A/N: I'm happy to see that there is an interest in this story when I hadn't thought there would be much. It still makes me nervous in a way, but it's been nice to write something that deals with just drama instead of figuring out how to combine it with complex storylines. Since my routine was trampled by a brain dead printer, there will mostly likely be errors that I would normally be able to catch. So please excuse those. I want to give a special thanks to BitterCocoa for your infectious enthusiasm for this ship.
Erratum is Latin for "mistake."
Chapter Two: Erratum
The sun that rose the following morning was bright and cheerful and everything she was not. Her eyes were slow to open and the captivating way the morning rays had peaked through her drawn curtains were lost on them. They were open unseeing. She's thankful that at least she was spared a dream about the events of the day before. In fact, she doesn't remember even having a dream at all. It's pointless to wish that yesterday had been the dream. She knows her imagination was vivid at times but there was no way she could have imagined Lux to be so sharp and so adorable. She most definitely could not have made up the other things she had the day before. When her eyes did focus, they had fallen upon the little figurine she had placed on the lamp table she was facing.
The tears hadn't come the night before. They still haven't come, two days later. She's not sure why. It was the perfect opportunity to shed a few. She has certainly been sad enough since that day to shed them, but they haven't fallen. Strange, when she usually had no problem producing tears at every other emotional situation. She had only just stopped herself from bawling like an idiot when she had witnessed Noctis and Stella's poignant moment with Lux. She fights them every time she watches them together. It didn't make any sense. Maybe she was in shock. Maybe it was the denial that kept them from escaping her eyes. But she's not in denial. She's already accepted that Procella was better than her in every way and a much better choice for a man like Sapien. Procella wasn't fanciful. Procella wasn't emotional and she's sure Procella knew how to be calm when she had never been able to master that control very well.
Then there were the other things too. Procella was a mature woman who knew the world and knew how to handle her duties. She had a long standing legacy to uphold and she was proud. She should be proud. There were a lot of things for her to choose from to be proud. It was the maturity part that did her in. Procella was probably around the same age as Sapien and her body was a woman's body too. So of course, she would look fantastic in whatever clothes Sapien wanted her to wear for him. Procella glided. She didn't just walk. There was nothing awkward about her. She was always the picture of grace. Even Stella lamented once that she felt like a klutz compared to Procella's graceful form. If Stella felt that way, what was she supposed to feel like in comparison?
Her feelings while talking to Procella the last couple days had been of awed sadness. Awe because Procella struck awe in everyone. She was so icy but there was just something about her that attracted the eye. Sadness because there was no way she could be like that. She found herself watching Procella whenever they were together. Watched her in a way she hadn't before. She was watching her now with a new awareness because she saw all the things that she lacked in a woman. Worse still was that Procella has never and was never unkind to her. They had never been close but she always found an affection in Procella's gaze whenever they spoke. So it hadn't been extremely difficult to take to the older woman. It wasn't her fault that she was the source of her sadness.
There was Stella, who much like the last time, has not been able to move around too much. Though this time she doesn't complain about hard kicks that make her feel as if she's some sort of kickboxing mannequin from the inside. Stella was calm as she always was and happy. Her glow was radiant and her happiness made it very hard to be sad about her broken little heart. It was a good thing that she had a year's worth of stories to tell her or else she's not sure she could have spoken to Stella about anything but Sapien. Both Stella and Noctis were proud of her like two parents would be when they heard her telling them about all the things that she's been doing.
Lux had spent the last two days watching her in that assessing way that Noctis looked at someone he didn't know he could trust. His striking blue eyes seemed to read her as she would sit with him. In her haste that first night, she had forgotten about her gifts for them. When she remembered them the next morning, she was surprised to find that nobody had opened their gifts. She would have thought Lux would have at least tried to demolish the bag out of sheer baby curiosity. But she found out very quickly that he was not a typical baby. After an hour of watching her, he must have finally decided on her and they have been friends. He'd reached out his arms to her in a silent request for her to carry him and he had smiled a quiet little smile that told her he liked her. He was a heavy little thing though and even in the arms of someone, he was always moving. His spiky hair flicked this way and that as his eyes looked around to see everything. After two days of holding him for long periods of time, she feels a soreness in her biceps now. She couldn't resist him though, even when it seemed like her arms would fall off from holding him. When he looked at you with those eyes, you just had to do it. He also didn't mind when she did give in and kiss his chubby cheeks. Actually, it looked like he liked it when she did. He always gave her a grin when she did. She was endlessly fascinated with him. From the way he would mumble in his baby speech mixed with words that she could understand, she would see that a conversation was possible with him. He had ways of saying everyone's name, which was a little tricky because he didn't say them right. The only one that he seemed to have mastered was Des, but she thinks that has more to do with it being so easy to say.
Lux was the best person to distract her from thinking about Sapien. There was Des and Vires too, but they were often busy. Though Des found more time for her than Vires did. If not Lux, then Des would be a good distraction. At least with Des, she could joke around and hit and make witty remarks to. He was the only one that she could be that way with and he always made her laugh. He made her laugh so hard, even when he wasn't even trying to and it felt so good to laugh. If she couldn't cry, at least she could laugh. Laughing was much better than feeling so dejected thinking about how much better Procella was to her.
