"I can't imagine what this must be like for them," Emily murmured as she slipped into the orange plastic chair. Strapping Spencer into the highchair next to her, she absently opened a jar of mashed peas and started to spoon them carefully into the infant's mouth. Between bites, she would sip her cup of steaming coffee and glance at the other two bystanders.

"Laura was such an amazing mother," Elizabeth mused. "I never really had my parents around, so I always knew what Lucky had was special. She loved her children so much that anyone else who was around her could just feel it. It radiated off her brilliantly."

Well, you've never had a life inside of you. You've never had to choose! You've never had to think about what would be best for you.

I ran my finger around the lip of the foam coffee cup. "I think Laura is a big reason that Lulu wanted to keep the baby," I admitted aloud. "I think she knew that she had an amazing mother, and that maybe she inherited that. She learned from a great example."

"She certainly did," Emily agreed. "Right after I moved to Port Charles, I immediately took a liking to Lucky. After I lost my mother, it was just so nice to be around a normal family. The Quartermaines are anything but average."

Or what it would really be like to bring a child into this world that you didn't want and that you couldn't take care of, even though the father promises that he would love your baby when you know for a fact that he doesn't love you.

"You can say that again," I chuckled, lifting my cup in a mock toast to my cousin.

Elizabeth smiled as she cut Cameron's grilled cheese into smaller pieces. "Lucky isn't dealing with it very well. He's scared that he is going to have to lose her all over again. I don't know if he could handle it."

"I don't know if any of them could handle it," I stated. "Lulu has tried to pretend that she has it all together, but I can see right through it. I wish there was something I could do to convince her that everything is going to be okay, but I feel like I'd be lying to her. I can't predict the future."

"None of us can," Emily pointed out, ruffling Spencer's hair affectionately. "I know that Lucky and Lulu are going to look to Nikolas for strength. He has always tried to put the best face forward when it comes to his family. Lucky has always been the one that held them all together, and Lulu was the second coming of her father. But Nikolas was the strong one. But I can see that it is killing him inside…"

You never had to end a life that started inside of you, okay? You never have to think about a child every single time you see one.

"It's an interesting position we are in. To be a part of the situation without really being apart of it. I keep trying to think about what it would be like if I were them. The truth is, I can't really," Liz professed.

Emily nodded knowingly. "I've been thinking about what it would be like if I had my biological mother back. I'd be thrilled, but it'd be a scary thing. They're in an even harder position because she has never really left them. They've always been stuck in limbo."

"The only thing I can really compare it to is my father," I begin. "I've never really known him, save for a few random occasions when I was really young. It'd be hard to have him come back into my life at this point if he just disappeared again."

You never have to answer those questions that don't have any answers that won't go away.

Stretching his little arms above his head, Cameron giggled suddenly. "Daddy!" Emily, Elizabeth and I turned to see Lucky sauntering toward us.

"How'd it go?" Elizabeth murmured as she stood up. She wrapped her arms around her husband.

"It was hard. Harder than I thought it would be," Lucky stated. "She's really out of it. She doesn't realize how much time has passed. She knows that something is different with me, but she can't quite figure it out yet. Dad wants to wait to fill her in, but I don't know. I guess I have to talk to Nik and Lu before we make any final decisions."

Emily nodded. "It sounds like the rational thing to do," she said supportively, rubbing her friend's shoulder. "What next?"

I'm a lot stronger than I look right now, so why don't you just say what you really mean? You didn't know that I lost my virginity based on a lie, and hit the jackpot and wound up pregnant.

Lucky shrugged. "Lulu is in there now."

"She's in there?" I asked quietly, speaking for the first time since Lucky appeared. "By herself?"

He nodded. "They sent me in first. She asked for Lulu next. I don't know what is going on, I couldn't wait around there anymore. I had to go for a walk."

"Does she know about us?" Liz asked.

"She knows that we're married and that we're going to have a baby. She knows about Cameron. I couldn't tell her about the rest. Not yet, at least."

"She'd forgive you, Lucky. I have," she reminded him as she squeezed his hand.

And I just had a major meltdown, and you're trying to figure out how to keep me in once piece...

"I have to go," I said suddenly as an overwhelming wave of emotion swept over me. "I think that Lulu needs me."

"What do you mean?" Emily asked as she looked at me strangely. I knew that the comment was mystic and didn't quite make sense, but everything in my body was telling me to go to her. I didn't answer my cousin as I took off for Laura's room. I had to be with her.

A few short minutes later, I arrived back to the waiting room. I could hear Lulu even before I saw her. Her familiar but heartbreaking sobs consumed the air as she sat huddled over on the vinyl couch. "Baby, what happened?" I whispered as I sat down next to her.

Don't you dare feel sorry for me.

She threw herself in my arms. "She freaked out. She saw me and she freaked out. She couldn't believe that it was me. She expected a kid. I sent her over the edge."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Lu. They should have told her before you went in to see her. It just shocked her. Your mom will adjust and figure things out. You have to hang in there with me."

