Rude was awake, but not by choice. He had lost enough blood that he was feeling incredibly dizzy and nauseous but he wasn't worried about those miniscule irritations at the moment. What was completely destroying his will to stay awake while preventing him from going to sleep was the shooting pain in his leg. He shifted, trying to get the unbearable pain to subside at least a little and groaned audibly. He had broken bones before and he'd been shot, but this pain was like a horrible mixture of the two sensations. The distinct and sharp pain of a broken bone mixed with the painfully disconcerting feeling that a good portion of his flesh was missing. They had been able to take the long metal rod out of his leg easily enough and with materia they had been able to fix most of the bone and repair a good portion of the meat in his leg, but he'd have to undergo several materia treatments to heal completely. He could hear sobbing to his left and he didn't even have to look to know who it was. He knew Reno would be crying, pouring all that was left of his broken heart out in tears. Knowing that the chances of Reno being happy any time soon were slim and that he was so devastated made Rude want to cry as well. He didn't begrudge Reno the hurt, he'd take the physical pain he was going through now over Reno's emotional pain any day. "Reno?" He croaked, his throat parched and ragged from holding back pained screams.
Reno shot upright, his hands still fisting the hospital sheets, "Yeah Rude?"
"I'm sorry." Rude croaked. He couldn't think of anything else to say and he knew the words sounded empty and false from overuse and didn't help Reno at all to hear them, maybe even intensified his pain more, but he felt the pressing urge to say something, anything to break the sobbing silence, an irony he didn't miss.
Reno gave a hiccuping laugh, "Not your fault. You better not die on me you bald bastard. Gareth told you to take care of me and I'm gonna make damn sure you live long enough to do what he told ya too."
Rude gave a weak, pained smile, "What're you gonna do now?"
"Dunno." Reno sighed and laid his head back down on the bed, to worn out from crying to keep it up for long. "It's only been a few hours and I miss him like hell." Rude tried to reply but his throat was so dry he couldn't get out more than a crackling grunt. Reno seemed to understand what he wanted to say though, "Yeah Rude, I know. Try to get some sleep, you need it." Rude half groaned, half grunted a reply. Reno frowned, "I hate those damn nurses yo, they can't be doing their jobs if you sound like this." Reno stood up shakily, his voice still tear soaked, "Want me to go fetch one?" Rude grabbed the small alert button that was permanently fixed to the hospital bed and held it up. Reno sniffed pathetically and grabbed it from him, jabbing the nurse call button repeatedly. "Smart idea Rude."
A slew of nurses ran to the room a short while later, some carrying crash carts and others armed with bandages and materia. Reno stopped jamming his finger on the button and looked up at the nurses in confusion as Rude gave a shaky and cackling laugh. "Jeez guys all he needs is a glass of water." The nurses eyed him angrily and a few swore at him audibly before they returned to their posts dragging crash carts and materia with them. One nurse returned with a paper cup filled with cool water and held it to Rude's lips, gently tipping his head back to make sure the water got down his throat. Reno sat back down, resting his head on the bed as the nurse cared for Rude.
"Sorry about the other nurses. They thought he was having a medical emergency the way you were pressing that button. Usually when people want something small like this they only press the button once or twice." The nurse emptied the glass into Rude's mouth, "More?"
"Please." Rude croaked with a grimace as his head swam and the water aggravated his nausea. The crippling thirst was still there, but he felt so much better after just the one small glass of water that he couldn't refuse the offer of more.
"Of course." The nurse left the room and returned with more water. Rude took the glass from her hands shakily, drinking on his own. "Don't drink so fast, you'll throw up."
Reno watched Rude drink silently, his eyes burning from all the crying he had done. His head throbbed and he felt so tired he wanted to die, but he had to stay awake to make sure Rude was okay. "You throw up on me and I'll kill you Rude."
Rude nearly choked as he laughed, "Reno I thought you wanted me to live?"
"Metaphorically kill you." Reno smiled and wiped his tearfully runny nose on his sleeve.
"So long as its only metaphorical." Rude grinned weakly and handed the nurse his empty cup, slumping back on his bed with a pained groan.
"How do you feel?" The nurse asked, her voice patronizingly patient.
"He just had a fucking rod stabbed through his leg how the hell do you think he feels?" Reno snapped, glaring at the nurse.