Sapien had been the only person that she hadn't seen the past two days that she'd been here. Des had mentioned he was called to see Tonitrus about a problem they were having with a glitch in their systems. Who better than Sapien to help solve that problem for them? He was not expected back for another week. A week that should give her enough time to settle herself and except that he didn't love her like she had thought he did. She was just glad that he had gotten a chance to see Procella before he had left. It would have hurt her to know that he couldn't see that special person before he was to be taken away. As much as she longed to be that special person, she wouldn't ever have wished something to tear them apart like that without a good bye. A week was a long time for two people in love, wasn't it?
"Stella, are you here?" Noctis' voice says from the doorway.
She and Stella were watching Lux stare at the various pieces of cereal that he had spilled onto the table in order to get a better look at them. He seemed to have a particular shape that he preferred to eat first. They had been watching as he'd just picked up another shape and was in the middle of looking at it closely, when the sound of his father's voice distracts him.
"Yes, I am here," answers Stella easily. She always had such a shining smile when Noctis was around.
They had been married for almost seven years now and to still see the look of a newlywed on Stella's face was a thing of beauty. It is made even more so when you see Noctis' responding smile at her. He gives her a significant stare before his red eyes settle on their son.
"And what have we decided on today, Dark Prince?" he asks Lux, kneeling down beside him to study the different shapes.
"Dat," answers Lux, thrusting out his hand to show Noctis which piece he's chosen.
"And what shape is that?" Noctis asks with an encouraging smile.
"Star," answers Lux as he puts it into his mouth.
"That's my boy," responds Noctis as he ruffles Lux's spikes affectionately. Then he looks up at Stella. "Would you like to go on an outing with me, Bright Star?"
"An outing?" asks Stella so excitedly that she sounds breathless. "Where?"
"Wherever you wish to go," he answers with a smile. "As long as you are with me."
She beams at the both of them, excited for their sake.
"Are we to take Lunae with us?" asks Stella.
"Shall we ask him?" Noctis responds as he looks back at Lux. "Will you be our chaperone, Lunae?"
Lux blinks up at him as if he's actually thinking it over before he shakes his head and looks back down to carefully select his next piece.
"There, we shall be alone," answers Noctis. He has a smirk on his face that means he had worded his question so that Lux would answer no on purpose.
"I can watch Lux," she offers.
"Are you sure, Mira?" asks Stella, placing a hand on hers. "I could always get one of the nurses or Procella. No... she said she had something to do this afternoon."
"Yes, I'd love to watch him for the afternoon," she says cheerfully. "I wouldn't pass it up for anything."
Stella still looks a little hesitant, which she doesn't get offended about in the least. She can tell that it's not for lack of trust but the desire to stay with Lux.
"Lux and I are friends," she continues. "If we have any trouble, I'm sure Noctis will know and be here in a blink."
Very literally. They all knew that.
"Well then that settles it," says Stella with a happy smile. She moves to get up, compelling her and Noctis to help her get to her feet. "This is the one thing I do not look forward to about being pregnant. I will soon not be able to see my feet and I will only get bigger."
"I like you this way," comments Noctis. "These are the only times I can keep track of you."
Stella gives him a huffy sort of look that doesn't look convincing. Trust Noctis not to say something ridiculously flowery about loving big bellies and swollen feet. Which is good because Stella was the type that would have been upset with him if he did.
"Lunae," Stella calls and he looks up at her while sucking on the latest chosen piece. "Mama and papa are going out for a bit. Will you stay with Mia while we are away?"
Blue eyes blink up at Stella and nod before turning to look at her.
"Yes," he answers shortly.
"All right," answers Stella and kisses Mira on the forehead. "Thank you, sweetie." Then she reaches down to Lux and he immediately reacts by reaching up for her. When she lifts him up, he already knows to kiss her.
"I need a good bye as well," comments Noctis with a smirk, but Lux has a serious face when he reaches over and kisses his father too.
"See ya!" cries Lux as Stella puts him down again.
"Good bye," says Stella with a laugh and looks up at her with a grateful smile and wave.
Both Stella and Noctis take one last lingering look at their son before they each smile at her and disappear behind the door. Which left her completely alone with a too brilliant for his own good, completely fascinating toddler. It was going to be a very interesting afternoon. Especially when he looks up at her with those entreating blue eyes and hands her a star shaped piece of the cereal to eat with him. She doesn't even try to hesitate as she kindly takes it with a thank you and puts the cereal in her mouth.
It's not long before the food grows boring to Lux and he ventures over to another part of the room. He seems to be looking for something in particular because he passes several toys without a backward glance.
"What are you looking for, Lux?" she asks, walking closer to him.
"Book," he answers simply and crawls underneath a dresser to check.
"Now, now," she says, dragging him out again.
"Book," he says again.
