stupid shit and…" He reached out to grab me but I angled my body away from his. I was aware that we were being watched. I hoped to god it was only Alice but when I glanced up I saw a smug red head.
I wanted to be sick. She had caused all this bull shit. "It's not good enough Edward, to say the rush of being a performer is too much of a temptation."
"I'm not…it's just…I can't say I'll never betray you, but how do I know that I'm not gonna get drunk and some chick is gonna get all grabby….I need time to decide alright!"
"No one knows Edward. That's the reality of a relationship for everyone. You choose to get over all that bullshit when you care about someone else, when you truly want them nothing else matters ok? If you have the same feelings like I do, then time means nothing, I am in love with you Edward and time doesn't come into it...I had thought that you were the same…" His eyes were trying to convey something, anything. All I saw was his panic, his fear to declare himself. I couldn't do this. Not now. Not ever. I steadied by voice, swallowing the giant lump of pain, I continued. "It's fine. I don't want you to say it when you don't mean it."
"It's not that, I just...I need to process everything."
"Process what exactly?"
"Everything!" To me that sounded like he wanted to look for better options. He wanted to decide if he loved me or not. It didn't sound like he was there. Or even half way. In that one second, I heard everything crack. The 'L' word became the black sheep of the room. I had cursed whatever we had because I fell too quickly. I was there and he wasn't.
I didn't know what else to say. "Oh."
"Ok cool, so we're…."
"Yep, we're good."
"You don't mind that I can't call you my girlfriend and shit. "
"Edward, I get it. We're friends. It's completely understandable." My voice was an icicle. I knew Alice would be proud of me.
I wondered if he felt relieved. If this conversation had been like a get out of jail free card for him. He didn't sound it though. "What do you mean 'friends?"
"Exactly what it sounds like."
He gritted his teeth. His eyes glared at me. I knew he was pissed off, I knew he was frustrated. Annoyed that I had ruined such a great gig with my pseudo break up. I knew him without realising it. "It sounds like you are going to ignore what we have."
"It's just the way I'm wired; I said after Jake that I won't have something with someone who can't commit. It hurts too much when the other person isn't really there....it's not right...." His jaw clenched at the sound of Jake's name.
"So if they aren't willing to make a claim it's over....And somehow it's alright if you're cheating on your best friend."Fury engulfed me. In that one instant I hated him with everything in my entire being. I took a step forward and attempted to slap him. He grabbed my wrist before contact. My eyes blazed. His looked apologetic. He took a step back and let go of my arm.
I wanted to spit. Instead, with my heart breaking in two, I retaliated. "You're a jerk you know that?"
"I didn't mean…" it was the end and he knew it.
"Fuck you Edward Masen. Good luck with your groupie girls tonight. I hope you catch something."
I ran outside. Caught a cab home. Alice called half an hour later asking where I was. I apologised for not telling her I was gone. Esme messaged asking why Edward was sulking. I didn't respond. Her messages increased in frequency and through her drunken haze I was too understand more than one girl was draping herself over him. I knew he wouldn't be rejecting their advances. My heart shrivelled up and cracked open.
I with held the tears until after I group messaged. Rose. Emmett. Esme. Carlisle. Alice. Jasper.
"Whatever Edward and I had is over. Don't ask."
I switched off my phone and cried myself to sleep, engulfed in dreams of the meadow and lives less hellish.
A/N: I'd appreciate feedback. Oh and if anyone other than the great hammondgirl can tell me why ff seems to be abandon as of late? (ie. The removal of stories/authors etc.) That would be ace.