The nurse cleared her throat, "I was just-"
Reno cut her off, "Yeah yeah you were just trying to be nice or some shit, whatever. You can go now I'll jam the button when I need ya."
The nurse frowned and left the room, leaving Rude to stare at Reno in confusion. He had gone from somewhat okay to completely angry in only a few moments. He didn't dare ask if Reno was okay though, he knew the answer already.
Tseng walked in hours later to find Reno slumped on Rude's bed, fighting to keep his eyes open. He walked over to the dozing red-head, wondering just how futile any attempts to send him home for some rest would be. He got his answer when Reno shot upright and jabbed him in the stomach with a pen. Tseng jumped backwards and yanked the pen from Reno's hand, "What was that for?"
Reno slumped back down in his chair, "You shouldn't sneak up on me yo."
"I wasn't sneaking." Tseng frowned, trying to wipe the ink mark off his shirt. "May I ask why you decided to use a pen when there's so many hypodermic needles lying about?"
"No one ever expects you to attack them with a pen." Reno mumbled, rubbing his weary eyes.
"How long have you been here?" Tseng asked with a frown, speaking quietly so he wouldn't disturb Rude.
"Dunno, when'd we get here?" Reno yawned and leaned his head over the back of his chair.
"You haven't left?" Tseng raised an eyebrow. "It's been almost twelve hours Reno, have you even eaten?"
Reno's brow creased as he thought hard about Tseng's question, "I think a nurse tried to make me eat something awhile ago but I don't remember if I did or not."
"You should go get some rest Reno. I'll watch over him for awhile." Tseng offered, knowing before he finished speaking that Reno would refuse.
"Thanks but no thanks boss-man. I wanna stay here, make sure he's okay." Reno looked at Rude sleepily, his eyelids already drooping. "I wanna be here when he wakes up." Tseng knew Reno simply didn't want to face the reality of Gareth's death that an empty bed would surely bring.
Tseng shook his head, "You should at least eat something Reno."
"I'm not hungry." Reno snapped, sniffling slightly.
"Are you crying?" Tseng asked tentatively, watching Reno's shoulders shake gently.
Reno raised his shaking voice in anger and frustration. "Why the hell does everyone keep asking if I'm crying? Every nurse that walks in asks 'Hey are you crying?' Isn't it obvious that I'm crying? For that matter why am I the only one who's crying? Gareth and Brandon are dead! Nasira, Matt, Jareth, and Ellie are dead and even though they were gonna hafta die anyways shouldn't you be sad about it? You knew them longer than I did! Brandon was your best friend! You and Matt always sparred together! On those few Fridays where you'd go drinking with everyone you always danced when Ellie asked you to! Why aren't you sad!?"
Tseng sighed, "I am sad Reno."
"Then why don't you look sad? Why don't you sound sad? Why haven't you cried?" Reno sniffed and lowered his voice as Rude shifted in his sleep.
"Because I believe that hearts are too delicate to wear on sleeves." Tseng turned on his heel and made to leave the room.
Reno blinked hard, "What?"
Tseng sighed and turned to look Reno in the eye, "Hearts are fragile, fleeting things Reno. They're harmed very easily, a fact I'm sure you're now aware of. If you wear your heart on your sleeve then everyone will know exactly how to hurt you."
Reno sniffled, "So that's why you don't cry?"
Tseng smirked and turned to leave, "Maybe I'm just better at hiding my tears than you are."
Reno wiped his eyes and laid his head back down on the bed, watching Rude sleep through half lidded eyes, Tseng's words mixing with Gareth's parting farewell in his mind.
I don't think it's gonna work that way red.
Are you crying?
A hospital isn't going to help me now.
Hearts are fragile, fleeting things Reno.
I took a bad hit red.
I am sad Reno.
Bullets hurt like hell.
Because I believe that hearts are too delicate to wear on sleeves.
You'll be okay, I promise.
How long have you been here?
I love you Reno.
Reno choked on tears as he remembered the very last moments he would ever share with Gareth, the taste of that last kiss still fresh on his tongue even though it had been hours since Gareth had passed into the Lifestream.
Author's Note: More sad angstyness! It's gonna be sad for awhile.......R&R!
Also, we just passed the 60,000 word mark! :D