Seeing as his usual books are already on the floor, it only meant one book in particular. Thank goodness she knew which one he was talking about. It had been one of her gifts for him. A very detailed pop up book with pictures of all the lands of the Crystal Bearers. She had worked on it meticulously for three months to get it just right and had it bound like a storybook just for Lux. As soon as he had seen the pictures fly out at him as if alive, he had been utterly enthralled. He had looked at each page with new fascination in his wide eyes and had talked in his baby speech like a commentary. How he remembered it was something of itself too. He had only looked through it twice before Stella had worried that he would tear something out. So she had sent it to Lux's newly finished rooms upstairs. Up two flights of stairs and directly across the hall from where Noctis and Stella slept when she was not as pregnant as she was.
"Book!" Lux cries again and he looks on the verge of a meltdown.
"Now, you know what your mother said about the book," she tries to explain. She even tries to show him another but he merely throws it and cries again. Not even an hour and she's already gotten him riled up enough for his fit.
"Sailin'," he says. "Book!"
"Sailing?" she asks a little confused. How did Lux know about sailing? She doesn't have any time to think that over because he's look on the verge of an explosion. She's not a very good nanny if she can't handle this, but right now she's going to take the easy way out. "Let's go get the book, Lux!" She says it cheerfully and with her arms reaching out to lift him.
He blinks at her as if he doesn't quite believe her just yet but he reaches up for her anyway.
"Do you remember where we left it?" she asks, making her way into the hall with a good grip on him.
"No," he answers with a shake of his head.
"It means we have to go up the stairs," she answers.
He doesn't respond, but twists and turns his head around to take a look at everything as she walks. His small hands trustingly hold onto her shoulder as he moves his head to see the various things aligning the hallways. She half hopes he'll forget where they're going by what he sees. But he doesn't say anything about stopping until he sees the stairs. Then he pushes against her to let him down and scrambles to the first step.
"Lux," she warns, but he merely smiles up at her mischievously and starts to climb his way on all fours. She tries to lift him again but he makes a sound of protest which nearly has him stumbling on a step. So she has no choice but to decide he's safer climbing the steps on his own. At least he wasn't flying down the stairs. He seems to be an expert by the way he does it so steadily and quickly so she doesn't feel too worried before she get an idea of her own. "Done this before have you? Well I will have you know I am quite good at climbing the stairs like that too."
She gets down on all fours just beside him and gives him a grin. He blinks three times before he seems to understand her and laughs. Then makes to climb faster. They both race up the rest of the way and she thinks she's thoroughly winded by the time they reach the right floor. She collapses dramatically while carefully rolling him beside her safely on the floor. He squeals in delight, not the least bit winded and starts to push himself to his feet. With a quick sigh, she's on her feet too and taking his hand to walk hand in hand to his new rooms.
When she had first entered his rooms, the day before, she was immediately awestruck at how well detailed it had been. The design of the rooms had been put together by Stella, Noctis and Sapien. They had hired an artist to come in and paint various murals along the walls. When she had asked Stella where they were supposed to picture, she had answered with a smile and said, Tenebrae. She had only been to Tenebrae once, but the landscape in the murals was from a small place that Stella had visited a few times when she was younger. It made her smile in agreement that Stella would bring something of her own home into the room of her son. Of course he would need to know both. Everything else was what they stamped as "Lux proof", from the furniture to the height of the crib. Even the cords of the lamps. There were other security features that had been added to the room but she didn't know the details of that. Neither did Stella but she trusted Sapien enough to know he would have put in whatever measures that would be necessary to protect Lux if anything should happen. They were never too cautious when it came to threats or any kind of attempts at kidnapping the pride of Nihilsomno. For there were still many that opposed the power of the Crystal Bearers. Many dwelt in secret and they were all ever mindful of that fact.
As soon as they had reached his rooms, Lux had let go of her hand to make his way to where he must have remembered the book was placed. When he caught sight of it, he had given a triumphant laugh and pointed at it for her to look at it with him as she had when she had first given it to him. So she settled on the carpet and he climbed onto her lap, allowing her to open the cover and revealing the vibrant images reaching out for him.
"Now, this one here is Infervesco," she says in a cheerful voice. "Do you see how big the trees are? They reach up and up into the sky." She emphasizes with a high reach of her arms and even though she knows he doesn't understand, he still follows her hand to the ceiling before looking back down at the trees in the pictures before him. As he turns to the next page she can't help but to inhale his baby scent and smile, before she starts to tell him about Solis.
After looking at the book three more times, he seems to tire of that too and crawls over to a pile of blocks. She crawls after him until they're sitting face to face and helps him as he puts the blocks together. They have four stacked together before he knocks them away.
"Sailin!" he cries excitedly and scrambles onto her lap.
"You want to go sailing?" she asks, trying to manage his excited little body as he tries to climb up her shoulders.
"Sailin!"
"Um, I'm not sure..."
"He means me," a voice says behind him, scaring her so badly that she nearly falls backwards when Lux pushes at her shoulders again.
She manages to twist her upper body so that she can look up and meets the careful stare that she has missed so much.
"Hello Mira," he says in that same tone he used that same day Des had mistook her for his new conquest.
"Sa..."