"Nikolas heard her screaming and came in after me. Their was this panic in his eyes. It was unlike anything I've ever seen. The first thing he did was get me out of there. He left me here for a second to go get the doctor. He didn't go in to see her until the doctors had calmed her down enough. He said he didn't want to leave me."

"I should have been here. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have pushed you into doing this before you were ready," I chastised myself. Lulu hadn't wanted to do this alone. She had begged me for a reprieve, but I can convinced her that it was the best thing for her to do. Maybe I was wrong.

I was afraid she would hate me, that she would be so disappointed that she wouldn't look at me the same way again. But I was wrong. My mom was wonderful. She couldn't have been more supportive. And it felt like this huge weight had been lifted off me, until she went back into herself again.

"No, you did the right thing. I had to face this on my own," she reassured me. "Just knowing that you would be here afterward to listen and help me, I knew that I could do it. And it sucked, Dillon, but I had to do it. She has to know who I am now, not who I used to be."

"That sounds awfully grown up of you, Spencer," I teased as I wiped the tears from her beautiful face. She smiled at me and rested her cheek in my palm.

"Hey, Quartermaine, you know I love you, right?" she asked softly.

Leaning forward, I nodded as our foreheads bumped. Kissing her briefly, I felt her mouth turn up into a smile against my lips. "I love you, too."

"Excuse me," Nikolas announced, clearing his throat. "She's resting, but she wants to see you, Lulu. You can go in."

"Dillon, will you go with me?"

I looked at her and then Nikolas. He shrugged, unsure of what was right. "Do you really think that's what is best?"

"She has to know who I am," she repeated. "You are the biggest part of that now."

Don't you ever have any doubts or regret anything that you've done? What have you done that you're sorry for? I mean, really sorry for. Not just inconvenienced…I mean, what do you wish that you had done differently, or not done at all?

"Then, let's go," I announced, standing up boldly and taking her delicate hand in mind. She entered just ahead of me, her shoulders squared in confidence. My eyes shifted to her mother immediately, a weak and meager frame of a woman with ghostly eyes and a broken smile.

"Hello, Lulu," Laura said timidly.

Lulu dropped my hand and knelt in front of her mother. "Are you okay?"

She looked at me before gazing back at her daughter. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry that I reacted like that," she apologized, "I know that that must have scared you. Please know that wasn't my intention. I just didn't understand."

"Do you now?"

"Sort of. Nikolas tried to explain it to me. Your father eluded to an accident. The details are still a little fuzzy, but I know that four years have passed. You're a young woman now. I wasn't ready for that. Or how beautiful you've become."

"I'm not beautiful," Lulu protested.

"I beg to differ," I chimed in from behind them.

Laura turned and looked at me again. "Do I know you?"

And you've never crashed and burned, so you don't know how it feels and that's why you can't empathize with me.

I shook my head as Lulu moved next to me. "Mom, this is Dillon Quartermaine. He's Tracey's son."

"Well, not to be rude, but what are you doing here with my daughter?"

"Mom, Dillon and I are together. We're in love."

Laura looked aghast. "I just can't believe you're old enough to be in love with anyone. I don't know why I should be surprised. I was already married to your father when I was your age. Well, tell me how it happened."

"Later, Mom," she promised. "I don't really want to talk about it in front of Dillon. Besides, you are probably tired. We should get home."

"Home? Do you live at the Quartermaines still, Dillon?"

I shook my head. "No, actually, I don't."

"He lives in our old house."

Why can't I just put it behind me? Why do I keep thinking about it? Asking these questions that don't have any answers?

"How is that possible?"

"I bought it," I explained shortly.

"He bought it for us. We live together."

"Oh, wow. This is quite a lot to take in at once."

"I just want you to know who I am now, Mom. I know a lot has changed, but I think it's more important for you to see me as I am today rather than try to remember who I used to be."

Laura nodded carefully. "Are you…are you married?"

Lulu looked at me. "Not yet."

"Not yet? But you will be?"

I nodded. "Your daughter is my entire world."

I mean, why do I get defensive and judgmental with total strangers and melt down in front of people that I barely know? Why can't I just let it go and move on?

Smiling at her daughter, Laura tapped her foot nervously as she rocked back and forth. "I'm happy for you, Lulu. IT sounds like you have created a good life for yourself," she praised. "But you're probably right, I'm tired. I'd like to get some sleep."

"Okay, Mom, I will come by to see you tomorrow."

"Oh, I hope that you will," she murmured as she embraced Lulu tightly. As she pulled back, she looked at her daughter strangely. "Wait. There's something else you're not telling me."

Lulu crossed her arms over her stomach protectively. "No, there isn't."

"Don't lie to me, please. This is hard enough already."

Lulu stepped back and looked at me helplessly. Her eyes pleaded with me to make it better. Gazing back at her, I tried to telepathically ask her the question on my mind. I'm not sure if she got it or it was wishful thinking, but she shrugged and nodded slightly. "Lulu and I, we're having a baby."

Maybe my mistake was expecting to just bounce back like nothing ever happened. Maybe I need to live through whatever it takes, as long as it takes.