"Sailin!" shouts Lux again as he reaches his arms out for Sapien to hold him.
Sapien's eyes soften as they look at Lux.
"Hello there, Moonlight," he answers, kneeling down and gently taking Lux from her arms. "Did you miss me?"
"Yes!" shouts Lux happily as he tries to make a grab at Sapien's glasses.
"Now, now," he says patiently, reaching to take his glasses from Lux's small hands. "You know I can't see."
Lux responds with a bubbly laugh and tugs harder, managing to take the frames off Sapien's face.
Sapien gives him a challenging look which has Lux laughing even louder in delight. It's the first time she's ever seen him without his glasses and she finds it doesn't matter. With or without, he was still Sapien and she loved everything about him. It was just, more personal that he didn't have them on now.
"You gonna let go of that?" Sapien asks Lux gently.
"No!" shouts Lux as he starts wiggling his body to be let back down.
There's amusement in Sapien's eyes as he lets him down with a swat on Lux's bottom. He doesn't issue another protest as Lux smudges his fingerprints all over the lenses and walks to her front again.
"Does he do that often?" she asks, watching Lux play with the glasses.
"Only when Stella isn't around," is the dry response.
It makes her chuckle as they both keep their eyes on Lux. They watch quietly as Lux starts to blink slowly.
"Like a clock, that one," mutters Sapien quietly. He's so close behind her that she can feel his breathe on her shoulder.
Lux blinks even slower and reaches out to hand the frames to her. When Sapien moves to take it, he snatches his hand away with a quick shake of his head before motion to her again. Sapien lets out a quiet chuckle as he retreats and lets her take the glasses from Lux. Once she has them, Lux yawns loudly and rubs his eyes. It looks like he's fighting to stay awake, but ends up slowly lowering himself to the floor and falls asleep.
"Right on time," whispers Sapien knowingly, before he moves and carefully lifts Lux to lay him inside the crib.
She smiles at the both of them as she huffs into the smudgy lenses and wipes them with the edges of her skirt. Looking through the lenses, she still sees a few streaks and huffs into them again. She's getting the last smudges off while she moves to stand before turning and almost slams right into him as she does.
"Oh!" she cries in surprise and covers her mouth before shooting a glance at Lux in the crib.
Lux doesn't even stir and she lets out a sigh of relief. Then looks up with a smile at Sapien's careful gaze. He doesn't make a reach for the glasses in her hands, just continues to look down at her. So on impulse she reaches up to slowly and carefully slide them back onto his face. He tenses visibly and his eyes turn a little guarded when her hands are on either sides of his face. It's all she can do not to let the smile drop from her face. She immediately feels sorry for making him feel uncomfortable and takes a step back.
"It looks like they'll live to fight another day," she comments, acting as if she were checking for more smudges.
"I'm glad," he answers in his usual dry way.
It relieves her to hear it. It meant all was all right again.
"Because these would be the fifth pair he'd have broken," he states. He doesn't even look upset about it.
She lets out a soft giggle.
"I didn't know you were going to be back so soon," she says.
"It wasn't as big a problem as they made it out to be," he shrugs. "Besides, it was important that I get back here quickly."
"I'm sure you have a lot of things you have to do, like always," she agrees.
"Maybe we should step outside," he whispers, looking over at the crib.
"I wouldn't feel comfortable if we went too far," she hesitates.
"Not to worry," he says. "I have a mic in the room."
"You... you do?" she asks and she can feel a blush coming on.
"It activates whenever Lux enters the room," he answers, pushing a few buttons on his handheld before putting it in his pocket.
So, he had been listening when she and Lux had been playing earlier...oh, yes, she was definitely turning a shade of red.
"What else do you have to keep track of Lux?" she asks, afraid to hear what else he was going to tell her. At least she would know now to be careful.
"The entire castle is honed to his presence," he answers smoothly and he doesn't seem to notice how badly she's blushing. "It's a tracking system that we designed using Noct and Stella's Crystals. Since Lux is their heir, he has an essence of Crystal within him that the sensors around the castle can follow."
"Is that why he's always looking around?" she asks, recalling how many times he had to look about them as they walked the halls. She finds herself looking at things more closely in the hallway they're standing in to see if she can sense them too.
"Probably," answers Sapien with a proud look on his face. "He's got some really good instincts."
"So, what exactly is it that activates when he gets close to the sensors?"
"If he's not where he's supposed to be, I'm alerted."
That was a great deal more watching than she had imagined, but she understood the necessity. True, Stella and Noctis would feel it as soon as something was wrong with Lux, but it didn't hurt to have a back up. Who better than Sapien to be just that.
"I know it sounds a little paranoid," he explains, misreading the look on her face.
"No, no that's not it at all," she says with a shake of her head. "I'm just, just so impressed with how much you have to keep track of and handle all at the same time."
"It's not all that difficult," he states with a shrug but she knows he's trying to downplay his role.
"If all that isn't difficult, then what is for you?" she asks curiously.
He looks like there was an immediate answer to that but he stops it from coming out.
"Oh there you are!" says a cheerful voice that she knows is not always so. A moment later and she sees Procella glide into view. "Oh! Oh, Mira. I did not see you there. Is Lux all right?"
"He's napping," she says uneasily and looks up at Sapien.
He's looking at Procella and then at her as if he's suddenly uncomfortable again. There was a strain in his eyes that she's never seen before.
"Did you need me for something?" he asks Procella and his voices sounds a little too careful.
"Why yes I do," Procella answers cheekily, before she turns kind eyes down to her. The kind look in Procella's eyes somehow makes her feel even lower. That Procella wouldn't even feel inclined to be jealous about finding Sapien alone with her in a quiet hallway, sent a shot to her heart. "My dear Mira, would you mind if I borrowed our most reliable Sapien here? I have certain news about something."
"Of, of course not," she stammers to answer. "Borrow him as long as you like."
Procella actually chuckles at the comment.
"I'll see you later, Mira," says Sapien with a small smile at her.
She forces a smile to her face and nods.
"Okay," she replies dumbly.
Then watches as they both walk away together. Sapien reaches into his pocket and takes out his handheld as if to read an incoming message. Then they're at the staircase and out of her sights.
As she stands there, heart in her throat, she kicks herself for not preparing herself for this. Of course she would see something like this. It was bound to happen sooner or later and more than once. She doubts it'll be the last time. Sapien's quick response to go with Procella was even further proof that he preferred the enchanting beauty to tomboyish her. Those mics in Lux's room would have told him that she was still that little girl who loved to play around with Des. He would have heard her or maybe even seen her racing up those stairs on all fours with a toddler. How.. no, why would he want that compared to someone who was always mature and poised? Again, she wonders where her tears are. She can feel her eyes prickle but none fall out of her eyes.
She needed to focus, focus, focus. There was a sleeping baby in the room in front of her. He needed someone to watch over him and his parents were trusting her with his care. She could worry about her horrible misguided love life when she was off duty and in her own rooms. With a firm nod, she steps away from the wall she was leaning against and quietly reentered Lux's rooms to wait for him to wake up.
When she arrived at dinner that same evening, it was a stunned awkward moment when she realized that it was only going to be her, Sapien, Procella and Vires that would be eating. Des, it seemed, had a date while the Royal three were going to spend the evening together since Stella was tired from her date with Noctis. Vires had escorted her down so that meant it had been her choice of whether she should sit beside Procella on one side or beside Sapien on the other. It hadn't helped that Procella made no motion for her to sit in either, merely waited for her with her usual stare. It was completely to be her choice. Maybe it was selfishness on her part, but she choose to sit across from Sapien, beside Procella, who was sitting directly across from him. Which meant that she could easily see him. That was the reasoning anyway, but she found she couldn't stomach catching the way he would most likely look at Procella from across the table. She can hear that breathless tone in his voice from that day around the corner in her mind and she could feel her shoulders slouch.
She found she could not directly speak to him, let alone look at him with those thoughts in her head. So that meant that most of her gaze and her words were directed to Vires. Which was just as well, she supposes, since Sapien would most likely desire to keep his attention on Procella instead. She couldn't endure an entire evening like this. Not without the distraction of Lux and Des. So when dinner was over and she could push her food around her plate no more, she excused herself before anyone could suggest an activity to pass away the rest of the evening.
"I'll take you back to your rooms then," offers Sapien and she doesn't even try to hide her surprise.
"No," interrupts Vires. "You finally managed to get a night off. I have a few things I have to check near Mira's rooms. I can take her. You enjoy your evening."
"A night off," she can't help repeating and forces a smile on her face. "Then you should definitely not waste it walking me all the way back to my rooms."
Of course he'd want to spend it with someone special. She gives him the most cheerful smile that she can muster before smiling up at Vires gratefully for saving her.
"Shall we?" she asks him. To which he responds with a smile and offers his arm. It's a struggle not to take one last lingering look at Sapien but she can't trust herself not to show what she was really feeling. She can't even trust herself to speak. It's only once they were a distance away from the dining all that Vires speaks.
"What is it, Little One?" he asks in concern.
"It's nothing," but it doesn't even sound convincing to her.
"You looked like Sapien's hurt you. Did he?"
"What?" she asks a little taken aback. She'd been obvious when she was trying so hard not to be. "Why would you think that?"
"You looked and acted like you didn't want to be near him. You hardly said a full sentence to him the whole dinner."
Which was true, but she hadn't done it on purpose.
"Sapien's never done anything to hurt me," she answers. Not purposely, but she doesn't want to tell Vires that.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, positive," she answers honestly. She looks up to meet Vires' searching look and she can tell that he's not completely convinced, but he's a little satisfied. "Please don't ask him anything either. He's really done nothing wrong. If anyone's to blame it's me."
"Why you?" he asks, like a brother who can't imagine his perfect little baby sister could do anything wrong. It tempts a smile from her.
"I've been silly and I'm beginning to feel stupid by just how much."
"You've never been silly and you've always had the right mind."
Right now, I'm losing my mind, she thinks.
"I feel a little sad, I guess and I'm taking it out on the wrong people," she sighs with a pause. "I wanted to grow up so quickly and now I don't think I'm ready to be so grown up."
"Then you'd be as frosty as Procella," he states disapprovingly. "You're wonderful as you are, Little One."
"I wish I could be more like Procella," she replies. "Poised, graceful and beautiful."
"You mean cold, sarcastic and prickly," corrects Vires and she gets the feeling those were the more pleasant words he can come up with to describe Procella.
She frowns. "But she's beautiful," she says.
"Beautiful doesn't cover up the things that matter," says Vires. "I wouldn't try imitating her example."
But she's the one that he wants, she wants to say.
"I'm tired," she says. "Maybe racing Lux up the stairs was not a good idea. Especially after having to hold him for so long." She can feel her knees berating her for abusing them.
"You raced him up the stairs?" Vires asks with a grin.
"I needed to entertain him," she explains. "So I pulled up my skirts and got down to his level to race him."
Vires laughs so loud that it echoes in the long halls. "I would've loved to have seen that!"
"Really childish thing to do now that I think about it," she winces.
"Stuff childish, that must have been fun."
"It was," she answers, but that doesn't mean she doesn't regret it.
"Now I can understand why you feel tired," he says and he looks completely convinced now.
They've reached her rooms now and he stops to look down at her.
"We need you here," he says. "Someone who isn't afraid to forget to be so stiff and serious and know when to play. Castle could use someone with more life now that Stella needs to stay put."
That makes her smile a real smile. She appreciates the compliment.
"You're too kind to me, thank you," she says and he pats her head affectionately like a little child, which makes her giggle despite herself. "Good night."
"Good night, Little One," he responds, walking steadily away. She watches him walk back the way they had come and smiles gratefully at his back because she knows he didn't really have anything to check. He had sensed her unease and knew she needed to be away from Sapien. Despite his gruff and imposing demeanor, Vires was a softie. Only, he was a softie for a selective number of people.
The next week, she saw very little of Sapien. Sometimes they bumped into each other in the halls on her way to see Stella and Lux. They talked briefly before she gave excuses about seeing to something Stella and Lux needed. He wasn't always at dinner but she figured that was because Procella had been called back to Glacialis and would not be returning until after Stella was expected to give birth. She saw even less of him after that. For two weeks he was called away to handle something for Stella in Tenebrae.
She thought that it would get easier. That as she got used to being here and seeing less of him, it'd be easier to get over her feelings. But it only got worse. She missed seeing him at random times. She missed hearing his dry comments. She missed that careful look that seemed to read so much yet seemed to miss what her own look said. In the month that she'd been here, she missed him more terribly than the year, plus that she'd been so far away from him. She was hopeless. It didn't help her, even when she kept herself busy. She'd spend most of her time being with Lux and Stella. Then she'd spend time with Des and Vires. She's even made sure to stick with her tradition of bringing Stella flowers every day. Something Lux seemed to look forward to as well since he liked to pluck the pedals and throw them about the room. Considering the mess, she was going to stop when Stella told her the mess was nothing and had asked if she could keep bringing them anyway.
Her favorite place was still the garden, but she stayed away from the lavender. It was too painful to be around them. Not when she thought of her own garden back home. Not when they reminded her so much of him, even though it seemed a certainty now that he hadn't even sent them. Which left her with another dilemma. Who had been the one sending her those gifts? It wasn't Des. He still couldn't remember her favorite flavor of ice cream, though he did remember that she liked ice cream. It wasn't Vires because as sweet as he was to her, he wasn't that sweet. It would've been completely out of character and completely out of the realms of their brother/sister relationship. She knows that Des and Vires would have written letters. They wrote brief ones to her from time to time. So it wasn't either one of them.
She thinks of all the men she knew and couldn't think of a single one that would be capable of sending her such thoughtful, clever gifts. Well except... but that was... well she hoped it wasn't him. Especially after he'd told her outright that he only thought of her as a little sister. But she had a horrifying moment when she realized that if it wasn't Sapien then he was the only other option. Sol. Sol was the only man that was clever enough, creative enough and knowledgeable enough. He'd been with her on all those trips where Sapien hadn't. He could have easily guessed that she preferred lavender since he had been with her that day as she had been sitting among them. Sol was also very stubborn and once he was fixated on something, he went after it with a single minded determination. She'd seen him do it. He'd risked his life by defying Noctis by pursuing Stella right in front of his face and shamelessly at that.
The thought that it could be Sol made her insides churn and not in a good way. While a part of her was flattered, the rest of her firmly rejected him. There was no way, no way on this planet that she would ever return those feelings. She fervently hoped it wasn't Sol, but if it wasn't Sapien, he was the only other possible person. She thought she was going to be sick.
"Mira?" the sound of her own name startles her so much, she almost drops what she's holding.
"Yes, Stella," she answers, turning to see a curious look on Stella's face. She had been absently folding blankets while her thoughts ran wild.
"Are you all right?" Stella asks, holding a fussy Lux in her arms.
"Yes, just distracted. Did you need something?"
Stella seems to hesitate as she watches her. There's the question in her eyes but she doesn't ask it. "Lunae is demanding his book again," Stella finally says apologetically. "Would you mind going to his rooms to get it for me?"
"Of course not," she answers quickly and rushes over to the door.
"You do not have to rush so, Honey!" Stella calls after her.
No, she needed to do a little rushing to get those dreadful thoughts out of her head. She takes a breathe and tries to think of something else as she goes. Then finds herself humming instead. Her humming had fascinated Lux, so she was doing it more often. It was becoming a habit now that she had to distract herself and Lux so regularly these days. She makes her way quickly up the stairs and hums her way into Lux's rooms.
Usually, the book was easy to spy on the floor, but she doesn't see it there. She walks to the other side, where the crib is in hopes that he might have slept with it the night before. No, not there. She turns around to glance around the room and nearly jumps out of her skin.
"Oh!" she cries with a hand over her gaping mouth as she finally notices she's not alone in the rooms.
It's a long, quiet moment as they regard each other. She wants to mentally kick herself because she needed to stop reacting that way whenever she saw him. She's sure she looks like an idiot when she does.
"I'm sorry I startled you," he says as he looks at her. He'd been sitting in a high backed chair so she couldn't have seen him even if she had been paying attention when she entered. Her eyes move to his lap and find the book in his hands.
"No, no, I should have been paying more attention," she reassures him.
He blinks behind his glasses before he looks back down to the page he had been looking at. "This is amazing," he says. "Where did you get it?"
"I made it," she answers hesitantly, still unnerved to find him here of all places.
His eyes are a mixture of surprise and awe as they fly to hers. "You did?" he asks, looking down at it again as if with a new appreciation.
"It took me longer than it should have," she explains, remembering how many times she'd messed up and had to do it all over again. She finds herself walking closer to him to see which page he's looking at. Her eyes widen when she realizes it's her own country that has his attention.
"I've never been to your home," he says.
No, he hadn't. Of all the places he went to frequently, hers had never been one of them. Her home was a country of grassy plains and high mountains. A simple place. Very different from Nihilsomno.
"I've seen pictures of it," he continues and runs his finger lightly across the propped images.
"It's not as interesting as here," she says honestly.
"But you love it there," he points out.
"I do," she nods.
"You could tell from the way you portrayed it," he says.
She's not sure how he can tell that but finds herself loving him all the more for noticing. It makes her heart hurt to know that the one person who would be able to see that was him and he didn't love her back.
"What are you doing here?" she finds herself asking to distract herself.
He seems to stiffen then and closes the book to stand up. "I was checking the monitors," he answers. "I heard you... I heard about this and saw it on the floor."
So it had been on the floor afterall.
"I'm glad you like it," she says with a smile. She had made it, wanting him to approve and she's happy that he does. It's just that right now, being around him was too painful to enjoy that happiness. "Its why I came up here. Lux's looking for it again. He's being fussy."
"It's about time for his nap," he says, handing it over to her. "You'd better hurry and get it to him before he has a fit."
"Yes. I'll see you later," she says rushing away before she can hear him respond.
He wasn't at dinner that night. He wasn't at dinner the following night either. She didn't see him for another week. It was hard for her to not ask about him and nobody seemed to say anything to her about him either. Usually they talked about some trip he had to make but this time, they were mysteriously quiet. Well, more like they said he was busy and shook their heads. Her schedule did not change. Her time was spent between taking care of Lux, seeing to Stella and spending time with the men who were like fathers. She didn't know what to do because no matter how busy she was, she still had time to worry about him. It wasn't even in that, he might be in danger, sort of way. She knew he wasn't in any danger. It's more like he just vanished. She didn't even see a glimpse of him when she walked the halls.
"Hey Heartbreaker!" shouts Des from the foyer, as she was just going up the stairs to her rooms.
Her lips still thin whenever he called her that.
"Yes?" she says looking over the railing to look at him.
"Have you seen Sapien?"
An odd question considering this was her and seeing Sapien was like seeing the air these days.
"No, I haven't," she answers.
"Not answering his blasted handheld and not telling anyone where he's going," grumbles Des.
Not answering his handheld? Now that was great cause for worry.
"A package came for him and it says urgent," explains Des as he shows her the package in his hand. "I've gotta go right now and I can't find him."
It's in her to ask how she would fair better but she can see the urgency on Des' face. "Can I help?" she asks.
"Since there's no telling where he is right now, could you take this to his rooms for me?"
"His rooms?" she nearly squeaks. "That wouldn't be proper."
"He's never in them so you can just put it where he'll easily see it," Des reasons.
"But, but I couldn't. You should just wait for his reply."
"I sent my message ten minutes ago and he usually writes back in one," says Des, bounding up the stairs towards her. "I'll send him a message saying that it's there."
"But, I, don't even know where his rooms are to begin with," she stutters. Why oh why did she even ask to be helpful.
"They're on the top floor, last door to your left," answers Des easily, almost thrusting the package in her hands. "Thanks, Maneater. I owe you one!"
He's already halfway down the stairs before she's recovered.
"But Des!"
"I gotta go!" he cries and is out of the foyer and out the doors.
Which leaves her with the box in her hands. It's not heavy but it's a little too big for her to hold with just one hand. It's stamped, "Urgent!" in red letters. So it was important, but it was when she read the return address that compelled her to rush up those stairs. The package was from Procella. So he most definitely wouldn't want to wait.
When she reached the fourth floor hallway, she had to take a moment to calm her breathing. She's never been up to this floor before and for some reason feels like she needs to walk as quietly as she can. Turning back, she makes sure that nobody sees her as she makes her way down the hall. Last door to the left, Des had said. It didn't matter that Des had reassured her that Sapien wouldn't be inside. She knocked anyway and even called out his name when she bucked up some courage to open the door. Then let out a sigh of relief when she didn't hear anything from inside. But still, she tiptoed inside after closing the door quietly behind her. Then took in the details of the first room.
Yes, she could easily tell that he was never in it and that made her feel better. At least he never had guests to wait in the room for him. The couches looked like they had never been sat on or lounged on. It was also a little dark, but the air certainly didn't feel dead. Obviously leaving the box on one of the couches wouldn't be a good idea so she tiptoed further to see where she could. The next room held a desk with a very fancy looking computer tower and an extremely large monitor. Both were turned off and it was even more proof that he didn't come in very often. They would have at least been put on the sleep mode if he did. She felt herself relax more when she saw that. The desk sat just before another open door, which she assumed was the actual bedroom. She was definitely not going to go inside there.
So, she walked over to the computer desk and placed the box beside the keyboard. She was just going to tiptoe her way back when something caught her eye from inside the bedroom. It looked like a handful of dead flowers on a small table beside the window. That struck her as odd considering there weren't any plants in the rooms and Sapien wasn't the type to have flowers put in his room. He definitely wouldn't have kept dead ones. They weren't even in a vase. Unable to help herself, she walked into the bedroom and straight towards the little table. The flowers were very old and dry. They looked as if someone had tried to preserve them but they had lost their color anyway. There was no way to tell now, what their original color had been. She can hardly tell what kinds of flowers they had been either. Why would Sapien...?
"Mira?" asks a sleepy voice just behind her and her whole body freezes. She can hear the rumple of bedsheets behind her and a body rise.
She was going to die, right there. No, she was going to kill Des first and then she was going to die. Just sink down onto the floor and drop dead. To die would be better than turning around and having to explain what she was doing there. But when she hears his footsteps, she finds herself turning around anyway to face him.
Then just stares at the picture he made. This room was dark like the others. The only light, just behind her so she could not see him that well. But she could tell that he must have just taken off his jacket and fallen into bed. He was wearing his usual slacks but his white shirt was wrinkled from sleep. As he came closer she also realized that he wasn't wearing his glasses either. She's so busy being terrified at having been caught by him that she doesn't realize that she hasn't said anything, but continues to stand there while he made his way towards her.
"Not her then," he says in a quiet voice, almost like he's talking to himself.
No, not her. Not Procella.
"It's never her," he says in the same quiet voice but he sounds angry this time as he stands in front of her. "It doesn't matter how much I try to tell her. It doesn't matter how much I wish. It's never her."
She feels her heart go out to him at his words, but she can't speak because she feels her own heart breaking at his confession meant for another. He has a dazed look in his eyes, which was so different from the focused, careful look she was used to. It was almost like he was still asleep.
"She floats around like some unattainable goddess, teasing me with her smile and her eyes," he continues and she's never heard this much emotion in his voice before.
She steps back but he steps closer.
"Always lukewarm and never just hot or cold," and even though his eyes are dazed, there's a depth in them as he stares down at her. "Like I don't matter at all. Like I'm not good enough for her to be anything but indifferent to."
For a brief moment it looks like he's going to snatch her in his arms. His hands actually twitch to do so, but he ends up backing away to take a breathe and she realizes that she's been holding hers.
"What are you doing here?" he asks, but he's not looking at her. He's looking at the floor but she knows he's not really seeing it. He sounds resigned but still angry, waiting for her to answer.
Well, now would be the time to explain herself.
"Procella sent you a package," she says and she's surprised how loud her voice sounds in comparison to how his had just sounded.
He looks surprised too because his head snaps up to look at her again and his eyes don't look so dazed now.
"Procella?" he asks as he frowns at her.
"Yes," she answers with a nod and starts to back away towards the outer room. "It said it was urgent. I'm so sorry for coming into your rooms like this."
She doesn't give him any time to reply before she's running out of his rooms and into the hallway. She doesn't stop running until she's in her rooms. Slamming the door shut, she leans against it as she clamps a hand over her trembling mouth. Her whole body is trembling and it takes her a moment to realize that her face is wet. Shakily, she reaches to touch her face and sees the wetness on her hand. As she looks at her wet, trembling hand she feels the tears completely flood out of her eyes. The tears she's wondered about are all falling out of her eyes in a steady stream as she chokes on a sob and collapses onto the floor.
"No, Sapien," she whispers to the empty room. "I'm not Procella."